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The Sleep (Or Lack Thereof)

Ok a lot of the crunchy ideas I’m learning about from women on the topic of my last post is REALLY interesting. Some of the things I’d NEVER heard of (eating the placenta? Waaaa!??!) and am not quite sure if it’s all up my alley, but I’m getting lots of study and book recommendations on both sides that I’m excited to delve more into. My mom was a WAY SOGGY maybe liquid mom. I had regular disposable diapers, didn’t breastfeed, got all sorts of shots, slept separate (I think) didn’t get worn, and I don’t think I’ve ever eating anything organic. I turned out ok didn’t I?

Most of these options I won’t have to worry about myself for awhile… Hey, I’m not knocked up yet. But I think it still makes for interesting conversation. The biggest debate I am most interested in right now is the co-sleeping issue.

My husband and I didn’t sleep in the same bed before we were married, and it was pretty evident the first month or so. He’d wake up with bruises all over, once I even gave him a black eye. I would (and still kind of do) move around a lot when I sleep, toss and turn all over, and take him in as victim to my swings. Now we have a California king sized bed and he’s pretty safe, when my dog jumps on the bed though, I usually kick him away from my side of the bed. I like the idea of co-sleeping but I worry about two things, one of them being killing my child.

Someone did make a point in saying you wouldn’t roll over on your baby just like you wouldn’t roll off the bed. That’s a good point. I am scared of the edge of the bed… I can’t have a finger, a toe hanging off (long story). So perhaps I wouldn’t roll over on my child. But even if my child is able to escape my sleeping wrath, what if my husband makes up for it? It seems like it would make breastfeeding easier, but really… I think I’d be scared to accidentally kill my child the first night, I may do a bassinet near the bed or something for awhile.

The other question I had about co sleeping, which an anonymous commenter and Joy brought up. So… When do ya do it? Ya know? The freeky deeky. I know the time for lovin’ goes down when you have a kid (at least that’s what I hear, I sure hope not) but it seems like it would go WAY down if your kid(s) is in the bed with you! And what if they’re older, as in not babies, and sleeping in your bed? Do you kick them out for a little while then bring them back? Or do you have to schedule intimate time during different times of the day?… Or is that just put on hold for awhile?

The answer to this question may answer if I could really do it or not!


Jenna says:

Here is my opinion; take it for what it’s worth.

My husband and I are NOT comfortable having any babies in the bed. The first night home from the hospital, we were desperate to get our baby to sleep, so we put her in the bed with us. Well, guess how much sleep I got that night? Maybe 30 minutes! I was so worried about the baby. Is she going to smother? Am I going to roll over her? That was the last night of THAT. Even after that, I still woke up every night for the first three months, shouting and throwing sheets — “AUDREY! AUDREY’S IN THE BED! SHE’S SUFFOCATING!” It was dreadful.

We lived in a small enough apartment at the time that her bedroom was close enough I could hear every peep without a monitor. The second night home, she slept in her OWN ROOM (gasp!) in her crib. The room was peaceful, she was swaddled tight and her nightlight allowed for a nice, warm glow. And wouldn’t you know it? She slept through the entire night at 7-8 weeks! Which means I did, too!

I have found myself having to co-sleep on camping trips or in hotels, and let me just say…it’s not for us. Even now that the smothering risk has passed, Audrey cannot sleep next to us. She needs her own bed. She loves it. When she’s tired, she walks right up to it and says “Night night.” She never wakes up with nightmares and she sleeps 12 hours every night.

I preferred to breastfeed sitting up; I tried the laying down thing and it never worked. So for that, I would have had to get up and move to a rocking chair, anyway. Co-sleeping would have done no good.

I know for peace of mind, a lot of moms like to have a bassinet in ther room. I wasn’t opposed to that, but we didn’t have one and I didn’t feel the need for it.

I know a lot of moms love to co-sleep–that’s fine. If it works for you, great! But the issue of intimacy IS a concern in our family. Dillon and I have decided our bed is our intimate place and children aren’t allowed in it. Plus, if I am going to be a good mom, I need to sleep! I don’t want my kids kicking me all night or waking up to play. And in our family, that’s exactly what happens when we share the bed.

So, this is probably the longest comment ever. I want to state outright that I think it’s important to do what works for you. Try things! I did TRY to share the bed with my baby and I felt it wasn’t right for us. I was much happier to nurse in the nursery and I slept very well, even when my baby was waking up every 3 hours. Your experience may be different. You may try co-sleeping and see all the benefits other posters have mentioned. And if so, great! But if not, don’t stress! Cribs are just fine, too.

Rixa says:

Well, keep in mind that co-sleeping can mean different things: sometimes it means bed-sharing, other times it means room-sharing (where baby sleeps in a crib/bassinette close to the mom, but not on the exact same surface). Whether you bed share or just room share, there are really fascinating documented advantages to both mom and baby as far as how sleep rhythms are regulated and especially how it helps the baby learn how to breathe correctly.

And even during the course of a night, you don’t have to do the same thing all night long. For example, in the evening you could put your baby to sleep in either another room, or in a crib in your own room. Voila! Intimacy problem solved. Then when the baby wakes up for the first time you can bring it into bed with you to nurse. If it’s sleeping well that night (as in, not rolling and kicking both of you at the same time, etc) it can stay. If the baby is a bit more wiggly that night, perhaps it would go back in the crib next to your bed. Etc…

Plus who says you have to have sex in your bed all the time? Shake things up a bit! Enough said.

Anonymous says:

Thank you for dooing a post on my question! I have wondered about this issue for a long time. Rixa yes it’s true you don’t always have to do it in the bed. But… according to the cruncy mom’s your either wearing baby in a sling or having them in the bed. That doesn’t seem to leave much time for hubby! Plus doing the ditty with a sling on might cause shaken baby syndrome! Just sayin:)

let me just start by saying I don’t have any kids either BUT i feel like I am a heavy sleeper as it my hubby. we often cuddle each other in the middle of the night by the force or something because neither of us remember doing it. that being said i dont think i would like to co-sleep but i would put a bassinet by the bed. i also feel like we both need some freaky deeky time and I don’t want us to not have the chance at night at least.

I also love the last comment when she said that the bed was an intimate place and not to be shared with kids. that makes the bed sacred and i love that idea 🙂

Mallory says:

This comment has been removed by the author.

LOL for me it was uncomfortable to do it with a baby in the same room not to mention in the bed LOL We were so paranoid so for the first year while living there (we moved to a 3 bedroom house when Princess was 2) we kind of used bathroom the most OMG I can’t believe I’m writing about this LOL
You know I don’t think our kids need to see or hear that even if they can’t remember it as babies, it’s just wrong to me 🙂 If you have to do it find some other place or room just not with your kids!

Do I make sense with this? 🙂

Mallory says:

We have co-slept since day one with our son. I sleep better, and the baby sleeps better. (I’m not sure if the hubs even cares one way or the other, unless the baby is sick and waking up frequently). So, for us, co-sleeping is better. Now that my son is getting older, I try to put him down to sleep in his crib, then he comes to bed with me after he wakes up the first time. I mostly just co-sleep ’cause I’m a lazy mom, and I can breastfeed laying down. I don’t want to get up if I don’t have to. Most of the time, I don’t even wake up all the way! And, most moms have a sense that lets them know when the baby is next to them. For some moms, this makes it really hard to sleep with the baby in the bed. For other moms, they sleep better, but they still don’t have to worry about rolling over the babe. It is kind of like how you know not to fall off the bed.

(I did post something about dealing with intimacy and co-sleeping, but my husband wasn’t comfortable with it, so I deleted that part. Just to say though, you can make it work. No big deal. Trust me. You will find a way! lol)

Mommy Bee says:

First I just have to address the ‘eat the placenta’ thing. Most wild mammal mamas do it, so from a biological standpoint there’s some validity. Eating the placenta tends to stem postpartum bleeding (which is why the wild animals do it). For a woman who is prone to hemorrhage or something, it could literally save her life…of course modern medicine has alternatives too 😉 FWIW, most women I know who eat their placentas (and there are only a few) freeze it and chop it and put it in capsules. So they’re taking placenta pills, not eating it with a fork…just in case that brings any comfort. 🙂

Incidentally, I had to sit up to nurse for the first 4 months. I had a very heavy letdown (ie, a lot of milk comin fast) and my baby would choke if I tried to nurse him while either of us was laying down. I had to sit up and hold him up at an angle too. But I still stayed in the bed–I had a bunch of pillows and would prop myself up and hold him and still half-sleep. It spared me having to walk over the cold floor to go sit in the rocking chair. Co-sleeping was still easier for me. *shrug*

Regarding co-sleeping.
I do know a lot of co-sleeping couples who just do *it* elsewhere…me, not so much. I like my bed thankyouverymuch! What I like best is a co-sleeper bed something like these http://www.armsreach.com/ (my DH made me one, or I know a lot of people who just use their crib with one siderail taken off). It’s a 3-sided bed that is the same height as your bed, and is scooted against your bed (no gap). Baby goes in the co-sleeper, mommy and daddy can do what they like without worrying about jostling or waking the baby. Later on, when the baby needs attention, he/she is within easy reach and mom can nurse/cuddle/change as needed, then keep them in the big bed or scoot them back into the co-sleeper as desired.
Where you’ve mentioned that you’re a very active sleeping, some kind of co-sleeper arrangement might work really well for you. If you have the bedroom space for it, I think the adapted crib option is really the best. #1, you only have to buy one thing, #2, you can adjust it from being a co-sleeper to being a crib in your room to moving it down to another room…I think that having the same bed for baby (even as it moves) can help make the transitions gentler and easier for the little one.

By the way, a lot of couples just do *it* with the baby there in the bed. It does mean taking things a little easier (can’t get too wild!) but it can work. And if the baby wakes up in the middle, it is possible to switch to a spooning position and finish up even while the baby starts nursing. Not that I would know or anything of course. 😉

Mommy Bee says:

that should have been “you’re an active sleepER” (yeah, cuz I can type…:p )

I forgot to mention the older kids thing…our older kid is precisely why we don’t just do *it* in other parts of the house. 😉
And I think a kiddo needs to be moving out of the bed by 2ish. A lot of crunchy moms would label me soggy for that one, but honestly Bear is 26m and I wish he was in his crib every night. He usually starts there, but he still comes back in with me every night. I don’t mind him joining us in the middle of the night, but I wish he did better staying in his own bed more often. *shrug* With the next one I hope to start the transition around 12-15m, but due to a weird living situation and not having a bed to move him to, I wasn’t able to start transitioning him until he was about 20m, and I do think that’s made it harder. Past 12m a child doesn’t have a physical need for night eating, and should be able to learn to sleep through the night. Of course some kids (like mine) LOVE their nursing, and don’t want to give it up, but it’s always important to find the BALANCE between mom’s needs and baby’s needs (and dad’s needs). If mom can’t sleep with a baby in the bed, then baby should be in a separate bed. If dad can’t sleep with a baby in the bed, baby should have a separate bed (or at least a co-sleeper on mom’s side). If baby adores nursing but mom needs a break, it’s ok to push night weaning.
I always try to remember that it’s about respect–respecting my kids as sentient individuals with valid needs and desires, yes–but also respecting myself and my needs and desires. I try hard to separate needs and wants (of course needs being more important), but if it’s a want vs a want, well, then anything is fair game, ya know?!
😀

Destiny says:

I mentioned this in my last post, but I’ll comment again. There are many variations to co-sleeping. We usually have a bassinet by our bed for the first couple months and then switch to a crib (still in our room until about a year). We always put the baby to sleep in her crib first and then moved her to our bed the first time she woke at night. Depending on how well I was sleeping, I may or may not move the baby back to her crib. My husband was more uncomfortable with co-sleeping, especially when the babies were really little, because he’s a heavy sleeper, so I just cradle the baby in my arm. I was a much heavier sleeper before I had children, not so much now. As for getting busy with it, I too, much like my bed. So the baby just goes in the crib, problem solved. If you’re using a bassinet, you can even roll them right out if it freaks you out to have them in the same room.

Amy Lynn says:

I am a pretty active sleeper myself. I talk, kick, hit… all of that good stuff. My husband and I have been married for over 3 years now and it hasn’t changed to much. That is one of the many reasons I was not a fan of co-sleeping. I think it is too much of a risk. We put my son in a bassinet right next to our bed. It was not difficult at all to lift him up and breastfeed him. There were quite a few times where I fell asleep with him at the boob, or on my shoulder burping him. And those were some of the scariest moments ever. I would wake up thinking that I had dropped him or rolled over on him. Each and every time he was fine, but it was scary.

Our son did sleep in the bed with us once. And that was the worst nights sleep I have ever had. I think children should sleep in their own bed. A husband and wife need their own space and time together in order to grow in their relationship. My husband and I love our son so much, and we spend every waking moment with him. But it would be a bit much to spend every sleeping moment with him as well. I would really miss my cuddle time with my husband!

Anyway, that’s my opinion. Take it for what its worth. 🙂

We both agreed to NOT have the kids sleep in the bed with us. But once they outgrew the bassinette, which we kept close to the bed, we couldn’t get either to fall asleep in their crib. From sheer exhaustion we would then go bring them into our beds. And then I couldn’t sleep, I was so conscious of them being in the bed with me, removing the blankets & tossing the pillow so they wouldn’t get smothered. To this day, I sleep in such a light sleep from near two years of this that it’s difficult to ever feel rested. As for the whole crunchy lifestyle, I say do what you can, but don’t beat yourself up if you can’t. Somethings, like breastfeeding, organics etc, you just can’t do for whatever reason (medical, etc) and so you should beat yourself up if you can’t. But it’s fun to try to do what you can with the entire experience of “crunchiness”.

Tiffany says:

Thanks for stopping by my blog. You’ve got a really interesting one here. You sure do wrestle with the issues!

Tracey says:

Starting them in your bed is just a bad idea….use a bassinet if you want them close…later when you try to get them in their own rooms it is much harder.

Placenta eating…just gross

Also if they aren’t in your room you won’t have an issue of when and how to fool around.

Just my opinion.

I really like the idea of having baby sleep in either a bassinet or 3-walled crib next to the bed. That way, baby is close by, but also is used to sleeping on his/her own.

I do wrestle with the question as to when we would do “the thang” if baby was in the room. We have an 11yr old, so have to be cautious with other parts of the house.

When the baby is really small it’s nothing to get the love mobile going while they are in bed with ya. They’re not so aware when they’re itty bitty and they sleep hard (most of them). The older they get the more covert I’ve felt we have to be. Of course, the amount of fun time has decreased significantly (like NONE since the birth of #3!) over the course of our babymaking…. but that’s more my fear than anything. *sigh*

I read somewhere a theory that many of the problems with teen pregnancy numbers and such could be avoided if they were brought up as people used to be (all sleep very near – same room kinda thing) and were exposed to sex. Instead it’s this totally taboo thing! I’ve heard of Bishops actually asking parents to deal with the whole sex issue on a 5th Sunday 3rd hour! Can you imagine? My kiddos start getting serious sex ed with the FIRST questions (and/or when I get preggie whichever comes first… around 2 years).

A co-sleeper is an easy fix, but really I don’t think you need it. Mamas have a spiritual umbilical cord to their kiddos and we wouldn’t want to hurt them any more than we want to hurt ourselves!

Co-sleeping definitely makes BFing easier.

A good place to check out crunchy Mama info (if you haven’t been directed there already) is mothering.com the forums! They are AWESOME!!!

Hope you don’t mind the many and verbose comments since I found your blog!!

susette says:

I’m coming over from Blog Stalkers Unite, asking for your help. I am in the running for a round trip airfare paid ticket to Connecticut, to meet a friend I became acquainted with through blogging. She is a super fun person and is holding this contest. I entered a funny story titled “Grapejuice Floaties, Now Marry Me.” The person whose story receives the most votes will win a trip to meet this generous lady, whom I’m hoping to meet. The voting ends tonight I believe. I am ahead for now but there is a story coming up from behind out of nowhere and I would so, so, appreciate your help. Her blog is http://www.becausemomsaidso.blogspopt.com and the voting is on the sidebar on the right. “Grapejuice, Floaties” Just go there and cast a vote for me, please. Thanks so much-you’re awesome! ♥

When do you do what? What “it” are you referring to? Oh… that! Never! You never do it b/c you don’t want to risk having another person to share your bed with when you already have Stinky Mr. Poopy Pants (aka the baby) and Lazy Mr. Bubble Guts (aka the husband) in the bed with you. You shall see my young padawan (Star Wars reference).

Joy says:

Since were still on the subject I’ll share my small story about what some are saying still counts as co-sleeping. And just so you all know, I’m not sharing this to have other women throw rocks at me…you’ll see what I’m talking about.

My husband and I wanted to have our daughter sleep in a bassinet in our room for the first little while of her life. We didn’t have an exact amount of time alloted but figured we’d just roll her into her room when we felt she was ready to transition. Um, ya. No. That never worked. My little one wanted nothing to do with the bassinet. We ended up just returning it to the store. The only thing we could get her to sleep in for any period of time was her bouncy seat. I was beating my head against the wall and so was my husband. Of course I couldn’t sleep, and the crying baby kept my hubby up too, so it was making for a really bad relationship for all three of us. That’s when we had someone suggest getting her out of our room. I thought they were crazy thinking that getting her out of our room would help her sleep better but they were right!!! It wasn’t that she was keeping us awake. We were keeping her awake. The first night we put her in there she slept for 5 solid hours and only got a little whimpery when she was hungry. No big crying jags.

What made it even better for us, and this is the part that will have some mom’s taking aim at my head, but really it was just dumb luck ladies. At about 1 month she started sleeping for 7-8 hours solid through the night. That was also right about the time I had my medical issues pop up and had to switch her to formula. So she was sustained a little better on the formula for sleeping and she didn’t wake up as often. Now I’m NOT advocating starting you baby on formula just so they sleep longer. I’m crunchy in the aspect that breast milk is best, but I also don’t feel guilty for having to switch to formula and happily took advantage of the longer sleep patterns. And just to be clear, not all babies on formula will sleep longer.

So there, hopefully no one will chunk rocks too big at my head, cuz I know all the sleep deprived ladies out there are cussing at me right now. The moral of my story was really that in our case our daughter made her choice on where she wanted to sleep, not us. Some times you have to listen to them too.

The Astons says:

for me personally I am STRONG believer in helping babies sleep on their own, in their own bassinet/cot/bed, whether they’re in your room or not. don’t get me wrong, I LOVE cuddling with my kids and in the mornings “it’s all on” and there are often 4 of us snuggling (or more correctly – getting squashed) in my queen size bed (yea i know we really need to upgrade….. 🙂 but at night everyone sleeps in their own beds. (of course there are ‘occasional’ exceptions….like if hubbys away, then one of my sons will ALWAYS sleep with me which i don’t mind because there’s room, and he’s NOT interrupting the possibility of any ‘good lovin’ (wink wink)….. ironically though, this same son is the only one of my kids (he was our first….ahh sigh if only we knew then what we know now) that we let sleep in our bed, and we would lay down with him to put him to sleep when he was a toddler, to this day (he is nearly 8) it is still a ‘drama’ getting him to go to bed independently and he wants to ‘go to sleep in our bed’ resulting in a later transfer to his own bed…..

the difference with my second and third babies is completely opposite…..my 4 year old and almost 1 year old would probably never go to sleep if they were lying down with me (we still have cuddles and lots of love but when it’s sleep time – i say goodnight and give them a kiss and they go to sleep – completely independently and happy to do so without any fussing (most the time), because that’s what they know….and believe me it is SOOOOO much easier when all you have to do at the end of the day is say goodnight, and they go to bed instead of spending (sometimes up to a couple of hours) trying to get them to stay in their own bed and go to sleep.

I saw a few of the other mums saying they like co-sleeping because it’s easier (don’t have to get up in the middle of the night) and YES that is true, and I am a HUGE advocate for breastfeeding (i am ridiculously crunchy in many of my ways, except – co-sleeping (as in baby sleeping IN your bed….i have my babies in a bassinet in my room until i feel comfortable to ‘progress them’ to their own room…..and cloth nappies)…..i mean do you really want to roll over and suddenly have something ‘latch’ onto you all night…..(and i aint talking about hubby here :). once again i tried this with my first son, and because i would lye down to feed him, i would fall asleep, but then i didn’t know HOW WELL he was feeding….or for how long and i had lots of problems with him regarding weight gain, and him getting enough milk etc…..i quickly realised that for me lying down DOESN’T work…..and although i don’t like getting up when it’s cold to get my baby, it was a total discipline for me to ‘not be lazy’ and do this….it just worked better for me and i took comfort feeding my 2nd and 3rd sitting up in the middle of winter knowing they were getting what they needed and i ‘knew’ it……

the truth is everyone and every baby is different….and sometimes we have these master plans worked out….but then baby comes along and we throw those plans out as quickly as we made them and DO WHAT WORKS for us and for our baby (like when i said i would NEVER use a dummy (is that a binkie over there) and after my first son screamed for the first 4 days of his life i can remember ‘rummaging’ through my gifts like a crazy woman desperately looking for it….and he loved it…and i completely took back my ‘never gunna use one of those’ thoughts….

and about the whole ‘loving’ thang….there is NO way that ‘that’ would be happening with any’little’body in our bed….(sleeping ‘baby baby’ in a bassinet next to our bed….OK….but definitely NOT in our bed)…others mentioned ‘spicing it up a little’ and trying somewhere else, which is great but at the end of the day it’s nice to ‘love each other’ and then fall asleep together without having to ‘sneak’ back to your room……ya know 🙂

always interesting topics to discuss!!

Lisa says:

Intimate time with my dh was never a big deal. We had other empty beds in the house, and we also had a crib set up in another room where we could put baby temporarily. We also start transitioning our children to their own bed between the ages of 18 months and 2 years, and that frees things up even more.

My goal is to eventually have our children sleep in their own rooms, and own beds, all night long. However, I feel like I have a couple of years to make this happen–it doesn’t have to happen in a few weeks or months. Weaning my children to independent sleep is a very gradual process. For the first year, we bedshare, we rock them to sleep, we respond to all their nighttime needs. Around the age of 1, we stop rocking to sleep and start laying down with them. As they approach 2, we nightwean (if they are still waking at all), and we start moving them into their own bed/room at the beginning of the night. We still let them sleep with us if they wake at night. Toward age 3, we cut down on the amount of time we spend helping them get to sleep. At this point, I feel they are old enough to understand that they get stories and 5 minutes of snuggle time, and then they can fall asleep on their own.

All this happens very gradually, and with respect to the child’s readiness. Some transitions happen almost overnight, others take several months. It just depends on the child.

I just don’t buy the idea that if you let your child sleep with you, they will never leave. That has not been true in our family. We have gently pushed their independence as we felt they—and we–were ready. When the time is right, the transition is relatively easy! No crying to sleep!

I am in no hurry to rush the baby years. I feel that co-sleeping is one of the best things we’ve done for our children to strengthen our bonds. I don’t look at the time spent helping my children fall asleep as a burden, on the contrary, it’s a sweet and special time of the day. (With in reason, of course…if it’s taking 2 hours to get a child to sleep, something needs to change….)

My wife and I are the same way Jen, though not so bad anymore. We’re okay in a queen bed, though the minute we have more money, WE’RE GETTING A KING! As far as sleeping with the child in the bed, VERY HIPPY, and no we won’t ever do it. Not safe, plus children need boundaries and my bed is one of them. Sophie has slept in our bed, but never the full 8 hours. Sometimes she’ll go down for a nap in our bed because one of us is using the computer that’s in the same room, but all 3 of us never all sleep together. I would feel very incest-y (especially if wife and I wanted to “get it on”.

Lolly says:

Man, your readers sure do leave lengthy comments! I guess having the baby in her own bed but in the same room with you is also considered cosleeping. I’ll look it up. That’s what Hubby and I are planning to do for awhile. Hmmm…. Research time!

Brittanie says:

In response to what Mallory said, we had the exact OPPOSITE experience. Both we and our baby slept better the moment we moved her into another room. We did the “co-sleeping next to the bed” thing, as in we had her in a bassinet next to our bed for 2 weeks. This was great, but there definitely came a time when we knew she needed her own room.

Our apartment is pretty small, so I can still hear her without a baby monitor. I am a big believer in responding quickly to your child’s cries, but also letting them sleep on their own. Everything I have found supports that. And, I have read pro-co-sleeping stuff too.

That said, I am totally fine with snuggling Saturday mornings in bed with the baby, or any morning for that matter.

And, as far as intimacy is concerned, if it’s a priority to you, you’ll make it happen. It’s not that difficult, especially when they’re young.

Natalie says:

there are books about cosleeping and stuff — I think under “attachment parenting”

I have no idea when you’d have sex!

queen~e says:

My experience has been that it will be more determined by the baby than you. With our first, I was against co-sleeping and fought against it. I had many, many sleepless nights as he was colicy and nursing constantly. I finally gave in and got more sleep. Just like one of the first posters said, it doesn’t have to be all in your bed all the time. Some nights, he would sleep fine in his bed. Others, he couldn’t sleep unless he was being snuggled. For what its worth, he’s 7 now and still has lots of nightmares and trouble falling asleep. I honestly, honestly belive that it is part of who is he and not because of how we trained him. Part of why I belive that is because our second baby was an angel and had no problem being tucked into his crib and sleeping all night. We didn’t change our parenting, it was just a different person. 😀
Our third child was again a different story. We tried the co-sleeping with him from day one (he was also colicy) but found that he likes to be cuddled, but not for long. Halfway through the night he starts kicking adults off the bed. (lol) He is 18 mos now and most nights will go to bed in his own room. But there are nights when he starts in our bed and moves to his when he is asleep.

Hopefully this illustrates my opinion that it is up to the child more than the parent.

Goldibug says:

If you’re going to breast feed than I would totally keep your baby in the room with you but I would never under any circumstances have my baby sleep in the bed with me. It increases the risk of SIDS and is way uncomfortable. Now that my youngest is a toddler he’ll sleep in our bed on bad nights and I don’t feel like I sleep at all! We also have a cal. king bed. I set up a bassinet either on your side of the bed or the foot of the bed. This way you’ll be able to get to your baby quickly without running into a wall.

B&U&I says:

My daughter slept in our room in a bassinet until she was 6 weeks old and I went back for my 6 week post-baby checkup. After I got the all clear from the doctor, my daughter slept in her own room for all or at least part of the night. Maybe it’s a coincidence but the same night we placed her in her crib was when she began sleeping through the night. I think it was because she couldn’t smell me or the breastmilk. Again, I’m not sure of that, just my thought. Anyway as for co-sleeping I only do it when she is sick and have never even come close to rolling over. A couple weeks before she was born one of the sisters in my ward told me that once your first child is born you will never again fall into a deep sleep. Don’t know if it’s true for everyone but it’s definitely true for me. I have never been able to fall into a deep enough sleep to be unaware of my daughter being there. In fact even if she’s in the other room with her door closed I can hear just about every sound she makes.

Mama Seoul says:

Arm’s Reach Co-sleeper might be a good solution for you. It attaches to the bed.

As for sex, most people manage to do it at least as much as those who don’t co-sleep. Being tired impacts sex more than the baby’s presence.

Tiny Tutus says:

Super cute blog hon! As a Momma of 2 – I’ll throw my two cents in here!

I’m against co-sleeping for one big reason. I feel as though the marital bed is sacred and should only be for a man and wife. We have never invited our babies or our animals for that matter into our bed. Our kiddos did sleep in a crib in our room for quite some time for easy access and peace of mind. Around 7 months old, our daughter got her own room and our son (15 months) is still in our room – but ONLY because of lack of space. We’re moving in 3 months and at that time he’ll get his own room as well.

I nursed both babies and there is NOTHING better!! I also go into making my own baby food for my son. It was actually very rewarding!!

Unfortunately, clothe diapers is never something I was comfortable with. But we did purchase a used crib for our daughter and reused it when we had our son! All of my daughter’s “big girl” furniture is repurposed – I bought it all used, sanded it down and painted it! Her room is gorgeous and it’s all one of a kind stuff!

I think I’m verging on “chewy” with you!

Nancy says:

OK, I haven’t read the other comments, so I might say the exact same thing, but I think it anything goes those first few weeks. You pretty much just need to survive, but once my kids get to where they can have a schedule (about 2 months), I make sure to always get them to go to bed in their cribs initially at night. It is so great to know you have a few hours of hands free relaxation at the end of the day — especially if you have several kids. That is when you chill with husband, blog and of course, have sex. BUT, I think it is plain torture to get up in the night and sit up to feed a baby, so when my little ones do wake up night, I just stick them in bed with us. I can nurse them and sleep and I’ve already had a nice evening and gone to bed with no kids in bed. Once they get a little older 5 – 9 months, I get them to just sleep through the night and then the co-sleeping issue isn’t an issue because they already went to sleep in their own bed and once they sleep through the night that is where they are. I think co-sleeping is just a convenient thing to allow you to survive with newborns waking up and giving you no sleep those first few months.

Nichole says:

I say a firm “no” to co-sleeping. My biggest fear has been voiced by those who co-sleep: kids who keep coming back to mommy & daddy’s bed long after you want them to be sleeping in their own bed. But, I’m a sucker for sleep – so whatever gets me some zzzz’s is what I’ll do. If that means co-sleeping, you can bet I’d be researching and trying out myriad ways to transition baby to his/her own room.

Michelle says:

LOL…I didnt mean to spend so much time on your blog but I have so much to share LOL

We have a sidecar arrangment…you take a side off of a crib and the baby sleeps over there. Then when you are feeling frisky the baby isnt ACTUALLY in bed with you.

People say you dont have to have it in bed…well I like the bed. So alternatively, you MOVE the baby into the living room, or onto the floor, or wherever and have your fun.

Hasnt hindered us at all.

Also, you can get a co sleeper…more expensive but easier to use.

Tiny Tutus says:

Super cute blog hon! As a Momma of 2 – I’ll throw my two cents in here!

I’m against co-sleeping for one big reason. I feel as though the marital bed is sacred and should only be for a man and wife. We have never invited our babies or our animals for that matter into our bed. Our kiddos did sleep in a crib in our room for quite some time for easy access and peace of mind. Around 7 months old, our daughter got her own room and our son (15 months) is still in our room – but ONLY because of lack of space. We’re moving in 3 months and at that time he’ll get his own room as well.

I nursed both babies and there is NOTHING better!! I also go into making my own baby food for my son. It was actually very rewarding!!

Unfortunately, clothe diapers is never something I was comfortable with. But we did purchase a used crib for our daughter and reused it when we had our son! All of my daughter’s “big girl” furniture is repurposed – I bought it all used, sanded it down and painted it! Her room is gorgeous and it’s all one of a kind stuff!

I think I’m verging on “chewy” with you!

let me just start by saying I don’t have any kids either BUT i feel like I am a heavy sleeper as it my hubby. we often cuddle each other in the middle of the night by the force or something because neither of us remember doing it. that being said i dont think i would like to co-sleep but i would put a bassinet by the bed. i also feel like we both need some freaky deeky time and I don’t want us to not have the chance at night at least.

I also love the last comment when she said that the bed was an intimate place and not to be shared with kids. that makes the bed sacred and i love that idea 🙂

When the baby is really small it’s nothing to get the love mobile going while they are in bed with ya. They’re not so aware when they’re itty bitty and they sleep hard (most of them). The older they get the more covert I’ve felt we have to be. Of course, the amount of fun time has decreased significantly (like NONE since the birth of #3!) over the course of our babymaking…. but that’s more my fear than anything. *sigh*

I read somewhere a theory that many of the problems with teen pregnancy numbers and such could be avoided if they were brought up as people used to be (all sleep very near – same room kinda thing) and were exposed to sex. Instead it’s this totally taboo thing! I’ve heard of Bishops actually asking parents to deal with the whole sex issue on a 5th Sunday 3rd hour! Can you imagine? My kiddos start getting serious sex ed with the FIRST questions (and/or when I get preggie whichever comes first… around 2 years).

A co-sleeper is an easy fix, but really I don’t think you need it. Mamas have a spiritual umbilical cord to their kiddos and we wouldn’t want to hurt them any more than we want to hurt ourselves!

Co-sleeping definitely makes BFing easier.

A good place to check out crunchy Mama info (if you haven’t been directed there already) is mothering.com the forums! They are AWESOME!!!

Hope you don’t mind the many and verbose comments since I found your blog!!

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Hi! I’m Jennifer Borget

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I'm a former journalist, and lifelong creator striving to make the world a better place. This is the space where I share my journey in making the most of every day by cherishing our individuality and celebrating our differences.



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