When do birthdays become less bitter and more sweet?

I couldn’t contain the tears when the ultrasound tech told me I was having a baby girl. I hadn’t even met her yet and I was sure we were destined to be close.

Years ago I dreamt I’d one day have a little girl with dark curly locks and a smile that could brighten a room. Now she’s standing in front of me, and she’s mine.

birthday girl

(Dress via Adelaide’s Boutique)

“Mommy are you sad?” She asks me.

“No, why?”

“Because I’m turning 5, and I’m growing up,” she clarifies.

It’s true. I’ve told her countless times how sad I get when I think of how she’s growing up. I pull her close and have her make a pact.

“Promise you’ll always love me!” I urge when the nostalgic mood takes over.

She giggles under my tight squeeze.

Today is the last day my little girl is 4. I’ve loved this last year so much. She evolved into a little girl with a huge imagination. Her love for art and technology and learning has grown, and she’s conquered many fears, from dancing in front of an audience, to riding on a roller coaster.

As the hours tick down, I can’t help but ask myself if I did enough this year. Did I cherish my 4-year-old? Enjoy our moments together? Make memories that will last?

Each birthday I don’t want to let go of the last. They aren’t getting any easier. But they all give me a chance to hit the reset button, and reflect on how I can become a better mom.

She’s the daughter of my dreams. A wonderful big sister, an award-winning negotiator, a dreamer, cuddler, and compassionate friend.

I can’t wait to see what she brings into our world as a 5-year-old. I have a feeling it’ll be great.

Are birthdays bittersweet for you too? Does it ever get easier?

A look back at each of her birthdays:




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  1. ALWAYS! Kinsleigh turns 6 in 3 months…3 months. How did that happen?!? I don’t know if I can take it lol. Happy Birthday to Lil J!

  2. I won’t lie and say they get easier. It is different with each year but I’m in year 20 and I still get tears and am in disbelief. Time goes by quickly enjoy!

  3. My “baby” turned 19. I still can’t believe that she is 19. 19…..It was just yesterday I was changing her diapers (or so it seems). Each birthday and milestone is a shock. If you think these 5 years have gone fast, wait until tomorrow you’re attending her graduation from high school. I know in reality Lil J won’t be graduating from high school until 13 years from now. But I promise you, the time to come will fly by. Blink your eyes and she’ll be grown. It happens that fast.

  4. Happy birthday J!!! 5 is so fun and exciting 🙂
    I am having a different experience in that I love that my little girl is getting older. She will be two in August and I love watching her grow, learn, and change. I have enjoyed and loved each stage and have always been ready for the next. I don’t miss her babyhood, while I enjoyed it while it was happening I don’t miss it and it wasn’t sad for me to see it go. I am loving her being a toddler and I can’t wait for her to be a child! I am certainly not wishing the time away (I love our time together) just loving each new stage. Maybe this will change as she gets older, who knows. As for now, bring on the birthdays!

  5. Oh my goodness, I LOVE her 1st birthday picture. What a cutie!!! Birthdays are totally bittersweet for me. It feels like everyday I watch my sweet baby grow older. It just happens way too fast!

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