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Why Co-sleeping SUCKS (for me)

Just when I think I’m undoubtedly becoming the fastest granola mom convert in history, the breaks are screeching to a halt at co-sleeping.–Which is like I dunno, number two on the list of things crunchy moms do.

I know technically “co-sleeping” means sharing a room (which I like and is recommended by the AAP), and not necessarily “bed sharing” (which I don’t like and is discouraged by the AAP) but for the sake of consistency, I’m talking about bed sharing right now.

One of the first times I co-slept with my daughter was an accident. I woke up from my deep slumber and said a silent prayer–thanking God for not letting me kill my daughter.

cosleep

Co-sleeping advocates tell me breastfeeding moms who are sober don’t/won’t/can’t/never roll over on their babies but guess what people?… My rule is never say never.

A few nights later I fell asleep with my daughter again but woke up a couple hours later to her piercing scream beneath me. Case in point.

No more co-sleeping for us.

Fast forward about a month. We have a feeding routine down at night. She sleeps next to me in her bassinet, I can hear her when she stirs, and feed her quickly while half asleep, then place her back in her bed. She’s down to waking up once a night around 4:30. She’s up again around 7, then she’ll sleep until 9 or 10. At the 7 o’clock feeding I’d pull her in bed with me and dose off as she ate. The sun is up, and I am more rested from the night and feel safer about it.

sleep

It’s fun to still feel like I’m waking up to my cute cuddle bug but not feel like I’m putting her at risk the whole night.

I wrote about my co-sleeping fears of squishing my future child in March of 2009, then questioned co-sleeping and a sex life shortly after. I wanted to know if and how people still got it on. I got a wide range of comments. Most assuring me they still got it on either other places around the house or with the baby in the bed. I’m finding many make it sound as though co-sleepers have this A-Mazing sex life and the rest of us are missing out. Who knew bringing your child to bed is all ya need to spice things up and bring out the freak in you?

Seven weeks after having a baby, getting it on is not on my wish list. For me, co-sleeping is an excuse so I don’t HAVE to get busy. So far it’s working wonderfully. Lil’ J keeps the ladies occupied just long enough so I know I’m in the clear, then I put her down.

I do miss cuddling with my husband but cuddling just sends mixed messages and, um–I’ll stick to cuddling with the baby for now.

While visiting my family in Atlanta Lil’ J and I share a bed. I keep my arm around her so I don’t roll over on top of her, but it’s really putting a damper in her routine.

Instead of waking up once a night to eat she’s kicking and slapping me all night, plus headbutting my boobs trying to get some.–Milk that is.

Maybe professional co-sleepers have it down, I don’t know what they do–Sleep topless (that would explain five paragraphs up)? But I can’t seem to get back to sleep after she’s punched me awake for the 50th time.

Plus, it’s HOT!!

I got warm cuddling with my husband but I could move away after awhile. With Little J, I feel like I need to keep my arm around her so she doesn’t roll face down into our fluffy bed, or scoot off the edge (yea, she would). So I’m smoldering all night next to my mini me.

sleepy pjs

Sure, she sleeps great, all you can eat buffet right next to you, just wake up the chef and place your order. She’ll hook you up!

She’s eating way more, and I don’t think it’s a growth spurt coincidence because during her growth spurts she’ll eat more during the day and she’s not now. But come on, be honest. If you had cupcakes in bed with you, you’d snack on them every hour too.

She could be comfort nursing because we’re in a new environment… A Twitter friend suggested this.

We’ll see.

All I know is if this week of co-sleeping makes it so my daughter is sleeping with me until she’s 5, we’re going to have some major problems.


Love you post. I just posted a few days ago why we don’t co-sleep. Yours is mych funnier.

Subway Mom says:

Okay, for starters, she’s not gonna sleep with you till she’s FIVE!! 😀

Thoug co-sleeping isn’t your thing, don’t mock it! It worked wonderfully for me! I co-slept with both my kids. Mimi till she was 1 and Oullie till 4 nights ago (1 and 2 months)! I’m an avid supporter of co-sleeping for moms who want to do it but have concerns, but also support those who don’t!

I slept much better with my babies next to me (in bed). I just used to wear nursing pjs to bed which makes it super easy to breastfeed. Plus, they slept better knowing their “buffet” was available all night when they needed it (and they both only used to wake up once to feed). But that was how it worked for me. I never rolled over on my children (maybe because I shared a bed with lots of stuffed toys till I went to uni). Guess I had some prior practice! 😉

KarmaPearl says:

Yeah, co-sleeping sucked for me, too. When Nellie was very little we used to prop ourselves up on the couch and hold her while we slept half-sitting up. That was the extent of our cosleeping. And that only happened until we figured out how to get her to sleep better; which was to swaddle her before she ate. She’s unswaddled now. I never could co sleep. I tried to bring her to bed with me a few times when she would wake and I wasn’t ready to get up.. She’d go right back to sleep but I wouldn’t get a wink.

Jen, I love you and you crack me up. It’s great to begin your day eating cereal, reading blogs and stumbling upon something about sex lives & co-sleeping. LOVE IT!

I’m not a mother, but I would be scared to roll over on my child. So many children die this way every year. I’d also be terrified I would suffocate my baby with my boob. Not that they’re big or anything, lol. I just would.

I’m glad you found a system that works for you. And little love looks smashing in her cat nap ensemble. I love her!

Chantel says:

My daughter was a co-sleeper for awhile, and she would nurse constantly through the night. Once I moved her to her own bed at 6 months old, she didn’t make a peep until 7 am. My 9 month old still co sleeps, and since he has access to the milk bar all night, he’s always eating. I’ve tried to move him to his own bed, but hes not as willing to go as his sister was.

Also, I don’t have an amazing sex life right now. The last thing I want to do is get it on after a crappy night of sleep and nursing a baby all day.

PVDela says:

Co-Sleeping isn’t for everyone or even every baby, I loved co-sleeping with my son but when my daughter came along she just couldn’t sleep well at all co sleeping, she slept in a co-sleeper on the bed with su for the first two months but the co sleeper still kept her separate enough for her to sleep well and then she moved into a crib in the room with us until she was 9 months and then the crib and she went into the kids room.
Part of me hopes that this next one will like co-sleeping but a happy well slept baby is much more important than being able to sleep with my baby right next to me.
While you’re in Atlanta I’d recommend picking up a co-sleeper at Target for about $30 that way she’s still on the bed with you but you won’t be burning up and the hard walls make it so she can’t scoot off and you can’t roll over her.

Amanda says:

It’s good that you are experimenting and finding what works best for your family and you.

My little one slept happily in the bassinet when he was 7 weeks old too, but then things changed and so we changed with him.

You may never co-sleep successfully with Lil J or you may end up doing it later with her or future kiddos. Either way, in the end it’s just about what you all can tolerate and what makes your home the happiest for everyone.

Mama Seoul says:

Co-sleeping works great for me! Every mother-baby pair will find what works best for them.

ashalily says:

we co-sleep in the sense that we always had the boys with us in the room BUT in their own bassinet until they out grew it, which for my oldest son was around 3 and a half months while my youngest is still sleeping in it as he is only 2 months old. We never had them in bed with us. Do what you need to do! Your sleeping situation should be whatever works best for you, you need to get a good nights rest!

~Karin~ says:

I was on the fence when my daughter was born about whether to co-sleep or not. We ended up with her in our bed for almost a year because it just worked better for us. I cherished every second I could spend with my daughter and was glad that I could give her that opportunity.

That being said, when she was done nursing, she went into her crib in her room. I will admit, that was a difficult transition for her, AND myself!

And I have to say, you are SO beautiful and your daughter is just gorgeous! I look forward to reading your blog every time I see a new post up! Thank you for sharing!

apaprikao says:

I couldn’t co-sleep with my daughter. Believe me, I tried, but I just couldn’t sleep. She couldn’t sleep. It was terrible for everyone. We both slept soundly and for longer periods of time if we were in separate beds. Co-sleeping isn’t for everyone, and my daughter has always been a great sleeper so I’ve never regretted my decision to not co-sleep. I’m sure Lil’ J will go back to her normal routine soon. 🙂

braids says:

Hmmmmm this is what I’m worried about, having a baby only for the hubs to be thrown to the side. Remember your a wife first, mother second. I’m not suggesting that you HAVE to have sex with your husband, afterall its quite understandable that you don’t feel like giving him ‘none’ right now, but when you don’t even want to share intimacy with him such as cuddling him because your afraid of sending out the wrong signal, thats actually worrying and you may not relize it yet but your eventually going to put a strain on your relationship. Be careful. Your husband is not a mere sperm donor, hes your husband and he needs your attention too. There are other ways to be intimact besides having sex.

The co-sleeping thing, yeah squashing my baby would be my biggest fear too. I don’t know how some mothers manage and like yourself I would say ‘never say never’.

Your daughter is cute. 🙂

Mama Bennie says:

We don’t co-sleep either…we are both fairly heavy sleepers, so in the bed is out of the question. We can’t have a bassinet in our room either, because we don’t even have enough room in our bedroom for a dresser let alone a place for a baby to sleep. Both our kids have been sleeping in their own cribs in their own room since the day they came home. You don’t have to co-sleep to be crunchy 😉 There are so many other parts of being crunchy.

I’m not exactly what you’d call “crunchy,” but I’ve co-slept with all three of my kids. It’s just what worked for us – in fact, I felt much safer with them in my bed than without them. Just personal preference, I suppose.

But those people who insinuate that co-sleeping parents have this hot sex life? L-Y-I-N-G. Straight up.

Hip Mama says:

First, great post! Second, as a mom of 4 and one on the way…I love love love snuggling those precious little babes….BUT after almost suffocating my second one night…the co-sleeping thing terrifies me! I never did it again! The baby was kicking my husband and he woke me up….the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach! So, I’m not a bed-sharing fan.

As far as the sex….well we are on #5…so what does that tell ya! Don’t let too much time pass b4 u give it up…the less you “do it” the less you want it…. ;0)

Brooke says:

I’m a former full-time co-sleeper, now part-time co-sleeper. I’m also an extended breastfeeder (my daughter is 3). For one, I never thought I’d co-sleep, I didn’t want to do it. Also, I never thought I’d breastfeed for over 3 years. But, as Little J’s momma, you have to do what’s best for you and her, and that’s what you feel comfortable with. Parenting is about making decisions. If you’re happy with it, why she we co-sleepers try to convert you? Go with your heart!

Sandra says:

My babies slept way better in their own beds, in their own rooms. The children I did co-sleep with took longer to sleep through the night and wanted to snack more often.
Your post is honest and insightful. But as a nurse, I can tell you that we recommend against co-sleeping in the bed.

Emily says:

Thanks for sharing this, Jenn. It seems like so many people on the internet are for co-sleeping, it’s nice to hear an honest account of how it’s NOT working. And a previous poster said that you were mocking co-sleeping…I don’t see that. You said that it might work for some, but not for you. That’s not mocking.

Little J is cute!

stumbull says:

I’m so with you on that! We tried the cosleeping thing with Addison and I was so scared I was going to kill her I did just what you did, hold her all night and that was so rough on me. She did the same thing, hit and punch me and we got so hot. So we did the sleep in pack n play for a while until her noises became to much for me. She would laugh, grunt, cry, and moan in her sleep and I woke up for all of it. We eventually moved her into her crib and I use a video monitor. BEST THING EVER! I can still hear and see her but she is not so loud that everything wakes me. Plus I can check on her from my bed by just turning the video part on. Gives me the peace of mind I need.

amberc727 says:

Co-sleeping (bed sharing) works for some people, and not for others. It didn’t work for us either. My little boy was just like your daughter. He slept great if he was in his own little bed, but beside me he thought he had to nurse ALL NIGHT LONG and I was getting no sleep. It was very hard on me. One thing I’ve learned is that this parenting thing doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I’ve taken the parts I like and that work for us from the crunchy mama’s, and left the rest. For example, I have natural births and a birth center with no drugs, breastfeed, wear my baby, but we don’t bed share. I’m due with my 2nd baby any time now (thought she was coming yesterday but that is a whole other story) and she will sleep in a co-sleeper beside of my bed, but not IN my bed.

I don’t think you’re post was “knocking” co-sleeping, or derogatory to anyone who does. You were simply stating that it didn’t work FOR YOU.

Jasmine says:

Jen… You’re going to have to help me understand why sex isn’t on your priority list? You’re a wife as well as a mommy .. PLUS having God-encouraged sex is one of the reasons I GOT married 🙂

Mammatalk says:

So love reading your journey! :+)

YUMMama says:

Co-sleeping did put a damper on our sex life at first. My fiance was not at all feeling his dry spell, but I just wasn’t ready to hop back in the swing of things. I was tired from being a first time and strictly breastfeeding mom. Sex was the last thing on my mind. However, once I was ready to hop back in the saddle, it was amazing.

I would certainly encourage other first time moms to wait and not give in to their partner’s constant nagging to have sex before they’re ready. Your body will thank you for it and you’ll actually enjoy it more because you’ll want to do it too.

Co-sleeping with Moo just came naturally. We started day 1 in the hospital. I was sore from getting stitches and got tired of getting up and out of that hospital bed. So, I used the extra pillows the nurse had left to line the outer railing side where Moo slept to make sure she didn’t fall through, unsnapped one side of my gown, wrapped my arm around her and to sleep we went. It was amazing how easy it was to feed her and how much more content she seemed to be. So, we carried our new routine home and have been co-sleeping ever since.

The trick to make sure she doesn’t roll off the bed is to get a body pillow and use it to line the edge. Then tuck the sheet tightly underneath the mattress to hold the pillow in place on that side, the foot of the bed and halfway around the opposite side. With Moo being a roller, I learned early on that she could push the pillow to the floor, but with a sheet securely holding the pillow no matter how hard she pushed, she and the pillow stayed put.

And hopefully, Lil J will not be sleeping with you until she’s 5. I think that once she’s older and no longer breastfeeding, you should try to get her used to sleeping in her own bed. We’re in the stage of doing that with Moo even though she’s still breastfeeding, but at least she’ll sit in it more.

I used this! Loved loved loved it! I too hated co sharing a bed, but this was for me: baby was close enough to feel like he was near me, but safe enough that I wouldn’t squish him AND I got good sleep alone.

http://www.armsreach.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=3_6&products_id=30

Stam House says:

Your post made me smile this morning!

We co-sleep, bassinet close to me for a while then strait in bed for the rest of the night (mainly because I fall asleep most of the time at the 4 o’clock feeding)

So I do both co-sleeping in our bed and our room if that make any sense!

For the getting it on, I would encourage you to have more intimate time with your husband, He (like all men )need it a lot more then us women.

I know you are busy, nursing etc… I have 3 little one and our youngest is 3 months and I still find time to please my husband (it’s not always easy but the bible does says that we should only withhold IT from our husband only to be in prayer and for a short time!)

I pray for a amazing S… life for you and your husband 🙂

Jacqueline says:

Lil J is such a cutie and don’t worry mama keep doing what you are doing! =) what a cutie!

caitlinhart says:

You are hilarious girl! Way to tell it like it is! I cannot speak from experience, so I have no real opinion either way… but the other day while waiting for my sister-in-law to have her baby(hooray!), I was reading the baby magazines (not baby hungry I SWEAR!)… and I saw this baby device that you put in the bed between you and your husband, and it holds the baby in a safe position on her back, but also keeps you from rolling on her because it blocks her in. Ok I’m not describing it well, but here’s a link. Maybe this would help solve the fear. http://www.walmart.com/ip/The-First-Years-Close-and-Secure-Sleeper/3205748?sourceid=1500000000000003260330&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=3205748

Jenna says:

Oh man. One time, Carson had a little cold or something and was frustratedly snorting like a pig, so I put him in bed with me to sleep. Worst. Night. Ever. My neck was so tight in the morning. He kept wiggling all over the place. He woke up several times. It sucked.

We don’t co-sleep. We don’t even share a room. Baby sleeps in his/her crib in his/her own room from night 1 (tightly swaddled and monitored). I have severe anxiety and for me, a baby monitor is bad enough. We’re talking dreams of baby suffocating in the covers every night for the first 4 months. When they’re in the room, I do not sleep. And as we know, a tired mom is a bad mom.

Anyway, that’s what works for us. My pediatrician applauds me for doing it this way. When baby wakes up for his morning feeding (around 5:45) I bring him to my bed and we catch some more Z’s together when he’s done. We also nap together sometimes. But as for nighttime, we don’t sleep together. And I’m proud to say, both my babies have slept through the night on their own by 8 weeks of age.

I do realize some people love co-sleeping and they are successful. And also that some people need to co-sleep for medical reasons. That’s great! Everyone just needs to do what’s best for their families.

co sleeping didn’t work for us at all! aiden wiggled around too much for it to work

now that he’s a bit older when he feels icky he crawls into a ball in the middle of our bed and no one but him can sleep

Alex says:

I was completely against co-sleeping long before baby and even while I was pregnant but then once baby came it was just one of the easiest things. We didn’t do it very often, but when we would we switch off on who had to “watch” the baby while the other could turn their back and go to sleep. We also used a co-sleeper thing in the bed. But although we didn’t do it all the time I did enjoy it.

Emmy says:

Oh how I wish cuddling didn’t send mixed messages. I would cuddle a lot more. But yes when you have a baby on you all day, sometimes the last thing you want is someone else on you.

melifaif says:

Ha, cupcakes in bed, Priceless. And yoru header is gorgeous. So is Lil J!

[ker-AND-uh] says:

Yah for making the decision yourself! I’m a granola momma and I realized early on that co-sleeping when A was younger just did NOT work. I hardly got any sleep because my husband tends to flail and move a ton during the night so I kept waking up to make sure A was okay. Plus we have a small bed. We’d just put him to sleep in his crib then bring him in our bed after his nighttime feeding. And we were ALL happier and better off. Now that he’s older, cosleeping works better from the beginning of the night because we’re all better sleepers now. But way to go for you! What I love about our parenting style is how flexible we can be. We just adjust things as we see fit and we’re raising a pretty independent yet attached kid. And when you do that, it’s easier to transition them to their own beds later on! Good luck to you girl!!

1stopmom says:

I co-slept with all four of my kids. Thank God I never rolled over of one of them. I did what I called my “mommy sleep” I was never fully asleep.In my experience it was harder to get them out of the bed later. But what’s done is done. I support anyone who decides not to cosleep. You should never feel obligated to anything that you are not comfortable with just because other people think you should. As a parent, you have to do what works for you.

Btw, she is so pretty!

Team Peeps says:

I am glad you posted about this b/c the truth is it doesn’t work for everyone! I swore up and down we wouldn’t bed-share but after many sleepless nights (he had his days/nights mixed up) we tried and my son hated it! He ended up sleeping in a bassinet next to us and then in his own room at 5 months. Now, I am so thankful for him WANTING to sleep in his own room at 3. Most of my friends still share beds with their kids at 3-4. I think our family is happier as a whole when we all get good sleep plus that’s really my husband and I’s only alone time 🙂

LOL, I love the cupcake analogy!! Love your blog–even though I don’t comment often enough, I read every post. Keep it up, new Mama!!!

I never could co-sleep. We put munchkin right in her crib when we got home from the hospital and she did great (started sleeping through the night at 3 weeks). It worked for us, but we’ll see with the next one 🙂

Co sleeping is not for everyone but just because it isnt for you doesnt mean you have to be snarky and condescending about it.

If you woke up with your baby under you then you werent doing it safely. Period. Please do not blame co sleeping.

Mrs. K says:

You post is so funny. Could not stop chuckling while reading it. Co-sleeping sounds…interesting. I can’t really seem to rationalize how sleeping with your child until he/she is 5 years old could possibly spice UP your sex life. I don’t have a baby as yet but I don’t think I will be attempting co-sleeping when I do–I’m too much of a wild sleeper myself 🙂

alli says:

Haha…I know nothing about these topics, but thanks for making me laugh!

Hahahaha! You are too funny. Cupcakes in bed…. Hahahahaha! Co-sleeping. **sigh** I LOVED co-sleeping with my first baby. Ash was the best. She’d wake up for feedings and then go right back to sleep and stay in the same place. Well, until she got mobile. Then she got to sleep in her crib from then on. I thought Baby #2 would be a co-sleeper too. But, she’s NOT. She’s kicks and squirms and wakes up and whines and pulls my hair. We both really don’t like sharing a bed with each other. So, she sleep in her co-sleeper bassinnet and I get my own side of the bed. And I actually really like it as much as I loved co-sleeping with the first one. I’m sorry you woke up on top of your baby. That would scare me to death! But I think all co-sleeping mommmies have similar stories. My husband flopped his arm over Ash’s face once. And Britt has had the comforter over her face once too. I completely believe God woke me because I jolted out of sleep for no reason each time. 🙂 Love your blog. And your baby is such a sweet little chub.

Emily says:

I wasn’t going to comment… but then I read all the others.

I love co-sleeping (when Ryan actually sleeps). Sometimes – even if he’s swaddled – he’s all over the place and I’m awake every 30 minutes and am ready to kill someone. I would try to educate someone on safely co-sleeping if they were curious, but I realllllllly couldn’t care less if someone decides not to co-sleep. If Ryan actually slept in his crib, he’d be in it. But he won’t.

I think your post is great. You tried co-sleeping, it didn’t work for you. It doesn’t for everyone. It was honest and funny and you made if very clear that co-sleeping is for some people, but not for you. That’s fair!!!

I don’t get some of the rude comments you received.

And I’m sorry, but now that Ryan is here, I’m a MOM FIRST. I’m a wife second. It’s true. My husband knows that. He is now also a father first, a husband second. I honestly would never put his needs above Ryan’s.

As for not making sex a priority? Sex isn’t the only thing that makes marriages intimate and personal. And what new mom has the energy and time for it?! Ryan is 8 months old and it’s STILL not on my priority list. HELL, it’s not even on my to-do list!!!!

Hugs, mama 🙂
Emily @ Baby Dickey

B says:

I swore up and down that I would never co-sleep. I made it 5.5 months. Then, Ava got the measles (can you believe it?!?) and two teeth in one week, and into our bed she came, as it was much preferable to lying awake all night holding her, as she would only sleep really close to me. Two and a half months later, I still do it, and am in no hurry to kick her out. We still manage to get it on in other rooms (never in our bed while she’s asleep – do people honestly do that??), but other than that, there’s been little effect other than she does eat a bit more than she used to. I’m able to stay almost completely asleep though, and have never come close to rolling onto her, so it still adds up to more sleep for me. That’s just my experience though. It remains to be seen what we’ll do if we have a second – it depends a lot on how hard it is to break the co-sleeping habit!

Good luck!

Ok I have a question…I plan on using a bassinet. I was going to register for the co sleeper one but feel like I”m going to have to get up to change the baby one he eats right? So either way I’d have to get up?
Have you seen those co sleeper things you can put in your bed? I just registered for one. It has little sides which I am ugessing keeps the baby in place and stops you from rolling in! good luck!

Jennifer says:

I don’t have children but if I did I would be worried about rolling over on her. Maybe it is not possible but I don’t know I am a deep enough sleeper I would worry about it. Why worry if I don’t have too? Lots of interesting points though and your baby is just precious!

I love that little face. She is PRECIOUS!

L.I. Tucker says:

@jen @ after the alter. At first (like the 1st month or so) I would get up to change my lil man or make the hubs do it. Now at 4mths, we use the 12hr baby dry pampers and change him right before bed and when he wakes up in the am (lot easier).

now for Jen aka Baby Making Mama…love your blog AS ALWAYS. Co-sleeping (both in the bed and out) is becoming a pain for me both physically and emotionally, so I understand where you are coming from. My son does well in his bassinet and still wakes up at least once for a feeding. Normally, I’ll pull him in the bed with me and get beat up the rest of the night. If I put him back in the bassinet, he’ll cry 20min later. I do sleep with my arm around him b/c I’m worried about the hubby, not necessarily myself. One night I was so exhausted and when I woke up to my child screaming it was b/c daddy had rolled onto his tiny little hand! So yes, I’m begging for the crib mattress (my mom still has to put the order in). He likes a hard flat surface, which he has neither with our bed or the rocking bassinet we use (I know this from daycare cuz he sleeps for hours in their crib). Good luck with Lil’ J!

Carey says:

Love this post! And your blog!

I never EVER thought I would co-sleep. It never even entered my mind. I always figured I would do what the women in my family did — straight to the crib! But then Little Man came into the world and my views completely changed.

He started out in the bassinet in our room. During middle of the night feedings, I would just let him feed and then hold him until he (and I) fell asleep. Then he his the weight limit so we had to take the bassinet out and he slept in the PNP.

I’ve tried putting him in his crib. He’ll sleep well until about 2am (ohh, the dreded 2am feed) — and then I’ll just bring him back to bed with me. I think it’s harder for ME to make the transition than for him though. I love the closeness I feel when he is right beside me.

And being a working mom, I have to be away from him ALLL day and night-time is our time to be close and reconnect. Love it.

Do what you think is best though! I promise she won’t be sleeping with you until she is 5 🙂

Sharyl says:

Maybe Im a terrible mother, but we did the co-sleeping (in our bed, in one of those Snuggle Nests so we wouldn’t roll on her) for two weeks and I gave up. No one was getting any sleep AT ALL. My husband and I are light sleepers, and Baby is a LOUD sleeper! She grunts, laughs, whines, and otherwise makes a racket in her sleep. I was waking up at every little sound and then picking her up because I thought she needed something only to find that she was ok and now I had awoken all three of us and no one could get back to sleep. After a tearful call to the pediatrician’s office (I swore she had colic when she was just a little gassy and annoyed and me constantly messing with her in my neurotic state), a nurse told me bluntly to put her in her own bed in the other room and get some rest.
MAGIC!
We have a monitor that I can adjust the volume on and when she wakes up at night it vibrates if she starts to cry. She sleeps longer and so do I and I can turn the monitor down low enough so my husband can get some rest. Yes, I still check on her all the time to make sure she’s breathing, etc, but turns out she is more like me than I thought. (I, too, strongly resisted cosleeping, according to my mother). I get up a few times at night to nurse and I lay in the bed in her room while I do it so I dont have to wake up completely.

Jennifer says:

I’ve slept with my babies, but not all night every night. I’ve fallen asleep feeding them in the recliner, sitting up in a reg. chair, burping them, on the couch. I always worry though. I do like you do. Sometimes my little guys sleeps next to me the last hour or so. I always sleep on my side and keep my arm out so I don’t roll. He does tend to search for milk too when he’s next to me. I know he’s not hungry because if I move him and he’ll sleep for a couple hours without eating.

Mmmm…cupcakes in bed. That would be bad!

Quiana says:

My lil one is 3 weeks old, and I would never even consider bed sharing. We do co-sleep as she’s in her Arms Reach co-sleeper and it works out great. DH is 6’8″ 250lbs and I’ve actually pushed him out the bed before and we elbow and kick each other quite a bit in our sleep so I won’t even risk putting my daughter in harms way by having her sleep in the bed with us. Safety first!

T. says:

Loved your post. We don’t co-sleep either. I have no problems with those who do but I knew it would not work for us. I had a hard enough time adjusting to having a husband in the bed with me. I guess that comes from being single and celibate until I got married in my 30s. I like my space. And our bedroom is too small for a king bed.

We put our son in a crib from day one, but we did swaddle him a lot. He loved that. By two months, he was sleeping through the night. He still (at age 3) sleeps like a rock. I know, we truly lucked out. He was just that kind of baby. Many babies are not that way so I understand why many parents co-sleep. Some babies need more contact.

This may sound awful but another reason I did not want to co-sleep was because I consider our bedroom the only place in the house that belongs solely to me and my husband. It is our haven at the end of a long day and the place where we can re-connect and bond (not just sexually, either). I think it makes us better parents because we value our relationship as a couple, too.

That doesn’t mean our son isn’t allowed in our bedroom (and if he was sick or scared, he would be welcomed) but for the most part, it is our space. If that makes me a bad mommy, so be it.

Carey says:

Love this post! And your blog!

I never EVER thought I would co-sleep. It never even entered my mind. I always figured I would do what the women in my family did — straight to the crib! But then Little Man came into the world and my views completely changed.

He started out in the bassinet in our room. During middle of the night feedings, I would just let him feed and then hold him until he (and I) fell asleep. Then he his the weight limit so we had to take the bassinet out and he slept in the PNP.

I’ve tried putting him in his crib. He’ll sleep well until about 2am (ohh, the dreded 2am feed) — and then I’ll just bring him back to bed with me. I think it’s harder for ME to make the transition than for him though. I love the closeness I feel when he is right beside me.

And being a working mom, I have to be away from him ALLL day and night-time is our time to be close and reconnect. Love it.

Do what you think is best though! I promise she won’t be sleeping with you until she is 5 🙂

Sharyl says:

Maybe Im a terrible mother, but we did the co-sleeping (in our bed, in one of those Snuggle Nests so we wouldn’t roll on her) for two weeks and I gave up. No one was getting any sleep AT ALL. My husband and I are light sleepers, and Baby is a LOUD sleeper! She grunts, laughs, whines, and otherwise makes a racket in her sleep. I was waking up at every little sound and then picking her up because I thought she needed something only to find that she was ok and now I had awoken all three of us and no one could get back to sleep. After a tearful call to the pediatrician’s office (I swore she had colic when she was just a little gassy and annoyed and me constantly messing with her in my neurotic state), a nurse told me bluntly to put her in her own bed in the other room and get some rest.
MAGIC!
We have a monitor that I can adjust the volume on and when she wakes up at night it vibrates if she starts to cry. She sleeps longer and so do I and I can turn the monitor down low enough so my husband can get some rest. Yes, I still check on her all the time to make sure she’s breathing, etc, but turns out she is more like me than I thought. (I, too, strongly resisted cosleeping, according to my mother). I get up a few times at night to nurse and I lay in the bed in her room while I do it so I dont have to wake up completely.

T. says:

Loved your post. We don’t co-sleep either. I have no problems with those who do but I knew it would not work for us. I had a hard enough time adjusting to having a husband in the bed with me. I guess that comes from being single and celibate until I got married in my 30s. I like my space. And our bedroom is too small for a king bed.

We put our son in a crib from day one, but we did swaddle him a lot. He loved that. By two months, he was sleeping through the night. He still (at age 3) sleeps like a rock. I know, we truly lucked out. He was just that kind of baby. Many babies are not that way so I understand why many parents co-sleep. Some babies need more contact.

This may sound awful but another reason I did not want to co-sleep was because I consider our bedroom the only place in the house that belongs solely to me and my husband. It is our haven at the end of a long day and the place where we can re-connect and bond (not just sexually, either). I think it makes us better parents because we value our relationship as a couple, too.

That doesn’t mean our son isn’t allowed in our bedroom (and if he was sick or scared, he would be welcomed) but for the most part, it is our space. If that makes me a bad mommy, so be it.

ashalily says:

we co-sleep in the sense that we always had the boys with us in the room BUT in their own bassinet until they out grew it, which for my oldest son was around 3 and a half months while my youngest is still sleeping in it as he is only 2 months old. We never had them in bed with us. Do what you need to do! Your sleeping situation should be whatever works best for you, you need to get a good nights rest!

Subway Mom says:

Okay, for starters, she’s not gonna sleep with you till she’s FIVE!! 😀

Thoug co-sleeping isn’t your thing, don’t mock it! It worked wonderfully for me! I co-slept with both my kids. Mimi till she was 1 and Oullie till 4 nights ago (1 and 2 months)! I’m an avid supporter of co-sleeping for moms who want to do it but have concerns, but also support those who don’t!

I slept much better with my babies next to me (in bed). I just used to wear nursing pjs to bed which makes it super easy to breastfeed. Plus, they slept better knowing their “buffet” was available all night when they needed it (and they both only used to wake up once to feed). But that was how it worked for me. I never rolled over on my children (maybe because I shared a bed with lots of stuffed toys till I went to uni). Guess I had some prior practice! 😉

Love you post. I just posted a few days ago why we don’t co-sleep. Yours is mych funnier.

PVDela says:

Co-Sleeping isn’t for everyone or even every baby, I loved co-sleeping with my son but when my daughter came along she just couldn’t sleep well at all co sleeping, she slept in a co-sleeper on the bed with su for the first two months but the co sleeper still kept her separate enough for her to sleep well and then she moved into a crib in the room with us until she was 9 months and then the crib and she went into the kids room.
Part of me hopes that this next one will like co-sleeping but a happy well slept baby is much more important than being able to sleep with my baby right next to me.
While you’re in Atlanta I’d recommend picking up a co-sleeper at Target for about $30 that way she’s still on the bed with you but you won’t be burning up and the hard walls make it so she can’t scoot off and you can’t roll over her.

co sleeping didn’t work for us at all! aiden wiggled around too much for it to work

now that he’s a bit older when he feels icky he crawls into a ball in the middle of our bed and no one but him can sleep

caitlinhart says:

You are hilarious girl! Way to tell it like it is! I cannot speak from experience, so I have no real opinion either way… but the other day while waiting for my sister-in-law to have her baby(hooray!), I was reading the baby magazines (not baby hungry I SWEAR!)… and I saw this baby device that you put in the bed between you and your husband, and it holds the baby in a safe position on her back, but also keeps you from rolling on her because it blocks her in. Ok I’m not describing it well, but here’s a link. Maybe this would help solve the fear. http://www.walmart.com/ip/The-First-Years-Close-and-Secure-Sleeper/3205748?sourceid=1500000000000003260330&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=3205748

I used this! Loved loved loved it! I too hated co sharing a bed, but this was for me: baby was close enough to feel like he was near me, but safe enough that I wouldn’t squish him AND I got good sleep alone.

http://www.armsreach.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=3_6&products_id=30

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Hi! I’m Jennifer Borget

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I'm a former journalist, and lifelong creator striving to make the world a better place. This is the space where I share my journey in making the most of every day by cherishing our individuality and celebrating our differences.



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