Dear Aunt Flow,
I remember the first time you came to visit me. It was time time around middle school. I was wondering when you were coming, as many of my friends were talking about their special visits from the Aunts.
I was a little shocked when you finally showed up, and I found you didn’t live up to all the hype. Please don’t take offense… It’s just that you’ve been known to cause me A LOT of pain.
As I got older, and eventually got married I eventually found ways to avoid you for awhile. I would take extra birth control week after week so I’d only have to see you every third month. Then I found I could take a big dose of a shot in the booty and avoid you for three whole months at a time… I don’t think I saw you for nearly a year.
But I must have missed you deep down because yet again I changed my form of birth control and decided to deal with you in light doses every month, for about three years. It was towards the end of that time that I began to appreciate you. In fact, that’s when I went of hormonal birth control all together and started to learn about you and what made you tick.
For the last three months I’ve studied you… The real you, and I pretty much know the day and time to expect you. I’ve appreciated that. Oh yes, there have been moments when you’ve caused me scares here and there, but overall, I think we have a good working relationship.
That’s why I’m writing you now… To ask you to do me a favor. See, I’ve enjoyed your visit this month (as much as a girl can) but now… Don’t be offended–but I want you to go away for a while. I know you’re wondering how long, and I’m thinking about a year or so… Just long enough for me to produce and incubate a baby for nine months.
I hope you don’t mind. It’s not that I don’t like you… Really, I appreciate the way you remind me I’m a woman month after month, but I really don’t want to see you anymore… Not until I have a baby.
Perhaps you could go on a vacation, or plan ways to torment me when you get back, but please don’t torment me in four weeks.
Thanks for your consideration. I hope to not see you next month!
See my other letter to her here.