The Paranoia

If my stomach so much as growls I’m thinking I may be pregnant. I’ve gotta go pee–Must be pregnant. My feet hurt… I’m tired… feel faint–Yep, it’s the pregnancy. That’s what I get right? I guess it’s the price I pay for doing this and trying that. I knew this would happen and now I’m ready to KICK myself! Here’s proof how paranoid I am:
I took some of ya’lls advice and just stocked up on pregnancy tests from the Dollar Store. I only got 5 though. That should hold me over for awhile.

It’s weird, I haven’t had this feeling for a long time. I’ve been on the pill, the depo shot, had an IUD, and finally… after about 5 years of diverse birth control I’m not using hormones.

I must admit, I use to think people who weren’t using a hormonal form of birth control were kind of dumb… Now that I’ve crossed over to that side of the fence I can see it’s not that strange, and it’s a little annoying when people say “you’re going to get pregnant right away.” Well I hope not (that’s not the plan)! BUT… My GYN said it could take up to a year for my cycle to go back to normal so I figured it would be best to start that timer now if that be the case.

I imagine I’ll find myself in this “so now I know how it feels” scenario a lot more as my journey inches closer and closer toward motherhood. I get the feeling I’ll be eating a lot of my words.

I’m trying not to talk about my paranoia. I really don’t want to be “that girl.” You know… The one who’s always talking about the pregnancy-like sensations she feeling but INSISTS she’s not (or doesn’t think she’s) pregnant. Although I wouldn’t mind being like Michelle, and making my own personal book of my crazy-mind feelings of “maybe I’m pregnant” in a TTC Journal (when I’m actually TTC).

So far I’ve been pretty good about taking my Basal Temperature. I printed out about 6 months worth of charts and I’ve already got some dots on it! I’m surprised how FUN. It is–Wait… I’m not sure if “fun” is the right word, but it sure is interesting! I ordered “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” like a lot of you recommended. If what yall all are saying about it is right I should know when to and not to get pregnant (again, the latter being my goal). And I’m excited just to understand my anatomy better, I think it should be coming in this week! I actually don’t even mind checking out that other stuff… Eer, keeping an eye on it at least (I’m not sure I know how the whole “process” should be done yet, I’m counting on the book for that one). Anything that keeps me from screwing up I’m all for!

I’m mostly worried because I just got a Tetanus/Pertussis shot and the doctor said I should wait three months before TTC, plus I’m not sure what hormones are still in my system after removing the Mirena, I’ve still got a little dental work to get done, AND I’m still trying to ween myself off 5-hour energy shots. Well I wanted to wait that long or longer ANYWAY but I’d feel bad if I messed up my fetus, hence my extra dose of paranoia, coming right up!

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  1. My grandmother used to say, “Baby tell yo husband to wear those loose boxer’s cause those briefs is to tight!” 🙂 I laughed at this until I got married and wanted babies I changed all of his underwear in his draw. Your not crazy, just be patient, you will get pregnant when your body is ready you’ll see:) God may even decide to give you a set of twins like me:)

  2. Glad you see you invested in the good tests! it’s nice because you can always go buy 5 more for the price of one “cheap” one at the store 🙂

  3. lol girl i know what u mean about the paranoia. i had gotten off of all hormones too, for a while, for the same reasons you mentioned. and yes, waiting for your cycle month to month does get kinda scary at times!

  4. That is too funny! Were you embarrassed going in to buy the tests? I cant for the life of me buy one myself- I make DH do it! lol

  5. I was just like that sometimes I would even be late and after a week I would take a test have it be negative and poof three hours later start. I literally HAD to have tons of pregnancy tests. I would find the three packs on sale.

  6. I am so addicted to those tests! Seriously, I need a 12 step program. I am also paranoid (is that what you would call it if you -want- to get preggers?). Every. little. thing. makes me think I’m pregnant. It’s funny. The other day, I didn’t have cash (or know my PIN) so I couldn’t get dollar store tests (do all $ stores keep you from using credit?) so I got a box of regular tests….then I realized that they were ovulation tests, not pregnancy tests. So I had to RETURN THEM!!! Oh, gosh, it was embarrassing. You know what, I’m gonna do a post of my own on this, ’cause just thinking about it is making me laugh.

    Anyway, I’m glad you are off hormones. I get excited for you about the steps you are making toward becoming a mom! It’s all very interesting to me, because it is a totally different perspective!

  7. Yes, I’m like that. Of course we are TTC so it’s natural I guess. Now that we’ve been TTC for a year I’m starting to not allow myself to even THINK I might be pregnant just to avoid the disappointment.

  8. I’m in the “had a baby and breastfeeding so no period to relieve my fear that I’m NOT pregnant” boat. I mean when you’re breastfeeding you get that free pass of not ovulating so no periods lesser chance of baby. So now whenever I feel any of your aforementioned symptoms or if I ate too much and my stomach…gut is sticking out – I fear that I’m pregnant again! I mean a second child would be a blessing but I’d like to get the first one at least into the double digits of months FIRST before sibling number 2 is baking away. So I FEEL YOU on that paranoia and GREAT tip about the $1 Store. I’m on my way now!

  9. I’m from the opposite end of the spectrum. I’ve been on hormones for a while but I always felt like women were crazy to be on hormones just to prevent babies. Besides, pills fail all the time, and women aren’t even aware enough to realize that they are pregnant until it is really, really obvious.

    I can still understand how it is hard to not be paranoid when switching forms of thinking though. So glad you’ve ordered TCoYF. It is such a great book and really should make all the charting details clear.

  10. Love your blog, girl!

    Didn’t know the Dollar store had pregnancy tests! I actually thought I was preggers last month…thank goodness my dh is on board with getting a vasectomy (which comes before my surgery, which will go unnamed but I somewhere mentioned in my blog).

    We went 5 yrs married (LDS, too), w/out kids. it was heaven. I don’t regret a minute of it, esp since 5 yrs later we had 4 kids. Crazy times but lovin’ every minute. Life’s a trip, enjoy the ride, right? 😉 good luck w/your hopeful (I think) pregnancy. and keep us all posted.

  11. I was so used to my 28 day cycle and then I went off the pill I discovered that my cycle was 30 days almost every month…that made me a little crazy because we were trying, and every time I was a minute over 30 days, I would test…only to get a negative result. Finally I decided that I would wait until the weekend after I was late to take a test, because as I thought about it, I didn’t want to find out that I was pregnant right before leaving for work. In January, I expected my period on a Wednesday, so we decided to test the following weekend. That time we got the result we wanted. 🙂

    So here’s what I learned from that experience–My husband had bought some pregnancy tests at the dollar store, and I was convinced that they didn’t work because they all came up negative, but the reason is that I wasn’t pregnant (you’d think I would pick up on that, but as you know, paranoia does crazy things to a woman!). I went out and bought an expensive test and it came back positive, but then I took it apart and found that the insides are the same darn thing as the dollar store tests! I’m such an idiot.

    When we weren’t on birth control but weren’t quite ready to try yet, we discussed what would happen if we had “an accident.” The truth was that we were in a good position to have a child–happily married with jobs, a house, cars, etc… So we were still trying to prevent it, but had the attitude of “whatever happens…happens.”

  12. That paranoia sticks around for awhile. I am still nursing and have yet to have a cycle so while it is possible to get pregnant it is unlikely but I still keep a stock of pregnancy tests in the house – just in case I have a paranoid day. I just take a test and then I feel better. Good luck!! I am going to try the fertility tracking once I get a cycle again. I am Catholic so no birth control for me. 🙂

  13. the worst part of trying to figure out if you are pregnant is that EVERY early pregnancy sign could also be a PMS symptom, and PMS symptoms can come and go spontaneously for each individual cycle. One month I was rather worried that I was pregnant because my breasts were SOO sore, and that has never happened to me before. But then my period started right on time. Now I get tender breasts every 2 or 3 cycles and it’s no big deal.

    A lot of my co-workers are pregnant right now, and everyone has so thoughtfully decided that I am next. Thus, everything I say or do becomes an indicator to them. I’m extra hungry? I must be pregnant. I’m moody or sleepy? Pregnant! My feet are sore? Well, surely that wouldn’t be because I’ve been standing and working for 8 hours… must be pregnancy! Once my left thigh started hurting, like I had strained a muscle and my co-worker seriously told me “that is the first sign of pregnancy.” REALLY? It’s all pretty ridiculous. There is no way to really know until you miss a period and take a test, so worrying and over-analyzing are pointless. (I know, easier said than done!)

    I think you will be fine, just make sure you are super careful about using NFP, especially before you actually get to read TCOYF. Coming off hormones can definitely make your cycle wacky, so you need to really know what’s going on. Just using the calendar method probably won’t cut it. Good luck!!

    ~Kristin Wood

  14. Hey, loving your blog.
    I somehow managed to get pregnant whilst being on the pill so didn’t suffer any paranoia until I was about 5 days late! Even then I wasn’t worried as I had no obvious pregnancy symptoms, even had bad cramps! Was I shocked when that blue line appeared lol.
    Try not to get to hung up of lookingout for symptoms, just try and relax and be with your husband and it will happen when its right.
    Good luck x

  15. We went on a trip with my in-laws one time and we drove a lot. I drank more liquids than I should have and had to stop to pee a lot. My mother in law kept asking me if I was pregnant…hahaha. Of course there was no way I was but she would get me paranoid. Do your relatives ever comment about when you guys are going to have kids? My in-laws seem to ask us all the time and then when I so much as mention it they say, “you guys are young, finish school first”. I’m getting mixed signals…it’s like they want to be grandparents but they want us to wait.

  16. I have to tell you how much I enjoy this blog!!! I’m a mama to 2 kids, Addyson (2) and Alex (8 months). Reading your journey really takes me back to the time when we started talking about having a baby. I did NFP, but I really like Taking Charge as well. It’s just great that your getting info about your cycle. So many women are out of touch with their bodies, and it leads to confusion and sometimes stress while TTC. I have alot of experience with charting all the fertility signs and interpretting them. I’m sure you have a wealth of support and resources, but if I could ever help out in even the smallest way, I would!

  17. Wow! You sound exactly like me a couple of years ago. I was always terrified that every little thing meant that I was pregnant. I drove my husband nuts with the freaking out. I definitely took my share of pregnancy tests. I had gone off of hormones too. It was scary stuff! Don’t worry though; I didn’t get pregnant until we actually started to try.

  18. I found your blog through Danielle. And you are hilarious.

    Had to comment to say the Taking Charge of your Fertility book DEFINITELY works……we are expecting #5…..all within 8 years!

    Good luck and keep us updated!

  19. I am thinking I may need to invest in these dollar store pregnacy test! It also feels good to know I am not the only woman out there that is constantly thinking they are pregnant! Good luck with everything.

  20. I so hope that you are preggers so that we can toast (water for you hun) to your new addition to – Don’t worry!

    I think that the best thing is to relax, think positive and continue sharing. I’m happy that I’ve found you.

  21. my grandma used tell my brother to wear their cowboy boot to bed (wink, wink) and a couple tequila shots. My sister in laws always got pregnant..

  22. I loved your post about the pregnancy tests I have been there. I am usually right when I think I am pregnant. I have 3 beautiful babies. This year I had two miscarriages. This is the funny part though, I have not been on the regular pill for a couple of years. I was on the mini pill for my youngest since I breast feed. Anyway each time I have gotten pregnant I was on the pill and forgot to take a pill or I just got off the pill. So, perhaps I have a hormonal imbalance which the pill straightens out. I just went back on it again hoping to regulate my cycle and maybe have one more. Good luck to you I enjoyed your blog.

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