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The Perfect Age Pt. 1 (RE-POST)

I’m still debating… And thinking a lot. I’ve got a lot of big, ginormous, questions and ideas on children swimming around in my head, but I’m amidst sorting them out right now and I’m not allowed to post them all (I’m sort of on censorship probation right now with you-know-who). All of these things have put me in a sort-of blogging lull, and I’ve decided to go on strike.

Just kidding… Kind of.

I’m doing my first ever re-post… Of something I wrote a few weeks after starting my blog. It’s for those who are new (which is like all of you cause only like 2 people read my blog back then– I was one of them). I was, as I am still now, debating a lot about “timing” and “age.” Here is my original post, and below the second set of stars is my updated thoughts from today, 5 months later.

———————————————————————————————
Ok ok, obviously the time is different for everyone and from what I’ve hear you’re never really “ready,” but for the sake of my blog, humor me a little while I compare and contrast.

As of now I’m thinking I’ll be in my 20s when I have my first child, but that has fluctuated over my four years of marriage. I have no intentions of being in my 40s but early 30s could be a possibility. Here are some interesting tidbits I learned from a very long article.

20s

-“Physically, the 20s are the ideal time for pregnancy,” doctors say. Because your body is primed to handle the demands of carrying a baby.
-You’re less likely to have pregnancy complications or babies with Down Syndrome.
-You can also grow up with your child (I’m personally not a fan of that idea, I can’t imagine having a teenager before I’m 40… SCARY!!!
-Mentally: A lot of my (non-LDS) friends won’t have kids yet, and I may have to put my career/advanced education on hold for awhile.
-Also, still relatively new in a marriage, we’d have to make sure we plan more time for each other.

Stories:

Carla (was 21)-The down side: Being a young mom means that it’s hard not to be selfish about my time. I used to sleep in, read, or watch TV whenever I wanted and go out with friends any night I pleased. All these freedoms go away when you’re a parent.

The good side: Bouncing back after pregnancies is easier when you’re younger. I’ve gotten down to my starting weight after each one. Two weeks after I had Aliza I was in a bridesmaid dress.

I’m happy that my kids have young grandparents — they’re all in their 50s — and seven great-grandparents. I’m always calling my mom and mother-in-law for advice

Samantha (was 25)– My career had been important to me — I was just starting out and was very ambitious. But during my maternity leave, I realized that motherhood was what life was about for me right now.

My friends hadn’t had kids yet. Some of my closest mom friends are women in their 30s and 40s whom I met in the neighborhood or at playgroups. They were eager to take me under their wing and share their wisdom.

There are times when Chris and I hear about all the wild things our single friends are doing and we’re envious. But then something magical happens at home with our boys and we’re reminded that we have such a full life to be thankful for.

30s

-At higher risk of developing certain complications. But the majority of healthy women still have uneventful pregnancies at this age. At age 35 there’s 1/200 chance of having a child with Down Syndrome.
-More likely to have a C-section
-Mentally: I’ve had time for myself and my marriage, and I’ve accomplished some professional goals. This could give peace of mind if wanting to take a break to spend time with spawn.
-It’ll be easier to find a support group of pregnant friends and get advice.

Stories:

Carol (was 30)– Good side: Financial stability — we own our own apartment now, and we’ve got some money saved for Emily’s education. It also meant that Emily doesn’t have to compete with my career. I put so much time and energy into my job in my 20s that I felt like I was able to step back a little once I had her. I found a new position within the company that allows me to work at home sometimes, so I can spend more time with her.

Because we waited to have kids, our parents are all retired or about to retire, which means I get a lot of help! My parents-in-law watch Emily every day while I’m at work.

(apparently she had no down sides)

Erica (was 36)– I’m glad that I had time to be spontaneous, go out with friends, and travel before having kids — it’s a lot harder to get out of the house and do things when you have a baby. And I feel like I’m a better person for having had the experiences I did before having Lena. I just hope that she’ll feel the same way and that she’ll keep me young.

40s

-Having a baby in your 40s is common these days, and the majority of older mothers have totally normal pregnancies. Still, the risk of complications rises after age 40.
-This is crazy: If you’re physically fit, eat well, and don’t have preexisting health conditions such as diabetes or hypertension, your overall risk of other pregnancy complications isn’t markedly higher than that of a woman in her 20s or 30s.
-The self-confidence and perspective you’ve picked up in your life may make you more patient in dealing with a demanding newborn.

Story:

Andrea (was 44)-Down sides: My friends’ children are now in college, so I’m completely out of sync! They went through all the sleepless nights and playdates and pediatrician appointments years ago — and I’m just starting. I honestly don’t feel my age at all, but I realize that as I get older it’s going to become more challenging.

I thought being older would mean that I’d be more prepared for motherhood. I was centered, had traveled extensively, had eaten in all the best restaurants, and had bought all the clothes I wanted. But honestly, the experience of the two of them brings me to my knees. I wouldn’t have been more prepared at 144.

As of now I’m saying the perfect age is….. (Drumroll please)…… 30!! Not in 30s but 30. That’ll give me another 7 years to get where I want to be in my career, hopefully have a Master’s Degree, and I’ll have been married for *gasp* 12 years!! -Do I think that’ll happen? No, but as of today,that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. (Ask me again tomorrow).

I’d love to hear your stories!! I’d love to see personal examples from people in 20s 30s and 40s! (Or opinions of why you’d prefer one over another).


-Also, if you’d like to read more about pregnancy in each age group here’s a few more articles.

*****

Well, I’m not thinking 30 is my lucky age anymore… No, at this point I’ll be happy if I make it to 25. Today I’ve got the baby itch more than ever. I may not be rich, or have the Lexus I always wanted (for awhile), but something’s telling me I’ll still be able to accomplish the things I want to… Maybe even more so with a little one.

I don’t think it’ll be easy, but I think it’ll be possible. And I think that’s what I want. Motherhood won’t take the ambition out of me… Like I always imagined it would, I think that’s in my blood, and no magic number, small or large will change me.

Did you like the age you were when you became a mother? Future Mamas… What age are you currently in love with?


Jennifer says:

I agree with your original post: 30 is perfect! That being said, if you decide you can’t wait till you’re 30 to have a baby, that’s okay. And if you decide you want to wait to have your baby AFTER 30, that’s okay, too. In other words, when you’re ready, you’re ready, regardless of your age! The perfect age to have one is when you’re ready! 😉

Thanks for stopping by my blog today! Your blog design is absolutely adorable! I’m following now!

Maybe I’ll start to consider things at 30. That’s only 5 years away though, that’ kind of soon…

Funny that I came across your blog today, because I have the baby itch like NO other! I am 24 will be 25 in August. We are no longer preventing pregnancy, but we aren’t killing ourselves trying! If I get pregnant today I will be extremely happy, but if it doesn’t happen for a few months I will be happy with that too. I think 25 is the PERFECT age! :0) Oh and EVERYONE has told me that you are never fully ready to have a child you just gotta do it! Thought I would let you know I found you through SITS!!

Amy Lynn says:

I had my baby at 22. Though I was pretty used to doing things young (started dating my future hubby at 18, engaged at 19, married at 20, pregnant and miscarried at 21, had my sweet baby boy at 22)

Looking back I LOVE the age I had my baby. Sometimes I wish I would have had more time to travel or hang out with friends… but I want to be a young parent. I want to be DONE having kids at 30. So the early start didnt bother me. 🙂

Rixa says:

I was 28 when I had my first, but if I’d gotten pregnant when I started trying, I would have been 25 or 26. I wish in some ways I’d had kids earlier because I’d like to be a young mother and grandmother. But I didn’t start learning more about pregnancy and birth and parenting until I was about 25, and my choices have been profoundly influenced by all the things I’ve learned. I would have given birth and probably parented much differently, and for that I am so glad I didn’t get pregnant soon after I was married (at age 20). I’d like to have a large family and part of me isn’t super keen on having kids in my late 30s or early 40s–but that might be the case depending on how many kids I want and how long it takes me to get pregnant!

Just stopping over from SITS. Great Post! If I had it to do all over again, I would have had my kids at 30. I would have been more mature and finacially ready. But, things work out anyway. I had them at 20 and 23, and now they are grown and I can enjoy just being ME again!

How about if I spell financially correct?

Michelle says:

I’ve got a whopper of a story for ya, lol! I have a 17 year old, 14 year old, and 2 year old twins:) My two oldest children were born while I was in my 20’s, and though I was younger, I would not say I was the “best” mom in the world! I was incredibly paranoid about everything they did. Then I had a friend pray over me using the power of the story of Sarah in the Bible…and I got pregnant with twins when I was 38. Shocked? Heck ya! lol I am much better mother this time around. Patience, willing to let them adventure, patience..did I mention that already? lol Nothing wrong with being a later in life mama:)
Thanks for the sweet comment on my blog and I hope you come back!

I had my first baby at 28 and TWINS at 38!

I’ve been teaching childbirth classes for over a quarter of a century (that’s 25+ years, folks!) so please just promise me you won’t wait to have a baby UNTIL …

1. The landscaping is done
2. You have the car and house of your dreams
3. You’ve traveled the entire world over
4. Your husband gets his Master’s Degree
5. Your home is furnished with expensive antiques
6. You’ve read every book on your library shelf
7. You own every pair of designer shoes imaginable
8. You’ve donated 100’s of dollars to all your favorite charities
9. You’ve learned to play tennis or chess or whatever

The list goes on and on. You can’t believe the number of moms-to-be I’ve met along the way (a boatload full of them!) who have WAITED for the right moment … or right age … to have a baby.

My feeling is – there’s no time like the present. After all, like my mom used to say … you could get hit by a bus tomorrow! That never was much of a comforting thought when I was young. 🙂

Now stop reading this and Go Have A Baby!!

FTR, I had my first at 26, then another at 29 and one at 32. I don’t think there is a perfect age, and certainly different things work best for different people, BUT that said, don’t rush too fast or wait too long (was that confusing enough, lol?!!) Children are amazing but they really do change everything somehow for better and worse all at the same time. It’s hard to explain but you are young, so a couple more years wait might be a good idea – 25 sounds like a good number! Good luck, whenever you decide to make the leap!

heather says:

I had my first when I was 23. I totally was not ready but it has been great because I felt as though it made me grow up and stop just thinking about myself. I mean, I still do but the kids really ground me.
Looking back, I don’t think I would have changed it. I’m 26 right now and I’m glad that everything is the way it is. I hope to be done with having kids by my early 30s so that I could be a young grandma and be able to play and give time to my grandkids. My husbands parents are in their early 50s and they are so fun with my kids. I just want to be like that.

Sounds like u have a good plan. I can tell u froma mom at the age of 19, adopted at the age 30(long story), again at 36 and surprised yet again at 38 that I enjoyed all of my children. BUT I believe that having my son at the age of 36 was perfect for me. We had a home. A new car a great relationship, a big wedding, we traveled and fought for fertility for years.

conti. don’t know what happened ….
You’ll know when your ready. For everyone its different. You can’t set a day or year or month. It will happen when its your time. Until them enjoy life as it comes.

eluke says:

I checked out your site from the Blogger Awards and liked it. I voted for you. I hope you win.

Please check out my site nominated for the best blog design. http://bloggerschoiceawards.com/blogs/show/73022. I hope you will vote for me also.

Emilie
Cute Obsession

Tracey says:

I am 41 and just adopted our son. I am so happy I didn’t get pregnant or adopt in my 20’s. I was very immature, with the wrong man and no way ready. I wish it could have happened in my 30’s however because now I have a lot less energy,but I am a lot more relaxed.

Hello.
Love the post.
I was 25 when I had my first baby, We had been trying for nearly a year so I was more than ready… I did everything while I was young that I wanted to, then I have since left the country and done other things I did’t think I could ever do with a child. It works out for what you need… so go for it!

Wishing you the best!

Nichole says:

When I first got pregnant, having kids was SO off my radar, it was ridiculous. We had been married for 7 years. I had just turned 30. The unplanned part of that pregnancy was the hardest part to deal with (well, I guess second to the part that it was ectopic). The next hardest part was the realization that I would not always be 30 and that I’d better start thinking a little more seriously about it.

I think once you begin to have that craving, you have to trust your instincts. It’s a God-given desire. It might take some time (unto the convincing of your husband), but it’s worth it to wait until you are both on the same page.

Amy says:

I was 28 and am so glad I waited that long because I’m a leeetle selfish. I don’t even know what I would have done in my early 20s!

There is no right time…..just His timing 🙂

This is such a common dilemma! I went through it for years and had my baby when I was 37. There are definitely benefits to being a more “mature” mom but I can also see ways in which being a bit younger would be a benefit. I think there’s no “perfect” time. There’s your time and your baby’s time.

I don’t have a personal example, as I’ve not yet given birth. But I’m making the baby, so I figure that counts.

Something that might be worth taking into consideration: your family history. Part of my decision was shaped by the fact that several of the women in my family had babies in their late 30s through mid 40s at the same time that a couple other women in my family were having babies in their mid 20s through early 30s.

The difference was immense from an outsider’s perspective and it gave me alot of insight into what I could expect at varying ages of my own pregnancy and that played a huge role in making our choice.

Kathi says:

Had my baby at 25 and my second at 34.
I like my thirities better….I am more focused on being the “best mom” now, instead of having the “best kid”. I think that comes with age and wee bit of wisdom.
I am a bit concerned about being in 50’s when he is graduating. Hmmmm but my husband will be in his 60’s! Yikes!

Tamara says:

wow typos galore, sorry folks lol

Carrie says:

I was 30 when I had my first and it was great… although I didn’t get married until I was 27.

Carrie says:

hey… I emailed you my address… did you get it?

Michelle says:

Dropping by to give you an award for such a great blog! You can pick it up here: http://nmgills.blogspot.com/2009/05/yeah-i-got-another-award.html

Yakini says:

This was a GREAT blog. Im so glad u reposted, as i missed it the first time around. I had my baby at 29, which was the perfect age for “me.” But everyone is different.

I really enjoyed reading each ladie’s vignettes, and hearing the pros/cons of each age. Thanks for sharing!

Marly says:

I wanted to get married at 25 and figured I’d have my first baby at 28 or so. So I’m really not one to ask what I thought would be good because I got married at 19 and had my first kid at 21 🙂

I still like the idea of being young when the kids are all out of the house and me and my husband can go out and play and have fun and still be young enough to do it. So that’s my Pro to being young and having kids.

Too funny! I’ve always said to myself the ideal age for me was 29 (I’m 25 now) because 30 is my
“scary age” but I don’t want to have kiddos too early!

Michelle says:

That’s cause you are special! Have a great evening!

Hope2morrow says:

Thanks for stopping by my blog! Isn’t Danielle amazing?

I wanted to put my two cents in (for whatever it is worth) about starting a family now. I say begin trying once you know you want kids. There will never be the “perfect scenario” where you have enough money, the perfect job, and the perfect house with the white picket fence. Go for it! It might takes you years to conceive (like it did us), so get started now and see what happens! Good luck!

Kiki says:

YOu see… You are so lucky. I was ready 7 years ago. But the man of my dreams hadn’t showed himself yet. So when I found him finally I had to wait until he of course was ready. Now I’m 33 and just starting our family. I’m sure it will have been worth the wait but I do wish I was a younger mom. I want the energy and physical security that comes with youth. But I’ll take what I can get.

OMG Pregnant says:

Hola – award for you over at mine.

And I am 30, I feel to young and unprepared BUT if I was someone else talking to me, I would say to me it was a perfect age!!

http://omgip.blogspot.com

I was married at 19, got pregnant a few months after, and was 20 and a couple months when my daughter was born.

For me, it was the best age. I was young enough to bounce right back. And I am not too ‘old’ to play with my daughter for hours on end.

But, every person is different. There are no two pregnancies, labors, deliveries, and babies alike.

WishTrish says:

I’m with Kayce. My story is similar. I’m 32 and SO GLAD to be DONE with the childbearing! I have three beautiful children (although I’ve had 8 pregnancies, sadly), and now I am looking at my oldest entering Junior High in a year and my youngest starting kindergarten. I’m excited to go back to school, too, which I’m actually grateful I didn’t do sooner. My thoughts on career and workplace are 180 degrees different than they were a decade ago, and now I can go and finish school in something relevant to my current life and ambitions. I have so many talents, opinions, strengths, and visions that had not yet been discovered before motherhood, and I doubt they could have been, to be honest. Now I have a much better idea of what suits me, and also what suits the needs of my family. I’m going back to finish when my littlest starts kindergarten this year, and I am SOOO excited!

Octamom says:

Let’s see…had ’em in my 20’s, 30’s and then the twins just months before I turned 40. Each season has had blessings and challenges. I had more energy in my 20’s, more experience in my 30’s, and now in my 40’s, I can just roll with it…or maybe it’s fatigue! ;o)

Blessings!

Wendy says:

I’m one of the late starters. I’m in my early 40’s with a 2 year old and 6 year old and boy are they wearing me out. A late start is awesome if you need time to mature and gain strength financially but make sure you have ENERGY! You’re gonna need it!!! I think mid to late 30’s would be great. Seems like you’d have the best of both worlds.

Kristin says:

I think the perfect age is when you are ready. I was 29 and wouldn’t have been ready any earlier. While it may be physically ideal to have a baby in your twenties, we’re not always mentally ready for it!

Jess says:

I dont know how I missed this post! I had my 1st at 23 & I am so glad I did! I had much more energy my “partying” was out of me I had been in my job 5 yrs. I could NOT imagine having my first now at *almost* 29! I def dont have the energy I did then & now I have my oldest that helps me out! I didn’t then & don’t now consider myself a young mom! So for me I rec 20s as the perfect time to have kids! I dont want to be an old lady having kids I want to have the kids out of the house AND still be young enough to enjoy life! 😉

Layla says:

I love this post! HEHE I have a perfect age to have a baby, and had planned for this age since I was 12. The age is 26. Here is the thing, I’m approaching 26 and still no bun in the oven. It’s disappointing and hard and it sucks cause nothing works out the way you want it to. AND it really sucks when your 20 year old sister in law gets knocked up right off the bat and you have to be so dang patient and hope that it happens soon. BUT it’s ok cause there is a reason for everything right?

Al says:

Children should be born to parents by age 33 at latest. I missed my boat and now will remain childless for life.
Start now while your in your 20s and don’t wait like I did.

Kiki says:

YOu see… You are so lucky. I was ready 7 years ago. But the man of my dreams hadn’t showed himself yet. So when I found him finally I had to wait until he of course was ready. Now I’m 33 and just starting our family. I’m sure it will have been worth the wait but I do wish I was a younger mom. I want the energy and physical security that comes with youth. But I’ll take what I can get.

Marly says:

I wanted to get married at 25 and figured I’d have my first baby at 28 or so. So I’m really not one to ask what I thought would be good because I got married at 19 and had my first kid at 21 🙂

I still like the idea of being young when the kids are all out of the house and me and my husband can go out and play and have fun and still be young enough to do it. So that’s my Pro to being young and having kids.

Amy says:

I was 28 and am so glad I waited that long because I’m a leeetle selfish. I don’t even know what I would have done in my early 20s!

There is no right time…..just His timing 🙂

OMG Pregnant says:

Hola – award for you over at mine.

And I am 30, I feel to young and unprepared BUT if I was someone else talking to me, I would say to me it was a perfect age!!

http://omgip.blogspot.com

heather says:

I had my first when I was 23. I totally was not ready but it has been great because I felt as though it made me grow up and stop just thinking about myself. I mean, I still do but the kids really ground me.
Looking back, I don’t think I would have changed it. I’m 26 right now and I’m glad that everything is the way it is. I hope to be done with having kids by my early 30s so that I could be a young grandma and be able to play and give time to my grandkids. My husbands parents are in their early 50s and they are so fun with my kids. I just want to be like that.

FTR, I had my first at 26, then another at 29 and one at 32. I don’t think there is a perfect age, and certainly different things work best for different people, BUT that said, don’t rush too fast or wait too long (was that confusing enough, lol?!!) Children are amazing but they really do change everything somehow for better and worse all at the same time. It’s hard to explain but you are young, so a couple more years wait might be a good idea – 25 sounds like a good number! Good luck, whenever you decide to make the leap!

Sewing-Chick says:

I was 30 when my first was born, and 32 when my second was born. I think that was a nice age, because like you said, I had my masters, had been in my job for 8 years and was able to do it like a well oiled machine. My job didn’t take up as much of my time as it did when I was fresh out of college. I’d say the down side though is that I’m worried that I’ll be too old to really enjoy my grandchildren!

Shelly says:

I ran across your blog today, I’m not sure how I got there really, however, I would like to put my input in if you are still updating. My sister sounds just like you, she wanted to wait till her husband was ready and financially perfect and such…then they got off birth control and started trying, two years later they finally go to the doctor because they can’t conceive. They do tons of test on her, nothing is wrong. Finally they do tests on her husband, and there it is, he has such a low and lazy swimmers that it is basically impossible to get pregnant naturally.

So, they decide to do invitro, they have enough saved up to go for it. She had three injected, she lost one in the first trimester, then she went into preterm labor at 25 weeks and lost the other two babies. They were beyond devastated. She had been trying for kids now for almost 5 years. So, they heal and then they save and try again for another invitro. It was successful with two inserted, one didn’t make it past first trimester. With the first pregnancy she learned she had thick blood which means babies don’t get the correct nutrition from the mother. So, they were born early. So they took precautions and medicine this time. However, she still went into pre-term labor at 30 weeks. He was 10 weeks early and he is now two years old.

They want to adopt, but have been on the list for the last 8 years…not likely for them for some reason. So, they are saving for another invitro, she is 36 now.

I on the other hand had a surprise pregnancy with my daughter at age of 26! My husband and I didn’t plan on it, but then again, we were totally ok with it. I learned from my sister, if you plan on it until the perfect timing, it will never happen or if you wait to long you could find out in a few horrible years of ‘trying’ (testing to see if you are ovulating, telling your husband to do it now, having sex between you stops becoming fun…it’s medical and not shared for the happiness it could be) you might find out you can’t even have kids…then you have to wait another 5 years to have a successful invitro or an adoption if that is even something your husband and you could do. So, it’s just best, if you are somewhat able right now, just go for it. It will be the best thing of both of your lives and the moment your baby arrives, the power between you and your husband and the new baby is beyond anything that can be described.

I hope that wasn’t too long or depressing, I just saw this one post and haven’t really followed up on your other posts. I searched for something here at work and found this…it caught my eye and I just kept reading it. 🙂

I hope you have a great pregnancy and future with any babies you might have in your life with your husband! My best thoughts are with you!

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Hi! I’m Jennifer Borget

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I'm a former journalist, and lifelong creator striving to make the world a better place. This is the space where I share my journey in making the most of every day by cherishing our individuality and celebrating our differences.



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