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What’s the nastiest thing you’ve seen your kid put in their mouth?

I have lots of catching up to do, lots to tell you about EVO, and my trip to Utah, but sadly, my internet is out at home, and it won’t get fixed until Friday. But I want to update my blog, so I came to the public library to do that, (and begin my search for another preschool for Lil’ J because the one she was suppose to start at next month is all of a sudden full) so I’ve gotta make this fast!! (Oh by the way, for those of you who asked where i got her cupcake onesie for her cake smash pics, I bought it from My 3 Girls Bowtique.)

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past few months it’s that I can’t take my eyes off my little one for long or she’ll do, or eat something she’s not suppose to.

At EVO eating my Piggies and Paws phone

I asked the titled question on my Facebook Page yesterday and the responses made me feel a little better. I promised to confess what I’ve let my baby consume, and almost consume in a blog post today, so here we go.

A few months ago I was taking pictures of Lil’ J outside and we were really in a groove. I was checking out the pictures I had just captured in my camera screen. When I looked up I noticed she had something in her mouth. That’s nothing real new as she’s normally finding sticks and leaves and trying to eat them outside. But about the same time I noticed she had something in her mouth I noticed a disgusting smell, and brownish green stuff started oozing out of her mouth. I lunged for her and frantically tried to grab whatever this was from her mouth. She was sticking her tongue out-I’m assuming after realizing this wasn’t a yummy piece of fruit, and started crying. I would have too had I accidentally just ate a piece of squirrel poop. Yea, my daughter ate squirrel poop.

But it gets better. Last week at EVO we had two more experiences to top that. I had Lil’ J with me practically by my side or on my back every moment. So it’s no surprise I brought her to the bathroom with me too right?

Well, while I was washing my hands in our hotel room bathroom I turned around and noticed she was trying to eat the plastic bag in the trash can. It was a freshly changed plastic bag so there wasn’t anything in it, not that bad right? WRONG. There was one tiny piece of trash in that bag. A piece of chewed gum, and that’s what she was gnawing on. Nasty!

And if that wasn’t enough to teach me to keep an eye on her in the bathroom, or jut leave her out all together, this last experience was.

We were at the closing party and I really had to pee. I had let Jennifer Thomas hold Lil’ J when I went to get my plate of food and she hollered the whole time, so I figured I’d save everyone’s ear drums and take her with me to the restroom. She needed a diaper change anyway. She had shoes on so I made her stand up and play with the toilet paper while I peed as fast as I could. I stood up, the toilet flushed automatically, and I buttoned my pants real fast while she played with the toilet paper.

Somewhere between the flush, and getting my belt fastened she had made her way to the toilet and had started licking it. Not the part your butt sits on, but the somehow-more-disgusting space where the seat opens.

I grabbed her and washed her mouth out as best as I could, but I’m not sure I saved her from whatever nastiness may be on the seat of a public restroom toilet.

I’ve heard some breastfeeding women say they will lick their baby’s toy once it’s fallen on the ground so they produce immunities to whatever germs the baby may then encounter but I’m not as dedicated as them. I don’t lick her fallen toys, much less toilet seats. Nevertheless, she’ll live I’m sure.

So, are you going to leave me out here in Bad Mom Lala Land, or make me feel better? What’s the grossest thing you’ve seen your kid put in their mouth?


Dorothy says:

My son’s first solid food was a cricket.

I’m so glad he wasn’t my first child because I would have FREAKED OUT if it happened with my first (or even second).

Not only did I NOT freak out, I was kind of relieved not to have to clean the dead cricket up. I laughed and scrapbooked the whole thing: http://www.twopeasinabucket.com/gallery/member/244752-hyphen/1202622-crickets-and-other-solid-food/?c=t

Don’t worry, no pictures of dead crickets.

YUMMommy says:

Moo went thru a stage where she chewed on shoes. I had to start letting her barefoot pretty much all summer.

Oh my god that entire post made me gag. I feel bile in my throat still. If I barf I’m going to kill you.

Yuck! My son is always putting things in his mouth in hopes that it is food. LOL I catch him (and my 3 year old) licking some not so clean things.

I guess the worst is the penny my almost 3 year old put in her mouth…and swallowed. We got to “find it” later. That was “so fun.” 😛

After reading all the other post on FB, I feel a little better. LOL

I’d never heard of bfing moms licking their kids dirty toys or whatnot to try to pass any immunity. I’m NOT one of them. I’m glad you didn’t lick the toilet.

Oh and my son LOVES chewing on his Sissy’s shoes. I had to put her shoes up off the floor because he insists on chewing on them. :*

{swank}mama says:

OMG Jennifer!! First of all, I’m at work at my desk and I cannot stop laughing. Everyone here, I’m sure, thinks I’m now crazy. Secondly, it can happen to any mom! My Lil J is quite a strange baby and would never really put anything in his mouth other than food that he dropped on the ground {not other people’s food, thankfully} or he’ll bite on my hair. Not as good as a toilet or squirrel poop though…..

Both of my kids have drank the water out of the toilet. My 4 year old still puts everything in her mouth…I’m starting to think she has a problem.

ajira says:

OMG. This is one of your funniest posts ever. Cannot. Stop. Laughing. Whew, chile! Too funny. *wiping tears* I think I’ve got selective amnesia about that sort of stuff. CAn’t keep that ish in my head. Too busy singing lalalalalaalalaala! Looking forward to hearing about your Evo experience. did you hear Me Ra Koh speak?

Oh my goodness! This was too funny and gross, gross-funny. LOL.
You weren’t kidding when you said it gets worse. Poor kiddo.
Don’t have anything as crazy. Right now he eats ALL shoes. If I have him outside, weeds, twigs, leaves, dirt, you name it, it enters his mouth.
A few weeks ago I took a trip on the train for 8 hours and I needed to use the restroom so badly! I finally gave in and went with him, but trust me I held him in my hands while I undid my pants AND peed. After surveying the restroom, there was just no way I could put him down in there.

Cindy says:

My firstborn had a love for ants. We had ants in our first apartment (for just a few days), and he was the first to know. I found out because I found one in his mouth and got right down to killing/preventing them. For a few days, though, I couldn’t keep my little crawler from sneaking over to the back door where they were coming in. Every time I turned my back, he went for the ants! Ew!

Hahahahahahahahaha! Hilarious! I love it. Already filled you in on Britt’s taste of slug, dog food, spider, and pill bug. I’m sure she’s ingested things I don’t even know about. Kids are so crazy-quick. My sister’s son ate deer poo! And he was a dumpster diver too.

melifaif says:

Oh wow!!! Your baby girls mouth gets around….wow!!!!! Dirt, a leaf….that’s about as bad as it got for us. But we were on her like white on rice….she just never had the chance! Lil J is faaaast!!!! Hahahahaha….I am and forever will be Team Jenn. I heart ya.

Erin Marie says:

I was wondering how you’d top the poo, but… you did.

My son has licked the toilet at WALMART. That same lovely part the Lil J did. *shudder*

Also, my husband is in the middle of repairing the back door and hasn’t gotten the framing back up around it, so there’s a gap where you can see the drywall and the yellow foam stuff he used to seal the cracks. My son will stick his face in there and lick/gnaw at it.

He also shares the dog’s food and water.

I think I started from grossest to least gross. 🙂

Cam says:

my son has put our dogs dirty toys in his mouth a few times. he thinks sharing with her is cool. we think it’s disgusting!

Destiny says:

My husband confessed to me the other day that our 14 month old ate a cricket. Apparently once he saw dad coming for him he quickly jammed it in his mouth and swallowed so it couldn’t be taken away. Even more disgusting, one of my daughters once got a hold of one of my used tampon applicators and stuck it in her mouth. I was completely grossed out.

I just…WOW! My girl is 2 and she has yet to put anything too disgusting in her mouth! Thank you! I knew there was a reason I give her to someone else when I go to the bathroom, I never take her in with me. I’d die if she licked some toilet juice. Died.

This post made ma laugh and feel like puking all at once! Lol!

Kay says:

My daughter started going through this phase at 1 years old. She would pick up whatever she sees and put it in her mouth. I take her to the bathroom too so I can keep an eye on her. She see things I don’t see. I hide her shoes, my shoes and make sure the floor are spotless. There is lots more to discover with kids.

Mallory says:

My first has eaten his own poo…pretty gross!!! This post had me in stitches!

I already commented on your facebook, but the gum part reminded me of a story my mother-in-law likes to tell. When her oldest was little they would go to the mall together. They would walk in, and by the time they got past the second set of doors Erinn would always be chewing a piece of gum. Guess where she got it? Yep, from the ash tray thing they have between the doors in malls. NASTY! The toilet seat thing is absolutely disgusting too, I don’t know what I would do if my daughter licked a toilet seat, especially a public one!! EWW!!

Riddlez says:

My firstborn ate horse poop. I was talking to a client and she was toddling around beside us. I look down and she’s noshing on a dried up piece of poop like it was caviar. My client made the most disgusted face while I tried to calmly remove the tasty morsel from her grasp. I tried to make it a bonding moment by asking if he too had kids and he replied, “Yes.” But the normal, I understand your plight comment never came. I don’t think he ever let his kids eat poop.

That was awkward to say the least.

Carrie says:

i never saw it happen (her dad must have been in charge! 😉 )
But I found the toilet plunger out in the middle of the bathroom floor, where clearly our dear firstborn had found it a chewed on it. Thank goodness we rinse our plunger after use! After that, we have been sure to keep plungers and toilet bowls in the closet, away from curious little mouths!

that. is. HILARIOUS.

I love that you are willing to share those stories. so so funny! um credit cards dipped in dirt and kitty litter and cat food are probably the worst ones i got… but squirrel poop? wow. that’s raw. seriously tell that one at her wedding!

OMG!! I had a good laugh and almost a bad gag when I read your post! Babies are always putting stuff in their mouths, especially when they’re teething. I think the poop and the toilet seat take the cake. lol. My little Princess is always putting all kinds of stuff in her mouth too. A couple of months ago I was taking pics with her near some flowers. Later someone actually pointed out that she had something in her month. I looked and realized it was a leaf. She also enjoys eating paper towel and paper. I try to use the pacifier to stop her from putting everything in her month. It helps.

Don’t feel bad it happens to all of us!

Lara says:

laughing so hard, our babies are quick, aren’t they!!

Chantel says:

Squirrel poop and ABC gum are bad, but licking the toilet seat?! EWWWW!!!!

In all honesty, the only gross things my kids have put in their mouths have been a sock hubby took off after work, which grosses me out just thinking about it.

Things that have been up the nose though? That’s a different story.

Rachael says:

This post is awesome. The comments on it are cracking me up too. When I was in high school I went to live with my sister in California for awhile so that I could tend my niece while my sister went to work. This niece of mine loved to eat rocks and chalk. Both pretty nasty in my opinion. If we went out to draw on the sidewalk for every line she drew she would take a bite from the chalk. And for the rocks, she didn’t just do it occasionally, anytime we went outside she’d pick up a rock and start chewing it up. This lasted until she was 2.5. Doctors tested her for pica and it all came back negative. She just liked eating nasty stuff.

Amy says:

Of all the things I’ve yanked out of my kids’ mouths, the worst was definitely a dead stink bug.

The good part was that I got the body of the bug out before he chomped down on it. The bad part was that it was missing most of its legs. *shudder*

And that happened about two minutes after I snagged a dead lady bug out of his mouth. Clearly I needed to get him a snack!

Karen says:

Thank you so much for posting this! I always feel like a bad mom when I go to playgroups, and the other moms are holding their crawling babies and not letting them play with the toys because they’re afraid of germs. I always let my 7-month-old crawl over and play, because I figure I can’t protect him from germs forever, and he’s determined to put everything into his mouth anyway.

All you can do is try your best to keep icky stuff away from them. They’ll usually find a way, though. That’s what immune systems are for!

Oh sweet perspective. I SO needed that. I laughed so hard I think I woke one of the kidlets up. Licking the toilet! If nothing else I suppose you know your helping strengthen her immune system. *gag*

You told the poop-eating story! Awesome. You know you’re a great mom. Sometimes, sh*t just happens. 😉

We need to catch up on the preschool sitch. I might have some good ideas for you– we’ve been lookin’ around/reaching out, too. Not too late.

xox

So great to meet you at EVO. Did you ever get the pictures from me? I need to get them to you.

jack+alli says:

shes going to love these stories when shes older, im sure!
shes sure is a quick little thing!
so far i’ve found dust bunnies in my 9 month olds mouth. i’m sure this is only the beginning!
the whole “breastfeeding moms licking toys” thing has me confused though. i think it’s an extra unnecessary step…? i read that when your baby is sick and nurses he/she passes the germs/sickness to the mothers breast which is then introduced to into her body which in turns builds antibodies to ward the illness off. then it’s consumed by the baby when he/she nurses.

Q+U says:

Oh no! This is gonna make me pass out. I thought Nia licking my flip flops that have been all over the NYC streets was bad, but THAT part of the toilet seat and seeing that other kids have licked it too?! Nuh-uh! I cannot take that! LOL! I’d pass out if Nia did that. WOW! If I catch her with something in her hand about to go to her mouth she looks at me out the corner of her to check my reaction. If I go berserk she moves even faster to get it to her mouth (smirking the entire time) but if I just say, “Thank you!” she’ll hand it over 8x out of 10.

ayopic says:

Thanks for sharing! I was nearly in tears I was laughing so hard… Thankfully my 2-month old isn’t putting stuff in his mouth YET. But I will definitely know not to freak out when he does start – nothing could be worse than licking a public toilet… right? Oh dear.

Faith says:

no, no, no, no! not squirrel poop!

i can’ share now because i have no kids but i am sure i will be sharing one day!

thanks for the laughs! 🙂

kendra says:

Ok toilet seat was bad. I think destiny took the cake though with the used tampon.

kendra says:

Ok toilet seat was bad. I think destiny took the cake though with the used tampon.

You’re right, that one is hard to top! haha.

kendra says:

It didnt post nearly anything I wrote!

Joe says:

Well the nastiest thing my son has ever put in his mouth, is his fingers.
After the fact they were in his butt, digging in it. ?? Thank God he’s never ate his poop or licked a toliet lol.

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Hi! I’m Jennifer Borget

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I'm a former journalist, and lifelong creator striving to make the world a better place. This is the space where I share my journey in making the most of every day by cherishing our individuality and celebrating our differences.



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