A warning letter for my husband
Dear Husband,
First, let me start off by saying how amazing you are. No, I’m not just trying to butter you up because I’m abandoning you with the kids for a few days, I really mean it, you’re awesome. So awesome that I thought I should warn you about a few things before I go.
1. I know you think the kids wake up at 8:30 every morning and are so loud and obnoxious. I’m sorry, I try my best to keep them quiet after you’ve had a pretty long night at work. But know that they actually wake up closer to 7. That’s if they sleep in. Normally I get up with our son around 6 and nurse him back to sleep in the other room until 7, and by then he’s ready to party. 
Around 7:30 is when our daughter senses her brother having all the fun and she comes in wanting to play and declares that she’s STARVING. I make her starve just a little bit longer so you can keep sleeping soundly before we head into the kitchen. We jump on the guest-room bed, cuddle, listen to soft music, or have tickle fights. Ok actually, most time I just hand our daughter my iPhone and hope that our son will nurse a little longer and not catapult off the bed while I try to catch a few extra Zzzzs. After all, I was still up writing a couple hours after you went to bed.
By 8:30 I’ve held my pee as long as I can, so I throw some yogurt puffs in the hallway in hopes that it’ll entertain them long enough for me to relieve myself. That quick break is usually when they make a beeline for the playroom and crash into some loud toy. I know you hear it and groan, wondering why in the world are they up so early ,and making so much noise, but I assure you, they’ve already been awake for hours.
2. Our kids like to eat, a lot.
You know those little squeezable pouches you like to feed Big T? Well, those things equate to about half a jar of baby food. They work great as a snack between meals when we’re out, but know that one of those things aint gonna fill him up at lunch time. He actually eats more than his sister does. And he can eat more than just baby food. Actually he’s probably starting at whatever you’re eating right now wondering why you’re not sharing.
As for our daughter, you know this already but she can be pretty picky. Yes, she’s probably going to ask for 20 different snacks today. No, I don’t give her 20 different snacks. In fact, the doctor says we should probably get her to eat more green vegetables. You got that right? I think now’s the perfect time to implement this important staple in her diet. She may give you a little push-back and tell you she doesn’t like that stuff, but deep down she does. I know you can do it.
PS: She may try to sneak some Easter marshmallows and tell you I let her eat some after she eats three baby carrots. That’s just completely untrue.
3. They also talk a lot. Especially the big one. No, she never stops. I’m using it as an opportunity to teach her to become fluent in Spanish and Chinese. I’d appreciate if you could keep up with those studies.
4. I know it doesn’t always seem like it, but I clean the house about 12 times a day. The house looks spotless most of the day, I just give up right before you get home.
5. If you hear the door alarm beep during the day, someone isn’t breaking in, that’s just our daughter sneaking out the back door to make some kind of play dough experiment on the back porch. No, locking the door won’t help. But if you don’t mind her making a mess, it’ll actually give your ears a break (see number 3).
6. Don’t forget to feed Snoop. I know it’s the first thing you ask me when you get home, but it’s so easy to forget when you keep the dog food bowl up high to keep our son from eating it before Snoop does.
7. Don’t let our son eat the dog food. But if he does, you don’t need to call poison control. They told me it’s not harmful.
8. I’m leaving you with a baby and a preschooler and I expect to come home to the same. In other words, don’t teach our son how to walk. I’m not ready for a toddler.
9. If our son starts walking while I’m away, DON’T TELL ME. I’ve seen him take a few steps but I may cry if he’s cruising around and I missed the whole thing. Let me at least pretend to have witnessed the milestone.
10. No, keeping the kids up later won’t make them sleep in longer the next day. I know you’re going to try it anyway. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
One last thing… If our daughter asks for her octopus at bedtime, and you’re wondering what the heck that is, look for a bundle of mis-matched socks. Don’t ask. If you still can’t find it, grab about 10 black socks from your drawer and bundle them into one, it’ll make her happy.
Again, I really appreciate you taking time off for me to go get pampered, shop and do some Great Smokey Mountain adventures. I’d like to say I owe you one, but I actually think after this, we can call it even.
Love,
Your Wife
Tags: He says she says, he says/ she says, letter to my husband
Perfect!!!
I have not laughed that hard in a long time!!!! I may have to show this to drew the first time I leave him alone with the kids for mor than an hour or two. Have fun!!!
An hour or two? Oh man! But you know I think about 6 or so hours may be the longest he’s had them alone til now. I know he’ll be fine. I’m more worried about how I’ll do away from my babies (and that he may sleep through the morning wake up call).
That is pretty funny. Though, I think I kinda feel like dads are getting a bit of a bum deal in some of it. Hmmmmm…
I’d say most of it. I’m guessing the guy is a bit more involved and intelligent than this list implies.
“The guy” as in men in general or my husband? He’s fantastic. My husband I mean. And he’s involved. But he’s never gotten up in the middle of the night or been alone with them for several days. I have faith he’ll do great, as long as he heeds my advice, and doesn’t slack on the Chinese lessons.
I mean your husband. I’m sure he’s quite capable, but your posts suggests that you think he’s an idiot.
My husband isn’t an idiot. But you might be if you can’t sense my sarcasm and find the humor in my writing.
Say what? Do you mean the continuing of the Mandarin lessons or the implementation of the vegetable rule? Piece of cake. He’s got this.
Girl! Run! You are freeeeeeeeeeeee! This was so funny. Have a great trip
I loved it!!! #4 was my favorite. I’ll have to remember that.
That is so funny! I can’t tell you how many phone calls I have receivedin a day if I have to work on a day that we don’t have daycare/school and my husband has to be in charge of everything. They all manage to survive but don’t always get things done the way I would. Enjoy your trip, you will be all the better for it when you return!
He definitely does things differently than I do. But the kids love the way he does things too. We both have our quirks.
so the problem you really have is loss of control and not having things not done the way you would do them?
that’s a reflection of your shortcomings, not your husband’s
You’re such a good writer- this was fun to read!
“Dear Wife,
First, let me start off by saying how amazing you are. No, I’m not just trying to butter you up because I’m trusting you with the car for a few days, I really mean it, you’re awesome. So awesome that I thought I should condescendingly teach you a few things about basic driving skills before I go, so you don’t wreck the car. You are, after all, a woman…”
Ha. All the things she said in the post is because her husband is not used to staying alone with the kids. Not because he is a man. She didn’t imply men could not take care of the housework or nurture their own children. And that was just a sarcastic post.
Now you just came and went all sexist, and that really sucks, dude. Totally different situations.
Meant to be funny but comes off as condescending. I’m not privy to your personal life and I don’t know how you and your husband interact, but as an outsider this really comes across as you thinking your husband isn’t capable.
I appreciate your comment. I think if you knew me you’d know this is more joking about myself than him. Chinese lessons, clean house? Vegetables? These are NOT things that happen around here (which my regulars are well aware of). Y’all can calm down now.
He’s more than capable. If I didn’t think so I would have hired a nanny and not asked him to take the time off.
OH! You’re trying to be funny… hopefully there’s a part two so we can get to the funny part.
I explained the context for you first-timers in a comment way down. The one with all the numbers. 🙂
Baby Making Mama,
I saw the humor… AND, I can see these guys’ side of it too. There are probably a few of stay at home dads who probably feel the same way when it comes to leaving their kids for a few days, but I think the difference is that as men, we know that putting our wives on blast for “gen. pop.” to see would cause an uncontrollable fight that can’t be solved with a “come on babe, you know I know you’re capable and I was just kidding.”
And then there are the fully capable fathers who whether or not they’re a SAHD or a full time working dad who are just completely over the father stereotype of “just being the guy in the house who goes to work, comes home, grabs a beer, and watches the game, while his wife does all the child rearing.”
That’s the double-edged sword that women have.
With that being said, I don’t think you’re going to going to get #3 accomplished and I hope you have fun on your get-a-way.
Robert
http://www.thescareddad.com
*I don’t think you’re going to get #3 accomplished
Thanks for your comment Robert. I can totally sense the papa bear emotions coming out. I can see how for someone who has never been here before may think this is an “order list” for my husband. He’s a great dad, great hubby. And he knows all this stuff. Honestly I think the hardest part will be waking up with the kids and that’s still hard for me 😉
I appreciate your humorous take on informing your husband about how to care for his own children. While the tone wouldn’t be as condescending or demeaning as yours, I could write a similar letter to my wife if I go away since I’m a SAHD and she’s a hard-working physician. But I wouldn’t think of it. Why not? Because I won’t use my blog to hold my wife or children up for ridicule or mockery. And, I don’t view parenting as a competition where one of us has to be better or right. We both parent in our own unique way. And I’m 100% okay with that. Besides, it irritates me to no end when my wife tries to micromanage me from her office, so there’s no way I’d do that to her if the tables were turned.
What I do before I leave is make sure the kids’ activities are on the calendar and the rest is up to her interpretation. Because guess what? She’s a parent, too! (And my phone stays on for the multitude of texts she ends up sending.)
I hate micromanagers too! If I was trying to micromanage this “letter” would have looked a lot different. He’s got this.
What does it say about a blogger who deletes comments because she doesn’t like what they say, especially when they didn’t insult or attack her personally.
I guess it means she doesn’t have much faith in her position now does it.
I agree with the sentiments of many of the guys here. Even if it’s an attempt at humor, it’s in bad taste to publicly make the father of your children out to look like a bumbling buffoon just so you can get a few laughs. That’s old shtick which is not actually humorous.
My husband is far from a bumbling buffoon. He’s awesome. I’m sure he’s doing an even better job than I do.
Dear women who think this is funny,
It’s not. It’s condescending and may play perfectly in your uber mom pinterest world, but you reap what you sow. If you have such a tight grip on your family unit that if your husband so much as breathes at the wrong pace you flip out, this will happen.
Parenting is a team sport. Dads, for the most part, are grown men perfectly capable of the unconditional love that allows for us to make sure our own children won’t die from malnutrition. But if you control the hell out of your family, and do everything for everyone, why would he ever want to interfere in your Mother of the Year crusade? You’d bark him right the hell back.
Ya, you all think this is cute and funny, but really it’s just a sad commentary on the marriage / family / control you have created. Loosen the leash. Invite your husband to be an equal player in the family, because if you’ve got 2 kids and your man has never spent more than 6 hours alone with them, *you* might be the one doing this wrong – not him.
This in no way is a controlling post. All my first-time readers today need to see my outline in the comments below which highlights the sarcasm behind this post.
I agree though, parenting is a team (we make a great one). And I’d never want to make it seem like he has less of a day with our kids.
No need for me to write a long, elaborate response. Buzz said it all perfectly. I am glad I read this only so I am aware how some continue to publish work intended to belittle and diminish Dads. Humor? If so, it failed miserably. It is far more shocking and offensive. My heart goes out to this Dad who has been mocked and attacked so publicly.
Oh man! I remember the first time I had to stay home with my kids alone for a weekend. It was epic CRA-ZY!!
We woke up in the morning and I cooked breakfast. Then we played pretend for a few hours. Eventually we read a few books, I made a bottle and put my youngest down for his nap. Then my daughter and I cleaned up the living room from all of our pretend time to make room for an art project. The art project was crazy! We made silly monsters by creating individual heads and arms and eyes out of different colors and gluing them together. Afterwords, my daughter was tired enough so i put her down for a nap too. Then I cleaned up the art project and sat down to do some writing.
A few hours later the kids woke up. It was so wacky! I had no idea what I was doing. So I got them dressed, packed the diaper bag, put sunscreen on them and we went to the park. The two of them played and played. At one point they were both on swings and I had to push them both at the same time! I couldn’t for the life of me, figure it out. Then I pushed them both at the same time, and we laughed at how silly I was.
After the park we went home and I cooked dinner. The stove was a little hard to turn on, but then I turned the knob. Wallah! I had the heat I needed to steam vegetables, rice and chicken to make stir fry. They were a little hesitant about the stir fry at first, but when I showed them they could make silly faces out of the veggies they were totally into it.
At bedtime the real comedy started. We got in our pajamas, read books, brushed out teeth and went into their room. I sang Boss DJ by Sublime (my daughter’s favorite) and Somewhere Over the Rainbow (my son’s favorite). My son fell asleep quick, but my daughter needed to go potty. After going potty she went back into her room and laid down.
I took a deep breath and collected myself after the madness that was my day. Then I cleaned up the kitchen, poured myself a whiskey and pepsi and went down to play my video game. A few minutes after getting downstairs I heard tiny footsteps behind me.
“Daddy. Where’s mommy?”
“She’s out of town, remember?”
“Oh yeah. OK. Can you come sing me one more song?”
“Sure. One more, but then you need to stay in your bed.”
“OK.” I paused my game and went upstairs to sing “So It Goes” by Billy Joel.
Afterwards I was excited to get back to my game, but I was even more excited to wake up on Sunday and do it all again. SO WACKY!
Thing is, there is a kernel of funny in here. Number 3 for example. Number 7, however, is an example of everything that is wrong with this type of post. There’s no gentle humor there, it’s simply condescension that any involved father should be upset about.
Wow – marks of a good writer. You’re personal/not so personal, jab at your other half, for the humor of it, is provoking an interesting daddy dialogue. I never thought about the daddy of today perspective, but I’m totally thinking about it now. Very cool.
You and most mothers are in the same boat. But it’s not entirely your fault as my own recent post suggests. The media is brain washing mothers to treat dads as outsiders and second class citizens when it comes to parenting.
Who knew, right? Haha
If he is as bad as you make out then you are both idiots. Parenting should be done together. Equally. If he isn’t as bad as you make out and he is more hands on then you are an idiot for making him look bad just to get a few views and laughs. Either way you are an idiot.
I think my comment may seems a bit harsh now I’ve re-read it. Especially now you have out this post in context with reference to other posts. My concern however is they a post like this in reverse, man writing to his wife, would instantly be deemed sexist and inappropriate. So something is amiss..
Having read through your post twice I can see why Dads might take offense to this “warning letter.” The humor of the post is rooted in the tried and true stereotypical 20th Century bumbling Dad still being depicted by the media far too often. The paradigm has shifted with more men then ever taking on an engaged role as parents. Even if there wasn’t a larger point being made other than a whimsical letter to your significant other, the inherent public nature of a blog leaves the context of a post open to interpretation. This may well be an example of the humor being lost in translation.
Thanks for your comment Vincent.
As an at-home father, I try to remember many things about my job resemble those of an office job. There is a schedule, there are sacrifices, and there are perks. It sucks not having the PTO and the travel junkets. On the other hand, it’s awesome having no dress code and no mind-numbing meetings while missing the family we really want to be with. Certainly, there are aspects of the job that others don’t get or miss the beautiful efficiency of; however, it is important to remember that our sense of irreplaceability is almost always inflated. “The new guy” only struggles for a short time before they begin to have the same feelings we did. I hope you have a great weekend. I’m sure the kids will be fine and I’m sure your husband gets your humor more than some of us other involved fathers.
You make me want to be a better person. Powering snark engine down.
Thanks for your comment Dad on the Run. Neither of us are at-home parents but I can understand the sensitivity some dads find in this post, especially those who are very involved at home and have never read my blog before. I assure you, I’m no super mom and my husband is probably doing a better job than I am. 🙂
Well, I don’t know many super or perfect parents either. Sorry, if the tone of the blog piece was lost on some of us who aren’t regular readers. I see the self-deprecating humor within and I got it, but something still didn’t sit well with me as I imagined myself writing something similar about my wife. All’s well that ends well though, if your husband got it, that’s really all that matters. Anyway, hope the traffic was welcome, if not all the criticism (trust me, I’ve been on the wrong end of that one many times, lol). Have a great trip!
Oh, I get it. Your fridge isn’t big enough for you to stick a note on so you had to post it on the Internet.
Ok I haven’t had a chance to read every mean-spirited comment. Some of you have been sweet in explaining your situations and where you’re coming from and I appreciate that. I promise to respond to you all when I can. But to address those of you who think this was a true how-to for my husband, let me explain the humor in poking fun of myself (not my husband) that is obvious to readers who have been here more than once…
1. Early wakeup call. Ok so I’m usually up with the kids, but I’m not doing anything fantastic with them. I’m giving my daughter my phone, so I can sleep longer and throwing snacks on the floor so I can pee for heavens sakes.
2. Ok so this partially starts off as a joke about the food pouches. It’s true. He likes those things. But from there it takes off into a spiral of jokes against myself as I talk about getting him to feed her vegetables… I don’t do that!! And if you’ve been reading more than a day you’d know my struggle. Also the marshmallow jab… Was that not obvious?
3. Ok Spanish and Chinese… Other than Dora and Ni Hao Kai-Ian this couldn’t be further from the truth.
4. I never… Ok rarely clean.
5. Explaining our mess in the back and a way I sneak a break from my daughter in.
6. I ALWAYS forget to feed the dog.
7. This never happens under his watch.
8. I am coddling my son and don’t want him to grow up.
9. This is obviously for my sake. (See number 8).
10. Ok so this is kinda a jab in his direction but almost every night he comes home our daughter is sprawled out in our bed or by my desk, which I’ve mentioned here in the past.
This was not a to-do list for my husband, but rather a tongue-and-cheek acknowledgement that I’m not perfect.
So while I appreciate the many dads who are sticking up for the sweet man in my life, know that I trust him wholeheartedly. Which is why I canceled the babysitter. He’s got this y’all.
Enjoy your trip. Thanks for replying.
Dear Baby Making Mama,
What you need to understand is this; blog posts stand on their own. Individual blog posts can go viral. Individual blog posts can be reblogged by others. Individual blogs can be written about by blog sites and aggregators. Your post will therefore ALWAYS be judged on its own merits.
I see it now, knowing the back story that this is humour. And it therefore would be good humour if any of us followed your whole story. What we have done is popped up in the middle of Series 4 watching episode 8 and not getting that the self referencing humour that otherwise seems racist, sexist, homophobic, oppressive, etc is tongue in cheek, becasue all of those types of things, on their own cannot stand up to being comedy gold (and people might question whether “there’s gold in them thar hills” anyway).
There were no links to past endeavours of you eating dog food, having a dirty house, nor letting your kids watch Dora and Ni Hao Kai-Ian and now you are left explaining it. Good jokes, I was told by a very great comedy writer once, are those that don’t need to be explained. I miss the mark on this too. I sometimes assume everyone is on my wavelength knowing all that I do. But they don’t.
Your tags were “He says she says, he says/ she says, letter to my husband” but not humour. Recently I wrote a humorous post and it was deemed to be offensive by one reader (a friend of my wife’s) and see wrote a scathing attack on me on my wife’s page until someone else pointed out that the humour tag was in place and it should be read as tongue in cheek. An apology followed, but she then went on to say that she didn’t get that it was a joke. So then, did I fail in my attempt at humour? Not really, because many others got it.
But here’s the thing; people are allowed to be offended by what you write if they choose to take it personally. I wrote about that recently http://modernfatheronline.com/2014/04/01/did-my-april-fools-day-joke-overstep-the-mark/ One person’s comedy is another person’s tragedy. But we can’t always put ourselves in other people’s shoes unless we are educated that other people do in fact wear different shoes to us.
Your reader Maureen wrote;
“Wow – marks of a good writer. You’re personal/not so personal, jab at your other half, for the humor of it, is provoking an interesting daddy dialogue. I never thought about the daddy of today perspective, but I’m totally thinking about it now. Very cool.”
So, consider this your lesson in dealing in the world of parenting and including dads. Be mindful that to us active fathers, we ARE in the minority and we know that, but we are trying to change that. And archaic jokes about how shit dads are, aren’t going to make us laugh no matter what the back story is…
Thanks for your reply Darrell, I can understand some people won’t get it, I just wanted to quickly explain a little back story to those who were knee-jerk offended. My little community of readers knows I’m far from the overbearing, tight-leash, perfect super mom. I’m also (obviously) not a great comedian ha!
I appreciate y’all’s concern for my husband though. It’s great y’all have this supportive community.
Not sure why you are calling me out or replying to me at all. I am not a mother, but I am a follower of this blog. I can get sarcasm. I wrote my comments to encourage this writer and point out that she’s brought out a lot of daddy bloggers, whose blogs- on my own- I would have never thought to read or investigate. You don’t know me and don’t understand my perspective either, so try not assuming so much yourself.
Maureen,
I was supporting you and thanking you actually. I was pleased with the comment you wrote. And even though your reply seems like some anger towards me, I’m ignoring that and still thinking that what you wrote was a fantastic response and I hope that you still investigate those dad bloggers whose stories of parenting are fantastic, just as many of the ones that the mums write are.
(Possibly including this if we didn’t have a pants in a twist).
Top work Maureen. Thumbs up to you.
Loved it! Absolutely hilarious! I actually saw it as making fun of yourself and less about your husband.
Thanks Bianca, that was exactly my point.
Somebody give the dad bloggers a box of tissues.
Someone give Black Hockey Jesus some writing skills. I know sock monkeys with more talent.
But do YOU have more talent and skill than me, Jack?
Link to it.
Help US. Please show us the best you’ve got. MOVE ME, Jack. Show me. Won’t you show me, Jack? Don’t you want to SHOW me what talent and skill is, Jack?
Or do you just want to fuck me?
Only if you promise not to use your teeth again you big strong man.
Do you really want to bring SIZE into this? You already waded out too deep when you brought up skill and talent, big guy. Just leave a link to your skill and talent when you really want to discuss it. Or resort to more flame. Whatever it takes.
he is right, black hockey jesus.. sock monkey has more talent lol. not saying i have any writing talent but the 4 people i linked to your blog agree, and one gave me crap about emailing nonsense at work haha
I see where most of the guys are coming from. But they may be new to your blog. I totally get what your saying. Funny. Btw, my husband also tries to get the kids to go to bed later thinking they’d wake up later too. Haha
Most definitely new to my blog. Otherwise they’d know how hilarious the idea of healthy meals and Chinese lessons are in my house 😉 I just got off the phone with them and they were getting tucked in, so no late bed time tonight.
There’s something about intense, multi-day, sleep-depriving situations that tests the best and worst things in a person, and can bring a community together in surprising ways. People come out of fox-holes and off of deserted islands and out of hostage situations with excuses for therapy, yes, but also with profound and powerful bonds to others who go through the experience with them. And if ever there was an experience that holds you hostage, isolates you on an island (no man is an island, what?!), has you ducking mortar shells (and yet still somehow fits in beautiful quiet moments sitting on laps reading stories about princesses and dump trucks), it’s being the lone parent at home with your kids for days on end. Congrats to you for getting a chance away; even more congrats to your husband for the opportunity to join the family in that singular fox-hole experience, hard as it is. Nothing like common experience to glue people together, kids and adults alike.
Haha, awesome analogy Neal. I just finished FaceTiming with them, they had a great day and everyone was happy. I’m so lucky to have such a supportive husband.
The first time my wife left me for 3+ days, she left a timeline for me of when to pick children up from school, prepared meals in advance and put them in the refrigerator, and put outfits for each child in ziplock bags on the dresser for each day she was gone. However, I can manage okay now. I hope he manages, too.
Wow! Your wife is light years ahead of me when it comes to organization. If my husband can get vegetables in our daughter and dog food out of our son, he’ll be doing way better than I do on a daily basis 😉
I love #4. I once told a friends husband, SAHM usually have a harder time keeping the house clean. He was do puzzled. When I’m home all day with fix mess makers it takes more to keep it picked up, apposed to being gone all day from home no new messes are happening.
Love the list. You spend 24/7 with your kids. You know all the ins and outs of daily life. Dad is at work and misses some of these things. My husband travels and misses some of the routine we have. I would make a list but not because I do it best or perfect but because I am with them the most and to let him know I try all day but sometimes kids get loose, eat ice cream for breakfast and wear pajamas all day.
Too funny. Mandarin lessons. Have a great trip.
WOW!!!! I have been following you for over a year and this was by far your most humorous post. I wish the people that seemed offended would read more of your blog before posting the ugly comments. Laughter does the heart good like a medicine….laugh people, laugh! Enjoy your trip.
I’m a little afraid to ever be funny again.
The “octopus” is everything! Really made me LOL! On a serious note in reference to all the feedback you’ve received, I saw your post title in my feed this a.m. heading to my church’s moms’ group and the topic of leaving the kids with dad actually came up and now hours later I’m coming back to read the post. Surprisingly, most in my group hadn’t left them with dad for more than a few hours or at all. I’m definitely sharing this post with my group and the interesting comments that accompany them. Obviously it’s a sensitive topic both inside and outside the blogosphere.
Wow. The responses to your post are a little overwhelming in their vehemence! The daddy brigade is up in arms, because you dared to make a joke. And you are so right, if they read your posts, they would know that it was written with your tongue firmly in cheek. I find it rather amusing that instead of focusing on real issues, like equal pay for equal work, or extended paternity leave for dads, or fair maternity benefits for mothers, they all choose to jump on you for supposedly making your husband look like a shmuck. Knowing his line of work (mine is in the same line), he is no shmuck. In fact he probably has extensive skill at dealing with people with the mental capacity of a toddler. But it doesn’t mean he knows the schedule you have set up for your kids, or how they will react to situations. He isn’t there. You are. And while I applaud those dads who do stay home, it doesn’t make it ok for them to start coming out of the woodwork to jump all over you, and judging you from ONE blogpost. How would they enjoy it if we observed them on a day when all their kids are sick, or throwing tantrums and nothing gets done, or would we be expected to delve a little deeper and take a larger sampling of what is their reality?
I can’t really give my back story in every post. I had no idea I’d get a thousand dad bloggers on my blog today! Woah there, hey guys! But I want to add one more think about my awesome husband now that people have slowed down with the word flinging… He actually was a stay at home dad with out daughter for about a year. So he’s got mad daddy skills.
And Kiar, YES on the dealing with those with less mental capacity than our kids. I feel so bad for some of the stuff that they deal with. But I think (maybe) it’s helped with patience.
Thanks for your sweet comment mama!
Jennifer, I LOVED this post. It was funny and kind and caring. There was nothing at all negative about this. I loved every word. I’m leaving my kids for nearly a month this summer to do my internship in another state and it’s KILLING me, but I also know it will be awesome. I could not have written such a lovely letter to my husband. Mine probably would come out condescending because I don’t think anyone knows my kids as well as I do. You’ve unspired me to write a funny “warning” letter of my own 🙂
I’m so excited for your summer internship and can’t wait to hear all about it. I know it’ll be so hard but so great in the long run. So thankful for technology. FaceTime made the time apart so much easier.
Dear Baby Makin(g) Mama,
this post was absolutely hilarious – I don’t get how someone could actually miss the humour in it… I have smiled through all of it and could actually ‘hear’ you say all of this as I know what your voice sounds like from your videos.
Now, girl, go and enjoy your little well deserved break!
I love your blogs and I thought this was great! I didn’t realize how many men (without a sense of humor) read your blogs!! Anyway- enjoy your time and obviously you know your kids are on good hands and that’s all that matters! 🙂
This was definitely an out of the ordinary thing. Haha. A popular daddy blogger shared the post 😉
I stumbled upon this post in my facebook feed and was so glad I clicked through. Exactly what I needed to read as I laid here in bed listening to my daughters running around downstairs getting ready for school. Put a knowing smile on my face. I will be reading more.
This is probably the first time Ive ever seen so many men commenting on one of your post. Wow!
Yea someone shared it on a popular daddy blog. This was definitely not normal. HAHA.
I, emphasis on I, know for a fact that MY husband would easily come on here and say there is NO way he could do what I do with the kids. When I have to leave the house, the texts starts because he cant find this or he didn’t know that. Does that mean he is some bumbling fool who cant raise the kids right? No! He and I just have different parenting styles. Does it drive me up the wall? Yes! But at the end of the day, I know he loves our children and they’ll survive through all the mishaps that DO occur when he has to watch them when Im gone. What Ive learned in my household is leaving instructions for my husband makes things easier, so there’s no break in the routine that the kids are accustomed to.
If you read her blogs, you would have known this was NO attempt at bashing her husband or making it seem as though he isn’t capable of caring for their children while she is away.
Sylvia, does your husband not know where things are because he is at work most of the time, working to support you and the kids?
Oh man, this reminds me of when Audrey was a baby and I went back to school. Dillon had the privilege of staying home with her one day a week while I went to the bulk of my classes, starting with producing at 7 AM and ending around 6:30 in the evening. After a few weeks of totally mismatched outfits, barefoot journeys outdoors (it was winter in Provo, for Pete’s sake!), frequently forgetting diapers and formula when they left the house and too many grilled cheese sandwich dinners, he one day lamented how hard it was to get things right. He wondered how I did it (hint: I had to learn, too). He just wasn’t used to doing all that stuff because I’d done it all for the first 3 months of her life. He readily admitted it. Just like if I had to go back to work TODAY after a very-long hiatus, I’d surely be a fish out of water too.
Fact is, in traditional families, Mom does most of (if not all) the kid stuff and Dad does most (if not all) the work stuff. It’s always interesting and often funny when the roles are suddenly switched. At least, it’s the basis for a lot of feel-good comedies!
Perhaps the funniest thing of all was how I had to give up control that one day of the week and learn to stop stressing. So our baby was often seen with bare feet, striped pants and polka dotted tops (before pattern-mixing was cool). So Dillon often had to turn around and go home when Audrey would poop her diaper because he’d forgotten to pack any for the trip. So dinner was another grilled cheese sandwich without any sides. Really, I just had to be thankful he was willing to step in as the primary caregiver on that day and keep our child alive and happy while I was pursuing my degree. I’m sure you feel the same way about your husband when he takes over for you.
I totally see this post as a humorous dig at your own neuroses and not in any way an insult towards your husband. It’s too bad so many others see it differently. Those of us who know you know you mean no ill will toward that great guy of yours!
You’re awesome Jenna. Oh yes. I’ve totally had to learn a lot. And I’m still learning. My husband was home with our daughter for a year, them during his paternity leave with our son. Both times, and during my trip, I’d come home asking what time things were done so we could keep their schedule going. It’s a team effort, but sometimes we take turns playing more offense than defense (or insert other sports analogy that makes sense).
Have a nice day. I am browsing your site and i like this site. I have a website for baby for Turkish mothers. Sorry my english bad. Goodday my friends.
http://www.bebeklerindunyasi.com
At the risk of getting bashed, i didn’t even know there were so many dad bloggers out there. Wowza! Its a real pity that they missed your humour. I hope u noticed that u got lotsa support from your regular readers and won’t let this stop you from posting these kinda posts. Its was super funny and really enjoyed it. Hope u having fun on your vaccy.
Well Mrs. JK some of the dad bloggers have been blogging for ten years or more and we had no idea you existed, so who is the myth or is it miss.
Hell I can’t keep anything straight any more because I am so fershimmeled by that big strong BHJ guy. Oh my.
Thanks so much mrs jk. I’ve forgotten I have a bit of a sarcastic sense of humor since becoming a mom. It was good to let a bit of it out, even if it came with some misinformed haters. I do appreciate the support, and I hope to keep a bit of this around more often (minus the hate mail *wink*)
Hahaha!!! Jennifer, look at all the drama on your blog today girl!! I loved the list. As a friend and regular reader of yours who totally got the humor (and knows how capable your hubby is) and thought it was hilarious – I’d like to point out a couple things. #1) Anyone who thinks you would actually leave a list like this for your husband, clearly knows nothing about you. #2) IF in some crazy alternate universe, this list (or any other list) was actually needed for your husband – then he would deserve to have it posted on the internet. If a dad is “uninvolved” it’s not the wife’s fault (like someone pointed out in the comments… I think it was something about controlling the whole universe?)… but he has a mind of his own and should feel free to jump in there and participate any time… and if he doesn’t – then someone should post a list on the internet to catch his attention. He would deserve it. But in this case, where you are so obviously poking fun at yourself and having some lighthearted fun, I feel like all the dads out there who are offended by this list are giving that old stereotype much more credit than your good humored list does. Keep it up girl – don’t let them stop you. :o)
Wow…..it look like your site just got trolled. I don’t usually comment but I just wanted to let you know I really do love your site. I do not have children yet but I am enjoying the many pointers you and others share weekly on your blog.
you got some type of sponsor that a rival wanted…..that’s why their here.
Hi Jennifer,
I just stumbled upon your blog and read this letter. I think it was well-written, funny and actually pretty darn useful for your husband who might not know the kids’ little daily routine and I think it would’ve been just as funny if this were a husband writing to his wife. I know there are many dad bloggers and stay-at-home dads out there who seemed to have gotten worked up over this letter, but I didn’t see this as an offensive letter at all even without the previous context. Before my niece was born, her father had never even held a baby and I don’t think the lack of child rearing doesn’t mean he’s incapable, just inexperienced. I’m sure there are many different types of households, but from what I could see, you wrote the post based on how your household is run, your perspective. Any sensible person who read your letter should have seen that this is based on your life and not a commentary on the ability of fathers all across the board. Anyway, I love your posts and hope that you’ll post more like these in the future! *p.s. i think it’s totally up to you to delete all the negative comments that are hurtful to you. some of the critical comments can be thought provoking but I think it’s terrible how people do not think before they post.
Eunice,
I’m seeing this SO SO late. But I wanted you to know that your comment really touched me. Thank you. I think reactions like these sometimes keep me from letting the silly side out from time to time, but this reminded me it’s ok!
So thanks again, even though you said this six months ago 🙂
Oh man. Some of these comments are just painful. I don’t think it was the intention of the OP to belittle her husband when she started out the piece with how awesome he is, and several times reaffirmed ‘he’s got this.’ If you got to the mandarin lessons part and didn’t realize its a joke, you are in bad shape. I took it to poke fun at the age old stereotype that dads are bumbling idiots. Clearly its not a real list!