I’ve had my somewhat against the grain attitude toward motherhood for years now. I’d say about two years into my marriage is when it really hit its peak. Since then I’ve calmed down and begun to somewhat understand WHY people want to have kids.
One summer… It was actually just for about a month, I worked at a credit union. Most of the women there talked daily about wanting to have kids. We were all married, and I seemed to be the only one who thought everyone else had lost their minds! ‘We’re young… Practically babies ourselves, why in the world do you want to have kids now?’ I’d think… And sometimes say.
There was one guy I worked with too. His wife had just had a baby. I was excited for them, not as excited as I would be for a friend nowadays, but still excited. I would ask him a lot of questions about parenting and how he liked it an such. He would tell me how great it was and joke with me and tell me I should have a child too. Lawd, on no he didn’t! I’d have to stop that talk right on the spot. I knew I wasn’t about to jump on THAT bandwagon yet. Both of us being a little sarcastic and pushing each others buttons got a little on each other’s nerves. But I’ll never forget one thing he said to me that I thought was so crazy… so mean, and just sounded WRONG:
“I HOPE you get pregnant,” he spat at me.
“Why would you say something like that?” was the only response I could muster. I didn’t know if I should retaliate, be angry, or scared with the way he said it.
“It’s a good thing,” he said. “It’s not a bad thing to wish that for you.” Oh yea? Well why did you say it like you were trying to put some kind of Voodoo Witch Curse on me?
Jenna said it best:
“There’s a glaring difference between offering helpful advice and smugly saying, “Oh, you just wait…bwahahahahaha!” That’s just mean-spirited and makes people sound bitter about their lives.”
I think a similar example could be taken in my approach to marriage. When a friend of mine is contemplating marriage, or dreaming of how great it will be, I may say it’s not all fun and games but I’m not going to say “Actually marriage is really really hard, just you wait and see… Most people get divorced, hopefully you’re not one of them.”
Or if someone is thinking of getting a puppy, thinking it’ll cure their baby fever as I did, (and a few months later I fell immune)… I’m not going to say “Dogs are hard, just you wait… Oh, and I hope he PEES ALL OVER YOU!”
Ummm… That doesn’t make it sound like I love my dog.
Ok different, yes, but really… Warning calls, maybe not the best idea to make someone want to join the parenting club.
No offense to them or anything but I hope I don’t sound like that when I have kids.
Also, I know it’s natural to be curious on when someone’s wanting to have kids, but not everyone is as open and honest as me. Everyone is different and some people just don’t want everyone all up in their business… As my friend Tara says “Stay out of my uterus!”
…But not you guys, you are welcome in my uterus at anytime! Just be careful who and how you tell people to “watch out,” or you may scare them out of wanting kids… Ever.