Posts Tagged ‘rant’

What happened to my patience?

I’m finding I keep asking myself that question a lot lately. I’m an extremely tolerant person who happens to pride herself with the ability to stay as cool as a cucumber.

I’ll never forget when  a friend’s mom complimented me on my patience with my two year old following her baby shower. I was about four months pregnant, and I don’t even remember my daughter giving me a hard time at the party. I’m aware of when she’s being unruly, and I keep her under control. But I answered her every question, request, pondering and plea. Most times down at her level, and with poise.

She was my main focus, the center of my attention. For her, I have impeccable patience–Or use to. Since having a second child I’m finding less and less gentle responses to my children’s never-ending desires.

silly girlMaybe it’s because my daughter is now a threenager. That could be it. She’s a walking, talking ball of sass that seems to always have me on the verge of tears–either from laughter or anger. But another part of me feels like balancing TWO kids is what’s sending me over the edge. Let me explain…

First of all, I’m not sure what kind of alternate universe I’ve been in, but I pictured my two kids blissfully entertaining each other while I did things like used the bathroom in peace. Boy was I wrong! Now, the only difference is there are playmats, toys next and a baby crammed in with me, in addition to the preschooler making water experiments in the sink. Surely the quiet bathroom scene must come after three kids, right?

With one–Just my daughter–I was focused on her, all the time. My attention wasn’t divided nearly as much. If she needed to wait a few moments while I did something it usually wasn’t for long, and overall, I think I just had a little more energy back then.


(Lil J’s Top and Jeggings: Target; Bow and Bowtie: Amazing Grace Bowtique; Big T’s Top: JC Penny; Shorts: Thrifted)

Now with a little brother, she has to wait more often and her patience too, seems to be wearing thin. Sometimes she asks a dozen times before she gets what she wants (granted, it’s in the space of 60 seconds). Just yesterday morning she wailed in frustration because she wanted me to turn on a TV show for her. Her brother was in the other room with her dad, and I was just sitting with her, listening to her, I didn’t understand the hysterics.

“You don’t need to talk to me that way, that is not how you ask for something you want,” I explained, my composure still in tact. After all, it was only 8am.

She took a moment, accessing my expression (which was much more firm than my words) and apologized.

“Ok, I’ll try again,” she said. And she proceeded to do one of the strangest things I’ve ever seen her do.

As if she pushed a personal reset button, she turned to face a different direction “I’ll start over… I look this way,” she said away from me, rewinding the clock ten seconds in her mind. Then she turned to face me and started again slowly in a soft voice with puppy dog eyes “Mommy, can you please turn on Dora for me?”

I can’t get enough of moments like those (after the drama reboot), yet I feel like I’m missing some due to split attention.

Most nights I’m getting the kids in bed by myself. My current routine is so put Lil’ J to bed first, after her own set of stories, songs and prayer, then nurse her brother to sleep. But I’m thinking of reversing that to give us a little more one-on-one time.

I’m trying to carve out special big sister time, but Big T doesn’t have a regular nap time yet, so we’re still sorta playing it by ear. Thank goodness she loves her brother and doesn’t get jealous.


This may sound ridiculous, but when they’re both asleep, I find myself wondering why I ever lose it in the first place. I have a clear head, and get to hit my own “reboot” button as I watch them peacefully snooze. A few Zzzzs seems to put everything back in perspective.

So admittedly, I’m losing my temper, when before I could almost always keep it contained. I expect my daughter to know better because she can go to the bathroom by herself and speak in complete sentences–In English no less. But I also need to remember she’s three. Just six months ago she was the sole center of my world and now she’s sharing that spotlight with a little guy equally as wonderful. In the end, tantrums to tantrums, meltdowns to meltdowns, I’d say she’s handling it better than I am. But I’ll get there. I’ll learn, readjust, and hopefully soon I’ll be that mom again that gets people asking “How do you stay so calm?”

If I had a nickle for every time someone congratulated me on becoming a stay at home mom, I could make a living wage and consider myself a work at home mom, collecting interest from my funds.

Okay, I kid.

But really, people seem to be very excited about this! And I am too. But I can’t help but feel a slight urge to correct someone when they call me that.

Most of the time I let it go. Cause really, I was in the office a whopping 15 hours this week. Five of which included having my kids there with me. It’s quite the shift, just a third of the time I’d normally spend there. But it was three days in the office, and another day and a half I was working on a freelance project from home. I don’t really feel like a stay at home mom. And even if I was exactly what people call a SAHM, it sorta implies I never leave the house.

Does acknowledging the term brand me into a category of mothering?

mom labels

I love wearing my babies, and talk about it all the time, but you’ll rarely (if ever) catch me calling myself a “babywearer” or “babywearing mom.”

If you asked me if I’m a stay at home mom I guess I’d say yes. But I’d probably say yes if you asked if I was a work at home mom, or a work outside the home mom. If you were to ask me what I “do” I’d probably say I’m a freelance reporter, assuming you mean for money. But please don’t make me choose a four letter acronym to define myself. I’m so much more than that. We all are.

I have friends who are concert pianists, have landed record deals, won Emmy’s, baking awards, have degrees, know sign language, and teach yoga… All extraordinary mothers who shouldn’t be confined to such an ordinary phrase.–As if you’re putting a period at the end of a simplified definition of ourselves. I prefer an ellipses.

Get to know me.

And trust me… You can’t fit all this *hands hourglassing down my waistline* in an acronym.

Just a little teeny tiny rant, I promise.

My to-do list is piling up once again, both at work and at home. In fact I don’t know which is longer. In order to get everything done that I need to do I imagine I’d have to stay awake 24 hours, every day for the next three months.

Not really, but that’s how it feels.

That to-do before #2 list? Totally back burner, I have a new, more urgent to-do before #2 list that I wrote up last night. Things like setting up a place for the baby to sleep, getting Lil’ J a new bed so the baby can have a crib. And then more enjoyable things like sewing nursery decorations and baby clothes.

I still have my regular tasks at work, and side-writing jobs I need to not fall behind on stay on top of, and even get ahead in some cases. There just doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day.

I’m debating putting in more hours at work to get ahead, and implementing earlier bed times, and implementing a currently non-existent weekend nap time for my first-born, so I can accomplish everything. But then comes the fear that I’m going to regret my manic antics once the baby comes. My daughter’s last few months as an only child may become a blur, and a month into having a new baby I’ll be cursing my 3-month-younger-self for not saying “screw it” and sleeping in while I could.

There I go again with the fear of making the wrong choice.

Here is where I get positive…

I can do this. If I’ve managed to balance a million things with one child well by golly, I’m going to do it better than ever these last three months. And my husband reminded me that I’ll have 12 weeks off with my oldest daughter anyway, so even if her last 11 weeks as an only child wind up in a whirlwind, her first few months as a big sister will be with her mama by her side, helping her transition. 

Let the countdown commence. A million things to do, 10 weeks 4 days to go!

Hi! I’m Jennifer Borget


I'm a part-time journalist, full-time wife and mother striving to make the world a better place and inspiring others to do the same. This is the space where I share my journey in making the most of every day.

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