The Prayer

Dear God,

I can’t believe I’m saying this but… I want a baby.
It’s not what I always wanted, I thought: One day maybe.

Over the years some things have changed.
My life, in many ways has been rearranged.
You sent me the man of my dreams earlier than I planned,
You are leading me YOUR way, I’ve witnessed this firsthand.

So please, help me continue to be a good wife,
as I strive to think through, and plan, my next stage of life.

“Family First” are words I try to remember,
but sometimes, that can make me a difficult staff member.

In the future I’d like to be lead to a way,
that will give be the time to be there each day.
Be there each day for my family I mean.
So common, let’s go, go work as a team.

A child isn’t something I’ve always wanted. You know that.
I change my mind a lot when it comes to when I want to try to have our first child.
I know you tell people when you know it’s right for them but I can’t tell if you’re telling me.
I suppose at some point in time it’s the right thing for everyone to do.
But I’m not sure I’ve heard you tell me it’s right.
If it’s not the right time I understand, because to be honest I don’t think I’m quite ready yet.
But don’t get me wrong, I know you’ll help me through it if that’s what you want.
There is one big favor I want to ask you though…
I want to be able to BE THERE for them.
I’d really appreciate it if you could lead me in a direction where that would make that possible.
I know families are your number one thing, and success in the family is my biggest priority.
That’s why I’m hoping we–Me and you, can find a way to make this happen.
I know that’s a hard thing to arrange for a lot of families.
These days a lot of families have both parents working.
I want to work, I love to work, but I’m hoping I an work a mom-friendly schedule.
This is really important to me… You know that.
So PLEASE, I’m listening.
Tell me what to do.

Hard for me to admit now.
It’s not what I’ve always wanted.
I thought I wanted lots of money.
I thought I wanted to be a lot older.
I thought I wanted the most successful career.
But goals and dreams change. I’m realizing that now.
When I think about it all I want is a cute happy family.
I wish we could live in the jungle, or create our own farm.
Oh but I’d settle for a little house with a white picket fence…
And the opportunity to be there, to watch them learn and grow.

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  1. Oh this was so sweet…How ready are you?
    I loved my job, that was all I did work, than one day I got pregnant and believe it or not I planed for it…we got married and nine months later the most perfect baby girl arrived. Trust me I wouldn’t change a thing! I’m now asking are we ready for more, and I know we are…but time will tell when exactly!

    What ever you do I hope you’re happy, and I wish you all the best in your journey to motherhood, trust me it’s the best thing in the world 🙂

  2. This made me cry it is so beautiful!

    When I got married, we told ourselves we were going to wait 5 years to have kids so both of us were out of college and that way we wouldn’t have to worry.

    No more than 2 months after we were married, I just knew the time was to be RIGHT NOW. I knew about a months before I could convince my husband. And even though we technically still can’t afford her, she is the greatest thing in our lives and we want another one. I’m almost 22 and I wouldn’t change my life for anything.

    I can’t wait to start my career and everything, but right now, this is what I want more than anything.

  3. Jenn, This is beautiful! When your baby comes you will then know what to do! Trust me! Mine are grown now…and I choose to stay home…I am glad I did..looking back..time went way to fast as it was!
    Thank you so much for helping me to celebrate my SISTS day! I am so blessed to have come across your blog! Blessings to you, Nancy

  4. What a beautiful poem. Motherhood is more rewarding than anything that takes place in an office! Raising up children who love the Lord, and serve their neighbor is the greatest contribution a woman can make to this crazy world!

  5. Hi, I am stopping by from SITS. I hope that you get all that you pray for, and all that you can handle. 🙂 Children are a wonderful life addition….so are husbands, pets, and the sunshine. 🙂 Speaking of sun, I hope you are getting some down south!

  6. Your words are truly beautiful and ring of familiarity because I have fought this battle myself. In the end just make sure that you make the right decision for you. I always knew (or so I thought) that I wanted to be a working mom. In fact I told myself and so many others just that; and it came to a point that I had said it so much that I felt like I was pressuring myself to work.

    Throughtout my pregnancy and even after my daughter was born I still wanted to work and then gradually over time something inside of me started to change and I have recently decided that I am going to stay at home. It has not been an easy decision to make and I know sacrifices will have to be made but in the end I believe I made the right decision for me and my family. Continue to pray about it and Heavenly Father will guide you in the direction, He loves us and only wants what is truly best for His children. In the end, just listen to your heart.

  7. I don’t think I would have ever had children if I would have waited until I was “ready”. Our first was a surprise, but I was so excited. I can tell you are really striving to hear God’s voice. Continue to depend on him. Came over from SITS!

  8. Best of luck with this! Being a mom is a wonderful thing. I’ve loved having a part-time job with my first little one. It’s a business I run from home and it’s nice to have something to occupy my time while my hubby is at school and work. But, you’ll figure out what is best for you.

    I hope you enjoy every step of the journey. Don’t miss a moment!

  9. I thoroughly enjoyed teaching when I was single, but once I became a mother I found I no longer had any desire to go out into the world like that…I think that we are hardwired to nurture and to raise children. I think that the world tries to tell us otherwise, and sure, we can enjoy careers for a while…but I truly believe that the mothers who are now wanting/trying to have kids in their late 30s and even 40s is because eventually they realize that they have missed out on something really special, really important. There is a maturity that comes with parenthood–DH has some friends (his same age–early 30s) who have never had kids…they just don’t understand some aspects of life because they have always been focused on themselves, never having that complete selflessness that is required of parenthood.
    I am working on that post about mommy in the home–why she should be there and why i’m glad I am. 🙂

  10. Jenn,

    I’m sure you have probably heard this before but speaking as a mother of nine children myself….you never “think” you will have the money to have a child and stay home. However, the Lord usually provides a way even though it is not what we imagined. Having children automatically means that sacrifices will be made. Income lost, time spent doing fun things lost, and all the “extra” things we take for granted are lost. In return, we get a beautiful gift from our Heavenly Father. A child that gives us such unconditional love that it brings tears to my eyes just to think of those moments. A child brings growth in our individual selves and provides us with the opportunity of service and self sacrifice that we probably wouldn’t realize without having one. Yes, it’s hard work, we usually aren’t “ready” for one (I know I wasn’t!), and life in this world doesn’t seem to want to provide security and the ability in regards to finances to stay home…but it is worth every sacrifice, loss of sleep and income to have them. I feel for your struggles and worry but there is no right time. Nothing is going to be perfect, nor will there a time that is especially good. It just “IS”. The Lord said replenish the earth. He didn’t say do it when you have some money saved, or that you need to be over 30, or any other conditions. When you feel like you want to sacrifice YOUR needs for the needs of a child then you are ready. It does indeed sound like you do want to do just that. I hope that I didn’t sound patronizing or like I know everything because I don’t. I learn and grow each day.

  11. Thanks for this. I think you are very brave for being so open and honest. I was nervous about putting “A baby” on my Wish List in a recent post, so it’s nice to see you can be so candid.

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