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The Love Factor– Things I’m Going to Miss Part 3

Well, it’s Valentines Day. Happy Valentines Day! And I figure it’s a good time to pose a question and concern I’ve been thinking about.

As I was babysitting two young girls last night so their parents could go out and celebrate Valentines Day, I thought how grateful I am that at a drop of a hat my husband and I can do whatever… Go out, make dinner together… And so on.

I got my dog Snoop last year for Valentines Day and I noticed how having a small puppy around kind of affected… Routines we’ll say. It really bothered me. Eventually I got over it and things went back to normal but it was quite annoying at the time.
I think it’s so important to continue to have couple time together, date nights and time to… Ya know, practice making babies and stuff.

It just seems that once kids come along that priority goes to the back burner for some, or it just becomes more difficult. What in the world do you do to fix that? Get ear muffs? Sedate the kids? Drive away and leave them for a night and hope they survived through the next morning?

I was reading a parenting magazine last night (funny I know, but it was just sitting there on the table ok?) And one of the articles was about women being angry at their husbands for not helping around the house, turning off the lights, understanding their children etc. To me it just seemed a little ridiculous and like a bunch of depressed and nagging women. I don’t want that to happen to me!! I still want to be a happy woman and wife, as well as a happy mom. Some of the women complained that their husband’s drive to have a love life went down and I kind of judgmentally thought ‘Boy I wonder why!’ That article is a discussion for a whole different topic but I’ll use that part for example’s sake.
Do you try to keep date nights together? How often? Right now every night is literally like a date night with me and my Boo and I wonder if it’ll be a hard transition when we lose that one day.
This year we’re keeping the holiday low key. I want a heart-shaped pizza from Papa Murphy’s, some chocolate covered strawberries (my favorite) and a movie to snuggle up and watch. What are your plans?


Mommy Bee says:

It’s true that the hormones associated with birth and breastfeeding can conflict with the hormones associated with libido. I think that’s nature’s way of making sure that we take care of our babies… after delivery your body needs at least 6 weeks to recover before engaging in “baby dancing” anyway, so it actually works pretty well that the libido is shot for that month or two.
Some women have ongoing struggles with libido (eg: me) but that’s not because of the kids, it’s because of our own hormonal issues… Sure, there is sometimes worry about waking the baby or whatever, but there are ways around that. I learned that even though my little one would wake frequently in the night, he always gave me a good 45min at least when he first went down…so while our romantic evenings might have to be scheduled, there was still always a way to make time for US.

Frankly, I’ve had days where I feel overwhelmed and ‘touched-out’ like the harried moms in your article. But I learned a secret: I realized that I would always default into “mommy-mode” because I have 2 kids and only 1 husband, and I spend more hours of the day in that mode. However mommys think about the kids, and that is just not very romantic. I learned to wrap up the mommy stuff (kids in bed, toys picked up, whatever) and then I am able to successfully switch into “wife-mode” for my hubby. Things like flirting, leaving each other sappy notes, copping feels, or a good make-out session all help keep the sparks poppin. 🙂

Yes, you’ll have to schedule date nights, and you’ll have to plan ahead so that you can get a babysitter…we never had pre-kid days since son #1 came along with the package when I married Hubby. However we made it a priority to have regular date nights and we did it. We swapped babysitting with a neighbor to save on the expense, and sometimes our date nights involved homemade popcorn and renting a movie after the kiddo was in bed (budget!), but we had a date every week.

Angela says:

I wouldn’t even say we schedule dates but it happens when it happens. It could be the quietness of the family watching a movie and then having some alone time after the kids go to bed. Or maybe starting off flirting in the morning and then whispering to come home for lunch. It’s like you make the time in different suttle ways. That makes it fun. I think the kids notice as they tend to sense something and they kinda keep to themselves.

And them, sometimes you just have to be plain ole sneaky. You tend to work it out as you go.

Tonight, hubby is making dinner as I type, the girls are catching up on Daddy’s Girls and there’s some wine chillin in the fridge. Whatever happens, happens. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Stesha says:

Happy V-Day!

Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha

Jenna says:

You CAN make it work and you DO, unless you want to end up divorced.

Yes, childbirth greatly affected my drive. To the point where I had to make a New Year’s Resolution to get busy at least twice a week. But I’ve found if I make an effort, I usually enjoy it. And scheduling it also helps. We put the baby to bed and go to it. Nothing tricky about that.

Date nights are a must. Even if you don’t buy anything, it’s important to go out together sans babies. Get a sitter you know you can trust so you’re not thinking of them the whole night. Remember, you were husband and wife before you were Mom and Dad.

Brittanie says:

I have to echo what Jenna said in the sense that you just have to determine that you will live your life the same in regards to romance. I can honestly say that after having our baby (minus the 6-week recovery) we are more interested in each other than ever.

Babies have early bedtimes and lots of naps, which help a lot. Baby’s in bed- hello honey!

As far as dates go, babies are SO easy to take along, especially when they are little. The older they get, the more opinions they have, but then you can leave them with close friends and family and a bottle of breastmilk (if you’re breastfeeding). We took our little one to the movies and bowling and all sorts of fun things and she would just sleep right through them! 🙂

Those first few weeks are hard because you wonder if you will ever feel “normal” again. If it will ever happen that you can go to the bathroom and not feel like you are going to die; if you will ever not feel like a zombie and get more than an hour of sustained sleep. But then, one day at a time, you start healing and getting more sleep and soon you are more than the person you were before.

If I have one point of advice about being a mom, it’s GET YOURSELF OUT OF THE HOUSE. Staying inside, alone, is dangerous to your mental health. Enjoy the sunshine. Or, if it’s winter, get yourself around other people- like the mall, or a gym or something.

We have date nights all the time 🙂 we live our daughter at my in-laws mostly because they live closer to us, occasionally we live her with my parents too, but that is when we’re going to that part of the city!

We have our together time after she’s in bed, which means after 8:30pm, which works for us…we finish our work and than do whatever.

Nothing much changed really, we just work it out I guess better than we thought we would.

There are days when we have our oh this and that moments, but in my opinion who doesn’t? Even people without kids have them…

Anyways, things change, you just need to plan things in advance 🙂

Happy Valentine’s day!!!

Natalie says:

Yeah, I hear you — we are still trying to do the catch up from getting a puppy! Isn’t it crazy how that happens!?

Josie says:

Hahaha- we just take the baby with us!

Jess says:

SO… heres my two cents.. =)

At our house…the kids.. (all three of them) as soon as they can start talking they know what private time means…. when my 10 yr old was about 4 or 5…. her aunt called and she answered the phone and told her we were in the bedroom with the door locked having our private time. THey dont know exactly what goes on in there.. but thy now call it mom and dad sexin time.. lol… and thats fine with me… Id rather them know by example what a happy and healthy relationship looks like than learn it from someone else……and in the wrong manner.. know what I mean…. so it has never really been a problem for us… we jus tknow that its a part of our life.. and a part of our relationship…. and tho we may slow down a little when we had the kids.. after the initial recovery we were back on track and have been… and we are vvery active… no less than three times a week… =)

Rani says:

I guess my biggest ‘advice’ would be that nothing in life stays the same…whether with or without baby the world is going to throw some changes at you. And really, we need the change to challenge us and help us grow.
Babies change things – they change your world! But instead of looking at it like you ‘lose’ your priorities, look at is as you’ve ‘changed’ you priorities.
Date night – essential! As a mom of four, we are RELIGIOUS about going out. And as for loving…sometimes you just have to schedule a “date” on the calendar (sounds a bit unromantic…but nobody seems to mind once it’s all going on, you know?)
Best of luck, girl!
Best of luck to you girl.

San says:

Hiya from SITS! Well, I have a 13month baby boy – and while we try to keep to our “routine” and regular date, it is a struggle cos of baby, hormones, work to do (the list goes on……………………….)

But that is what it is about – working on it together! 🙂

mzzmyrick says:

So did you get the pizza?

Nancy says:

Hello, I just wanted to let you know I got your comment on Blogger Friend School. It’s actually a weekly meme for Christian Homeschooling Moms. The description of what all we do and who does or does not qualify to participate is on the front page. Thank you for coming by and asking about it. Keep the baby-making going and truly ENJOY your couple days together!! I love your blog, it’s wonderfully whimsy! Thank you again.

Nancy
http://bloggerfriendschool.com

Jaime says:

It’s good that you figured this out prior to having children. I didn’t really give it a lot of thought until this weekend when I finally discovered that celebrating Valentine’s Day just got a whole lot more complicated after having 3 babies! We didn’t get to celebrate V-Day (1) because we have no money and (2) it’s Stake Conference here so we went to the adult session – how romantic, right?

Well, I like you as you already know have no kids. My parents however, have six and they have always made sure to maintain a date night, they go at least once a week out to do something without anyone else. Sometimes they may have not always had the money so maybe they would just go to a park, but they always make sure they go, you can not afford not to. They also make sure that all of their conversation does not revolve around the their kids, that way they still have a romantic connection that is not associated with the kids, because one day the kids will grow up and move out.

Rani says:

I guess my biggest ‘advice’ would be that nothing in life stays the same…whether with or without baby the world is going to throw some changes at you. And really, we need the change to challenge us and help us grow.
Babies change things – they change your world! But instead of looking at it like you ‘lose’ your priorities, look at is as you’ve ‘changed’ you priorities.
Date night – essential! As a mom of four, we are RELIGIOUS about going out. And as for loving…sometimes you just have to schedule a “date” on the calendar (sounds a bit unromantic…but nobody seems to mind once it’s all going on, you know?)
Best of luck, girl!
Best of luck to you girl.

Brittanie says:

I have to echo what Jenna said in the sense that you just have to determine that you will live your life the same in regards to romance. I can honestly say that after having our baby (minus the 6-week recovery) we are more interested in each other than ever.

Babies have early bedtimes and lots of naps, which help a lot. Baby’s in bed- hello honey!

As far as dates go, babies are SO easy to take along, especially when they are little. The older they get, the more opinions they have, but then you can leave them with close friends and family and a bottle of breastmilk (if you’re breastfeeding). We took our little one to the movies and bowling and all sorts of fun things and she would just sleep right through them! 🙂

Those first few weeks are hard because you wonder if you will ever feel “normal” again. If it will ever happen that you can go to the bathroom and not feel like you are going to die; if you will ever not feel like a zombie and get more than an hour of sustained sleep. But then, one day at a time, you start healing and getting more sleep and soon you are more than the person you were before.

If I have one point of advice about being a mom, it’s GET YOURSELF OUT OF THE HOUSE. Staying inside, alone, is dangerous to your mental health. Enjoy the sunshine. Or, if it’s winter, get yourself around other people- like the mall, or a gym or something.

Mommy Bee says:

It’s true that the hormones associated with birth and breastfeeding can conflict with the hormones associated with libido. I think that’s nature’s way of making sure that we take care of our babies… after delivery your body needs at least 6 weeks to recover before engaging in “baby dancing” anyway, so it actually works pretty well that the libido is shot for that month or two.
Some women have ongoing struggles with libido (eg: me) but that’s not because of the kids, it’s because of our own hormonal issues… Sure, there is sometimes worry about waking the baby or whatever, but there are ways around that. I learned that even though my little one would wake frequently in the night, he always gave me a good 45min at least when he first went down…so while our romantic evenings might have to be scheduled, there was still always a way to make time for US.

Frankly, I’ve had days where I feel overwhelmed and ‘touched-out’ like the harried moms in your article. But I learned a secret: I realized that I would always default into “mommy-mode” because I have 2 kids and only 1 husband, and I spend more hours of the day in that mode. However mommys think about the kids, and that is just not very romantic. I learned to wrap up the mommy stuff (kids in bed, toys picked up, whatever) and then I am able to successfully switch into “wife-mode” for my hubby. Things like flirting, leaving each other sappy notes, copping feels, or a good make-out session all help keep the sparks poppin. 🙂

Yes, you’ll have to schedule date nights, and you’ll have to plan ahead so that you can get a babysitter…we never had pre-kid days since son #1 came along with the package when I married Hubby. However we made it a priority to have regular date nights and we did it. We swapped babysitting with a neighbor to save on the expense, and sometimes our date nights involved homemade popcorn and renting a movie after the kiddo was in bed (budget!), but we had a date every week.

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Hi! I’m Jennifer Borget

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I'm a former journalist, and lifelong creator striving to make the world a better place. This is the space where I share my journey in making the most of every day by cherishing our individuality and celebrating our differences.



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