The Slogan
“Just do it” That’s a phrase I’ve been hearing from some of my friends and new bloggy friends recently regarding my “up phase” toward parenting (well besides Thursday’s post because I’m really not looking forward to lack of sleep).
To be honest I wish it were that easy. I wish I could just give in and say “ok here we go!” but it’s not that simple. Lately I’ve been the one that’s had the desire to sprout. There have been times when I’ve felt this way and told my husband, then the next day I’ve changed my mind and I’m swearing it’s going to be another decade. He’s pretty much immune to my constant reconsideration’s and indecisiveness. There’s been times where it’s come down to “ok now?” and I’ve chickened out. Now I’m just trying not to be a tease–Not imply anything unless I’m serious. –I’m finding this extremely challenging. I’m turning into the boy who calls wolf… No, I think I already am. Now how do I get myself out of this predicament. Or a better question: How am I sure I won’t just chicken out again?
Of course the decision isn’t all mine, however I’m just blogging about my side of the decision. I can’t speak for hubby here but I do know he’d prefer to be done with school and know what he’s going to do for a living. He’s also not buying my “up phases” right now. It must seem like I can’t be serious if I’ve been “serious” before but not really. I don’t think I’m going to bring it up anymore… Ok, but it’s so hard! I can’t help it, I mean look at this blog for heaven’s sake!
Well, I am glad you are giving it a lot of thought. It is a tremendous change in your life and deserves contemplation. I think the decision is different for everyone. I say, just listen to your gut. Your gut never lies.
I think you’ll always be able to find reason why it isn’t a good time. Being a Mom isn’t always easy but I promise it’s so worth the sleepless nights tighter budgets and worries. You’ll know when your ready and if not you’ll be ready by the time the baby comes. I think sometimes you do have to “just do it”.
We had our first child when I was 22 and my husband was 21. He was still in school and didn’t know what he wanted to do. In fact he just finished last year–a couple months before our oldest turned five. Yes, it took my husband longer to finish school, but we (and future employers) saw that he was much more mature and better able to manage his time than his other classmates due to having a family at a young age. When he started the interview process, this was a huge plus, we were even advised to put it on his resume. No, it wasn’t always easy, but it never will be. If you wait until you feel “finacially stable,” you will never feel ready. There will always be another financial milestone you want to make. You simply need to trust that when the time comes, Heavenly Father will provide. Sometimes, my husband and I wonder where we would be if we had waited until he was done with school and established in a career, and while we would definately have more “stuff” we would not have all the blessings that our children have brought to us, which is much better than “stuff.”
But my question today is… Is it selfish to have a child before you’re able to give it a stable home? For instance, if maybe one parent isn’t quite done with school, or has no clue what they want to do for a living. Or if you’re getting by fine now but you know in a few years things could be a lot better/easier/stable. Is it better to have all of that situated first, even if you REALLY want a kid? Hmmm.
Well, I go by the prophets, and according to them, no. Remember that children need more than financial stability to be happy and healthy. I think that the parents having the energy of youth is a BIG perk. Sleepless nights might be hard now, but trust me they’ll be harder when you’re 30!! I’d rather get done with the tiring baby phases while I’m younger.
My husband and I made a conscious decision to have our baby when we did, it just happened to be during my junior year of college. My daughter ended up being born on Sept. 4, 2008. My classes started on Sept. 2, 2008. My husband works during the day and my classes are all at night. Yes, I prefer day classes but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make – I am now 6 weeks away from graduation. My point in saying this is to tell you that stability is more dependant on the parents than the particular situation. It can be done, it will take some sacrifice, it won’t be easy, but it has to be something you’re willing AND ready to do. Pray about it with your husband…you’ll know what you should do.
I think it’s one of those things of when you’re ready, you’ll know. Kinda of like getting married. You want to be as sure as you were walking down the aisle.
I personally would prefer to wait until we are financially stable before we have kids. And by financially stable I mean have no debt other than a house (and my student loans from Pharmacy school), have 6 months worth of savings, have a years supply of food storage. I really like Dave Ramsey (http://www.daveramsey.com/etc/cms/index.cfm?intContentID=2867) and his ten baby steps. We are currently on baby step #2 and hope to be on baby step #3 by the end of the year. Financially stable doesn’t necessarily mean that you have boat loads of money but that you can afford the basics and have some left over for emergencies because bad things do happen, such as a car needing a repair etc. I think it’s cute that they call them baby steps and it’s very appropriate for our situations. My husband and I are buying our first house this year, paying off one of our cars before we do so, I’m going to Pharmacy school and my husband still has his job in the Army. For me the best time to have a baby will be when I am in my last year of Pharmacy school because I know that by then we will be financially stable and I will be able to get a well paying job so that he can get out of the Army and go to school (that’s if he doesn’t change his mind). I know that if I can wait for the next 3 years that our family will be financially secure and that I won’t have to worry about finishing school. My husband on the other hand will have to go to school while we have a new baby but that won’t be a problem.
When you are absolutely ready, you’ll now 🙂 I’m sure of it 🙂
I completely understand where you are coming from. As far as you feeling it’s the right time as long as your hubby is ready to then do it. We don’t just get that feeling because we want a kid. It’s because God’s whispering to us that it really is time. I had that feeling really strong for months but my hubby thought I was just baby crazy. Whatever the time frame was it has passed and I now realize that I need to wait for it to come again. Right now I have the feeling we waited to long and our next baby won’t be around for a while. It makes me sad but has left me focusing on other things that are probably more important at this time. I don’t think having a baby before you’re financially ready is selfish at all. There’s a saying in my family that goes, ‘If you wait until you have enough money to have kids then you’re never going to have them.’ Bottom line is that kids are expensive and you will never know if they have health issues or not until they get here. No one is ever fully ready for kids. My husband and I were living in a trailer for over a year with our first baby. He didn’t know the difference and since the only thing different from most families was the size of our house it didn’t matter. We have now been able to purchase a beautiful house for our family. It wasn’t exactly the road we planned on taking but we are now blessed with two handsome children who make life more meaningful than we could have ever expected. When you and your hubby are truly ready you’ll just have to dive in and trust God. Keep praying and listening to what you know is right.
The one thing about kids, you will never be financially ready for them. Heck, you won’t be mentally or physically ready for them either. If you choose to wait until you are, you will never have children.
They are a leap of faith, and you have to believe God is there to support you in the bad times.
I am most definitely ready to have a baby, but my household isn’t and that’s important to us. We want our children to have what we didnt have. So right now, even tho I’M ready, our house isn’t ready. I feel confident that God is ordering our steps that when that time comes, our children will have everything they need to be raised with the family values we want to instill in them. We couldnt necessarily do that right now if we were to have a baby now.
Look. There’s always going to be SOMETHING to do before having a baby. If you wait until all your ducks are in a row, you’ll never have a baby! So, you just have to listen to your heart.
As far as two years of birth control being stuck up in your uterus…do you have an IUD? If so, how’d you swing that one? I was told you can’t have one unless you’ve already had a baby.
No matter how much planning people do, no one is ever really “ready,” no matter how perfect life may seem, there will always be a challenge somewhere along the line.
I agree that “financially stable” is something that may be elusive. When we were first married (at 23), we waited because we were both in school. In the meantime, we had a blast traveling and being childless. Once we graduated (many years later due to working FT while in school), all bets were off – oh, except that whole grad school thing.
Hub is still in grad school – I put it on indefinite hold – and it’s one of his hugest worries: how to work/provide, finish school, do his church calling, be a husband, AND be a father.
Regardless, after the ectopic 2 years ago, I started praying that we’d both be ready. I knew it was time to get there and that I’d definitely need the Lord’s help to prepare my husband.
At first, we couldn’t even talk about it as a topic of conversation. I would change my mind, then lay down ultimatums(it’s-happening-whether-you-like-it-or-not) and he just checked out (I don’t blame him). After a year of that, we could finally talk about it. It took several months (and many prayers) more, but we were both finally ready. . .
Moral: prayer
we went through a simalr situation my hubby was at uni when we got married and i had a job, and its two years down the line and we not yet planning to have a baby reason being we just building a foundation for our family. im not saying we are going to put giving birth off till we get rich, we just want to provide our child with enough and a secure home dont want to start living on church welfare along the road because we wanted to have a baby coz hubby wouldnt like me to work when we have a baby so basically wat we doing now we saving up for the baby and will wait till we feel both comfortable about it not forgetting prayer as well. All the best Jenny. All i would say is take your time you still young from wat my friends who have given birth they say wait till you are ready coz your life changes dramatically.
I love your blog! I just stumbled upon it somehow.
I am 25 and pregnant with my first child.
My husband and I have been married for a year, and from the get-go we decided to have children early. We are financially stable now, but know it will be a little tight once the baby comes.
Some great advice I got a few years back when I was asking the same thing about the money aspects of having a baby was “I’m not really sure how it works out, but it just does. You know where you need to cut back, you do it, and you don’t think twice about it.”
With that advice I know I’ll have to cut back on my shopping, my $10 lunches, and my ever loving shoe fetish.
My husband is in school now as well but will graduate in May, before the baby is born. Lucky us that it worked out like that, being that he doesn’t have to look for a job, he’s already got one and his degree will just basically be doubling his salary.
But no, we did not plan it like this.
When we started talking about trying to get pregnant, I didn’t really stress about it much.
The time was right, we were ready, and we knew everything would just work itself out!!!
Good Luck!
You’ll know when the right time is, just don’t work yourself up too much about it… it will all work out!
I can only give you my experience. I got married at 19. My husband was going to school to become an engineer. We met before he even started his first semester. It took him 5 years to complete his education. He graduated with 2 kids. We didn’t have a lot of things, but really, you don’t need a lot of things.
I was 21 when I had my first and 22 when I had my second (they’re 19 months a part, I was barely 21 and almost 23.) I was 26 when I had my third and I will be 28 when I have my fourth.
I had a total of one semester of college when we got married. Since I’ve done one more. I plan on getting my degree once my youngest is in school.
Honestly, you just kind of make it work. I think you both have to be on the same page about it. Discuss your options. There are a lot of fun and free things to do with kids. The first year all they need is you anyway.
Good luck! It’s hard to take the plunge, but I know for me, we will be doing a lot of things when our kids are out of the house. I have big plans 🙂