Thoughts from 2 days past BFPs
Did you miss my pregnancy announcement? I’m now going back to the drafts I saved from before I told you.
Written October 17th but saved for today.
About a week ago… Several days before I knew I was pregnant (I was thinking I wasn’t) I wrote this in my journal:
“I believe there a reason for everything, but I’m still quite confused about one thing.
When I was on birth control I wanted to wait until I was emotionally, physically, and for the most part, financially ready to have a child. I was almost fearing it would happen right away because I was a little unsure if I felt completely READY. In the mean time though I felt a good feeling deep within that this was the right thing for me to do right now. I felt good about it, felt that even if I wasn’t 100% sure I was ready, everything would fall into place.
In the mean time, through all of my preparations I fell in love with the idea of having a child… And I felt at peace… Even a prompting to move forward.
So now my question is, ‘If not now, when?’ and if then… Why start trying now? Why did I get the feeling that the time was now if it’s not now?
I wish I just knew when I was really suppose to become a mom so I could save myself some grief. … Or maybe my grief is all a part of the plan, I don’t know.”
A couple of weeks later, and two days after my BFP I’m thinking “Wow.” That’s one word to describe the million and one emotions running through my body.
It’s all a part of the plan right? I wouldn’t have tried to raised $1000 for a charity had I not been so upset after the first month, maybe that was part of it? I’m sure it’s 1. To show me I’m not in control, and 2. Maybe to help someone else in the process?
I don’t know all of the answers, and I’m afraid to guess because who knows what’s around the NEXT corner.
Well stated. When we realize that we are not the ones in control, that is the only answer we need 😉
I love, love, love, love this post! The biggest reason why is because this is exactly what I have been feeling for the past three weeks if not more! I promised God I would do something before he gives me another child and now I am really trying to get it done. I don’t know if I’ll be blessed with another baby any time soon but at least I will have done what I said I would.
That is so true. We really aren’t the ones in control 🙂
This is the perfect preparation for trusting that we are not always in control and that God ALWAYS has a better plan, even though it may be inconvenient or unclear at times. Letting go can be liberating when you are in good hands! Enjoy this precious ride of freedom girl because you ARE in good hands!
Love it! Many of these thoughts run through my head every month. I never know whether or not I am ready for a second. Actually I was freaked for 2 days after finding out I was pregnant with Hayden and we were no where near financially ready but we made it! I look forward to reading all your thoughts these upcoming months!
Congrats!!!!! How are you feeling?
I think that questions will continue to come. I sometimes wonder if I’m cut out for this when I have a particularly rough day with the little monster! But there is always something there that tells me it is right!
I think the “everything happens for a reason” approach is what gets me through most things. It makes me feel better to believe there was an ultimate plan! Maybe getting the donations WAS the reason for not getting pg on your first try. You did some good for the world…and now you have a little bundle on the way.
I still think that a couple months of trying and not being successful made me (us) even more thankful when it finally DID happen. And when I see our sweet little boy, I know that it was worth the wait!
Well, I am a little slow on the uptake. I had my babies a few weeks ago. But I wanted to say Congratulations! I hope everything goes well with your first pregnancy.
Okay I’m still tearing up a bit…anyway though :o) I have been getting those phantom kicks in the tummy again so I told the hubs “Baby or dog buddy! Baby or dog!”
MB, Lynn
This is the perfect preparation for trusting that we are not always in control and that God ALWAYS has a better plan, even though it may be inconvenient or unclear at times. Letting go can be liberating when you are in good hands! Enjoy this precious ride of freedom girl because you ARE in good hands!