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The Secret

I’m not gonna lie (I start a lot of my crazy thoughts this way)… I’ve thought about it. But I know I could never, would ever, really do it… No, I wouldn’t, for it is a sinful horrible plot.

…I’m talking about “forgetting” to take your birth control, “loosing track” of your fertility cycle, puncturing his protection… Down right SABOTAGE!! Then a couple of months later those surprising words: “Honey, guess what?!…” All the while he’s oblivious, thinking it’s a miracle from God cause Lord knows yall were taking precautions (or so HE thinks).

I’ve switched my birth control many times, mostly because I am forgetful and I could never remember to take my pill, then have to overdose a day or two later and consequently feel sick. I decided to go with a long-term form of BC because:

1. I change my mind a lot, and it would be so easy for me to one month be like “Ok I’m not taking it, let’s have a baby” then next month be like “Oops… I change my mind” but have the possibility of not having that choice. This way I have to think about it more, and set up an appointment every time I change my mind (a little pricey).

And 2. (I can’t believe I’m about to admit this) I worried I’d be tempted to “forget” to take the pill and not tell my very important, very suspicious better half.

As I thought about this I began to wonder how many other women think about this or maybe have even done it. Of course I think it’s important both people are excited and ready to have a child but in real life surprises happen, so what if one of the spouses is surprised? On the other hand it’s kind of the ultimate lie and I wonder if I ever tried to pull that if I’d 1. Be able to keep it a secret (probably not) and 2. If he’d forgive me if I told him. Yea, they’d get over it.. But what if they didn’t? That would suck.
PS: For the record I think it’s WRONG with a capital ‘W.’ No I’m not really contemplating it, but it’s an interesting topic to blog about. So don’t have a heart attack or anything ;0)
But what are your thoughts? Have you tried it? Done it? Know someone who has? You can post anonymously :o)


Jenna says:

I hope this doesn’t sound harsh, but I could never betray my husband’s trust like that. We both agree on when to prevent and when to try. It has always been a prayerful decision. I also think about how I would feel if he punctured his condom to trick me into getting pregnant if I didn’t want to be. I’d be really hurt and angry, most likely.

A few months before we got pregnant with Audrey, I really wanted to start trying, but my husband wasn’t on board yet. I had been feeling like the time was right, but he just thought I was crazy and baby-hungry. I challenged him to pray about it. We prayed together and got the answer–it WAS time to start trying. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Jessica says:

I feel strongly about this and feel it is the ulimate betrayal and most unethical dishonest thing a woman can do. (How’s that for strong?) Parenthood should be entered willingly by both parties. If it truely is an accident, that’s one thing. But to knowingly sabatoge birth control is not cool.

My husband and I have discussed this. He feels the same and has all but said it would be grounds for divorce if I did this. Not that I would. So, no I don’t think it’s appropriate.

Angela says:

It sounds to me like you are ready to have a baby but scared and that is so normal. If both of you are ready then go for it. If one is and one isn’t then you have to respect the other person’s wishes. I don’t know of anyone personally who has tricked her other half. Just remember that what you do comes back to you. If you are tricky, expect to be tricked. If you are honest, expect nothing but honesty back. Talk to your hubby and really talk about whether or not you both are truly ready and then take it from there. Keep us posted.

Natalie says:

Noooo!! Don’t do it girl! I know too many girls like this — sweet innocent girls too, they wanted a baby and yup, they got one, but it’s not a good way to start out such a crazy life change. Great post though!

Goldibug says:

I would never do this either. We don’t use birth control in any way because to be honest we both hate it ;p If I did use birth control I would never purposfully get pregnant without my hubbies consent. It would be awful to lie like that to someone you love. What would be the worst is if he somewhat resented the baby because he was tricked into having it. I could never live with myself. Marriage is supposed to be based on honesty…100%.

I’ve been baby hungry for the last six months at least but my hubby is still finacially concerned. I need to see if I can get him to pray about it and maybe I need to do so too again. Just to see if things have changed. Good luck in your decision!

Mommy Bee says:

Accidents do happen…but yeah, i agree, it’s WRONG to be sneaky like that. i hav a big problem with sneaky. After all, adding a member to the family is not a little thing!!!

My best friend kinda did this. But she nagged her husband to death until he finally said to go off birth control and their relationship hasn’t been the same since. They have two kids now, but he feels completely pressured. If she had done it without his knowledge… that’s a thought I don’t even want!

Sarah says:

This comment has been removed by the author.

Sarah says:

I knew someone who did this to her husband and he was in the military. He wasn’t ready for a baby and told her they should wait so she stopped taking her pill without telling him. She got pregnant. He went overseas near the end of her 2nd trimester, came home, and a few weeks later she had the baby. About a month later she left him and they are now divorced. So don’t do it!!!!!!!I secretly wish sometimes though that I would get pregnant while on the pill. I just finished my bachelor’s and have applied to grad school. I couldn’t handle having a baby and going to school at the same time. We have been married for almost 4 years and I’m starting to get the baby itch! I need to get over this itch because we’ve got another 3 years to go!

Brittanie says:

I totally joke with my husband about this all the time. I think it is funny that you wrote at post about BC because I totally wrote one today too, and do did another friend of mine. I would never do it, (skip/forget) but it is kinda jokingly tempting sometimes!

Anonymous says:

LOL girl I’ve TOTALLY contemplated doing that. In fact, it was my sister-in-law (who by the way is in her mid 30s and a nurse!) who suggested it. She advised “take supplements that will upset the effectiveness of BC” or simply “forgetting”. It was a HILARIOUS consideration but truth be told, I’m w/ u and the rest of the ladies that have responded. However, I don’t know any man who when their wife suggested the baby making prospect initially was all gun-ho. But we have the most amazing persuasive abilities *wink* and its not too long after that they usually cave.

Too funny though. I love that your blog! U are like my inner voice, saying stuff that I have thought but have never really said.

LOL Love the post, and no I kind of just say I think it’s time LOL good thing he agrees with me 🙂

Cynthia says:

Given that it takes serious intervention for us to get pregnant at all, it’s more of a philosophical question for me. The silver lining of infertility is that I’ve never in my life had to do any form of birth control! Since the time I wanted to get pregnant was just a few years, it seems like a nice bonus to not have to deal with b/c and all that comes with it.

I can only speak for us but if I did that I couldn’t keep it a secret. I think my hubs would forgive me (eventually when he fell in love with the child) but I wouldn’t expect him to ever fully trust me again.

Jaime says:

I’m just wondering how your husband feels about all of this baby talk? I found it surprising that he had no idea about your blog…I guess I just assumed he knew? I’m sure it was a surprise but not nearly as big of a surprise if you went through with the SABOTAGE you blogged about in this post!

5STRONG says:

Great topic! Love it…thank goodness my baby making days are over but I have wonderful advice. I have 4 boys…2 were made trying to get my girl! No tricks involved though, just good old mother nature!

Keya says:

I couldn’t do that to my husband. He would be so mad. Honesty is the best policy.

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5STRONG says:

Great topic! Love it…thank goodness my baby making days are over but I have wonderful advice. I have 4 boys…2 were made trying to get my girl! No tricks involved though, just good old mother nature!

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Hi! I’m Jennifer Borget

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I'm a former journalist, and lifelong creator striving to make the world a better place. This is the space where I share my journey in making the most of every day by cherishing our individuality and celebrating our differences.



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