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Posts Tagged ‘funny stories’

“I’m going to brush my teeth!” My 5-year-old daughter told me as she ran to the bathroom.

It was the third time that day, and not even dark yet. I wasn’t about to complain about her increased interest in the habit but I was curious why.

Brushing-Teeth_0012-copy

“It will help me lose my teeth!” She said. “London says I’m really close to losing two teeth!” She told me while pointing at some of her bottom teeth.

“Let me see,” I asked her as I went to wiggle her teeth and see if they were loose. They weren’t.

“Oh, well they don’t seem loose to me,” I told her.

“YES THEY ARE! LONDON SAID!” How dare I claim to know more than her friends.

Brushing-Teeth_0003-copy

I let her continue to brush and dream of losing her first tooth, never mind the fact that we brush our teeth and keep them clean to keep them from falling out… At least as adults.

“Why do you want to lose a tooth so bad?” I asked her.

“Because I want to get money from the tooth fairy. I wonder how much she gives,” she debated to herself. “I want a million dollars so I can go to Disney Cruise, Disney World and Disneyland!”

I had to let her down gently. Tooth fairy does not have that kind of money.

“Have lots of your friends lost their teeth?” I asked her.

“Yes! Like everyone except me and Jayden girl,” she told me with a tone of disappointment.

“It’s ok! Your teeth will come out when it’s time.”

Is this the first in a series of jealous developmental milestone talks? First baby teeth then next thing I know we’ll be talking about everyone else wearing makeup, needing bras!

As she eagerly brushed while looking in the mirror, I snapped a few pictures accepting the reality that true, soon she will be losing her first tooth and this mouth of baby chompers will never been the same.

Kindergartner brushing teeth

*Tear*

She’s pretty good about brushing her teeth but I still go in there after her and make sure they’re scrubbed down well. Between movie nights with candy and popcorn, Valentine’s treats, there’s a lot to miss.

My son joins in too, and barring any rough and tough accidents, he shouldn’t be losing any baby teeth soon.

toddler brushing teeth

Of course when she finally does lose her first tooth you’ll know about it! I mean, talk about a proud mom moment!

PS: For anyone wondering I’m thinking the tooth fairy will bring a $2 bill. One of my colleagues at work told me years ago she does that for her kids and the cute idea stuck! Definitely not enough for a Disney trip, but a great excuse to refresh her on the concept of savings.

How much money does the tooth fairy leave at your house?

Also, if your kids hate brushing their teeth (is that even a thing?) here’s some motivation:

1. A cute son from Elmo. It’s my jam (Warning: You’ll never get it out of your head after you hear it):

2. Health incentives: I didn’t realize that at least 20% of children ages 5-11 have at least one untreated decayed tooth and tooth decay is the most common chronic disease in kids age 6-11 and adolescents age 12-19. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommend using a smear of fluoridated toothpaste once the teeth start to come through. Fluoride is an anti-cavity active ingredient available in over-the-counter (OTC) products that helps prevent tooth decay and cavities.

Here are some more helpful facts about oral care.

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*This post was brought to you by a sleep-deprived not-so-new-mom in partnership with the CHPA Educational Foundation’s KnowYourOTCs blogging program. All opinions (and typos) are my own.

Natural hair is all the craze right now. #TeamCurly #TeamNatural and #CurlyHair are draped across all the beautiful curly-haired selfies these days.

But one hashtag we don’t see nearly enough is one I tend to give the most credit: #NaturalHairProblems.

When natural hair goes wrong: Sometimes strange things get caught in your hair. Nothing tops this.

The tangles, the snags, and the headaches… I’m all about embracing my locks and teaching my children to love theirs. But I’ve gotta admit, sometimes, it’s a pain in my rear.

Take yesterday for example. I was on a shoot at a local aquarium with two young boys who want and need to be adopted. We’re having a good time, petting the different sea animals and reptiles when we decide to go in the parrot aviary.

A few minutes before we had fed the parakeets so I didn’t think this would be much different. They just seemed a little bigger.

Instead of handing us birdseeds when we walked in, the handlers gave us a type of fruit nectar that the birds enjoy. I guess that should have been the first red flag since one of the ingredients they mentioned I’m pretty sure was coconut water, and the night before I put a shea butter and coconut oil cream in my hair to hold the twists.

The birds flew down and ate out of our hands like before, but a couple of them also started landing on my head. I could feel one of them hanging out for a bit when I looked in the camera to see what it was up to.

From the reflection I could see it biting one of my twists as if it was trying to devour a tasty worm.

When natural hair goes wrong: Sometimes strange things get caught in your hair. Nothing tops this.

I reached up to try to shoo it off my head when it bit me. Then when it tried to fly away it got its foot ensnared in my hair.

I’m not gonna lie, I panicked for a moment. A bird was stuck in my hair. Not many people can say that. He was freaking out just as much as I was, and my fellow co-worker and cameraman just stood by and filmed it all. I didn’t realize he was still recording my near-death experienced until after the fact. He assures me he would have put the camera down had he seen blood. Very reassuring.

Luckily the bird handler was calm and helpful in getting the bird unsnagged. Ultimately I had to sacrifice my hand and take a nibble beating while getting the last bit of the bird’s foot out of my hair.

Have you ever seen the movie Birds? Yea, I watched that in high school and visions of the horror scenes have been coming back to me since this experience yesterday. Am I traumatized? Umm, not really. But will I be going into any rooms with free-flying parrots any time soon? Hail nah.

Could this have happened to someone with straight hair? I’d say anything is possible. But for me, it was just another day in the life of my daily curly hair struggles. I’ll just add this my running list of failures.

I won’t leave this post on a bad note though. Naturally curly hair also has it’s perks. My son sometimes keeps snacks in his hair for later. When it was longer pretzel sticks were easily stored away, right now he has to stick to smaller items like cereal or goldfish.

When natural hair goes wrong: Sometimes strange things get caught in your hair. Nothing tops this.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve found in your hair, or your kid’s hair?

Prepare to behold one of the cutest things you’ve ever seen.

Big T ha always loved to move to music. It’s one reason I decided to let him join his sister and I at Family Zumba, despite his young age. That’s where he first danced to Lil Jon’s ‘Turn Down for What’. Well, in the beginning he didn’t really dance, he stood there and looked at all of us like we were crazy. After a few more weeks of joining in with mommy, and practicing the moves at home with his sister, he stated to look forward to that song.

My husband works out in the garage with the kids and he’ll play songs over our bluetooth speaker while having what they call “dance parties.” Usually the tunes consist of Disney on Pandora, but he also takes request. This song and Shakira’s “La la la” song are always topping their charts.

swag baby biracial family(Do you see how much swag he has in this photo?)

As I watched him dancing a couple weeks ago I noticed he will run in place real fast when the music speeds up, and then sort of “super shake” when the music hits a point right before stopping.

He always holds up his hands and shakes his head and hands really fast. So fast you almost can’t tell he’s moving. In fact, I had recorded him dancing to the song on New Years and I couldn’t tell that’s what he was doing, but my husband knew exactly what he was up to.

I HAD to get it on camera. I was so worried he’d stop doing his signature move before I was able to record it.

Last night we were all in the kitchen and having a little dance party before bed. Big T was getting tired and just wanted me to hold him, but when this part of his song came on he was ready to get down.

I grabbed my phone as fast as I could and recorded this:

It was the first time I’d heard him say “for what!” with the song, which makes it that much better. You can barely see it in the video (I tried to get as close as I could without distracting him) but we can tell he’s doing his super shake (as well as some dope facial expressions to go with). You seriously can’t teach that.

Such a simple memory but I know this will be one of his epic moments that we will be playing at his wedding (maybe he’ll do it again for all of us then). All I needed was my phone handy to catch and preserve it. Maybe one of these days I’ll get creative and make a music video for him, but really, this is all we need.

Do you have any epic moments you’ve caught on camera?

FullSizeRenderAbout a week ago my husband rushed inside from unloading groceries and declared he had just seen a skunk.

I ran back out with him to catch a glimpse. He pointed toward the home next door that’s still under contruction.

“It was right over there!” He said. “At first I thought it was a dog, then I thought maybe it was a big cat, then I realized it was a skunk!”

We looked around the area but didn’t see it. Behind that lot, and beyond our fence, there’s a big field that all sorts of animals that live there. Snakes, bunnies, frogs, and apparently skunks. There’s a rabbit that loves to come through our fence and terrorize our dog from time to time. I guess this skunk–or its friends–decided to follow in the rabbit’s suit and squeeze under our fence.

Two nights ago, I had just finished putting Big T to bed, and sat down to work at my computer when my husband called from the living room.

“I’m picking up a strong odor here,” he said.
“What?” I asked.
“Do you smell it?”
“No? What do you smell?”
“Did someone step in poop? What is that?” He asked.
“I don’t know,” I was beginning to get annoyed. “Does it smell like dog poop? Or a dirty diaper?”
“I don’t know,” he said. Just then he got up to let Snoop in from the back yard.

Snoop burst in, ran through the house and sat down next to me in the playroom/office area. I only took a moment for me to catch a good whiff of him.

“IT’S SNOOP! PUT HIM OUTSIDE!” I yell.

When your dog gets sprayed by a skunk

We rush to get him back outside and instinctively I know what has happened.

“Snoop got sprayed by a skunk!” I say. But I don’t know that for sure.
“I thought a skunk’s spray was suppose to be really bad,” my husband counters.
“Snoop was inside for less than 10 seconds and the house smells terrible,” I said, “I think that’s pretty bad. What does a skunk smell like anyway?”
“I don’t know, I just thought it be stronger,” my husband said.
“Well it is, it smells like really bad burnt rubber or something. I’m going to Google what a skunk smells like.”

As I type in the words “What does a sk…” Google fills in the rest for me, and lo and behold, the first response to this very question is exactly what I thought.
“The smell of skunks has been compared to burnt rubber.”

“What did I just say the smell smelled like?” I asked my husband, trying to prove to him my ability to describe a scent, and my superior sense of smell or something.
“I don’t know, what?” He replied. Was he not paying attention?
“I said it smells like burnt rubber, and that’s exactly what these replies say on Answers.com.”
“Oh ok.” My husband said unamused by my talent or my smugness.

He still insisted that he didn’t think the skunk actually sprayed Snoop, but maybe the air and Snoop was nearby. Whatever.

“Skunks don’t spray just to fart,” I told him. “It’s a deterrent for predators.”

The stinky smell lingered throughout the house and we weren’t about to let Snoop back inside to make it worse. I phoned a friend… Rather, texted my sister-in-law. Our family dog expert.

When your dog gets sprayed by a skunk

I’m glad she warned us about the water thing. Later I read how wetting the dog down first could set the stink in for weeks. I probably wouldn’t have noticed that before it was too late.

We called Petco and asked about the de-skunking shampoo they carried. The woman on the line answered me with a sympathetic voice.

“We have two kinds,” she said. And went on to tell me about the two brands. My husband listened with me over speaker phone.

“We’ll take both,” he interjected. “We’re on our way.”

Lil’ J was still awake and very amused by the chain of events that were unfolding, so she went to the store with the hubs to pick up the goods. As they left Lil’ J told us her opinions of the situation she had been soaking in.

“It doesn’t stink to me,” she said. “Cause I can’t smell anything, cause my nose is stuffy.”

Lucky girl.

Meanwhile poor Snoop was still scratching at the backdoor. It wasn’t cold outside just yet. The high was 77 that day, and we hadn’t reached the low.

When my husband and Lil’ J returned with the goods, he donned the rubber gloves and got to work.

When your dog gets sprayed by a skunk

Lil’ J and I went out to help after Snoop was lathered up. Lil’ J was concerned.

“Snoop’s fur is turning WHITE!” She exclaimed. “He’s… He’s… He’s turning into a POLAR BEAR!”

During the entire washing ordeal I kept thinking about the Curious George episode where tomato juice solved all their skunk stink problems. I was actually surprised Lil’ J didn’t bring it up. Luckily, I think the shampoo was much less messy and better-smelling than the tomato juice option.

Poor Snoop yelped as we rinsed him off, but three shampoos and two rinses later he was smelling much better.

When your dog gets sprayed by a skunk

We dried him off and let him back in the house. He was allowed to sleep in his usual spot next to our bed, but I kept waking up all night sure I could smell a lingering stench of skunk.

It seems better today. We vacuumed the floors with some scented powder and lit some Febreze candles. Every now and then I can still smell a hint of that dreadful stink, but I’m hopeful it’ll be a distant memory within a couple of days, and praying none of us (especially Snoop) ever spot that skunk again.

Have you ever had a skunk encounter? How did it go? I never thought this would happen to me.

I was working at my computer while Lil’ J sat watching my iPad. It was bedtime but we were letting her stay up to say goodnight to grandpa who is visiting from out of town.

All of a sudden I hear whimpers behind me and I look over at my daughter who has tears streaming down her face.

“What’s wrong baby?” I didn’t know if a bug had bit her, something had scared her, or what.

She caught her breath and sobbed.

Thanks Frozen, now my daughter wants a sister. A hilarious tale of an adorable 4-year-old asking for a sister.“I… want… a… sister!”

“What?” I expected about 12-thousand other things before that.

“A sister! I want a sister.”

“But you have a brother.”

“No! I want a sister.” She continued to cry, completely inconsolable.

“Do you want a big sister or a little sister?” I was planning my move in my head, knowing how she’d likely answer.

“A big sister!” She told me.

“I’m sorry, you can’t have a big sister.” Now are we done?

“Ok, then a little baby sister,” she held out her hands about the size of a teddy bear to demonstrate just how small.

Just then I got an idea.

“You can pretend Aunt Kimmie is your sister,” I told her. Kimmie is only five years older than my daughter, that’s way closer than the 19 years apart we are as actual sisters. It’s close enough.

“NO!” She responded. Not pleased with my suggestion.

I didn’t really know what to say. I didn’t want to say no, but I couldn’t say yes. But I knew her dad could say no, so naturally I pulled the “ask your dad.”

But he wasn’t home, so at this point I gave her a hug and grabbed my phone because this was too funny not to record, and there was no real sign of her calming down.


In the background I notice music on the iPad and focused in on the song.

Angelina, the ballerina mouse was singing about her awesome sister, and this had sent my daughter into an emotional frenzy.

A similar situation happened after we had first seen Frozen. All the talk of sisters made my daughter realize that a brother just wasn’t the same.

“Does Angelina have a sister?” I asked Lil’ J.

“Yes,” she sniffled.

“But does she have a brother?”

She thought about this for a moment then shook her head.

“See, she’d be sad cause she doesn’t have a brother like you, because brothers are cool too. How about we watch a show about brothers?”

Loving curly siblingsShe paused before agreeing.

“Like Justin Time? Cause Squidgy is like his brother.”

“Yea, ok, sure.” Anything to get her onto something else.

When her dad got home she told him she wanted a sister. When I asked her what he said she told me: “He said nothing.”

Sounds about right.

It’s been a few days since the incident, and I still begin to cringe every time she turns on Frozen or that Angelina Ballerina again. She has whined about wanting a sister again, but now she asks with a silly smile on her face, which tells me she knows she’s being hilarious, and maybe not so serious.

Hopefully someday she will look back at this and laugh (she already does) and not wish we had given into her request.

It’s not like her pleas would change our plans anyway. I’m 98% sure we’re two and through. Images of my kids as babies gives my uterus a little nudge, but not enough to want to start all over. Especially knowing in a few years they’ll be running away from me into the street or begging me for another sibling.

At least five times a day my three-year-old tells me she loves me. She’ll say it genuinely and out of nowhere, and it warms my heart each and every time. But it only took her telling me she DIDN’T love me once, to break my heart into a million pieces.

It was a normal workday. My kids went to the sitter’s house, and I went to my station to film some stories. We’ve been through a few different babysitters lately. Luckily, all of them are close friends of ours, so it hasn’t been dramatic going from one place to another. In fact, Ms. Brittani, their current sitter has been a friend since Lil’ J was a baby. My daughter is best friends with her oldest son, and my son has loved her since birth.

Ms. Brittani is fun, she has the gentlest voice, fun activities planned, pretty straight blond hair (that my daughter loves to point out) and the patience of a saint. We all love her. But I started to wonder if some of us love her a little too much when my daughter said she didn’t want to come home when I picked her up.

The time my daughter told me she didn't love me and a thought-provoking post about mother-daughter relationships from a young age.

Oh, but she was only getting started.

“I have to tell you something,” Lil’ J whispered to me.

“What?” I bent down, excited to hear what her sweet little voice had in store.

“I don’t love you mommy, I love Ms. Burtney.”

I don’t remember exactly what I said to her as I tried to gain composure and gather our things to leave.

She’s only three.

She doesn’t mean it. I told myself.

But it didn’t sting any less.

It’s not like my kids are there 50 hours a week. It’s just a day or two a week, tops. What next, my son starts to call her “Mama?”

“Oh, guess what? [Big T] said Mama today!” Brittani told me.

Fantastic!

On the way home I asked my daughter why she would say that she didn’t love me.

“That really hurts my feelings,” I told her.

“Well, you locked me out of the bathroom and Ms. Burtney doesn’t lock me out,” she professed.

Yea, well she probably doesn’t let you sit and watch her pee either, I thought. Really? That was like one time, is she going to hold this over my head forever?

“Can I watch your phone?” She asked me.

HA! Not after you’ve just written me off.

“No, why would you want to borrow the phone from someone you don’t love?” I know my sense of logic and reasoning was far off base but I was angry.

“I was just kidding, I do love you,” she told me.

Yea, right.

“No you don’t, you’re just saying that because you want to borrow my phone,” I said.

“No, I really DO love you!” She said. “I’m not just saying that.”

“But you said you didn’t,” I pushed.

“I’m sorry mommy, I do love you, I really really do,” she said.

I paused.

“Ok?” she asked as if she were saying: “Are we good now?”

“Ok,” I agreed. We were good.

“So can I borrow your phone now?”

CRUSHED!

Then my husband called and said Snoop got out because I left the garage door open and hopefully we’d find him, yadda yadda yadda. I was not in the mood to hear this. By then I was pulling into the neighborhood and the anger was boiling over and cooling into misery.

“What’s wrong with you?” He asked as he saw the look on my face when I got out of the car. I saw Snoop behind him so either he had found him or he was exaggerating the whole “lost dog” scenario to teach me a lesson.

“NOTHING!” I shouted.

“Just tell me,” he said.

I tried to unbuckle Lil’ J out of her car seat, but I missed a latch and somehow pinched her in the process, sending her into full-on meltdown mode.

“[Little J!]” I shouted again.

“I’ll get her,” my husband told me, sensing I needed a break. “Did everything go ok picking them up?” He asked, probably worried something very serious had happened and my vagueness was not helping.

“Yes, it was fine.” I told him blankly. Then I grabbed our happy son out of his car seat and stormed into my room, accidently bumping his head into the wall as I turned which also sent him into a screaming fit.

Yesterday morning, if you had asked me the last time I’d cried, I wouldn’t have had a clue. I am a big crybaby, but something about having kids has made my emotions rock solid.

So I was a little taken aback by the waterworks that came after this conversation with my daughter. But what else would you expect when you’ve been stabbed in the heart?

Was this the beginning of the mother-daughter friction I’ve read about, which would always push her closer to her daddy, and leave her wanting nothing to do with me? How could she ever say anything like that to me when I’ve done nothing but love her?

I nursed Big T, stroked his curls, and thanked God for sending me a boy as well so if all Hell breaks loose with my mother-daughter relationship, at least I have a son.

My husband came in our room to check in and try to get more information out of me.

“It’s dumb,” I told him, not wanting to say the words out loud.

“Just tell me!” He pleaded.

“[Lil’ J] said she didn’t love me and that she loves Brittani more than me.”

I tried not to look at his reaction, which was probably a suppressed laugh.

“She didn’t mean it,” he told me after a moment. “She’s just a punk kid. Besides, she can’t even say her name right, she can’t love her that much.”

Somehow, he always knows what to say to make me laugh, especially when I’m in tears.

“It’s just cause we’re always playing those games asking her who she loves more,” he added, trying to console me. “She doesn’t even know what she’s talking about.”

He walked away and let me be, then a little while later Lil’ J came in (obviously coached) to apologize and tell me she loves me more than everyone except daddy.

My husband took us out for dinner and dessert outdoors, and my mood quickly lifted.

Texas wildflower bluebonnet field

I still am wondering if it’s true about girls clinging to their daddies more, and boys preferring their mothers. Is this the start of some tragic law of nature? Can I fix it? Am I just overreacting?

Now every time my daughter tells me she loves me—which is still several times a day—My heart doesn’t get the same warm fuzzy melting feeling it did before. Now it aches a little, still sore from the wounds she gave me yesterday. I’m hopeful it’ll heal completely soon, and toughen up a lot because I’ll need some thicker skin before she turns 13.

She says/ She says: A funny conversation between a mother and child negotiating for another sibling.

she says: Mommy, you have a big tummy cause a baby is coming out.
She says: No I don’t.
she says: Yes you do, cause grown up mommy’s have big tummies for the babies.
She says: Oh really?
she says: Yea! Mommy, I want us to have THREE babies.
She says: How many do we have now?
she says: One. Actually, you call me baby, so two.
She says: Ok, so how many more do we need?
she says: One.
She says: Then how many will we have?
she says: Three.

She says/ She says: A funny conversation between a mother and child negotiating for another sibling.She says (to my husband): Do you hear this?
He says: Yes, her teacher says she’s really good at subtraction.
She says: Well if she’s at good at negotiating as she is at math we may be in trouble.

I compiled a list of every local story time within a 10-mile radius of my house, and logged all of the weekly free fun activities nearby. They’re saved in my phone just dying for me to venture to.

So far we haven’t made it past our neighborhood playground and visiting our new home site (and friend’s houses along the way). But they don’t seem to mind.

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My little big guy is sitting up now, and he has two teeth… I’ve been in denial for weeks about this–I don’t know why–I guess hoping they’d disappear. Can my kids please stop growing up.

Sure, sometimes the craziness and 3-year-old tantrums drive me mad, but their smiles keep me coming back for more. I need to start writing down the funny things my daughter says and putting them in a quote book.

little girl playing on playground

Currently she’s a little bit obsessed with death, but not just any death… The death of Jesus Christ. Let me explain…

I was reading her the preface of a New Testament children’s book and it explained Jesus dying on the cross. She was really into this and kept asking questions like “why” and “who didn’t like him?” I tried my best to explain and move on to the beginning of the story about when He was born but it keeps coming back to “And Jesus died?” In her sad little voice.

Now at any mention of Jesus or something dying it comes back to this. Like at church…

“Time to go to Sunday school and learn about Jesus,” we’ll tell her.
“Yea, but Jesus died,” she’ll explain to us.

I just got her a new flashlight of her own, and my husband tucked her in with it last night. He told her not to keep it on all night or the batteries might die.

“Like Jesus?” She asked. I don’t even know what he said to that, but I laughed in the living room.

These kids are my everything.

I’m putty in their little hands. And I think they know it too.

baby boy on slide

And I just want to add something about little boys… I had no idea they could be so sweet, loving and adorable. Maybe it’s just a phase? I hope not. I always wanted a little girl and was indifferent about having a little boy. I don’t know if it’s just my son or what, but I’m pretty sure that my little guy is the most awesome baby in the entire world. I could take six more just like him.

That’s all.
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Hi! I’m Jennifer Borget

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I'm a part-time journalist, full-time wife and mother striving to make the world a better place and inspiring others to do the same. This is the space where I share my journey in making the most of every day.

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