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Posts Tagged ‘pregnancy’

Dear Sneaky,

This is the first letter I’ve written you my entire pregnancy. Each month would go by and I’d contemplate sitting down to jot down my thoughts but it’s been such  a whirlwind, I think writing this now, just around the time we expected you to arrive would be perfect.

40 weeks pregnant love letter.

As expected you’re snuggled in there and flew past your due date without much of a hint of that changing very soon. There were a lot of anxious feelings as we came up on your due date, but now that we’re past it I’m somehow relieved knowing you’re gonna be here at some point within the next week or so. Maybe that’s because there’s no more guess work on whether or not you’re coming early or on time. You’re just plain late. Like your other siblings. So I’m thinking you’ll fit right in.

Growing you has been the wildest experience for me. After your brother was born I’d never dreamed I’d have TWO daughters to raise. I’m pretty sure your daddy is thinking the same thing. He’s been cleaning and getting the car all safe and ready for you. A few days ago he unboxed the carseat, went and got my oil changed and vacuumed out our very messy car. I think it’s his own little way of nesting. Though we’re pretty much ready in most regards, we are still in heavy debates over the spelling of your name. I hope you like what we finally agree on.

With your siblings standing by with the biggest grins and excited chatter I imagine you’re going to be the most loved little girl around. Your sister wants to share her room and everything else with you. I think you’re the sister she’s wanted but never thought she’d get. Your big brother is also surprising me with his excitement. Lately he’s up before your sister and talking to you first thing in the morning. He’s so loud and you almost always immediately start kicking and moving around when you hear him. I’m sure you’ll recognize him immediately. It’s going to be so fun watching how he adjusts to being a big brother. Hopefully you go easy on him.

We have managed to collect all these fun contraptions to put you in once you’re here but the more I think about it the more I realize you will probably be in our arms 24/7. Everyone is ready and waiting to get a piece of you.

I didn’t think I’d ever get to raise another baby again but I know you’re meant to be a part of our family. I think you’re going to be the little puzzle piece we didn’t realize we were missing. Be prepared to squeeze in and get smothered with a ridiculous amount of love.

So come out whenever you’re ready. Preferably sooner rather than later. We are all waiting!

Love,

Mommy

A couple of weeks ago I made a to-do list with things I need to accomplish before this baby girl arrives. There were about 30 items. Ranging from getting my hair braided (for easier maintenance with a newborn). To eye exams, and dentist appointments for both of the kids (two days before my due date). Planning and putting on my daughter’s 8th birthday party (next Saturday). Buying a car seat. And a dozen other little projects.

To be honest, my thought process is if I’m really busy with work and to-dos I won’t be agonizing as much each day wondering when labor might happen. It was my strategy with my son too, and I flew 5 days past my due date, still showing up to work each day without making it a big deal.

Now that we’re finally down to the wire I have the urge to get things in order around the house. Nesting I guess you can call it. And some of my strategies are a little unconventional. I partnered with Zevo to share some of these habits in 5 unique ways I’m nesting for my 3rd baby.

How did you nest before your baby arrived?

Shop Zevo products here: http://spr.ly/Zevo-3789-12
And use CHERISH20 to receive 20 percent off!

 

“When is my baby sister coming out?”

You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve heard that question over the last six months. I’m certain I’ve heard some variation hundreds of times. It’s the first thing my daughter asks in the morning and her last question before bed. And she throws it out a handful of times during the day for good measure. Then every time I leave for a doctor’s appointment my son asks me if they’re going to take the baby out.

I think I’ve come to realize that no matter how many times you experience pregnancy, the ending always feels the same. You’re full of anticipation, uncomfortable nights, and it drags on forever. The first 8 months flew by. I hardly kept up with my weekly pregnancy documenting on Instagram. We’ve been so busy with life that the growing baby sorta took a back seat to everything else going on. But now that we’re in the homestretch and she’s sticking out so far, the baby topic is unavoidable. Everyone wants to know when she’s coming. And boy do I wish I knew.

With my first daughter I knew babies weren’t likely to come on their due date. But I still had high hopes she’d come a little early. I started my maternity leave from the news station on my due date. I was so done. But then she didn’t come for TEN. MORE. DAYS.

I’d wasted a whole week and a half of my maternity leave trying everything under the sun to start labor naturally. I finally guiltily gave in to being induced (guilty because the online mom mob told me I should just let it happen).

The second time around I knew better. I decided I wouldn’t start my maternity leave until I went into labor. My due date came and went and every day I walked into the station with my huge cankles my coworkers would either gasp or laugh at the fact that I was still present. Five days after my due date I didn’t even know what to do when I started to have contractions.

I tracked them as best as I could and when it seemed like they’d been going on for about an hour I woke my husband up so we could go to the hospital.

I showed up there like “Hey ya’ll I’m ready!”

And everyone there was like “ummm, did you call anyone?” Nope.

I didn’t know what I was doing. My contractions slowed down to almost a halt but they didn’t send me home since I was already past my due date.

This time around I’m thinking third time’s a charm. I’m more aware of what contractions feel like and I’m a more diligent about tracking them. I recently found out about a tool called Bloomlife which is a wearable contraction tracker you can use at home. I stick it on my belly in the evenings when I’m watching a show and monitor what my body is up to. Sometimes I’m certain I am feeling contractions and the app confirms. Other times it’s just in my head. There have been a few nights when I thought maybe, just maybe my body was about to launch into labor, but nope. Or minor contractions without any pattern or consistency. It’s still been neat to watch my body work itself up to birthing this little girl.

Here's a rundown of how the Bloomlife contraction timer works for pregnancy. A detailed review.

So here’s how Bloomlife works

It’s a contraption timer you rent, not buy cause–Ya know, we aren’t doing this again (knock on wood). I connect the bluetooth tracker to a sticky patch and stick the set to my belly, a few fingers below my belly button. It’s hands-free and cords free and works with both iOS and Android devices.

Open up the app on my phone where the device connects and calibrates to Bloomlife.

Press start then let the app track my contractions for an hour.

Here's a rundown of how the Bloomlife contraction timer works for pregnancy. A detailed review.

It tracks my contractions big and small in real time, then after the hour tells me the average duration and interval.

It’s also great at distinguishing between baby movements and contractions.

The main challenge for me is making sure I pick a time when I’ll be chilling for a while otherwise it keeps telling me to sit still. Lately I’ve been tracking in the evenings while binge-watching Grey’s Anatomy reruns or my new favorite: What Would You Do? and enjoying an ice cream sandwich.

Here's a rundown of how the Bloomlife contraction timer works for pregnancy. A detailed review.

It is nice seeing that my body is doing what it’s supposed to do, and it’ll be there to help me know when it’s actually go-time. Sadly right now it doesn’t work as a Magic 8 ball and it can’t predict exactly when this baby is coming out (sorry kids!). (Though interestingly enough that is a feature they are working on!) But I know she’ll be here before we know it (and for everyone wondering, my guess is just a couple of days past her due date!).

Checkout Bloomlife.com for more information on how it works. Use my code JB10 to get 10% off your rental.

I’m in the homestretch of this pregnancy. Can I say that when I’m a little less than a month out? It’s really flown by and but I’m still feeling like “Wait, is this really happening?”

The last several months have been a whirlwind of denial, anxiety and excitement. I’ve had so much going on that I haven’t really given myself a lot of time to stop and imagine what life will be like next month when we become a family of FIVE. It still feels weird saying that. I don’t know if it’s something I can mentally prepare for. So I’m kinda just planning on winging it.

Finding comfortable maternity clothes for the third trimester.

Motherhood Maternity Blue Mist Cropped Pants and Pea in the Pod Ruched T-Shirt

Right now it feels a little bit like we’ll be bringing a stranger home. But if my memory serves me correctly, that feeling fades pretty quickly once she’s on the outside and in my arms.

My husband is making plans to take our older two to theme parks and water slides this summer. At the moment I feel like tagging along, or pouting at the idea of missing out. But I’m sure once our little one is here I’ll be thrilled to have some down time at home with just her while daddy heads out with the bigger kids.

I’ve definitely hit the uncomfortable part of pregnancy. I don’t remember it being quite like this before. I mean, I remember having a waddle and swollen feet. But I don’t remember having such a hard time falling asleep, staying asleep, and how sore I feel every time I get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I feel DONE.

Finding comfortable maternity clothes for the third trimester.

Motherhood Maternity Off-the-Shoulder Babydoll Blouse and Motherhood Maternity White Maternity Leggings

Maybe it’s my age, maybe I’m just so out of shape. Or maybe it’s a bit of both. I’m only 32 but pregnancy in my 30s feels a lot different than it did in my 20s.

The other times I was also working full-time outside of the home at a news station. Though I did my best to squeeze into and stretch out my regular clothes, this time I’m mostly working from home. But I still have to leave the house and look presentable now and then. As much as I’d like to stay home in my PJs all day it’s just not gonna happen (maybe during my maternity leave!).

Last month I finished up my traveling after the Mom 2.0 conference. At home I’m still shuttling Lil’ J to cheer practices and tutoring, meeting with our builder, going to church, and taking the kids to camp. I’ve tried my best to look somewhat put together for these outings.

Finding comfortable maternity clothes for the third trimester.

Jessica Simpson Maternity Flutter Sleeved T-Shirt and A Pea in the Pod Maternity Cuffed Denim Shorts 

Finding comfortable maternity clothes for the third trimester.

A Pea in the Pod Maternity Ruffled T-Shirt and A Pea in the Pod Maternity Cuffed Denim Shorts 

I’ve discovered some maternity clothes that are about as comfortable as pajamas. Especially all of the pants with the stretchy belly band that goes up over my stomach. And loose cotton tops and dresses. Oh yes the dresses.

The Motherhood Maternity line at Macy makes it look like I’ve made an effort to look cute. I just throw on a cotton top with some cute sleeves with some maternity shorts and done. The orange flutter sleeve top above is one of my favorites and from the Jessica Simpson line. A Pea in the Pod is known as a really chic brand, but my absolute favorite maternity staple has been their Maternity Ruched T-Shirts (pictured below). I have one in white, purple, coral and blue. If you see me out and about over the next month, chances are, I’ll be wearing one of these.

Finding comfortable maternity clothes for the third trimester.

A Pea in the Pod Maternity Ruched T-Shirts and Motherhood Maternity White Maternity Leggings

“All great changes are preceded by chaos.”

Accurate.

In these last several weeks I’m trying to get things organized for our baby girl, and just trying to make it through. I finally filled out the pre-registration form for my hospital and mailed it in. I bought our first box of diapers and I’ve organized both kids’ closets and drawers to make room for some baby stuff. Since we are moving early next year I’m trying to get rid of more things than we bring in. But with an additional person joining the family, I’m finding  that’s hard to do.

Physically, I feel so ready to be done but also a little nervous for what life is about to look like. Each day that goes by I simultaneously grow more anxious and excited. I’m ready to break through this final period of uncertainty, nerves and chaos and begin our new chapter of great change.

Let’s do this baby!


You can score all of my maternity looks at Macy’s from the fun Motherhood Maternity line. And the stylish and chic Pea in the Pod line. Which is your favorite?

I heard an unusual notification ping on my cell phone and looked down to read it.

“Congratulations! You’ve entered your third trimester!” My BabyCenter app informed me.

Say what? Already? How did this happen?

If you’ve been here a while you know with my first two babies I was so on top of documenting my journey to becoming a mom, and a mom of two. Weekly photos and love letters. Their pre-baby books were on point. This time around you may be thinking “Wait, isn’t she pregnant?”

Yes, I am! Actually I forget half the time too. Sometimes it isn’t until I try to bend down to grab something, or I feel her kicking me that I remember “holy cow I’m having another kid!”

So many things are so different with your first kid pregnancy vs your third kid pregnancy. These are my most common contrasts.

1. I can’t answer anyone’s questions

How far along are you? How many months are left? Do you have a name yet? I’m losing track of time, I never know how far along I am without checking my app. And unless I have some rotting produce nearby from a recently attempted bumpdate, I usually have no idea. Overall I’m just way more chill and oblivious about everything this time.  No birth plan, I need to set a reminder to pack a hospital bag. I’m just really trying to get by and get as much non-baby stuff done before the baby comes that I tend to forget to plan for all of the actual baby-related things.

2. Embracing the maternity clothes

I don’t know why I put this off for so long, maternity clothes are everything. I got my first pair of maternity jeans last month and now I have three pair, including a pair of maternity shorts and my first pair of destructed jeans. I’m enjoying this pregnancy in a different way. While it’s not the main subject of every conversation I engage in (like the first time), I’m enjoying it in a different, more seasoned way. I love how excited my kids are, and being a more mature mom. I thought I’d be 32 when I had my first baby and instead it’s the age I am with my last. No lie, comfy and cute maternity close make me feel partial regret for not doing this before. And partially makes me wish I was saving these to use again. Or maybe I can walk around with a fake bump or something? Who knows, we’ll see.

I went on a babymoon of sorts as a girlfriend getaway to Disney World and enjoyed the spa and sleeping in. I even ordered a maternity-style swimsuit. I’m living it up people. I’m enjoying my kids and husband who are willing to grab things for me so I don’t have to walk across the room. Or help me take my shoes off, or rub my swollen feet. Just soaking up this stage, while also not overly consumed with it, if that makes sense.

3. Getting the nursery ready then vs now…

First kid: Crib up, room decked out three months prior to birth.

Third kid: What nursery?

I’m not kidding. Lil’ J wants to share a room with her little sister, and I need to make up a plan before that point. I hear laundry baskets work nice. Or we could splurge on another bassinet. I haven’t thought this through yet.

This baby may not get 35 weekly love letters, but she is loved. Actually I’d argue that the amount of love pouring into this belly of mine is far more than the others because there are more people anticipating her arrival this time. I surprisingly feel pretty darn good and I’m getting very excited to meet her.

How did your pregnancy experiences differ with each child?

You can score all of my maternity looks at Macy’s from the fun Motherhood Maternity line, and the stylish and chic Pea in the Pod line. Which is your favorite?

Motherhood Maternity Chambrey Shirt Dress
Motherhood Maternity Tie-Sleeve T-Shirt
Motherhood Maternity Ruched Elbow-Sleeve Dress
Motherhood Maternity Tiered Top
A Pea in the Pod Maternity Ruched T-Shirt
Motherhood Maternity One-Piece Swimsuit
A Pea in the Pod Maternity Cuffed Denim Shorts
Jessica Simpson Maternity Destructed Skinny Jeans

Lately it seems like affirmations are all the rage. I like the idea but I’m not an affirmation evangelist by any means. That said, I never realized how many subtle and simple affirmations I’ve told myself over the years all the time. 

You can do it.

Anything is possible.

I have the power to create change.

Dream big.

I am enough.

I don’t always say them every day but I truly believe them and they run through my mind all the time.

I can hardly believe it but this is my 10th year of blogging. It’s been a year since I rebranded from Baby Making Machine to Cherish 365 (now Trademarked, whoop!) and lately I’ve been reflecting on what that means, and what I want it to mean.

I stuck the phrase “Cherish 365” on my vision board a couple of years ago, knowing it meant something but not exactly sure what. Even as I rebranded my blog I still worked on fine tuning what this phrase meant to me. On the surface, yes, of course, finding the beauty in every day. Taking time to stop and enjoy the little things that fly by every day. But I can’t help but feel like there’s more there too.

Then whatdoyaknow, later that year I find out I’m pregnant. I’ve been working through a whole lot of emotions but I’m finally coming out of the other side. In a place where I feel at peace, and a sense of fate. I think it was also a bit of a reality check. You aren’t really going to cherish every single day. I mean, some days just flat out suck. But you can always give yourself a gift to be mindful of the space you’re in.

There’s no regret for changing my blog name. Though I think there’s still a bit of fine tuning to be done with these digs.

Helpful pregnancy affirmations

We’re about four months away from meeting little Sneaky and we’re no where near prepared like we were with our first two. No name, no nursery, or even a bed decided just yet (we are hoping a laundry basket will do). But we are getting very excited to meet her (Lil’ J is BY FAR the most thrilled).

In the early stage of this pregnancy when everything was rocky and uncertain I stumbled upon a short prayer/ pregnancy affirmation: “Please God, a healthy baby.” Any time I felt overwhelmed with fear for the unknown I’d recite this and it helped.

Now as the weeks fly by I’m reminding myself not to be afraid of what might happen, but for excited for what will. Reminding myself this is probably (I’d say definitely but I learned my lesson) the last time my body will do something like this. It doesn’t always feel like something I am cherishing to the best of my ability. And it wasn’t a part of MY plan. But I know it’s a part of THE plan. And there’s comfort in knowing that. I’m choosing to enjoy that.

“Finding out mom was pregnant was the worst day of my life.”

No exactly the words you want to hear from a girl who’s about to be a big sister. But that’s what one of my sister’s said the day she found out our mom was having another baby.

See, Lauren was the baby for eight years. And to this day she (mostly jokingly) says she hates that she’s not the baby anymore.

I’m the oldest of five kids. Four of us are girls, and we’re all a bit spaced out. The greatest gap is between my youngest two sisters. Lauren is 11 years younger than me, and Kimberly is eight years younger than her. Yes, there’s a whopping 19 years between my youngest sister and I.

When I found out I was pregnant again my mind automatically went to calculating the age differences. My son and Sneaky will be five years apart and Lil’ J will be a whopping eight years older than her little sister. My mind couldn’t help but go to my youngest sisters who don’t have the most loving bond.

Thankfully, I don’t see history repeating itself with my daughters.

Lately, more and more I believe the my daughter is the divine reason for this sneaky one. I’ve never seen her so happy, intrigued, helpful and excited. She was thrilled for a baby whether it was a boy or a girl but the moment she learned she was having a sister, she died and went straight to heaven.

Though eight years apart, I hope these two develop a beautiful bond. They’ll never share clothes, or (outside of homeschool) be at the same school. They’ll likely have different tastes in food, music and movies, but I hope they share other things.

Like secrets.

I hope they tell each other secrets, and keep them. I pray my oldest will be a good role model, someone her sister can look up to, and a shoulder for her to cry on.

When they’re much older and have families of their own, I hope they still call and see each other regularly. I know it’s a lot to ask, but I hope they’re best friends.

I’ve heard so many sister horror stories. Heck, I’ve lived them personally. And maybe I’m being a bit optimistic here. But I really truly hope that these two are an exception. With the look on my daughter’s face every morning when she jumps in bed to say hello to her growing baby sister, I can’t help but feel like they’ll be some of the lucky ones. And the day these two meet with be one of the best days of their lives.

Sneaky’s Story Part 1 here

I scheduled a prenatal appointment for as far out as I could. But when I made another call and left a message mentioning the IUD they called back and asked that I get blood work done immediately.

My husband was back at work so I called my mom and asked if she could watch the kids for a little bit while I ran to the doctor.

“Sure, everything ok?” She asked. She was out running errands.

“Yea, I just need to have a quick blood draw.”

“A blood draw? You sure everything is ok? Do you want to talk about it?”

“Well…” I made a quick decision to tell her. “I’m pregnant.”

I heard a gasp on the other end of the phone.

“Oh Jennifer! Are you excited?!”

“Well…”

“I’ll be right over!”

I told her we weren’t telling the kids yet and she promised to keep the secret to herself.

I went in to a local phlebotomist and she said she’d send the results over to the doctor. I assumed they were checking to see if the pregnancy was ectopic but I didn’t really know how much they could tell from a blood sample.

“Well, you’re definitely pregnant,” the nurse said when she called with my results. She told me my beta number was 9000 or something like that “which is very high” she reiterated. “So we want to get you in here and take that IUD out.”

The next day my husband was off from work and he stayed with the kids while I went to my OBs office.

The woman at the registration desk instructed me to go downstairs for an ultrasound then I’d come back up to meet with my doctor.

“Empty your bladder and then you can come have a seat and we’ll get started” the ultrasound tech said.

Done and done.

“So, you have the Mirena?” She asked. “So do I!” This wasn’t the first time it crossed my mind that I was in one of those nightmare situations many women hope to never find themselves in. “Do you want to insert the probe or have me do it?”

That will forever be one of the strangest questions I’ve ever been asked in my life.

“Er, you can…”

“I just like to ask!”

Ok lady!

She did her thing and scanned around. Right away I recognized the little blob with a flicker in the middle. A heartbeat.

“Looks like we’ve got a fetal right pole there.”

“A fetal what? Like a baby?”

She nodded.

She scanned around some more to locate the IUD.

Moments passed as she probed and probed.

“Did you feel the strings?”

“I couldn’t the last couple times I checked,” I said. “Sometimes I can’t feel them for a couple days and then I feel them again so I wasn’t sure what was going on.”

She nodded and continued to scan around. Then stopped over a white spot and froze the image then typed IUD. Moved it some more and typed Long IUD. She wasn’t telling me anything but I assumed she’d found it or at least a piece of it somewhere in my uterus.

She froze the screen a few more times and typed a few more things about my ovaries and whatnot and then she was done.

The tech ended by staying my doctor will tell me my results.

I checked back in upstairs and I can’t tell you how weird it was seeing the same nurses and doctors from nearly five years ago when I had my son. And yea, I know, it’s bad I hadn’t been in for a checkup in five years.

I felt like everyone had a look of pity on my face. Maybe because they felt bad for the situation I was in, or maybe they had a feeling the outcome wouldn’t be pretty.

“Your husband must have some determined swimmers!” My doctor joked.

I know right?

Then she cut to the chase. I couldn’t stay pregnant with an IUD in. It could interfere with the pregnancy, and complicate things. She said you hear stories of babies coming out holding IUDs (I know I have) but it doesn’t really happen that way. It would be better to take it out now and risk losing the baby while it is the size of a sesame seed than later when it’s the size of an apple.

“So first I have to ask, do you want to keep the pregnancy?”

This was the first real punch to the gut.

Of course. Though not what I planned for, or even something I was thrilled about, of course.

“Yes.” I said without hesitation. But the question still lingered and felt strange.

“Ok. I’m going to try to take the IUD out without disrupting the pregnancy.”

I don’t know exactly how much time passed, but the next 20 minutes or so were absolutely excruciating.

They poked, prodded and pulled trying to grab it. I say they because after awhile of reaching and missing she called in for reinforcements. Another doctor came in with an ultrasound machine to get a picture of the IUD so they could watch and see what they were grabbing at.

While the other OB took a stab at it, the doctor who delivered both of my babies held my hand while I squeezed and cried.

“Is that the IUD? It doesn’t look like it… it could be calcifications.” They discussed.

I was imagining pieces of placenta and baby coming out with whatever they were pulling at. At some points it felt like they’d found the strings and were dragging it out but then they’d sigh in defeat and try again.

Finally my doctor made a call to stop.

“We aren’t getting anywhere… The last thing I want to do is mess up a pregnancy if there’s no IUD.”

She wrote a medical order for a one plate X-ray. She told me the radiographer would probably give me an earful and say they don’t X-ray pregnant women, but she assured me this would be extremely low-risk and they’d then be able to tell if and where an IUD was located.

My doctor told me to take my time to get up, I’d probably be cramping and bleeding for awhile.

I took a moment to pull myself together before I walked out of the office, still puffy eyed and sore.

Then I sat in the car and cried and cried. From the pain. From the fear. The guilt. I called my husband sobbing and gave him an update from the radiologist parking lot. There was still an hour until they closed and I figured I’d might as well get it over with today.

“Your mom is at the same medical building, do you want to call her?” He asked. My husband frequently uses an app to keep up with where everyone is, so he could see my mom was near my location.

“No” I said.

I walked inside and tried to hold it together while I waited for my turn, but I was mostly failing.

I texted my mom to see if she was coming or going from an appointment. She’d been meeting with her infectious disease doctor who’d just given her a clean bill of health.

I told her I was in the same building and she asked if I wanted company.

Moments later she was walking into the waiting room and sitting by my side. I told her everything that happened. How they couldn’t get the IUD, IF there even was an IUD now I wasn’t so sure. Which is what brought me here. Then I told her whether there was or not I’d likely miscarry now anyway which sent me into another wave of tears, but she waved that comment off like it wasn’t even a possibility.

When it was my turn for an x-ray my mom helped me get changed. I got all the warnings and notices etc etc etc. But really, I just wanted to get all of this over with.

“We’re looking for an IUD?” The radiologist asked. I nodded. But he gave me no indication of what he saw.

The rest of the afternoon and into the evening the cramping didn’t slow down. I assumed my body was not taking lightly to all of the trauma from that day. And I assumed the pregnancy was over.

I laid in my dark room the rest of the day.

My husband gave me ibuprofen and tried to console me but I was a mess. Still, he wanted to be there for me, and he was during the worst day I can remember.

We got a late phone call from my OBs office. Around 7 o’clock. It was my doctor.

She told me there was good news and bad news.

“Good News is, there’s no IUD. So that explains how you got pregnant. There are some calcifications in your uterus that looked like an IUD and may be from where it left that we need to keep an eye on. The bad news is I’ve likely—no, not likely.” She corrected herself. “With the procedure I’ve probably increased your risk for a miscarriage. Lay down, stay on pelvic rest. No sex or heavy lifting or exercise for the next little bit.”

Where did the IUD go? We still don’t know but we’re thinking it came out at some point. Probably more recently than not since I’d been checking the strings on and off for years.

She told me she was going to be out of town the next week but she was scheduling a follow up appointment with the other doctor who had assisted that day for early next week.

She also asked that I call the nurses if the bleeding got heavier.

My husband let out a huge sigh of relief and told some pelvic rest jokes, but I wasn’t feeling optimistic just yet.

The next night around 9 she called again to see how I was doing and I asked when she thought I might be in the clear. She said she was hoping if everything looked good in the ultrasound early the next week we would hopefully be in the clear. She said she wouldn’t have much service but she would stay in contact with the other OB and get an update ASAP.

I had spotting on and off the next couple of days. I told a couple friends about the pregnancy because I felt like if it was all about to end I didn’t want it to feel like it had never happened. If that even makes sense.

I prayed for a healthy baby. I bounced between utter fear for having a completely unplanned third child and fear for losing said child.

I felt more sad, depressed and confused than I’d ever felt in my entire life.

A week passed and I had another ultrasound. With the same tech who likes to ask if I’d prefer to stick the probe in, (who also thought she saw my IUD). I had a small panic attack that took me back to the procedure again. But then on the monitor there was the baby again a little bit bigger.

Another week would pass. Then another. Between it all there was occasional spotting, a big blood clot, the flu, a dose of Tamiflu, 102 degree fevers and other complications that had me toying with the fetal nickname Lucky.

When all the dust settled, though still rattled I told my daughter the news and (unbeknownst to her) she’s been a healing me ever since. Encouraging me to take a picture every week, kissing and hugging on my belly every day.

I’m nearly 16 weeks along and am finally beginning to feel myself again. Not just free of nausea, but free of so much doom and gloom and uneasiness. I can smile when people ask about the baby instead of sighing or rolling my eyes. I’m beginning to feel motivated again and actually settling into the idea of having a fifth member of our family.

It was a rocky start. But I have a feeling someday I’ll feel like Sneaky was worth all the trouble.

Hi! I’m Jennifer Borget



I'm a part-time journalist, full-time wife and mother striving to make the world a better place and inspiring others to do the same. This is the space where I share my journey in making the most of every day.

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