… And Then I Cried


I told you I kept a journal from the day I got my BFP, here’s a scary experience I wrote about the day after my good news.

Written 10/17 but saved for today

Last night, after finding out I was pregnant I went to the bathroom (Again! I was going a lot that day). When I examined the toilet paper I noticed some brown spotting. ‘Implantation bleeding’ I thought to myself. I asked one of my friends on Twitter about it and she said that could be it… Or it could be my body “trying to start.”

Shoot. I was still a day away from my period starting. What if my body was going to reject this forming baby?

And with that… I lost it.

I tried to hide my fears and sadness but I couldn’t. I’m not a good actor, and the love of my life can always tell when I’m upset.

Tears kept streaming down my face, and the conversations that took place after that moment made me realize this was something we both wanted more than we knew.

That night I made a promise to God.

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  1. I can’t even imagine the fear and anxiety that you must have had…but I’m glad that things are looking good now, and that, it made you both realize how much this means to both of you…God works in amazing ways…Prayers and *hugs*

  2. *hugs* The great thing is that the majority of miscarriages never get far enough to have a heartbeat. The fact that you saw that little flicker is a very good thing! I used to remind myself every time I felt sick that it meant I was “cooking with gas” so to speak. Sick is good. It’s hard to remember that when you’re puking for the 8th time that day but it’s good. Symptoms are good. You’re doing great hon!

  3. Oh I know exactly how you felt! When I found out I was pg after trying to get pregnant for 5 years, I too had a bit of spotting. My 1st apt wasn’t for a few weeks so I kept calling my dr’s office about the spotting and finally after a week of off and on spotting they scheduled me for a ultrasound at the lab. I was so relieved to see our baby on the screen. 🙂

  4. Yeah, spotting stinks in early pregnancy, but you’d be amazed at how many women have it! Thank goodness yours went away (I presume)…mine did, and my twins are healthy, happy 7-month-olds.

  5. Awww…I’m glad everything is ok! “…made me realize this was something we both wanted more than we knew.” I can so see this happening to my husband and I. He doesn’t really talk about wanting a baby but I know that when he finds out I’m pregnant he’s going to be so excited!

  6. I had spotting in my first pregnancy and it was just implantation stuff. But it was truly scary. You heard a heartbeat and that is excellent!!

    When the morning sickness kicks in that is a good thing. When you are sick, the baby is thriving. It sucked when I got sick but I was happy too. Weird:)

  7. Reading this makes me realize how much I’m NOT ready for a baby! I feel RELIEF when I see spotting. I am so happy for you!! I know you will be a GREAT mother!! I can’t wait to see pictures of your growing belly!

  8. That’s never a good feeling even when so many people share the same experience….it’s just plain scary when it happens! I remember that day too. You are evoking many memories for me–thank you!
    My baby girl is now 5! 🙂

  9. Aw, hon, I’m sorry you had to experience some spotting. But please remember that brown blood = old blood. I know that it’s so, so scary to see that when you are pregnant but try and keep calm.

    Enjoy every single second you are pregnant. I wish I had spent my first pregnancy with more joy and less worry! It’s a scary thought, but it really is out of your hands. All you can do is pray, and love your baby every day you’re together! *hugs*

  10. When I was pregnant with my second and barely into my second trimester I started bleeding and it freaked me out. It was quite a bit but then stopped pretty quickly. They did an ultrasound and couldn’t figure out what caused it. That was the only time that happened and I ended up with a beautiful healthy baby girl.

  11. I told you it could be anything 🙂 & see that little flicker the other day it was nothing to be of concern about 😀 I’ve shed many tears this pregnancy….it will all work out!

  12. I had light pink spotting from 6 week until 10 weeks and each time it was so scary. I wanted this baby more then anything and I was so scared I’d never meet him. My Dr. told me that brown spotting usually means old blood, so usually nothing to worry about. Keeping you and your little bean in my thoughts!

  13. I can relate a lil just because I did some cryin these week 2. It helps to know everything will work out the way its suppose to and having good supportive husbands. *hugs*

  14. Oh hun I’m glad you got to see your little one on the u/s. But you should probably get used to the crying. I cried more after my daughter was born then I ever did before!

  15. I hope the best for you and really want to thank you for being brave enough to share that her. I’m so excited for you and your journey and I love your new blog design.

  16. I think it is completely normal to have fears and freak out over everything when you are pregnant, especially when it is the first time. You don’t know what’s normal and what’s not, so you just have to ask. I find myself obsessing and wondering if everything is okay and then I have to stop and give it to God. Worrying won’t help at all, so you just have to give it to God. Congratulations! I’m so happy for you! I love your new blog design!

  17. It’ll be alright soon-to-be mama, you’ll see. These babies have a way of fighting till the very end. In the beginning babies are considered to be foreign objects so our bodies fight a bit with em. But you’ll see, it’s gonna get easier…your body will get hip to it.

    My best, Lynn

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