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To Doula or Not to Doula?

“My husband does not want a doula, he wants it to be more of an experience between us, and I honestly don’t really think I need one either. I know they can be very helpful and supportive and help tremendously through labor, but I also know they can be expensive, and not necessary. Not necessary, meaning most women I know survive labor without them, and I think we could too. But I’ve had lots and lots of doulas on Twitter tell me I need one, that it’s worth every penny, and that my birthing experience will surely be way better with one… Actually, I’d be crazy not to hire one.

While appealing, I wasn’t buying it. But, I decided I would at least consider a doula, and do a little research before completely throwing the option out…”

That’s a part of my new post today on Parenting Magazine’s site. Read the rest here! And please share your thoughts with me… Here or there!

I’m still feeling a little overwhelmed and not finding time to update this blog as much as I normally do so I’m posting another link to my new post today on Parenting’s site. Hope you don’t mind. I’m beginning to run behind on giveaways too so I’ll try to get one up tomorrow. More updates soon! Oh, and I finished Spawnie’s mobile. I’ll post about that soon too!

And are any of you going to be at the CIMS (Coalotion for Improving Maternity Services) Conference this weekend? I’m speaking on a panel with some great women! Topic: “Blogging for a Better Birth” Let me know if you’ll be there! Hope to meet some of you!


kathysull99 says:

well….i had 6 babies – all deliveries totally different – my first (4) were ALL-NATURAL…I did it on my own – i took lamaze but really just did the constant blowing….my last (2) were c-sections because of their size….so I really think you can do it on your own – I do suggest learning the lamaze it doesn’t take the pain away – but it gives you something else to concentrate on – and makes it bearable…hugs…mazey 🙂

Cindy says:

I could write for an hour and never get to the end of everything you made me think in your short post. Long story short, if you’re like me and you’d rather crawl in a corner and be alone to work through your own issues (pain or otherwise), don’t hire a doula. You’ll just want to kill her half-way through the birth. I don’t know this from experience, but I know myself!

Also, I’ve done 2 “naturally”, and one c-section. I hope to do my 3rd by VBAC with no meds. I don’t have a clue what an epidural is like during a vaginal birth, IOW. I prefer to have the pain and get it over with. I look at it as a challenge and an adventure. Weird, I know.

That said, giving birth does hurt! Don’t let the “natural” nazis, er, mamas tell you otherwise! But don’t let that scare you, either. It hurts, but it is endurable, thank God!

MsBabyPlan says:

I wish I could be there, I am missing out a lot before most of these conferences are held in America. I hope you will write a report about it for us who don’t live in America. Have a good day.

Neatha says:

I had a doula. I was wanting to have a completely natural birth….no meds or anything. If I had of just been my mom and boyfriend I would have never done it. But because of my doula I had one small shot that lasted 45 minutes because I was getting to tired from how fast my labor progressed. No regrets and I would do it again….the doula part….it was also effective birth control no more babies for several years.

Devri says:

I am like Cindy, I could overtake your little post on this issue. I had a doula.ONCE. period out of the 7 births, all natural but one. My doula bugged the poop out of me. Oh some people like that, but me nope. I am not the type of person who likes that though, in my opionon your husband can do the same thing only better! I have had 6 births by a doctor, and I did it naturally all but one. Naturally is a mental state, i think, If you want to feel acomplished, if you want your baby to be more alert, if you brave the pain. natural is for you. Honestly, the only reason I did them naturally, with my first child I had a epi, and I itched so bad, my face, my nose, and quite frankly I didn’t even ejoy her birth because I was itching so badly. So from then on I chose to deal with the pain. you can do it, you will not die from it. But I am not against the epi not one bit. I say, go in with open eyes. know that it is going to hurt like you have never felt before, you will feel like you can’t do it. and just when you feel like that, it will almost be over. Go in with your mind open too, know that having a epi is ok, and if you can’t do it, so what!!! You don’t get any sort of prize for doing it natural, your baby will come out a beauty whether you have one or not. whoa… ok I will stop with my two cents
sorry for my post of a comment

Dimes2Vines says:

I have had 10 children – 3 c-sect and the rest natural without meds. It does hurt but well worth the effort b/c once it is over you forget about the pain.
I’m following from Fr Follow and hope you are having a great week!

Trish says:

Ive heard the exact same as your one poster posted about doulas, that they are really pushy and can ruin the birthing experience for the mother and father. Again, no personal experience. Im going on my 3rd csection. My first baby I had 36 hours of labor, then it ended in csection, it was best for the baby and we are all about that.

I personally dont feel the need for a doula, I feel its a family experience and would only make your bond with your husband that much stronger to figure it all out together and get through the tough times of birth together.
Just my opinion!

My doula was just a friend of the family and really she was there just to support my husband while he supported me. You would be surprised how quickly he will run out of hands with all he will need to do for you. That being said, she was there with the understanding that if we asked her to leave, she would.

I highly recommend getting a copy of The Assistant Coach’s manual:
http://www.amazon.com/Assistant-Coachs-Manual-Hathaway-Sherman/dp/0931560039/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1267151794&sr=8-1

It is full of great info for anyone you might have to support you during the birth (dad, you parents or inlaws, siblings, friend, professional doula or whatever.)

Michelle says:

I am going to go against the pack and say yes you need a doula and yes it is worth every penny!

I didn’t with my first. Hubby and I felt similar to you that it should be our special moment and we didn’t need outside help.

I have heard so many stories of how amazing and helpful a doula can be, especially if you are going for a natural delivery. Of course some doulas could make me crazy. I would not hire one unless I was more than 100% sure we clicked!

Haha nice title 🙂 when I saw it on your post I thought it was a link to the “To Doula or Not to Doula?” post I did last week.

Hi, completely unrelated to your post, but there is a blog that is stealing posts from other bloggers, including yours. One of my friends has had 52 posts stolen from heer and rreposted to this other site.

Here is the URL so you can see for yourself. You should contact the hoster for that blog and tell them that your posts are being plagiarized. http://motherlovebaby.com/

Natalie says:

wish i could go to that conference! good luck!

Kathryn says:

A lady I used to babysit for had a doula and she could not say enough good things about it. I would love to have one, but there is no way I can afford it. It’s not that I don’t think my husband will be good, it’s more like I know my personality and how nervous I am about the birth, and I think it would be great to have someone knowledgeable there. Don’t let people talk you into something you don’t want to do, do what you think is best for you and your family! 🙂

Ame says:

It’s a fallacy to think that Doulas are not cost effective – they actually save you money, even if you have the best insurance. The Get Babied Doula Collective (http://www.getbabied.com/about-doulas/doula-benefits)has a break down of costs of procedures with or without a doula broken down into different types of insurance plans. So if it’s money that’s the reason for not choosing to have a doula, put that myth to rest! If it’s personality style or pushiness or natural birth nazi-ism, I recommend shopping around to find the right doula, the above mentioned collective has a doula that does primarily hospital medicated deliveries so it doesn’t have to be a hippy chick. And research also indicates that husbands actually have a better experience with a doula in the room. Cheers to all!

I had a midwives for both pregnancies, best decision. I also had two epidurals…..wouldn’t change a thing!

I found you through Friday Follow – visiting from Moms Own Words. Stop by soon! Have a great weekend!

Kristi

Team Peeps says:

I agree with the person who said go in to this with an open mind. I didn’t have a doula and my husband did just fine. Honestly the whole thing went very quickly and not at all like I had expected. You simply can’t plan for everything. I had pain meds and still felt a lot of pain so I don’t even want to imagine what it would of been like with out any (by the way pain meds or not you will still feel the baby crowning). I say if you and your husband BOTH aren’t completely on board with a doula then go a different route. This is an experience both of you should share.

HD says:

Sigh. This makes me feel so envious of women. You guys get to have nine months with just you and the baby. That’s something us guys could never have. Wish they’d include expectant fathers more in the waiting period. So envious!
Anyways, come check out my blog if you’d like at hannington-hd.blogspot.com

TuTu's Bliss says:

If you get a great nurse you don’t need a doula. I was so worried about finding the perfect doctor that Nurse Hatchet snuck up on me. She was a mess and it never occured to me to show her the door. I spent more time with my nurses than my doctor during labor. Baby #2 I had a dream nurse and it was a wonderful event free VBAC!

Team Peeps says:

I agree with the person who said go in to this with an open mind. I didn’t have a doula and my husband did just fine. Honestly the whole thing went very quickly and not at all like I had expected. You simply can’t plan for everything. I had pain meds and still felt a lot of pain so I don’t even want to imagine what it would of been like with out any (by the way pain meds or not you will still feel the baby crowning). I say if you and your husband BOTH aren’t completely on board with a doula then go a different route. This is an experience both of you should share.

Kathryn says:

A lady I used to babysit for had a doula and she could not say enough good things about it. I would love to have one, but there is no way I can afford it. It’s not that I don’t think my husband will be good, it’s more like I know my personality and how nervous I am about the birth, and I think it would be great to have someone knowledgeable there. Don’t let people talk you into something you don’t want to do, do what you think is best for you and your family! 🙂

Haha nice title 🙂 when I saw it on your post I thought it was a link to the “To Doula or Not to Doula?” post I did last week.

Trish says:

Ive heard the exact same as your one poster posted about doulas, that they are really pushy and can ruin the birthing experience for the mother and father. Again, no personal experience. Im going on my 3rd csection. My first baby I had 36 hours of labor, then it ended in csection, it was best for the baby and we are all about that.

I personally dont feel the need for a doula, I feel its a family experience and would only make your bond with your husband that much stronger to figure it all out together and get through the tough times of birth together.
Just my opinion!

MsBabyPlan says:

I wish I could be there, I am missing out a lot before most of these conferences are held in America. I hope you will write a report about it for us who don’t live in America. Have a good day.

Neatha says:

I had a doula. I was wanting to have a completely natural birth….no meds or anything. If I had of just been my mom and boyfriend I would have never done it. But because of my doula I had one small shot that lasted 45 minutes because I was getting to tired from how fast my labor progressed. No regrets and I would do it again….the doula part….it was also effective birth control no more babies for several years.

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Hi! I’m Jennifer Borget

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I'm a former journalist, and lifelong creator striving to make the world a better place. This is the space where I share my journey in making the most of every day by cherishing our individuality and celebrating our differences.



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