Ok maybe I’m being a little mellow dramatic. Did I say next week in my previous post? My bad! Cause I meant this Saturday!! I’m going on a cruise with my husband. We’re going to the Caribbean. I’ve been looking forward to this for years! It’s a 7 night cruise. The reason I say it could change my life is because I think this could be a determining moment where I decide whether I’m loving the life without kids and want to travel and focus on my career for a little longer… Or that I love seeing all the cute families together on the ship and yearn for that “family completeness.”

I’ve completed my shopping, including a different bikini (oh scandalous I know, but might as well enjoy my hot body while it lasts) for each day, and a nice dress for dinner each night. Saying I’m excited would be an understatement. My bags are already packed and I am so ready for this, I’m just really interested in knowing how I’ll feel about a family when I come back.

Right now I’m really in a complacent mood. I’m feeling “what’s the rush?” I mean really, I’ve met a lot of great women who waited until they were in their 30s to start having children and their kids are healthy, and they have more time to spend with them. Lord knows I’ve had my money struggles, but most of all I want to have the time to spend with my kids and sometimes time = money. And for the record, I love my career but not enough to put in before my family. I know I’ll never have “enough money” either but it’s not about career or money as much as it is about me feeling young and not quite mentally stable ready (which you may be grasping from some of my earlier posts).

But we’ll see what happens. I really don’t feel compelled one way or another right now. I still love browsing through the baby section but I don’t feel the urge I normally feel. I just feel… Fine.

I’m finding it’s really nice being able to express my feelings about the matter here. Being open and honest about it has really given me a chance to stop and think things through.

I’m excited for this trip, and I’m excited to see how I feel about this whole child situation when I get back!