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The Stress

I have a sick feeling in my stomach… And NO, it’s not that. I’m not feeling my normal, chipper, optimistic self. It’s like I’m at a crossroads, but there’s like 12 different ways I could go… And my head feels like it could EXPLODE if I think of them all. Career, family, life… Everything is spinning.

I hate being a girl… That’s what I blame my emotional swings on… The fact that I’m a woman. I swear today I woke up in the WORST mood. Then I eventually got better and got over whatever was making me mad. I was really happy, then I got mad again. Hormones–I hate you! go away! …And take Aunt Flow with you!

I just feel so confused right now. I don’t understand how I can have so much of my life “planned” and in order but still feel so completely all over the place! I hate it!

I feel like the things that define me now… Aren’t exactly how I want to be defined. I use to be so ambitious and want to conquer… Everything and lately I’m feeling contempt, and kind of boring… Or the things I do want to achieve I don’t feel like I can. But I don’t want to be boring. I hate boring!

I’m usually the kind of woman that sees the glass half-full, I’m optimistic, and feel like it CAN be done… But right now I feel like I can’t do ANYTHING. I can’t achieve my goals… I can’t make new ones, I can’t get anything done, and I feel like I’m in over my head with the simplest of tasks… And I don’t even have to take care of anyone but myself…

A year ago if you asked me where I wanted to be a year from then I would have said working in a bigger city and making more money. Last week I would have said I wanted to start [expanding] our family… Today, I’m just not sure. I HATE going back and forth, I feel silly, but I feel like I shouldn’t be so confused.

I don’t get it. I feel like I’ve been doing better on the spiritual side of things, and now this? My only guess is that the Adversary wants to work harder to bring me down. I know God won’t give me anything I can’t handle, but sometimes I think He pushes my limits.

A really hot guy once told me “You’re too blessed to be stressed” and I try to remember that… But it’s not always easy.

I wish I could be one of those people who just lives life as it goes, seeing where life takes them, not worrying about where they land. I’m kind of too much of a control freak. I like to know what’s going on, where I’ll be next week, next month, next year. And I like to plan accordingly.

I hate encountering this side of myself, it makes me feel pathetic.


Sarah says:

Oh my gosh you sound just like me a few days ago! I was contemplating what my goals are and when I would like to have a baby. At first my thought was well if we were going to start trying I want to be at least 25 and I want my hubby to be 25 also (he’s 2.5 months younger than I am). I also thought I didn’t want to be prego during the summer b/c we live in GA and it’s hot here! But my hubby’s birthday is in June so it would be a summer/fall baby if all went as planned. THEN I started thinking about paying off the cars because that’s our only debt right now and I started freaking out about that because I didn’t think we could pay them off before my goal because my husband wanted to start saving all this money and investing and we had already agreed that my income would go to pay for all that since I just started working at my new job in June. I am also going to go to Pharmacy school hopefully Fall 2010 and it would be online…so I don’t want to have a baby while I’m in school b/c the pharmacists I work with are scaring me and telling me how hard school was! But I also realized that I have my BS in Biology and that if I could do that while working 30hrs a week and do well then I could have a baby and do well… (This is a novel!). Basically I just have to figure out what I want and make it work for me! I can tell you right now that I am scared to death about having a baby and going to school and I don’t really want to do it but at the same time I think if we did, that Heavenly Father wouldn’t let me fail and I wouldn’t let myself fail. The other thing that worries me is doing my clinical rotations because that means I have to work to get my pharmacy license! So that means I would be in school, have to work, and have a baby REALLY SCARY!!! So I’m still thinking about it but I might decide to turn my machine on next year…if I don’t chicken out.

Just remember that you aren’t in this alone you have your hubby, friends, church members, us online folks, and most importantly Heavenly Father and Jesus! HF is definitely looking out for us and rooting for us to succeed!

Emily says:

Don’t beat yourself up. Having a baby is a life-altering decision and it’s NORMAL to feel conflicted about what you want. I certainly understand the back and forth feeling in the career vs baby debate. I love teaching and love my students, but I also want to be a mom…a stay at home mom…more than I want to be a teacher. But then other days I think, why? What’s the rush?

I just have to remind myself that it’s normal to have these conflicted feelings or to feel stressed out. I just cannot let these feelings control me. I know that God has a plan laid out for my life and I need to trust it.

Sarah says:

Seriously, times like this are important times to remember what you DO have in comparison to others. Times are so hard right now for so many people. Keep perspective, take a bath, breath, and it will pass.

Ellie. says:

I’m right there with you sister!

I used to be so confident in myself and in making decisions, but as I’ve experienced life, I learned that perhaps the decisions I made weren’t the best. I wonder if maybe I decided to do certain things because that’s what someone else wanted me or expected me to do, rather then doing them because *I* wanted to.

I hate going back-and-forth too. I’m starting to feel more and more bi-polar with each decision that I end up changing my mind about…lol.

For instance, I went to college for 2 years to become a network administrator (thanks to my mother’s advice). It was only after I graduated that I discovered, that while I love techy stuff, I hate actually having to work on and fix them!

Later, I enrolled in an online college to become a medical transcriptionist and I discovered that the online method of learning is definitely not for me. In the end, I withdrawaled from the school, but am still responsible for paying back the $5.5k I owe them.

All of this hassle and frustration because I cannot figure out what the heck I want to do with my life. I’m 27 years old! I should be firmly planted in a career and own my white picket fenced-in home with 2 and 1/2 kids. (Statistically…haha)

I decided on yet another plan and I’m stopping to wonder if maybe I’m just being unrealistic and that it, too, will just be a waste of time (and money!)

I’m definitely thinking about my desires and decisions on a much more deeper level to avoid making the same mistake again. But that fear will probably always remain; that I’m making a bad choice. Overall, it makes me feel like a failure.

I sort of know what you’re going through though. Stay positive and don’t beat yourself up over it. These life altering decisions, especially ones like expanding a family, require a lot of thought and self reflection! Eventually, you’re answer will shine through and you’ll know in your heart exactly what you want and what you need to do.

I completely feel where you are coming from with being back and forth about what to do, but I also 100% agree that the Lord will not give us more then we can handle…He may push us right to the edge some times, but He won’t push us over the edge. *hugs* it’ll work out.

Ill tell you what I tell myself. That’s life. If it were perfect, youd already be in paradise. What youre going through is normal. Its probably a period of growth. You had your goals set. Maybe met some, maybe outgrew some, maybe lost interest in some. We’re constantly evolving into new people and it doesnt always feel good. I havev no remedy for how to get over it. Just allow yourself to be in it and know that its ok and it will pass.

Kimberly says:

I so need to plan too, and life just doesn’t play along!

Toni says:

*hug*

God is with you and maybe its time to readjust things a bit and put more control in His hands for a time. Let him lead you down this path. Maybe you’ll enjoy things differently if youre in the passanger seat rather than the drivers. The passanger definitly gets to see more of the scenary. 🙂

I can’t imagine not going through what you’re feeling now. It was like this both times we were planning for a baby.

I believe my emotions rose up to point me in a direction, to show me where I might want/need to focus to really be ready to parent, so I could work some things out before my kids were born.

I agree with Toni and think that maybe this control that you’ve been holding, is part of what you need to look at before your baby(ies) are born. God’s always waiting for us to see, but we do get clues along the way if we’re paying attention.
((hugs))

Mom of Three says:

Sometimes it can be really overwhelming when you really own your responsibility.

Give yourself a little break from your plan. Everytime your doubts attack you, remind them that you are on vacation from them. It’s amazing what a day or two will do. And those doubts will probably seem a lot smaller when you’re ready to take them on again.

You’re right, the adversary’s greatest weapon against us is our own fear.

sweatheart we all have days like this. don’t worry that you are feeling like this and the only person you have to take care of right now is you, because even when you have babies you will have days like this and you will get through those hard times too. sometimes you think you cannot be stretched any further than you are but when you look back you learn you weren’t being pulled very far at all! good luck.

Emmy says:

You are completely normal. And yes Satan doesn’t want you to be in a happy good place, he will work hard to bring you down.
Whenever I get an answer to a prayer I try and write about it as I often will start to wonder is this right, I don’t know… so then I can go back and read my journal and say “okay, see I was given the answer, stop being so stupid”.
It is hard to trust and just turn it over. It wasn’t until my life got the hardest and everything was turned upside down that I really learned to do this. So hopefully you can just learn it on your own but it isn’t easy.
Things will be great! *HUGS*

Mallory says:

I think you have a point with the whole adversary out to get you idea. Satan knows that you are planning on starting your family very, very soon. And he doesn’t want that. President Bednar gave a CES talk called “Things as they really are” that I just read recently. It talks about how our bodies are so sacred, and that is what Satan tries to use against us. If you are going to be using your body for procreation (to give other spirits their own body) then Satan isn’t going to be happy. He is going to try to make you feel unsure about it all.

tori says:

All I can say is hormones suck!
thanks for visiting my blog! Happy Saturday Sharefest to you too!
Have a great weekend!

{Katie Lane} says:

I’ve been there. It gets better. I do love that quote “You’re too blessed to be stressed”. I’ll have to write that down. Good luck girl!!

Star Forbis says:

Cute Blog you got here. Thanks for stopping by my Blog today. Loved the comment. And Happy Sits Saturday Sharefest to you too.

Sevibabyyy says:

It’s honestly a rut that everyone has been through at least once or twice in their lives. I see myself as the happy go lucky, free spirited, and just along for the ride lady; but in all honesty, I still have those times when I’m just mad at the world and lost in the direction I should be going. I really hope you find your way and your heart tells you whats right. It’s always best to write about it instead of keeping it all in. Oh and it does such being a girl sometimes (then I look at my boobs and remember how much I love having them)!

Mommy Bee says:

I don’t understand how I can have so much of my life “planned” and in order but still feel so completely all over the place! I hate it!

I know what you mean about liking to have everything planned, organized, and under control. I am like that too. I’ve had to learn though that in the world of babies (conception, pregnancy, labor/delivery, and–yes–raising kids) a certain amount of ‘letting go’ is required. I’m sure you discovered when you married that you had to give up a little of your control in order to share a life with another person…having/raising kids is like that too, only moreso because they have more needs and fewer abilities to do things themselves (at least early on!) The woman who surrenders to labor delivers faster than the woman who tries to stay in control of it (or of herself).
Our definitions of ourselves have to keep changing, otherwise we’d be a bunch of boring clones, don’t you think?!
I guess what I’m getting at is that this is just the tip of the iceburg. Welcome to parenthood. 🙂

Goldibug says:

You’re not the only one. I go through this every couple of months. I’m real good at getting depressed if I don’t get out and have fun every now and again. Maybe you just need a fabulous break. Do something you know you’re going to enjoy and kick back!

Becky says:

I hear ya! 🙂

Just came over to wish you good luck on your procreation vacation, but looks like the jury is still out on that one? Here is my sage-had-a-baby-by-accident-but-still-alive advice. You can always be more ready and there will always be more you want to do before you have a baby. If your heart is ready and your relationship is ready then the rest will probably fall into place. And, seriously, I can’t imagine you are the kind of person who will wake up one day and say that you wish you had something else more than your baby. You just don’t strike me that way. So, if you decide to go ahead with it, feel content in your feelings of dread, everyone gets them once the egg is implanted. Good luck!

Eclipsed says:

Sometimes when we feel like that we’re able to finally decide what we want just because we hate the not knowing. Sometimes we need to stop expecting life to look like what we thought it would.

Joy says:

I LOVE that! “Too blessed to be stressed.” I’ll have to remember that on my bad days.

We women carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. But we wouldn’t be given the stresses if we couldn’t handle it. Keep your faith in yourself along with God and you will do just fine.

Alanna says:

Hang in there, girl…I’ve been feeling like this a lot lately too. It will pass – things will get better again!!!

Sevibabyyy says:

It’s honestly a rut that everyone has been through at least once or twice in their lives. I see myself as the happy go lucky, free spirited, and just along for the ride lady; but in all honesty, I still have those times when I’m just mad at the world and lost in the direction I should be going. I really hope you find your way and your heart tells you whats right. It’s always best to write about it instead of keeping it all in. Oh and it does such being a girl sometimes (then I look at my boobs and remember how much I love having them)!

Star Forbis says:

Cute Blog you got here. Thanks for stopping by my Blog today. Loved the comment. And Happy Sits Saturday Sharefest to you too.

Ellie. says:

I’m right there with you sister!

I used to be so confident in myself and in making decisions, but as I’ve experienced life, I learned that perhaps the decisions I made weren’t the best. I wonder if maybe I decided to do certain things because that’s what someone else wanted me or expected me to do, rather then doing them because *I* wanted to.

I hate going back-and-forth too. I’m starting to feel more and more bi-polar with each decision that I end up changing my mind about…lol.

For instance, I went to college for 2 years to become a network administrator (thanks to my mother’s advice). It was only after I graduated that I discovered, that while I love techy stuff, I hate actually having to work on and fix them!

Later, I enrolled in an online college to become a medical transcriptionist and I discovered that the online method of learning is definitely not for me. In the end, I withdrawaled from the school, but am still responsible for paying back the $5.5k I owe them.

All of this hassle and frustration because I cannot figure out what the heck I want to do with my life. I’m 27 years old! I should be firmly planted in a career and own my white picket fenced-in home with 2 and 1/2 kids. (Statistically…haha)

I decided on yet another plan and I’m stopping to wonder if maybe I’m just being unrealistic and that it, too, will just be a waste of time (and money!)

I’m definitely thinking about my desires and decisions on a much more deeper level to avoid making the same mistake again. But that fear will probably always remain; that I’m making a bad choice. Overall, it makes me feel like a failure.

I sort of know what you’re going through though. Stay positive and don’t beat yourself up over it. These life altering decisions, especially ones like expanding a family, require a lot of thought and self reflection! Eventually, you’re answer will shine through and you’ll know in your heart exactly what you want and what you need to do.

Sarah says:

Oh my gosh you sound just like me a few days ago! I was contemplating what my goals are and when I would like to have a baby. At first my thought was well if we were going to start trying I want to be at least 25 and I want my hubby to be 25 also (he’s 2.5 months younger than I am). I also thought I didn’t want to be prego during the summer b/c we live in GA and it’s hot here! But my hubby’s birthday is in June so it would be a summer/fall baby if all went as planned. THEN I started thinking about paying off the cars because that’s our only debt right now and I started freaking out about that because I didn’t think we could pay them off before my goal because my husband wanted to start saving all this money and investing and we had already agreed that my income would go to pay for all that since I just started working at my new job in June. I am also going to go to Pharmacy school hopefully Fall 2010 and it would be online…so I don’t want to have a baby while I’m in school b/c the pharmacists I work with are scaring me and telling me how hard school was! But I also realized that I have my BS in Biology and that if I could do that while working 30hrs a week and do well then I could have a baby and do well… (This is a novel!). Basically I just have to figure out what I want and make it work for me! I can tell you right now that I am scared to death about having a baby and going to school and I don’t really want to do it but at the same time I think if we did, that Heavenly Father wouldn’t let me fail and I wouldn’t let myself fail. The other thing that worries me is doing my clinical rotations because that means I have to work to get my pharmacy license! So that means I would be in school, have to work, and have a baby REALLY SCARY!!! So I’m still thinking about it but I might decide to turn my machine on next year…if I don’t chicken out.

Just remember that you aren’t in this alone you have your hubby, friends, church members, us online folks, and most importantly Heavenly Father and Jesus! HF is definitely looking out for us and rooting for us to succeed!

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Hi! I’m Jennifer Borget

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I'm a former journalist, and lifelong creator striving to make the world a better place. This is the space where I share my journey in making the most of every day by cherishing our individuality and celebrating our differences.



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