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The SAHM

After seeing those 4 letters repeatedly on several blogs I read I realized what it stood for. My perception of a stay at home mom is growing. I’m not going to lie and tell you how difficult I think it is and how it’s the hardest job in the world cause… Well I’m not sure if I completely believe that.

I’m not saying the job isn’t difficult, I’m just saying I think there are other jobs in the world a lot more difficult and, well… That’s that. Here’s my envision of what a stay at home mom job is like. I’ve never experienced before so tell me if I’m right or wrong.

Day:

-You wake up when baby/child wakes up. If you’re lucky, you have a kid that sleeps in and you get to sleep in a little too.
-You watch the kid, make sure it doesn’t kill itself and try to teach them a thing or two.
-Clean, feed, entertain, nap it, etc.
-Clean around the house, do laundry, dishes, that kind of stuff (unless you have a spouse/maid that chips in with that stuff)
-Make food for everyone

Here is what I think is difficult about the position:
-Not much adult interaction
-Not much desire to get all dressed up and feel “important”-and by that I mean it may be difficult seeing friends get all dressed up for business and working to make money while you’re working hard as well but not making any money.
-You constantly have kids on your heels. I mean, I hear some people don’t even have time for showers…. Really?
-I imagine that all added together can drive a person to madness or sheer glee, depending on your personality.

Here’s what I think is nice about the job:
-You’re doing everything everyone has to do anyway but you don’t have to worry about a 40hr a week job on top of that! Isn’t being a mom a 24hr job regardless if you work or not?

Ok, please don’t get angry. I know a lot of you women are SAHMs but I just wonder REALLY, what’s SO hard about it? I mean, if you didn’t like it couldn’t you get a nanny, or a part time job or something? I’m guessing the good outweighs the bad. I mean, why else would you continue to do it? It’s not like you don’t have a choice in the matter, and at the end of the day many say it’s the best job in the world. The best?… Maybe. The hardest?… Not buying it.

But I’m open to being wrong. Divulge me! Really, feel free to let me have it! Or admit I’m right ;op


Mammatalk says:

I wondered the same thing for years! I worked my whole life and became a SAHM at 34. I have to admit that teaching elementary school in a low income neighboorhood for years was far harder in a lot of ways. Teaching was exhausting. There’s something about just being around children that is energy draining. Now, with motherhood, you are on 24 hours. No recess. No bell at 3:00. Children don’t automatically sleep thru the night at 3 months or so. They wake b/c they get sick, teethe, have nightmares, pee the bed…Then, you have a second one and it starts over. I get a solid 8 hours straight a few times a week. My kids are 3 and 1. Kids don’t sleep in. They are growing so rapidly that they are hungry early. And, being at home can be very isolating. There are so many ways to be involved to combat the isolation, however. I am the VP of my local MOMS club which has been wonderful. And, as far as taking care of the house? Well, it’s easy to take care of a house when you are working. Noone is there to mess it up continually. I have 2 loads of laundry a day with two kids. We run a full load of dishes everyday. I could keep a maid busy all day keeping the toys in order. Then, there’s diapers and bottles like you wouldn’t believe! Grocery shopping can be stressful with a squawking baby etc….Feeding them is more work than I ever thought…Working outside of the home is rewarded with a paycheck, lunch breaks, intellectual stimulation and a lot of jobs don’t require the multitasking involved in momming. However, there is something very nice about not having a boss breathing down your neck. In sum, nothing is as easy as it looks…And, the shower thing…I wrote a whole post about trying to take a shower when you have a baby and toddler..Don’t get me started! 😉

Mommy Bee says:

I think the hardest thing about motherhood is that you are never off-duty. There are no breaks. Ever. Even the hardest employment still lets you go home at the end of the shift.
Another thing that’s difficult you sortof touched
By the way, i’ve never known a kid that really sleeps in. Either they have a decent bedtime and get up early, or they stay up as late as you do and then sleep in…I’d rather have an hour or two to myself after bedtime than sleep in but never have a kids-all-sleeping peace & quiet moment.
Here’s the thing about motherhood–the rewards are eternal and more far-reaching than any other career of which i’m aware. Yes, other people do important things, but the hand that rocks the cradle (and teaches the children) is the one that shapes the future.

This is a little bit of a tangent, but I’ve heard people suggest that the ‘green’ thing to do is to not have any kids. Well, I disagree–granted, I believe that there are a finite number of spirits waiting to come down to bodies, so the world population is going to be what it is whether I raise some of them or not–but I think that by having kids and teaching them to be good stewards of the earth, I am being greener than if I stayed childless. I am adding good people to the world, and I see that as coming out ahead of just ‘not adding bad people’ you know?

Mallory says:

I am sure there are many jobs that are harder in different ways. But being a SAHM is 24/7. And you have to pay someone if you want a break! And even then, you are worrying about having a job to come back to!

But, of course, it is worth it. And that is another thing that may make it not -really- the hardest job. Because it is more worth it than anything else.

Regardless, I think I need to write some more laments for you! 😀

Rixa says:

I don’t feel that it’s hard; it’s very pleasurable for me and I feel like it’s a luxury, not something I am suffering through, you know? That said, I’ve also been working on my PhD for the past 6 1/2 years (just finished it) so I do have an outside identity. I’m just getting used to not being in school and not having a long-term goal to work towards. I think it would be a bit harder if your entire identity were all “mom” and if you didn’t have any good social outlets and if you were really struggling financially, etc. I don’t know– I hate the whole rhetoric about it being “so hard” but then gushing about it being “the best job in the world.” I guess I am just enjoying myself immensely.

Natalie says:

I’ve wondered this a lot. I mean, I feel like I’ll make myself busy, either volunteering or with mom’s clubs or child’s activities or a job — like my own PR agency — but I don’t know. I know a lot of SAHM who spend a ton of time in their PJs!! That could be b/c it’s so hard though. I don’t know!

B&U&I says:

For me the decision to be at SAHM was based neither on ease nor difficulty. To be perfectly honest I really wanted to work, or so I thought. I thought I would be perfectly happy having a nanny come in to look after my daughter while I went to work everyday. Notice I said “thought” – these were all the feelings I had before my daughter was born and probably up until she was about 3 months old. Then I realized that there was a sacrifice that I needed to make for her and her future siblings. Was it a hard decision to make? Absolutely! So maybe that’s what makes it the hardest job for me – knowing my potential and what I could be doing but making the sacrifice to be with her at home instead. In the end I just had to do what I felt was best for her even if it’s not the job I always dreamed I’d have. So in that aspect it is difficult for me, but the everyday going-ons of it I don’t find to be that hard…except the showering part!

Jaycee says:

OMG, you sound just like my mother in law, who I want to choke on a daily basis. SAHM is the hardest job I’ve had. But then, I haven’t had many jobs. Also, my circumstance may be a little different. But being a SAHM to triplets, and two tweens, is pretty damn hard. Well, when you have children, your life changes drastically. Yes, drastically. A hard word, but the truth. Wait, not if you have one kid. I can’t stand to hear moms of a singleton complain about how tired they are. Pfft, whatever. Even moms of twins. After having multiples, man, they got it easy. Ha! Having someone come get one baby from me, is a “break” for me. Sad, but true. But I had to experience that myself. So I really don’t even qualify to answer this. Cause it is HARD for me. Now, if you get knocked up with quads like I did and ask this same question before they are born, then I have a mouthful for ya!
But I will say this, it’s gonna be hard for you. Don’t take it so lightly. You will be a first time mom. Those are the worst. They are anal and go by the book for everything. You say you won’t, but you will. You will only buy name brand pampers, and obsess over cleanliness. Her crib, stroller, clothes, carseat, & room will be frilly and beautiful, but not practical. And you will hog the child. You won’t go visit other people with her, because their house may not be up to your standards as far as clean, or safety is concerned. And if you do, you won’t be able to enjoy your visit, because you are smothering your child making sure nothing happens to her. You won’t trust anyone but your own mother to watch her and be around her. So taking her to a germ infested daycare is out of the question. And if you do, the first day she comes home with a bump or runny nose, you will quit your job and be a SAHM like the rest of us… Oh, this is gonna be good. I can’t WAIT for you to get pregnant!

Cascia says:

You pretty much summed it up correctly. And yes I don’t always have time to take a shower. If I want any time to myself I have to get up before the kids, or stay up late. I choose to get up early. I take my showers on the weekends or in the evenings when my husband is home.

Yes this is the hardest job. I swear sometimes I just want to crawl in a hole and disappear. Especially when my kids are misbehaving. And I am having one more?!!

But no this is not a choice for me. God has chosen this path for me. Before I had children being a stay at home mom was not in my plans. I wanted to go to law school after college. Start my own firm. Make a ton of money and then maybe get married and have more kids. (I already had a child at age 18)

If I had a choice today I would have a part time job in the evening but there just isn’t anything out there for me. I’ve applied to jobs in restaurants, retail, you name it searching for a part time job to get me out of the house. But there just isn’t any work right now. So I am a stay at home mom, well for the time being.

SAHM… I respect them more than any other profession. I was one until my daughter was 6 months old, then I had to go back to work cuz we had to buy a car. On my days off, I am more tired from the run around all day than when I worked 16 hour days.

And it is a completely full time job. You can’t just take a day off or take breaks. Sometimes you don’t get a lunch. You aren’t paid a penny for all your hard work. And all around you people put down how hard being a SAHM is. They think that because you are at home with the kids you wanted that you will be happy no matter what.

They are always tearing up something. They are either eating, pooping, crying, or making a mess. And then when they go to bed you clean, probably shower, then the day starts over again at 6 the next morning, after you were up all night with a kid that has a fever…

Your job never ends. And if you want a break, you have to have amazingly close family, or money for a babysitter.

My best friend is a SAHM, and I want to be one someday, but I don’t see how she doesn’t go a little more crazy everyday…

Jess says:

lol.. sounds like you got lots of good points of view here…. so what do you think about being a WAHM…. (I coin that phrase as my own.. as I had never seen it till I thought of it… and introduced it to many a few years back……as part of my email signature.. lol)

WAHM= Work at Home mom….

So on top of the whole having to be on call 24/7 with no breaks, and lucky to get aid from the hubby… I also WORK from home… really… I run my own business. And I noticed in your SAHM description that you didnt mention any of the planning and teaching that goes along with homeschooling… =)

It is sometimes easier than working out of the home.. and sometimes more exhausting…. the rewards vary depending on ones mood that day… I do have to say though that after years of being home with my kids, running my own business, making my own scheudle… I will never work for someone else at a regular 9 to 5 ever again unless Im forced to or die sort of thing.. lol…..

Cody says:

Since I am a teacher let me tell you this. I don’t have kids at home, but I have 100 high schoolers that I work with everyday. Even on the weekends I am planning activities and lessons for them, not for me or my husband, but for them. Yeah, I get to go home at the end of the day, but I am still working on next day’s lessons. I have to be a role model for many kids whose parents are completely out of touch with their kids. In many cases, I am the only person that gives the kids attention every day. Lunch break? No such thing. Students are always in my room making up tests, getting extra help…I eat while I help or I don’t eat at all. One week I only showered once b/c I was so busy with teaching. Whoever said teachers get summers off was a liar. Teaching is a 24/7 job, just like being a mom. But just like being SAHM, teaching is also a very rewarding. I do plan on staying at home with my kids early on, but my job description will be the same. Only the location will change.

Mommy Bee says:

I’ve seen WAHM a lot, though for all I know Jess started it, LOL!
I guess I’m a part-time WAHM, but I suspect I’ll either quit or else take a long break when this next baby comes. Part of the reason i’m running an etsy shop is to keep me occupied cuz one toddler just doesn’t keep me that busy.

I look forward to your crunchy post, I’m sure I’ll have a lot to say on that one! LOL!!!

Tracey says:

Samuel was born 3 months ago and I spent the first 2 with him and I WAS EXHAUSTED! Sorry…but I think your wrong. I was happy to go back to work and get a break. Being a SAHM is 24/7. I am 41 and up to this point has a lot of me time, so not having time to myself has been a major ajustment. You wait….your opinion will change.

Anonymous says:

Honestly. I want to give you credit for having the nerve to even post something so ludicrous.

You don’t BUY it? Give me a break. Do it, then come talk to us.
A whole blog to decide if you want a baby or not? You know you aren’t going to do it right now. So, just stop talking about it every day before you do decide to do it. Come talk to us when your pregnant and then when you’re a working or WAHM or SAHM.

Until then, your opinion of being a SAHM doesn’t matter.

Jenna says:

Well, I’m not really a total SAHM yet. I do “go to work” (even if it’s an unpaid internship) twice a week, 10 hours each day. Let me tell you, those days are the easiest! My house is clean when I get home, and all I have to do is bathe the baby and put her to bed. My mom/MIL do all the rest.

Now, when I’m home all day and there’s a million things to do (papers, book reports, cleaning, errands, etc.), I’m stressed to the max! But this is probably because those are my “catch-up” days.

Basically, I have no idea how it’s going to be to just stay at home. Since my child was born, I have been in school at least half-time. I’ve been a SAHM for maybe two months after she was born, and that’s it. And I almost lost my damn mind.

It’s hard for a lot of reasons. My mom has only 3 kids at home now; the youngest is 12. But she is still running around, taking kids to and from school, taking them to doctors’ appointments, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc. She always tells me the more you have, the harder it gets. She really keeps all her ducks in a row and I have no idea how. She’s constantly on the go.

Jennifer says:

Anonymous,

I find this blog very interesting. I agree with so much of what she has said, and I find her opinion very meaningful. If you don’t want to read about it, then don’t. There’s no need to be rude, like you were. Also, if you don’t have a blog to link to, at least have enough guts to put a name with your comment.

Mama Bee says:

I hate to say it (and get haters thrown upon me, too), but I gotta side with Anonymous. It’s like someone saying that medical school doesn’t seem that difficult because the women on Grey’s Anatomy did it and still look fabulous.

Being a SAHM is rewarding, don’t get me wrong, but like all the comments above me, I think all of us that actually ARE moms might know a little bit more about it and how difficult it is.

I really try to not be one of those “if you don’t know about it, don’t talk about it” people, but please realize that moms who work their asses off on a daily basis, 24/7, with no breaks have enough stress to deal with. Reading something like your post (and teachers even comparing their work to having a CHILD) will induce feelings of resentment and anger.

I honestly hope I haven’t hurt any feelings; just my $0.02.

Jenna says:

One more thing: I hate it when people say, “Oh you just WAIT!” when talking to a mom-to-be about motherhood. It’s so unneccesary. We all find out how it is eventually, and no two situations are alike, anyway. So, how do you know how it’s going to be for Future Mama? You don’t.

There’s a glaring difference between offering helpful advice and smugly saying, “Oh, you just wait…bwahahahahaha!” That’s just mean-spirited and makes people sound bitter about their lives.

Can’t we be supportive of our comrades in motherhood?

Mama Bee says:

Jenna (again, just my two cents),

I think the difference here is a big one. Some of us moms don’t see non-mothers as our “comrades in motherhood”. The majority of my friends don’t have children (yet) and I can honestly say that they have NO idea how stressful and complicated my life as a SAHM is.

I really dislike the “oh you just wait” mentality too, but I feel like with being a parent, it is just the honest truth. You don’t know what it’s like to be a parent until you are one and it can come across as cocky or ignorant when you post something like “Baby Making Machine” did.

OK my turn LOL as you know by reading my blogs 🙂 I have 1 child who turned 4 on Saturday! And I’ll tell you I’ve worked as a paralegal long days long hours mean bosses and all. Than when my daughter was borne I decided to stay at home with her and FOR ME the most difficult was the first 4 to 6 months! WHY? Because as a new mom I really didn’t know much and how to do it,I was SCARED so much! I didn’t have any help because Hubby worked 12 hour shifts back than and my parents and in-laws were all over an hour away! So it took me a while to get into a routine.
FOR ME (I’m saying this from my experience) it’s not the hardest job, FOR ME it’s the most rewarding. Because my hardest job was when a boss would yell at me for no reason 🙂 and not when my child needs me!
If I blog about a hard day that is because I put so much pressure on me on my own nothing rally to do with my child or Hubby! I obviously have plenty of time when I can have 2 blogs, and an Etsy shop and do fun outings with my family.
But this is a talk from a SAHM of one 4 year old…who knows how I will feel when I have more. Maybe I’ll have less time, who knows.

But one thing I’ll say I WOULDN’T CHANGE MY LIFE FOR ANYTHING 🙂 does this make sense!

So I’m a STHM who is not depressed who gets to take a shower, who has her hair and nails done, goes out to shopping ALL the time, goes on dates with Hubby, hosts parties and all so I’m not missing much.

And the proudest I am is when we go someplace and my child says or does something good and I know I thought her that!!!

Mommy Bee says:

I need to respond to Mama Bee.
I’ve been a teacher.
I’ve been a SAHM.
Yes, there is some comparison. No, it’s not the same, but it’s probably a better understanding than any other non-parents I know of. Let’s be rational here: unless you have done both things, you are in no better position to dismiss Cody’s comments than anyone else is to dismiss yours.

I’m disappointed to see that people would be so negative in response to this post, because while I don’t always agree with Jennifer, I do see her as someone who is trying to understand better and to learn from those who have been there. If you don’t like her blog, go read someplace else. I agree with her–if you don’t have the guts to say who you are, then you shouldn’t be saying anything.

thecooks says:

Gee anonymous you one angry lady you need help….
Jenny dont let this kinda crap deter you from blogging we enjoying it and i honestly have learnt alot from reading your blog. Have a lovely day.

The Astons says:

OK – this is the first time i’ve actually commented on someones blog that I don’t know (so HI 🙂 but when I stumbled across your blog (thanks to mormon mommy blogs) and saw the above post and read some of the comments…..there is no way I can leave without commenting as this is something I am quite passionate about (forgive me if it’s way too long)!!!

I am SAHM to 3 kids, 7 and under (not too close together)….and although there are days that might be a little ‘crazy’…..seriously being a SAHM is a breeze and I LOVE IT….but that is a CHOICE that i make…..now before i get blasted by annoymous or someone else let me explain…..because there are lots of factors that play into me finding this a breeze (most the time)….and they’re not all because of me – but let me share a few of the things that help me LOVE what I do….(and believe me it aint because my kids are ‘perfect’:)

Fistly – my hubby is completely dedicated to his family which means…..HE HELPS ME….HE SUPPORTS ME…..HE GIVES ME ME TIME…..HE CLEANS WHEN HE’S HOME…..HE LOOKS AFTER KIDS WHEN HE’S HOME…..he never comes home from work (which is crazy busy for him or from his church callings) and says i’m too tired to help – where’s my dinner….and my ironed shirts 🙂 basically my point is – although being a SAHM is full time unless your a single SAHM hopefully you will have a partner with you for at least half of that time to help you and give you some sort of ‘time off duty’

second – I made a choice not to ‘pump’ out babies so I could enjoy having kids and not be too stressed with little ones that are all too little (i speak only regarding having 1 baby at a time – no mutiple births factored in….give me more than that – I would probably be a crazy woman 🙂 my point – family planning…..not just ‘go with the flow’ if it happens it happens…(unless that’s what you want)

OK – i realise this is becoming WAY too long so I will try and wrap it up…..

When you have your first baby although it is a new beginning……it’s also the end of the life you now know….and that can be hard to adjust to, but if and when you have more kids after that, it’s a bit easier because they are ‘additions’ so to speak as opposed to a whole ‘lifestyle change’….

here’s one of my favourite quotes:

“Women do not have to sacrifice personhood if they are mothers. They do not have to sacrifice motherhood in order to be persons. Liberation was meant to expand women’s opportunities, not to limit them. The self-esteem that has been found in new pursuits can also be found in mothering”

BEING A SAHM IS THE BEST (WAY MORE ENJOYABLE AND EASIER THAN ANY FULL TIME WORK I’VE HAD) JOB EVER!!!!

Sarah says:

I can relate to how some mother’s are frustrated with the fact that they don’t get any or get very little kudos for what they do. For the first 4 years of our marriage I have been a student. So I was home more often than he was. I had long breaks over the summer and was home all the time. I couldn’t work (until last summer) because I’m Canadian and just recently got my green card. Which means that I stayed home and cleaned the house all day and did whatever I wanted to. What drove me crazy when we were first married was that he would come home and ask me what I did all day. It would take me 2 secs to tell him what I did and then he would kind of brush it off like I hadn’t done anything. Sure it took me 2 secs to say it but it took me hours to do all of it. So I felt underappreciated. And I think that’s what happens to a lot of SAHM. They’re husbands come home from work, exhausted, and wonder what their wives had been up to all day. They might be irritated because the house is a little messy and they might think that you just got to sit at home in your PJs all day while they worked their butts off. My husband has definitely been more helpful in the last 3 years and realizes that I do a lot of work around the house. A couple things that I do if I am home all day is make sure I get dressed! I hate sitting in my PJs all day. Sometimes it is nice to sit in your PJs especially if you are sick but everyday just makes it depressing. So to you underappreciated SAHM I think you are doing an awesome job! I don’t think I would be the person I am today if my mom hadn’t stayed home with us kids.

I love love love and have loved for 30 years being a stay at home mom. I am pretty busy, so homeschooling served to keep me stimulated and gave me enough to challenge me. Looking back don’t know why six kids didnt do that. I went to work once the kids were older, but when we adopted the baby came back home. Now we run a school and it is adjacent to our home, again I love love love being a stay at home mom. It is not for everyone though. My daughter works three days a week and her hubby is daddy daycare. That works out well for them and she loves it. By the way my hubby changed diapers for the first baby and never again.

Mama Bee says:

Mommy Bee,

Sorry, maybe I wasn’t clear enough, but in regards to teaching I feel like I would never presume to know how difficult of a job that is. And in turn, I would hope to get the same respect from teachers.

Cody says:

“It takes a whole village to raise a child.” I may not know from experience, but that is what my mom always told me (if this is a legit response).

I agree with Roblynn. Stay at home mom isn’t for everyone.

this is a touchy topic and you can’t win on either side. All I can tell you is that before I had Will I had a very different opinion of what it would be like being a SAHM, and I also said I would never be one. I was for about a year and now am a WAHM. I stay home by choice and think it is one of the best jobs. I don’t judge any longer and have also learned to never say never since I do many things I said I never would. You are so brave to even post about this topic 🙂

Mommy Bee says:

Fair enough Mama Bee. 🙂 conversing via comments on a blog is far from an ideal way to communicate. What I wouldn’t give for a good chat room, LOL!

Kylie's Mom says:

Oh my gosh…my actual schedule of what I do all day long is mind-boggling. My husband was at home for 6 months with my oldest when she was a toddler…he had been laid off and so I went back to work. Since then, he has never complained of having dirty dishes in the sink or toys on the floor. Most days I would come home and he would still be in his PJs because he just couldn’t get anything done. A toddler is a handful and has to be watched every second. You just pry the scissors out of their dirty little hands and they’re off chasing the cat or something. Housework??? That gets done during nap time, that is if your baby is good enough to nap well and doesn’t wake up when you wash dishes/vacume, etc.

Your idea of what happens in the day of a SAHM is a bit skewed, but you are young and need to experience this for yourself. I would be happy to have you tag along with me for a day, if you’re ever in Alberta! Look me up! 3 kids, PTA meetings, errands, shopping, swimming lessons…it never ends!

I wish you the best on your journey towards becoming a mom one day. Your blog brings back a lot of memories for me…my, how things have changed!

Lisa says:

For me, the hardest part of being SAHM is the lack of structure. I have plenty of things to do, but no looming deadlines (usually), and it’s hard to get motivated. It’s easy to fall into a state of apathy, and very difficult to get out of that state. Sometimes this “laziness” has a nice rhythm to it, and sometimes I like it. But sometimes it leaves me with an unsettled feeling. It’s hard to describe.

Of course, when I do try to accomplish something, the simplest tasks take forever because there are constant interruptions from children. Yet, those interruptions ARE my most important work.

sarah7181 says:

I think these girls pointed it all out pretty well. The biggest thing though that may have been missed or glossed over. When you are a SAHM, everything is about everybody else. You are cleaning and cooking and doing laundry for your husband, you are caring for your kids. Diapers, sippy cups, mommy help this, do that… constantly. By the end of the day you are exhausted, and you think…. I can’t remember one thing today that I did just for me. My showers include me soaping up as fast as I can while my 1 year old drags everything out from under my sink, and my 2 year old daughter tries to get him to stop and clean it up… I think to get a better idea of what it is like maybe go stand in a daycare center for a half hour. hehe The first child is easy. After that, they tag team ya! haha However, I love it and i’d never change it. I am sooo lucky to be able to do this. Alot of moms don’t have a choice. I did.

Kris K says:

You’ve gotten lots of comments here! I’ve been a WAHM for the past year since our daughter came home. She’s almost 2…and has rarely slept through the night–most likely from a sleep disorder. A typical night means I’m up 4-7 times a night. Sometimes it take a few seconds…other times it’s up to 2 hrs (actually, occasionally 3). It’s not behavioral (contrary to what most people think!) and therefore not an “easy fix” (aka leave her in her bed to cry it out). Living on 4 non-consecutive hours of sleep a night is brutal after a few months. Even though my hubby takes the weekend nights, I just cannot catch up. You never know when you have a child if they’ll be good sleeper or not. You cannot count on that! Oh, and she’s awake EVERY MORNING between 4-5am. I’m a morning person, so it works for me…but when I’ve hardly gotten any sleep after midnight…it’s really hard to continue to function at noon…and the day is only half over!

For me, the hardest part has been the not enough sleep. Well, and I’m trying to work on my dissertation as well as teaching part-time online. I like my house neat, so between trying to keep with that, working, researching and spending fun time with my DD–the days can go by like you wouldn’t believe! Before you know it, it’s 4pm and time to start dinner…and after dinner I’m so tired I could care less to work on the different things I couldn’t get done throughout the day.

I do shower every day…DD watches a movie while I’m in the shower…it works pretty good, actually! And we try to do one outing a day–we both feel cooped up if we don’t.

Do I love being home??? Absolutely! I waited for her 3 years and love almost every minute I get with her! But, that doesn’t mean that it is easy. There have been many days I’ve called my DH and told him I wanted to quit being mom right now. But, not an option…and never a break. n.e.v.e.r.

TXMom2B says:

It’s not so much that it’s hard. Quite frankly, I spend too much time hanging out on the computer. It’s more the boredom factor, and the total lack of control over your day. If the baby vomits all day, my plans change. If the baby has a blow-out diaper, I’m late to wherever I was heading. Watching my precious son crawl around the room is cute, yeah, but, well, it was cute the last several hundred times, too.

Plus, the regular stuff takes a surprising amount of time. Feeding him a bottle takes 20-30 minutes, then it takes another 15-20 minutes to feed him the solids. Then, it takes 30 minutes to get him settled down for a nap. Multiply that times 3 and that takes up a chunk of my day. Not hard, exactly, but boring. Thank goodness for my ipod.

Most of the time, I love the illusion of freedom I have. Most days, it’s pretty predictable and I’m one of the lucky ones whose baby takes two long naps. Most days, if I get cabin fever, I can take him to the mall or to a playgroup. But there are also days where I really, really want to find a full-time job out of the house and put him in daycare. Days when I’m sick of the house but I can’t go anywhere because the baby is sick or just too fussy to inflict him on the public. Days when I have had enough of body fluids. Days when I know I have nothing interesting to talk to my husband about.

So, yeah, you’re right in that it isn’t hard, per se. It’s just boring and frustrating sometimes. But really rewarding and feels almost liberating other times.

Nicole says:

I too did not realize what SAHM meant until I actually saw it written out. I’m a dork!

21st CG says:

Well I think for a woman who hasn’t had a lot of experience with caring for multiple children, it might be hard to understand. But I can certainly see where this post came from. So many women say, “It’s the best job in the world!” So why wouldn’t we non-moms assume that being a stay at home mom would be an enjoyable experience? I’m hoping that it’s going to be different when it’s my own children. I have lots of experience with taking care of kids. I work at my church every Sunday which is very crowded and a bit understaffed so we can have 15 toddlers running around with just 3 “helpers.” I also nanny triplets, so I feel like I can say that sometimes I feel like things can be pretty overwhelming, but I’m also not dealing with my own children. I’m hoping that it will make all the difference. But hey, I might be wrong, I’ll get back to you in about 8 years, haha.

Mrs O says:

I am totally late on this discussion, but what a drama eh! I am a full time working mum and I have been both a stay at home mum and a part time working mum. I can honestly say that of those 3, being a ‘part time’ working mum was the hardest. You’re neither here nor there. Now that I work full time, whenever I get the odd day off to spend with my cutie, I find myself extremely tired at the end of the day. But I love it – because it has the novelty factor.

I think if I had to stay home, indefinitely every day, all day, well, in honesty, I would go crazy. I am just not cut out to be a stay at home mum. I am better at other things. I have accepted that….I still consider myself a fulltime mum, I dont switch off because I am at work. I think that different things work for different folks and that jennifer was clearly speaking from a non-mum perspective at the time. What other lense could she possibly view this issue from. It doesnt matter what we all think is the hardest job. At the end of the day, we just have to do the best we can in our chosen (or given) paths and get on with our own business….and at the same time, stop playing this nonsense game of ‘i’m a more hard working mum than you are’ game. Its just silly.

Thats my 2pence worth – I just had to comment.

Team Hayes says:

It’s the hardest job in existence because no other job carries the responsibility, stress, fear, and overall power of being the number ONE greatest influence on shaping little humans into kind, respectful, intelligent, compassionate, articulate, healthy, loving, and basically good young adults. No other job on earth can affect a person in the same way, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and logically. Period. You fail at another job, you get fired. You fail at THIS job, you can’t just walk away. You have to be on your game 24/7. You have to change who you are. You have to be an example all day every day to young eyes who are watching you, learning from your every word and every action. No other job has as much impact on another person as being a mom impacts a child. 🙂

vitamix says:

Information. Blessed me I came across your blog unintentionally, and i’m astonished why this chance failed to happened sooner! My partner and i saved as a favorite it.

Rebecca says:

This post infuriated me. I’m a SAHM.

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Hi! I’m Jennifer Borget

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I'm a former journalist, and lifelong creator striving to make the world a better place. This is the space where I share my journey in making the most of every day by cherishing our individuality and celebrating our differences.



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