Dude, I’m feeling so weird lately. I’m like a backwards Jennifer. All of the things I used to love seem to be boring the crap out of me lately. And all of the things I used to avoid have been at the top of my list.
For example, my job lately feels like groundhog day. Every week FLIES by with tasks and deadlines. By the time I finally get to take a sigh of relief and a break, my weekend is over an it’s back to the grind. Granted, I worked something like 16 hours of overtime a week ago, that could be a big part of my exhaustion and “done” feeling. I’m counting down the days until my Christmas vacation. I’m not going anywhere but I plan to pack my schedule with fun Christmas activities and baking. Yes, baking! … What has gotten into me?
This week, instead of enjoying my evenings taking photos and blogging about my life, I’ve taken to cleaning when I get home. Wednesday I cleaned for five hours straight, with little breaks to play with Lil’ J (she did surprisingly well entertaining herself). I cleaned my livingroom, kitchen, bedroom (unpacking that final box that had been sitting in the corner since April), Lil’ J’s room, hung blinds, new drapes, and mopped. Then last night I rearranged our TV stand and moved (pushed, don’t worry) our old one into our bedroom. It’s a strange manic mood that’s keeping me up til 1-2am.
I’m so excited about Christmas it’s not even funny. I can’t wait to see the Christmas lights, read the stories, and sing the songs. All the while I feel like this baby, and this pregnancy aren’t getting as much attention and excitement as it should.
Is this the start of the second-child syndrome? Will his/her baby books not be as cool or complete? (Actually Lil’ J doesn’t even have one either, so that’s a big NO) . I’m 19 weeks pregnant and sometimes I even forget I’m pregnant! When I was pregnant with Spawnie, that baby never left her special spot front and center in my mind.
I’m more excited to set up Lil’ J’s big girl room than I am to decorate another nursery. I don’t want to know the baby’s sex mostly because I’m SO excited for the surprise at birth, but partly because I want to limit the amount of shopping and planning I’ll want to do before s/he arrives.
I feel so GUILTY!
I’m really and truly so excited for this baby but I feel like my outward display of excitement comes off as unenthused. Maybe I need to look at newborn pics of Lil’ J for a refresher of what’s to come. Maybe Monday’s ultrasound will make it all sink in again and be just the kick I need to be like “WOOHOO BABY!” and shout it from the rooftops. Or maybe my emotions are normal.
I wonder what it’s like when it’s your third, fourth, fifth time being pregnant. Do women just get so used to it, it becomes an ordinary phase of life?
Hopefully my backwards self will turn around soon cause the planning, anti-cleaning, peppy cheerleader inside of me is ready to get this show on the road.