The New Feelings

I’ve been feeling sick the past few days. I took the day off today, because though I could get out of bed I felt like I’d been hit by a bus. I could hardly move. I got back in bed and woke up again a few hours later. I thought I’d feel rejuvenated enough to accomplish something–Anything, but I couldn’t. I called the doctor to ask about some things… I’m not dying, that’s a good thing–I think. My body is readjusting to it’s “normal” state… Or something like that. But in the process I feel like crap. I’m not hungry and all I want to do is lay around. It was exhausting just surfing the web for a few moments.

Anyway, as of today I have absolutely no desire to have a child anymore. Well, not any time soon at least. I know my husband could use my help with finishing school, I could save more, and quite frankly I don’t feel like I need anymore stress in my life right now. In my head I had a picture perfect scenario mapped out, and I can see now it’s not going to work out that way. So for now, I’m dropping it.

I am in a bad mood, so that could be influencing my thinking… But at this very moment if my husband came to me and said we should have a baby, I would have to say “No.”

I’m planning on not planning for awhile… Maybe not until next year.

…And down the roller coaster goes again.

PS: I contemplated turning the comments off of this post, and my last because they’re so personal, and hard to express. But every time I leave them on at least a few comments touch my heart and bring me EXACTLY what I need to hear at that time. So I’ll continue to leave them on–But on today’s post I’ll add a special request for non-negativity/kindness because I’m very on-edge.

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16 Comments

  1. Girl, you know I love you! Which means one thing: You. Me. NYC. ASAP! Seriously. It’s the place where everything is just right! 🙂 Love you! Wish you were here in Atlanta so I could give you a hug!

  2. I’m sorry you’re feeling rotten. I’m going through the same thing, trying to decide when to have the second baby. It seems like the time will never be right. Sigh.

  3. I have been feeling this way about having a second one.

    You know what always encourages me? The thought that God wont give you something unless you can handle it. That thought makes it easier to sit back and enjoy the ride. Knowing that I dont really have that much control over the situation. Knowing that if I end up with another child sooner than I wanted, God had a reason for it… and really, He knows best.

    Hope you get to feeling better!

  4. Hiya 🙂
    Its Sp4rk1e from Twitter 😉 Luv your blog, its such a cool place to hang out so I think i’ll stay awhile 🙂

    I’m not going to offer advice on kids, I have four of them…and they are all so so different so whatever I tell you will depend who’s got to me most that day….!!! LOL Wouldn’t trade it for anything though.

    Hope you are feeling better…you must have the nice weather there in Tx now eh? Im sooo jealous!!Hehe

    We are moving to Utah (hopefully in June) so i’m begging for some good weather there, i’m fed up of the cold and wind now!! lol

    Ok yapper over 😉 Take care
    Debs

  5. Hope you feel better soon. And if your pregnancies end up being anything like mine, then how you feel now is how you would feel for the whole 9 months! Seriously, I was deathly ill each time. It’s not like that for everyone though.

    Anyway, get better and enjoy this holiday weekend! Sacrament Meeting should be really nice tomorrow. Uplifting and inspirational.

  6. Hey girl, love you! I kind of tend to think differently than the previous commenter — I don’t think kids are something that God gives us as a challenge or whatever — otherwise 16 year olds just wouldn’t get pregnant you know? I totally think you’re right in thinking about this thoroughly. You’re of course going to have days that you’re just not feeling it. That’s OK. I’m absolutely terrified and definitely waiting until that feeling subsides. And you might just feel this way for a few days or a little while — but you’re so inspiring to so many!

  7. When the time is right, you will know. At least you are getting your body into normal form so that when you are ready there will be no synthetic hormones to hurt anything. You are so smart and wise and the both of you will make the right decision when the time is right. Have a Happy Easter.

  8. Hugs* Hope your body adjusts soon and you feel better. And don’t worry, when the time is right, your heart will be open to that little baby! God bless! Love your blog!

  9. I truly appreciate your honestly and sharing your thoughts. I send you a huge HUG during this time. I can understand the roller coaster that you’re traveling on because I’ve been there also. Even now, though I have an 11yr old, as my hubby and I plan to have more, I still go through this emotional roller coaster. At times I doubt myself and at other times I’m super ready. But, knowing that God gives all knowledge, wisdom, and strength as I follow his divine design gives me strength to cope with whatever and peace to see the beauty in each circumstance.

    Stay strong, you’ll rise again, and know that we care for you.

  10. I have been married now for 16 years with happiness and love till Oct. 2012 last year everything turned upside down just because of my husband suspect me of cheating, he went out he was going out with another woman. But actually, i was never cheating. there is a man i use to know before i got married, because he is always coming around, my husband says we have something in common. This brought my marriage to a breakdown, I was devastated with no help from anywhere, my husband goes out and comes late at night and when i ask he yell at me like a common woman. I was emotionally, and verbally abusive.everyday i pray for a better day but things goes worse that my husband was filing for a divorce. A faithful day i cried to a friend’s house because the pains were too much to bear. she talked me out and referred me to a woman who do spell online who could help. the spell lady email is priestessifaa@yahoo.com, she said the lady helped her few weeks ago with when fiance was misbehaving. So i contacted this spell lady and put all my trust and hope into it. To my greatest surprise, her spell worked under 2days, Because my husband came to meet me in my office crying for forgiveness for not trusting me. It looks like a movie to see my husband back to normal so fast. He canceled the divorce. Priestess is a goddess with her spell casting. I trust her fully. My happiness today is because of her

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