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The Reason I Can’t…

I can think of a bunch of reasons why I should have a kid right now, and about a dozen reasons why I shouldn’t. But the #1 reason why I can’t have a kid right now… I told my best friend I’d wait for her.

Shannon and I have been best friends since the fourth grade… And I mean BEST friends. She met my husband before any of my family did (and lucky for him she approved).

We don’t talk on the phone as much as we like but when we do we can easily pick up where we left off. I was her matron of honor, and she will be my children’s Godmother. We’ve lasted though moves across the country, and rare vacations to visit each other. Basically there’s LOTS of history… And we told each other we’d have kids together…. Well, not together but you know what I mean. We’re hoping we’ll at least be living in the same state when we have kids, and that we can go through the whole pregnancy process together.
When I agreed to the pact I had no objections. I was already married and she was dating her now husband at the time. I knew it would be about five years before my husband and I would even be THINKING about having kids, and she’d be bit by the baby bug shortly after getting married and VIOLA, we’d be ready at the same time!

Well, as my five year mark is quickly approaching, and my baby fever is reaching a boil, neither of us are thinking of really making the plunge. I think if she jumped I’d jump, but she’s not going to jump with me yet. We’re SO much alike… Even when it comes to this topic. Both of us crave stability, reassurance, knowledge of the fact that we’ll be able to EAT, and both of us love our career choices.

Shannon will be a great, world class veterinarian one day. I’m sure I’ll be interviewing her about some innovative procedure she invented on my nationally televised talk show… But until then, we are both trying to get by as students/amateurs and find the right time to jump into the game of double dutch aka parenting.

…But I think my time line is shrinking at a faster rate than hers.
If you couldn’t tell, I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. I told her about my blog but it scared her… I can’t have kids yet. DUH!! Why am I even thinking about it? We’re suppose to do this together… Not exactly, but you know what I mean.

Did you have a similar pact with a friend or family member? Did you stick with it?
I guess I cold be having #2 when she’s having #1 but that’s just not the same… Is it?


Yolanda says:

Awww that is so sweet- you and your bff are so cute!

Actually a coworker friend and I planned to get pregnant with our 1st kids at the same time. Our company had fantastic support for moms and we planned to job share on opposite days so the other could watch both babies. Of course I finally got a positive pregnancy test on one day and they laid off our entire group the next (the company doesn’t even exist anymore) so those plans were laid to rest. But it was brilliant planning at the time 🙂

Mommy Bee says:

Being pregnant at the same time as a friend or sister IS really fun. My sister and I had our first babies about 2 months apart.
With that said, I don’t think it makes sense to put your life on hold just because she’s not at that point in her life yet. If you are there, you should do what is right for YOU. Honestly I think it would be pretty selfish to demand that another person change their life plans just for you–deal or no deal–you know? Having a family is so much bigger than something like going to get your nails done together, or agreeing to not cut your hair until the other does.
Maybe she can have #1 while you are having #2! Every pregnancy and every baby are different, so it doesn’t matter if it’s #1 or #5, it’s still an adventure and it’s still fun to do it with someone else. 🙂

haha! I can’t even imagine what Cory would say if I told him we had to wait to have kids, or start right away, because my bff and I decided to wait/start having kids. !!! He would be like, “forget that, we’re making this decision together!” 🙂 That would be really fun to be pregnant w/ your bff or sister at the same time though… My friend’s neighbors joked about it and it actually happened, and they were all on birth control still, freaky ay?

Mallory says:

I have always wanted to be pregnant as my best friend…who is my sister. But I sure as heck didn’t wait for her. I’m just hoping and hoping that she’ll finally decide to start having kids and then we may get to be pregnant together eventually! Now I just get to tease her that she is going to have to have twins to catch up to me! 😀

Anonymous says:

haha, jenn, if u think ur really ready to start having kids, go for it! we kinda are at different points in our life, i mean, you already have your bachelors and are starting your career and you’ve been married 4 years. i, on the other hand, have yet to get my bachelors, but am working dilligently at it, maybe slower than i would like but hey, least i’m still pluggin away. i haven’t even been married a year, i’m not in my career, it just wouldn’t make sense for me to now. like i said before, and like some of the other commenters said, i can always catch ya on the 2nd or 3rd time around maybe. but definately do what is right for you! i love you too much to try and tell you i wouldn’t be happy if you got pregnant just because we talked about being pregnant together for so long. just let me know asap if you do get preggers so i can make sure i get my booty out there to rub your belly and bring you some oh so cute baby clothes!

… oh, and you coulda chose a lil more flattering pics… i mean, you look gorgeous as always, but really… : )

i’m gunna be their godmother?? aww! well your gunna be my kids godmother too! but really jenn, go for it!

part of me thinks you’re using our lil agreement to not have kids cuz you want them, but you’re scared. i mean, you’re bringing a life into the world! but how amazing is that?! you and brian created a person together! i just can’t wrap my head around that! i’ll admit i have the baby fever a bit, i bought my friend some baby clothes the other day, and it really made me want one, but now just isn’t the right time for us. but really, go for it if it’s what you want! i can’t wait to see the gorgeous lil baby!

love you girlie! <3 shannon

Keya says:

I never had that pack with someone. But it must be fun. However keep in mind not everyone can get pregnant right away, and when both of you are ready, the one that isn’t pregnant will be happy for the other but sad for themselves. So don’t plan it out too too much.

That is so sweet, and no I really had no one with whom I could of planed something like that. I sure wish I did , it would be fun to be pregnant at the same time with a BFF and share all of it 🙂

nancy says:

i have been reading your blog for some time now but have never commented… first let me say that i think you are very entertaining and i love reading what you have to say…

as for this post… i am RIGHT there with ya! my best friend and have known each other for 22+ years, since they day she moved next door when she was 2 yrs old and i was 3 yrs old… somewhere along the way, we made a pact to get pregnant together, so we could get “fat” together 🙂 and of course, raise our kids together so they could be best friends for life, just like us!

so yess, i definitely know what you mean!

don’t wait too long! I waited and then it took us 3 long years w/ fertility treatments I didn’t think it would take that long! Girl you have received so much love at my blog!

Young Momma says:

I haven’t ever made a pact like that – but I can see why you guys would!! I think it’s AWESOME that you’re still best friends after so many years and moves and changes!!! My best friend lives in WA and I live in CA so our friendship has been strained. We’ve talked about moving to WA to be closer to her and her hubs (my hubs best friend). Just a month or so ago, she sprang it on me. They AREN’T having kids. ~GASP~ I was in shock!!! I am still having trouble swallowing it. And I can’t blog about it – because she has my blog info!!! lol Needless to say, I doubt we’ll be moving out of state to be closer to them if they really don’t have kids. That was kind of the whole point. I love her to death though, and her decision doesn’t hurt us as being such good friends. We’re just in different places of our lives. I always wanted to be a mom and she always wanted a career. 🙂

Anyway, cute blog! I’m gonna follow you and grab your button!

Andi (@andisherwood) says:

Nice pact, I wouldn’t stick with it though and frankly, I don’t think it’s kind of either of you to pressure the other into sticking to it either.

It took me over 5 years to get pregnant. I was the first married in my family and the second to the last to get pregnant, even though I was trying before anyone else was even married.

How would you feel if you waited for her and then she got pregnant the first month and you didn’t get pregnant for 3 years?

The decision about when to have a child is between you and your husband, not you and your friend.

It is fun being pregnant when someone else is (I was pregnant with my youngest sister, the last to get married). But it is so not fun not being pregnant when everyone else is.

Do it when you and your husband feel that it is the right thing. 🙂

{leah} says:

I think it’s fun to be pregenet with friends, but I’m with most others, I don’t know that I would wait, or that I wouldn’t wait to do it together. It’s great if it happens, but it’s nice to be the center for a little bit. And think… if you get pregenate at seperate times you can take care of each other. Not so much when you are both pregenate at the same time. {Even living close by} It’s nice to go through all the weird things that happen together {and things just get wierder and wierder….} it would be nice to have a best friend to lean on and be able to ask all those personal questions to.

Either way, it’s you, your husband and the Lord…{and the love and blessing of a BFF :)}

Melissa says:

Awwwwe! What a sweet post. Friendships like that are priceless.

Everytime you post, you make me think about different things lol.

My best friend and I planned to have our kids together too. She got married a year before me and was pregnant before I got married. I got pregnant after I got married and her oldest and my girl are a little more than a year apart. So, we decided to have our second kids together. She had a little girl in November, and getting pregnant for us is a lot harder than we thought this time.

So, hopefully we can have kid #3 together!

But, in spite of all of this, we are going to be at each other’s labors and deliveries from now on. She is going to help me through my first actual labor, and I will be there to support her with my new training as a Doula.

It’s a whole new adventure once you think past having kids at the same time.

LOL!!! I love this post! My BFF/sister-in-law and I got pregnant around the same time twice… totally unintended. I think. Well, when your BFF has a baby on the way, and you live close together and share in every doggone thing, it’s easy to subconsciously want to experience the same blessing. Her two sons are about six months older than my two daughters, and let me tell you, the four of them are more like brothers and sisters than cousins, and it’s a FANTASTIC experience to have a BFF who can understand almost down to the letter exactly what you’re going through as a mom as she grapples with the same issues herself.

Now, I’m not saying you two should wait for one another–if you’re ready and she’s not, you can’t let the “pact” stop you from making choices for YOUR family. Still, it is nice to have someone who can identify.

I just LOVE this blog!!!

Aubrey says:

What a great friendship you have! I say…Make The Jump!

Deatren says:

That is a great thing you have with your friend and when one of you is truly ready just tell the other one and see what she thinks. If it works it works and if not no big deal you will still have each other and your little one (or hers) will still have a great “auntie” and what difference does it make if they are a little bit apart in age they will see your great relationship with your friend and that is what matters.

Kiki says:

I’ve had that same pact with my two cousin’s and my best friend. But then I had to go and fall in love with a man 7 years my Jr. and he wasn’t ready when they were all ready. And when a woman is “ready” DO NOT ask her to wait, unless you want to watch her slowly pull her hair out piece by piece until she looks likes she may be malting. Fortunately after seeing them with their fresh new babies my man started to soften up to the idea. And it’s game on. 😉

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Hi! I’m Jennifer Borget

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I'm a former journalist, and lifelong creator striving to make the world a better place. This is the space where I share my journey in making the most of every day by cherishing our individuality and celebrating our differences.



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