My maternity leave is coming to a close, and in the morning my stint as a stay at home mother will be over. I’ll begin my new role as a full time working mom.
As the night lingers on I begin to wonder about sleep deprivation. It’s no big deal when I’m at home and napping through the day, but when I’m operating heavy machinery, conducting interviews and anchoring the news to thousands of people, there’s slightly more pressure to ummm–Function.
Instead I’m picturing periodic meltdowns and tear streaks across my makeup.
It’s almost hilarious when I think back to before having her, when I was worried about a project I wanted to work on, and debated going back early to pursue it. After she was born and here for a few weeks I could have cared less about it. I was taking the full 12 weeks, there was no mistake about that.
I’ve packed my bags. My pump, and PumpEase are in the bag. My laptop and blackberry are charged. Fresh milk is in the fridge, my suits are at the cleaners and my schedule is mapped out for my first week back. It’s like preparing for the first day of school–Except not as fun.
My daughter and I went shopping today, but this time for me. It was a much-needed dose of retail therapy to get me excited about going back. New clothes to go with my new, fuller, motherly figure.
I held her longer today and kissed her an extra thousand times. I inhaled the smell of her hair and tickled her tiny toes.
I hope I can do this.
I know I can do this. But it won’t be easy.
I’m trying to count my blessings. It could be so much worse. I’m grateful have a job. Grateful I had twelve weeks to spend with her–Even if half of that time was unpaid. And best of all my daughter will be in the best hands next to my own–Her daddy’s. Granted, there was a time I contemplated whether that was a fact, or if a daycare worker or nanny had more experience with tending small babies. But regardless of his learning curve, no one would love her more.
Everything’s packed and ready to go. But this time when I drive to work, I’ll be leaving behind my heart.
If you’ve been where I’m going and have words of advice I’d love to hear it!
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