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The Premature Breakdown

I don’t know what it was or where it came from, but the conversation of “when”–The official goal-setting timetable of what we want accomplished first and when we hope my Baby Makin’ Machine will officially switch “ON”–also turned on the knobs to my water works.

I’ve always been a big crier, so normally my sudden tears wouldn’t surprise my husband too much, but this time it only confused him.

Him: “You’re worried you’re what?”
Me: *Sniffles*
Him: ???!
Me: “That I’m infertile!!”
Him: “What?!” (tries to stifle a laugh)
Me: “DON’T LAUGH AT ME!”
Him: “Well don’t you think it’s a little early to be worried about that?”
Me: “I don’t know… All of my friends are getting pregnant on accident, and we’ve been married four and a half years and that hasn’t happened to us!”
Him: “So you’re worried because your birth control hasn’t failed?” (tries to hide a smile)
Me: “Ye–No!”
Him: (Obviously laughing) “You are worried you’re infertile because the birth control is doing what it’s suppose to do?”
Me: “I don’t know!”
Him: “Don’t worry about that, it’ll all work out. But if you are going to worry about it, at least wait until we’re not trying to not get pregnant.”

I had thought about it before but never had the worry hit me like I let it this time. We had a serious conversation about “whatifs”– Though quite early, and probably unnecessary, it was nice to get it all out and talk about options and solutions beforehand.

Unfortunately, we’re not the type who will have an in-between period where we’ll “not try, not prevent.” Both of us are a little too controlling to do that. We either want it or we don’t–There’s not really anything in-between about it.

Planning so much has really made me think I’m going to be a nutcase when it’s time to rock and roll, and I worry that will prohibit me from achieving the ultimate goal…Actually, based on what I’ve read, I’m pretty sure it will. Getting all of this out made me think I’ll be able to be calm and just let things happen. And while I still sometimes worry and think about and try to plan a step ahead of the “whatifs” I’ve decided to cross that bridge when I actually get there–Even through it’s scary not knowing what’s on the other side of that bridge.

Are you or were you ever worried about this?–Is it a normal woman thing?


Yes, I worried too. Was on BC pills. Heard it would take FOREVER to get pregnant. It didn’t – it happened the next month! But I was worried, and had a few breakdowns like this. Similar. =)

Yakini says:

Yes, i was so worried about this! Firstly, i had never accidentally gotten pregnant, and using the rhythm method this seemed weird to me…. so i totally had the “am i fertile” concerns! And then, once we began to talk seriously about having kids, i feared that the timeline wouldnt work out. Now, the thing is, our first baby was a “surprise,” so my worry about timelines is more intense when i think about Baby #2. I really wanna plan things out the second time around, and i fear that it just wont be that simple.

Wifey says:

You know your convo made me giggle. Too cute.

Yes, worrying is normal but you’re right it can hinder the process. Try to keep it under control (*right*) and have fun once you start trying.

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Steph. says:

Hubs and I actually went to see an infertility specialist, because I was being nerotic about NOT getting preggers…. WHILE BEING ON BC! This was last month BTW. The doctor took us off BC for 6 months prior to us having some tests done. Everything is okay, I was just being my typical control freak/analyzer.

Your hubby is right, wait till everything is “go” before you worry about that stuff.

As far as if your constant worrying will affect your “ultimate goal”.. it did me. The first time around, I was working 40+ hours. Going to school and being my me. Which means, cleaning alot and trying to control every aspect of my day/life/existence.

The doctor told us very clearly, if I would have relaxed and taken things easy, both physically and emotionally.. things would have had a different outcome. That is one of the reason hubs and I have decided that as much as can be done before we start trying again, needs to be done.

So yeah chica, relax and take things with confidence and assurance that you have done everything on your part to prepare yourself. You have educated yourself, exhausted your resources, and are ready to take this step. Pat yourself on the back and take the plunge already. lol.

Ciao!

Steph.

Jen says:

I’m absolutely terrified about this. We’re preventing right now, but would like to start a family in the future. We need a house first because it’s impractical to raise a family in our tiny apartment… but I’m so worried that I won’t be able to have kids that sometimes (and this is AWFUL of me…) I think, “Let’s try JUST to make sure!” but I realize you can’t “just try” because trying could mean happening. Does that make sense?

Tamara says:

Im there with ya lady. I worry about it a lot. I mean, ive never been pregnant either, but chicks around me are getting pregnant left and right while on MULTIPLE birth control systems! I worry that im getting too old (i know im not, but its there) and i worry that it will take FOREVER to conceive (we’d like 3 to 4 kids).

I havent broken down like that yet, but im figuring that when we sit down and have a serious “so when are we really going to do this?” (cause we arent “not preventing, not trying” people either, we just DO! lol), i figure i will be a bushel of emotion lol.

LegalChic says:

You know what, it is weird- after leaving my ex I didn’t even want to concern myself with another man. I wanted to get things right for my daughter first. Then my mom got sicker and I had no time and it just wasn’t a thing. Then more recently it has kind of hit me that for one, I really wonder if I am gonna ever meet a man that I would want in our lives and number two if I will be able to have another kid. Will it take so long that I wont be able to? I have a hard time getting pregnant anyways so this has really begun to bug me. I know this is a bit different then your situation but I know how ya feel. 🙂

Brianna
http://www.girlscurlshair.com

Quel says:

Sounds familiar. I thought I was infertile because I only had 3 or 4 periods a year…since I was 19. SO I didn’t ovulate regularly. I had filled prescribtions for fertility meds, but got pregnant before I could start them. I lost that baby though. I thought I was fine, until I was helping my friend take her toddler for a long walk and volunteered to push our things in his empty stroller. NEVER. PUSH. AN. EMPTY. STROLLER. ONE. MONTH. AFTE. A. MISCARRIAGE! Talk about water works. But I was pregnant with Zack three months later.

The best advice I can give you is to, as much as possible, put the most positive energy you can in and around you when you think about getting pregnant and while you’re pregnant. It’s such a beautiful life-changing thing…all the events surrounding every step of it. Enjoy it!

You want to be a mom SO bad, which means you’re going to be a great mother. Lucky FutureBabies!

Completely normal, I think we all worry about it.

Josie says:

That is too funny Jen! I felt and feel the same way sometimes! Arnt husbands great for making us feel stupid? hehe

Lyndsey says:

LOl, relax!

We weren’t exactly trying, but we weren’t exactly preventing it either…it took about 9 months…with two very early miscarriages mixed in there. It wasn’t until I relaxed and stopped thinking about wanting to be pregnant that I got pregnant AND kept it to full term. Now, I swear by relaxing and enjoying those precious last moments with your partner BEFORE baby 🙂

Sarah says:

I definitely feel this way. Especially since I’ve been on the pill for over 4 years and yes there have been a few times that I took the pill late…never on purpose. And yet here we are and we have never had an oops baby…let alone a baby. It worries me though that maybe we will have issues trying to conceive or first child…I really hope not. But we’ll find out eventually. I’m not against adoption…just hope that we can have a baby of our own.

Anonymous says:

Ha ha, yes I totally worry about this all the time. Even though I have regular periods now, I still convince myself that maybe I secretly have endometriosis or a deformed uterus or something… my biggest worry is that because we’re waiting until after our wedding next year before we start trying, I’ll find out afterwards that I became infertile during the waiting period.

I think the whole baby thing is an emotional roller coaster for every woman…I went through so many emotions when I first started thinking about having a baby, whether I could even have a baby, worried I couldn’t etc, etc. I found out I am considered infertile, so that’s a whole new bag of emotions!

I stopped by to say hello and thank you for stopping by my blog & leaving a comment! 🙂

Lauren says:

Hi! I found my way over here from FiveOh4 Uplifting…I’ve also seen you around SITS and always wanted to stop by. Your site is beautiful — and your emotion so real.

I have to tell you — in reading your post and the comments that followed, my heart is pounding with anxiety. I wish I could just hug all you beautiful wonderful worrying women…and I wish there was a way to settle your nerves. But there’s nothing magical I can tell you to do that…choosing to let go of the worry is something only you can do.

What I can offer you is this…As the mother of 3 children, ages 18, 16 & 14, you would think that I had mastered the babymaking plan. You would be dead wrong. It turns out though, that the plan that “the Big Guy” had in mind for us, was/is the perfect plan for us.

I promise you all one thing — You can “control” only so much about the process. You will lead a much happier existence if you find a way to let go of the worry (not just about babymaking either)– because the truth is, this one of those things that worrying won’t change.

If you know “The Serenity Prayer” — this is one of those place where it applies. If all else fails and you can’t let go of the worry…get a jump on Lamaze and start practicing your breathing.

Good luck…breathe deep. Have a great weekend…and I’ll be back to visit again soon!

When in the process of having my third son I almost flipped out when I thought I was not prego. It was the FIRST month we had started trying and I was already a few days late but when I took the Dollar Store Prego tests it was only a VERY faint second pink line. I cried and decided I couldn’t keep doing this every month. No way could I spend each month disappointed and wondered how everyone else did it. Lo and Behold….I was indeed pregnant!

So I totally understand breaking down unnecessarily! 😀

mommytoalot says:

Oh boy, do i ever remember those days. My sisters both got pregnant right away..and a few of my friends while they were still on the pill..
me it took 8 months and that seemed like forever.
xo

TuTu's Bliss says:

First things first..
1. Normal is so overrated and boring.
2. I think your probably just as fertile as you are fabulous. And if not well then, you can adopt me! 😉 But I would be getting the better end of that deal. I would make a demanding and miserable child. Just ask my hubby.
3. Whatever you feel, don’t feel is just perfect. We’re always where we need to be even if we’re not sure where we want to be.
HUGS AND MORE HUGS!!!

Federica says:

Thanks for stopping by my blog and leave a comment! Now I have found your beautiful blog!
It’s a really pleasure!

Many greetings from Italy!
Federica

I have thought about it before… but he’s right, don’t worry about what you don’t even know! Go ahead and start trying and then you’ll know. 😉

Jen says:

Why would you worry about it if you’re NOT trying..sheesh! Either get pregnant or DON’T! But don’t worry about it if you aren’t trying right now. You’re going to MAKE yourself nuts by the time you even want to try. Pregnancy is a time to enjoy not to be a basketcase over.

Jenna says:

I’m sure you’re fine! The odds are in your favor, remember? And also, remember … you don’t WANT to be pregnant when you’re on birth control! So consider yourself lucky you haven’t had an “oops.”

(Or maybe you secretly WANT an “oops…?”)

Brooke says:

Hmmm.. so I am going to a fertility specialist right now. Blah!!! So emotionally exhausting!

Yes Disney Fanatic I am too. Love it. Obsessed. 🙂

Anonymous says:

I know exactly how you feel! I have been in the same boat as you going back and forth on the pregnancy thing but my husband is like yours… (or was, until unexpectedly yesterday he told me he was getting used to the idea and that we could move to the not preventing/not trying stage) I worry constantly that I am infertile, it is a huge fear of mine for some reason. I know a girl who DID NOT want to have kids (much like you were in the beginning) and ended up pregnant despite the use of birth control AND condoms…

I think it’s normal to worry about about infertility, even while on BC. God has obviously given you a passion for motherhood, so I am confident there will be kids to go along with that passion (whenever GOd chooses to give them to you!) I wanted desperately to be pregnant when I was on BC (for the 3 short months I was on it!).

oh, and thanks for stopping by my blog via SITS and leaving such nice comments!

You are too funny! As many people have said “odds are in your favor”. Once you’re off BC give your body some time to adjust. It could happen the next month, or in my case, happen almost two years later. You will find that the more you try to “control” it the less out of control you’ll be. As someone who has been(actively) trying to conceive her third for 11 months, take it from me-sometimes releasing the control and just letting it happen is the best way to go.

Melissa@MamaMonoblogs
(momonajourney on twitter :o) )

keyalus says:

I worried so much about this despite always having regular periods and not having any abnormalities in my regular GYN checkups.

I worried because several of my favorite blogs are written by women who deal with infertility so that topic was always fresh in my mind.

I worried because I started trying when I was 32 (are my eggs old?).

I worried because I’d been on birth control for years.

I wish I knew how to describe how or why, but when we actually started trying a lot of the worry went away. I think avoiding “doing too much” helped me. If I were tracking temperatures and mucous and stuff like that I might have gone nuts.

After all that worrying, I got pregnant basically the first time we tried in the correct window. And I didn’t even realize that it was a “good day” until much later.

danielle says:

Yes…I totally worried about the same thing. I had been married for five years and had not been trying to get pregnant, but kind of thought the same thing…that I was surprised it hadn’t happened by accident, and worried that I never would. But I got pregnant as soon as we started “trying”.

I think every woman that wants a baby really bad has some small fear of this in the back of thier mind. I worry about it too, it is my worse fear. I want to carry my own baby so bad I can’t stand it and if I couldn’t I feel certain I would feel like a failure to myself and my husband. But, we just don’t know til we get there! I try not to worry because I am sure that will only make it so much worse!

Totally normal! My better half and I have had unusual jobs. I was an armorer (gunsmith) for many years and he will be an airbrush artist forever (which makes me really happy because the man is gifted!) Anyway, we are not ready to have children yet. We are actually on birth control too. But every now and then we get really nervous about all the fumes we have inhaled? What it they make it difficult for us? Or impossible!! Then I cry and he tries to comfort me. He starts talking about adoption, which I’m okay with–when I’m not freaking out about infertility–but during this time it just makes cry harder. You see? Totally normal…

FranticMommy says:

Oh honey you are SO normal! LOVE your blog. Congrats on the 4th wheel BlogRoller trip too. I am VERY happy for you. Thanks for stopping by my blog too.:)

LeNesha says:

I believe lots of women feel the same way. As a matter of fact, I am going through this right now. I had a kid accidentally at 17. Now that I’m married and hubby and I are trying to have kids, we’ve not had success as of yet. Go figure. Kids unplanned at 17, no kids planned at 28 (my baby making machine has been on now for 4 months)…UGH, how frustrating. Is something now wrong with me? Or him?

Some quick stats:
25% of couples get pregnant within 1st month of trying
60% get pregnant within 6 months
75% get pregnant within 9 months
80% get pregnant within 12 months
90% get pregnant within 18 months

There’s a 25% chance of conception for healthy women in their 20s each month and a 15% chance for healthy women in their 30s.

Crazy Daisy says:

I clicked over here from John Deere Mom’s Blog. And I’m hooked! I can relate to this, as well as the entire idea of what your blog seems to be (happily married, full time career women… no baby). Happy to have found another person in similar shoes!

Mrs4444 says:

You’re funny and sweet, and your blog is adorable. I’ll be back 🙂

I am also a worrier about this type of thing….I am in month #2 of trying, and although all signs point to me not having issues, I can’t help but have thoughts in the back of my mind that we might have issues. My husband had surgery on his “crucial zone” as a child, but has had no issues since, and my mom tried for me for 9 years with issues and my grandma tried for my dad for 10 years. I guess whatever happens, happens!

Jen says:

I worry about this all. the. time. Seriously. What if when I’m FINALLY ready, I can’t get knocked up? You’re not alone, sista.

I think it’s normal to worry about about infertility, even while on BC. God has obviously given you a passion for motherhood, so I am confident there will be kids to go along with that passion (whenever GOd chooses to give them to you!) I wanted desperately to be pregnant when I was on BC (for the 3 short months I was on it!).

oh, and thanks for stopping by my blog via SITS and leaving such nice comments!

Lauren says:

Hi! I found my way over here from FiveOh4 Uplifting…I’ve also seen you around SITS and always wanted to stop by. Your site is beautiful — and your emotion so real.

I have to tell you — in reading your post and the comments that followed, my heart is pounding with anxiety. I wish I could just hug all you beautiful wonderful worrying women…and I wish there was a way to settle your nerves. But there’s nothing magical I can tell you to do that…choosing to let go of the worry is something only you can do.

What I can offer you is this…As the mother of 3 children, ages 18, 16 & 14, you would think that I had mastered the babymaking plan. You would be dead wrong. It turns out though, that the plan that “the Big Guy” had in mind for us, was/is the perfect plan for us.

I promise you all one thing — You can “control” only so much about the process. You will lead a much happier existence if you find a way to let go of the worry (not just about babymaking either)– because the truth is, this one of those things that worrying won’t change.

If you know “The Serenity Prayer” — this is one of those place where it applies. If all else fails and you can’t let go of the worry…get a jump on Lamaze and start practicing your breathing.

Good luck…breathe deep. Have a great weekend…and I’ll be back to visit again soon!

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Hi! I’m Jennifer Borget

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I'm a former journalist, and lifelong creator striving to make the world a better place. This is the space where I share my journey in making the most of every day by cherishing our individuality and celebrating our differences.



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