During The Talk I realized great things can be possible by taking unusual steps. I don’t usually say this all over the Internet but.. I have a great husband! No really, he’s super. It’s kind of nice because while the economy is bad it’s a good time to be in school. He’s been staying at home, and working on finishing school… But in this process all of the housework gets done too!
I was telling some friends at work about how great it is. I haven’t done the dishes in ages! He does the laundry. “HE DOES?!” One of my coworkers shrieked. Oh yea he does! But then I thought about it… He’s always done the laundry and dishes. In fact, in our more than four years of marriage I’d guess I’ve done our laundry maybe five times. Yea, and the dishes even less than that. Every once in awhile I’ll chip in and put my clothes he folds away. But he’s good at that stuff. He’s also really good at making dinner. I cook on my days off and he does a good job of planning meals and making them the other 5 days of the week. Needless to say, I’m a lucky woman.
But the more I thought about my luck, and thought about the possibility of being a stay at home mom the more I think “no way!” One, I’d probably go crazy. Two, I still probably wouldn’t get anything done. And three, I’d probably go crazy.
As the wheels in my head turned around this subject I struck a chord when the phrase “stay at home DAD” entered into my mind.
We are not a normal couple, no way. So why stop at the weirdness we already posses? Why not take it a step further? I’d get to be both a career woman and a mom, and wouldn’t have to worry about who’s watching the kids. I know some would say “the mom should be at home,” but really… I think you’ve gotta do what’s best for your family. I’m not sure what’s absolutely going to work for us yet, but I know if it’s going to work for us any time soon, then this has got to be an option.
There have been so many times I’ve thought to myself “he would be better at this house stuff.” Well, why not try it out!
Besides, we took a biology class once and our professor told us if a man’s nipples are stimulated enough, he too can produce milk.
Cute picture!! 😉 I agree. My hubs and I split our house work evenly, but he is the same way. I clean our laundry, he puts it away. He cooks, I clean. It works that way for us. Right now we’re both unemployed (ugh), but we’ve both been the stay at home parent at one time or another. He’s better with the kids during the SAHD times, and I’m better with keeping the house in place when I’m a SAHM. lol I love it when he’s willing to stay home. Plus, we’ve got two boys, so it works better for my boys.
Anyway, I think it’s always worth a try!
I had to laugh out loud about the man’s nipples making milk if stimulated enough. I told that to my husband once, and he thought I was crazy. But, in all seriousness, some families need to have the father stay at home, for whatever reason. But in the Family Proclamation, we are told that it is the mother’s primary responsibility to take care of the children. So, if you CAN stay home with the kids, I would do it that way. That is, afterall, the way that is sanctified by our Heavenly Father.
Jen, I totally know how you feel! My husband has joked about being the stay-at-home Dad, trading on the stock market to make the real money, while I go be a reporter. I think that’s great, until I don’t want to get up in the morning…
Why not? There are lots of great stay at home dads. My husband did that for about 6 months. If he is willing and doesn’t mind then I agree with you. It sounds like he is great at the housework! I’m sure he’ll also be a wonderful dad.
You two make a gorgeous couple and I’m sure your future children will be just as beautiful, even though that babymaker post awhile back didn’t do them justice!
Cute picture 🙂 he wouldn’t be the only stay at home dad, many families do it. It’s like you said What works for you best!
For us it worked better this way! Anyways Hubby makes more than I would…or maybe…no no he does LOL
A stay at home dad is a great thing if the dad is willing to do so. My Hubby let me know that if I ever wanted to get a job and provide for the family he’d stay home and take care of the kids. I know that in our reality that would never work. I’d miss my kids and Hubby goes crazy if he has to stay in one place for to long. It’s still nice to hear him say that he’ll give it a go if I ever decided to be the bread winner.
I’ve known of some couples where the dad stayed home. I know my sister had a hard time coming home when her first baby was born, but she believed that SAHMing was what the Lord wants so she did it. It was a bit of an adjustment but in the long run she knows it was better for her kids and her family.
Kids should have a parent at home, yes, but honestly mother is the ideal one to fill that roll. It’s not just about lactating (yes some men can, though not all, and seriously do you *want* him to?!) New mothers have natural hormonal surges that help them tune in to their babies’ needs, and i have heard SO many working moms say that their maternity leave was just too short.
Pregnancy is hard on your body and frankly it’s hard to work when pregnant as well as after the baby is born. If you are at home allowing yourself to get the rest you need you’ll have a healthier pregnancy most likely.
I’m not saying that you can’t have dad be teh stay at home one…just that I think the reasons that the church says it should be mom run deeper than we may realize or understand.
My husband has been a stay at home dad, with school squished in, since my daughter was about 9 months old. He has always done the laundry and dishes and cleaning… I feel like a slacker lol!
But my daughter will only go to bed for me, which makes me feel special.
My sister is a Pharmacist and works part time- she has to work at least a little to maintain her license. She makes more money working 2 shifts a week than most people can full-time. While she works, her hubs is at home with the kids. Her kids do daycare one day a week. Whatever works for the individual families.
My husband would keep a much cleaner house than I do. He wouldn’t be quite as good about interacting with the kids as I am but if we had to make the SAHD situation work, we would. Do what’s best for you. I’m Mormon but I didn’t check my brain at the door. I’ll take their counsel under advisement but ultimately my spouse and I have to live with out choices.
“I’m Mormon but I didn’t check my brain at the door. “
That cracked me up, never heard that before.
I don’t think anything wrong with a SAHD, if that is what is needed, both parents are happy with it, and kids are being cared for go for it?
So I think I should really hate you… a hot body and a hubby that does laundry? 😉
you are very lucky, my hubby is a pretty good helper too though. Funny thing is we do our own laundry, when he does mine he shrinks my stuff. He does refuse to dust though. Your hubby is very cute too!
Hey Girl, I totally feel ya on this one. I didn’t like working. But when I became a SAHM it, too, was wierd for me. I felt I needed to be doing something besides watching the babies. Nothing wrong with dad doing the job so long as he’s good at it, and sounds like yours is hella fly with the cooking, dishes, etc. No reason to mess with that! And, working may be your outlet, maybe you need that outlet. Mr. Valentine, not so much. He needs the work as his outlet. He’d be stir crazy here as a SAHD. But it’s a trend that’s growing and why be the same as everyone else when y’all can do it your way and love it. *hugs*
“You can milk pretty just about anything with nipples.”
“I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?”
~Meet the Parents
Oh, and I disagree slightly with Mommy Bee’s contention that the church has an official stance on moms staying at home. While they encourage moms being at home when possible, the more I read up on it, the more I’m finding that the church realizes that not everyone will fit that mold.
Thanks Cynthia for being one of the women who “didn’t check her brain at the door”. Prayer and personal revelation should be part and parcel of ANY family decision, even if it doesn’t fit the ideal picture of what everyone else thinks it should look like!
My husband is a SAHD. I stayed at home for the first bit (3 months with my son and 6 months with my daughter) because it made breastfeeding easier and because I wanted to, but then my husband took over from then until the kids start preschool at 3 years. It has been great for all of us.
You might be interested in checking out this blog on equally shared parenting: http://equallysharedparenting.com/blogger.html
You guys are such a cute couple!!!! funny about the breast milk thing. im a perfectionist so i dont know if i could handle it for ever but hubby helps out a lot and i really appreciate it and im grateful for him.
I’m eating humble pie. You read my post and I’m complaining about my hubby. I read your post and your singing hubbies praises. Thank wonderful and I don’t believe that normal exists so it is pointless to shoot for.
You have to do what you whatever leads to joy and peace. As long as he’s on board I think a house husband that I will actually attend to the house and kids is awesome. The only thing I would suggest is he starts working on a home business idea or, when ready, get a part-time job. I love and adore kids, so I use to be a nanny. I loved it but you need to have adult relationships and something to feed you ambition to keep your life balanced.
I think it’s great your husband helps out so much at home. Dill is the same way. Especially with Audrey! We really share the workload evenly.
I have been thinking about this (SAHD’s), too, but my husband has said he would not feel good about staying home. He got a little taste of what it would be like when I was in school full-time after Audrey’s birth, and let’s just say, the house wasn’t clean and dinner wasn’t made when I got home. He did his best, but he just isn’t cut out for that. Me, on the other hand–I can entertain the baby, clean the house, cook, go grocery shopping, and still have time to blog! I’m definitely a better multi-tasker; Dillon’s all about “surviving”.
If you look at the Proclamation to the Family, it says, “Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.” Notice the word “primarily”. It doesn’t say “solely”. There is no problem sharing the load with others, even to go to work. But, in my opinion, the children should come first out of all the mother’s duties.
You have to pray about it, girl. God has a plan for EACH of us. When in doubt, ask.
I can’t imagine being a stay at home mom. I need much more stimulation than I would get at home being around a kid all day. I think my husband would love to stay at home with the kid as long as he doesn’t sit at his computer playing games all day!
I wouldn’t count on your husband lactating. Could you imagine the saggy breasts he would have afterward. All the push ups he’d have to do to get rid of the excess? The thought gives me the willies. I like a nice firm man myself.
Though I will say even with working full time plus my husband is better at and does more housework than I do. It’s like a compulsion for him and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.
I always assumed daycare was it. I saw everyone else doing it…and then the kids came and while we tried to keep our workaholic ways it never quite worked. I also found that no matter how much you could pay…no one and I mean no one cares about them like you do. I truly believe now that at least one person should be home. I’ve known a few stay at home daddies and the kids are happy!