They Say it Takes a Village: Where Would I Be Without My Tribe?


The women who inspire me on a daily basis, help me when I’m in a bind, respond to my texts at the wee hours, and let me drop in for a playdate or weekend getaway… These women are my Mom Tribe. It’s so easy to name them, but it’s not easy to get them all together in the same place at the same time.

Some of my tribe is just down the road while others are across the country. But no matter the distance, it’s important to make the time to reach out and reconnect.

merci Chocolates offers a collection of is fine European chocolates. With a name that literally means ‘thank you,’ merci and is a delicious, thoughtful way to say thank you to a friend you’ve lost touch with, haven’t seen in a while, or needs a reminder of how much they mean to you.

Brittani and Ami are close friends in distance and in heart. We actually live in the same town. Brittani watched my kids when I was working full-time at the news station and I have the absolute sweetest photos of her rocking Big T to sleep in the baby carrier. We’ve watched each other’s babies grow up and navigated all the paranoia motherhood brings together. Our husbands also work together and it’s priceless having some friends to vent to about a tough career not many people understand. I’ve always admired how neat and clean she manages to keep her house, but she’s never made me feel bad for my cluster of a home. We have tons of fun whether we’re out for a girl’s night or just chilling on the couch talking about The Bachelor.

Ami and I met at an informal homeschooling meeting two years ago when I decided to jump right into this new endeavor. I’ve always admired her passion for important issues, her family and her creativity. It can be really, really difficult learning how to handle homeschool and feeling like you aren’t doing it right. She’s constantly reminding me there’s no right and wrong and that the possibilities are endless. We also totally vibe when it comes to books and dreaming and whether she realizes it or not, she’s always inspiring me to be the best version of myself.

You don’t have to be a mom to be a part of my mom tribe. Christina and I hit it off while working at a news station together oh, six or seven years ago. There’s no question that Disney played a big part in our friendship. So much so that last year started planning a girls getaway at Walt Disney World. The idea was to go without my kids and ride all the coasters and see all the shows they hate. Little did I know I’d be adding one more to our brood. I thought about canceling but Christina suggested we still go and said we could make it a chill trip. I didn’t realize Disney could be done in chill mode, but it can, and it was marvelous.

From spa days to fancy dinners, sleeping in, and going at a preggo pace, it was a delightful girls getaway and I’m so glad we did that.

Maybelline and I met in college at Black Student Union. We immediately clicked. I gravitated to her uplifting positive spirit. Though she’s across the country I can still see her light shining through every picture, status update, or video message she sends. When I think of #momgoals or #womangoals, I think of her. She encompasses so many qualities of a person I aspire to be. Her children are woke, she’s raising them to be strong spiritual little beings, and she gives relentlessly. I love how open and vocal she is about her beliefs and how she’s not afraid to stand her truth, even if it’s contrary to popular opinion. And when my daughter and I decided to take a homeschool trip to Washington D.C. she didn’t hesitate to open up her home as a cozy hotel.

How amazing is technology where we can become friends with people who otherwise would have been strangers our entire lives? If it weren’t for blogging I likely never would have met Vanessa, one of my best friends and a huge piece of my mom tribe. Our friendship started online but evolved to include trips to visit with each other and our kids have become friends as well. She’s often the first person I tell about a new big idea or dream and she supports me and all of my crazy ideas. She listens to my rants and keeps me grounded. Everyone needs a friend like that.

My friend Emily is another friend I met on Twitter when we were pregnant with our oldest daughters. That was eight years ago! It seems like I’ve witnessed her go through several moves through the years, and I probably have. Her husband is in the Navy. Sadly only one trip brought her close to us, but it was a short stint in Texas and we missed our change to meet up. So no photo together. I’m putting it on my dream board though so I know it’ll happen. I live for our late night texting and Marco Polo chats. I’m sure sometimes I annoy her with my rambling but she hasn’t told me to shut up yet and I love her for that.

Finally, a cornerstone of my mom tribe is my own mom and sisters. My kids absolutely believe they have the best aunts and if given the option of going to Granny’s house or doing anything else they will almost always choose Granny’s. I feel so blessed to have family close by who are always willing to help and to offer a couch to crash on while my kids run wild when I just can’t make it through the day.

I could go on and on with half a dozen more friends and other women who probably don’t even know I secretly adore them. The truth is while writing this I’ve been asking myself if these women even realize how much they mean to me. Probably not, because I don’t tell them. I say thank you, and give hugs and my cup is so full after a chat with any or all of them. But I need to make sure I let the special people in my life really know how important they are to me. Whether it’s a simple text, a quick message, a thank-you card or box of chocolates, it’s important to be deliberate about expressing our gratitude to the ones who make up our tribe.

People ask me how I do it all and the answer is  I don’t. I have so many different people I can count on when I need support. They say it takes a village to raise a family. It takes a tribe to raise a mom. I’m so glad I have mine.

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  1. So I’ve recently started following desu mama. I had read some of her blogs a year ago while desperately looking for hair advice for my biracial girls, but it was a piece she wrote titled “She come undone…”, which I recently discovered, that brought me to tears and made me feel connected and thankful for a woman I’ve never even met. I had just finished rereading that post for the umteenth time, when I had the sudden urge to check out
    Cherish365. I was thinking about the differences and similarities in your bligs and began began wondering if you and Vanessa were to meet, if your personalities as I perceive them would mesh (my thoughts are so random lol)….And concluded No…?

    Imagine my very pleasant surprise, as the first post I click on your blog, after leaving hers, features an image of the two of you together!

    I’ve always thought of God as being a bit of a prankster, leading us to these funny little aha moments that make us wonder, what are the chances? And what is He trying to show/tell me with this? Somehow, as I’ve been in great despair lately, dealing with the loneliness, anger, and sence of futility battling for my children’s security in an almost completely white setting and turning to your blogs today in search of some sort of hope, I think my heavenly Prankster was sending me a signal that there are others experiencing my plight and He will find a way to unite us in our common goal for equality, truth and justice.

    I hope someday to form my own empowering mom tribe. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Hi Nat, I’m so sorry this comment to me so long to reply to I was traveling. You have no idea how much it warmed my heart. I sent it to Vanessa right away and she also smiled about it! I think that is SO funny that you wondered if our personalities would mesh. It’s funny because she and I are SO SO different. I’m very whimsical and sporadic and fly off the hinges at times. She is the more serious one, very good at planning and doing things diligently and “the right way.” Somehow our friendship works though, and I’m so thankful for that. Our kids love each other, and we actually did a family cruise together last year. Fun right?!

      I’m so sorry for the despair and loneliness you’ve been going through lately, this journey it’s not easy. I can’t describe how happy I am to read that seeing this may have given you a little bit of a glimmer of hope for our futures. I have LOTS of hope! haha, but I bet you could guess that.

      Look for your tribe! You may start to find them in places you didn’t expect. Keep in touch. I will try not to take so long to reply next time! XOXO

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