As I prepared to sit down and write this post a certain gif kept coming to mind.
It’s not an accurate depiction of my life. Nothing is burning down. We aren’t falling apart. But it’s how I’ve been feeling inside.
To y’all I’m trying to be like “yea, it’s cool, I’m good” but inside I’m like “WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIIIE!”
So yea. I’m pregnant. And though I’ve done this twice already I feel like it’s the first time I’m utterly terrified.
My husband is trying to play this off like “Yea, we planned this,” but I’m like dude, ain’t nobody gonna buy that. I closed up shop so hard I renamed my entire brand.
I was done. And finally ok with that. I mean, not just ok, I’m talking vacations booked, retirement planned, all evidence that babies ever lived here GONE, totally ok.
I’m debating how far into the details I want to get as far as the miraculousness of this pregnancy but some of it is sad and actually quite traumatizing so I may save it for another post. I will say at one point a fetal nickname I was considering was Lucky but ultimately when the dust settled, Sneaky fit the best.
One of the hardest parts of these last few months was not saying anything on my blog. The last two pregnancies I was spewing the news before the pee even dried on the stick. This time has just been… more complicated.
But keeping something that was such a huge part of my life all bottled up when I’m used to word vomiting all over this joint was just weird.
Of course I still had sponsor obligations (A LOT of those. Thank you so so much for bearing with me it was all I had energy to write). And I still shared very real parts of my life. But I felt like that gif…
I’m fine. We’re fine. When I really wasn’t.
So. Here we are all out in the open. The first trimester essentially behind me. This kid is already missing a whole freakin chapter of its baby book but I guess that’s what you get when you catch me by surprise.
So in answer to some of your questions. Yes, I’ll be blogging about the pregnancy though I don’t know how much. I mean, I’m not turning this into a pregnancy blog but I’d like to do some kind of weekly update if I can keep up and share this part of my life.
No, I’m not changing the name of my blog back to Baby Making Machine. The machine has rebooted, blown off a lot of dust and moths and kicked back to life one final time and we’re gonna try to cherish the heck out of it.
The hubs is excited.
I know! I was shocked too. Among the first thing he said was “Well at least this time we have money.” And “So are you changing the name of your blog back?” (See above).
The kids are THRILLED, especially my daughter, and quite honestly telling her has been the best part of this whole experience. I’ll go more into that later.
Bigger house/car? Ummm. No? We have a 2000ish sq foot house with four bedrooms. On average we use one. Mine. This kid can just cram in there too. Maybe someday when my kids actually master the concept of sleeping in their own rooms on a consistent basis we will consider an upgrade.
Our car has a third row we keep down. We are going to have to play with car seats and stuff but right now that whole idea gives me anxiety so… Next!
Oh and yea, this time we are going to find out the sex and not wait until the birth. I think we will know in a month or so. It’s been awhile things may have changed but I’ll keep you posted.
And I wasn’t pregnant in this picture but thanks to everyone who said they could tell I was.
KIDDING. I totally was.
Anyway, guess that’s all for now.