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Posts Tagged ‘funny’

 

All my life, (yes, I know that’s only been two months, but it’s been a LONG two months), I’ve wanted to be a #GCWBaby.

My mom wore Gerber, my sister and brother wore Gerber. I see so many cute baby pictures on your Instagram page, @gerberchildrenswear and I think That could be ME! If only I smiled…

New Gerber Childrenswear line of clothes available at Walmart

I noticed you have a new collection at Target. My mom got some in the mail and she’s been sticking me in them all the time. The bodysuits are my favorite cause when my poop goes all over the place my mom can pull them down off of me instead of up over my face. I think she said it’s called a lap shoulder neckline. Anyway, great thinking there.

For your consideration I would like to offer up some headshots and show you some of my best work. These photos are courtesy of my mom, @JenniferBorget #sponsored. I asked her to take these for me in exchange for a shoutout. And as you can see, I am absolutely adorable.

New Gerber Childrenswear line of clothes available at Walmart

New Gerber Childrenswear line of clothes available at Walmart

I don’t always smile, in fact, some people say I look scared or extremely serious, but you see it’s just my pensive look. If you ask me, it says calm, comfortable.

To demonstrate my versatility I had her place me in various places around my house showcasing some of your beautiful collection. My favorites are the neutral colored lambs and stripes. But my mom loves all the bright colored ones with hearts and smiling rain clouds. It’s nice there’s a little something for everyone.

Comfortable affordable baby clothes

Comfortable affordable baby clothes

My mom says these clothes are made with 100% cotton rib, so that the pieces are breathable and soft for my delicate skin. She wants me to be comfy and cozy from playtime ti’l bedtime.

So, what do you think? I am available to model for anything you’ve got. Blankets, Sleep N’ Plays, heck, I’ll even model your socks! I have great toes.

Comfortable affordable baby clothes

Comfortable affordable baby clothes

Anyway, my mom is coming so I’ve gotta wrap this up. I’ll have my people call your people. I can’t wait to see my face up in lights!

Sincerely,

Little Lee Lee
Austin, TX

PS: My mom says thank you for the burp cloths. She uses the heck out of them cause sometimes my big sister likes to dance with me right after I eat and… Yea, it’s not pretty.

New Gerber Childrenswear line of clothes available at Walmart

A new line by @Gerbercw: Cute and comfortable baby clothes made with organically grown cotton that’s also easy on the wallet.

It’s probably never the best idea to binge watch TV right before bed. Never mind the fact that I do this most nights. Not that I’m sitting there on my couch only watching TV. I’m actually editing pictures, responding to emails, writing, and catching up at work at the same time. I’m pretty good at multitasking and I have a pretty good attention span–At least when it comes to the TV watching part.

Sometimes I’ll fall asleep on my couch with my laptop on my lap and Netflix going in the background–Continuing on multiple episodes past what I was watching so I never know where I really left off the next day. And sometimes I’m diligent and just watch what I have saved on my DVR and limit myself to background music after that. Two nights ago wasn’t one of those nights.

I was caught up in an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. So much so that I texted a friend about it before bed.

“Did you watch last Thursday’s episode?”

So many flashbacks! So much funny. (Oh, and I feel like I should stop here to add that I haven’t actually been watching this show for 11 years straight. I’m not that dedicated. No, I picked it up during maternity leave with my son about 3 years ago (thanks Netflix!)).

Anyway, I guess all of the TV drama transferred to my dreams because I had one of the most vivid dreams I can remember in a long time.

interracial couple

I was in an elevator with my husband with another woman. She was blond,beautiful, and was telling me she had an affair with my husband. I was like “Girl, stop playin’!” I looked to my husband for confirmation and he admitted it was true.

WTF*?

My life was over. Completely blindsided I stood there so angry (I remember contemplating murder), so hurt, so SO SAD. So many thoughts went through my mind. ‘How am I going to do this single-mom thing?’ ‘How could he do this after 11 years of marriage? We were SO happy. I was SO in love.’ ‘How would I break this news on my blog?’(–I’m quite surprised my blog made it into my dream and that this was one of my top of my concerns.)

I hadn’t felt so sad in my entire life.

Big T climbed into bed and woke me up and I was SO relieved.

Yes, child! Thank you for kicking me in the face because HALLELUJAH IT WAS JUST A DREAM!

My husband had already left for work but I texted him about my dream and told him how sad I was. He told me I knew that would never happen, and I said I knew that but ya know… What ifs and whatnots and that I was relieved I wouldn’t have to pull an OJ.

When he got home from work I gave him a hug and told him I missed him and he LAUGHED knowing assuming I was still coming down from my bad dream.

But it’s true, I have been a little nicer, and I may or may not be tracking his texts.

… Sorry, were you expecting this post to have a deep life lesson or actual point?

Nope.

Ok here’s one: No more Grey’s Anatomy before bed.

Have you ever had a dream about your husband cheating on you? Any life lessons to share?

*WTF= What the freak.

I’m not gonna do it. I’m not going to stop and think about how I started this blog what feels like yesterday, before my daughter was even a dream. I’m not going to dwell on the fact that she’s growing up so freaking fast and though I’m searching, frantically for a pause button, she’s still maturing before my eyes.

Lil' J as a baby

Instead, I’m focusing on the many things I’m looking forward to the moment she steps on the bus, and her brother begins his preschool class. That’s twice a week. Twice a week I’ll have five whole hours to myself. During the day. OMG I CAN’T WAIT.

A prayer for my daughter as she starts Kindergarten.

Once my kids start school it’s on. Here are 15 things I’m excited to do:

1. Work. Lame, I know. But I’m so excited to have uninterrupted time to work on my blog, new projects, and other tasks I’ve had to put off.

2. Sleep: I’m not a morning person, so after the hassle of getting the kids off to school might just sleep until they get home. In fact, I may just spend the first two months of the school year catching up on sleep.

3. Lunch dates: I can catch up with the ladies at some place without a playground and actually finish a conversation.

4. Finish reading Harry Potter (and the other books on my shelves): I take it back, I’ll spend the first couple months of back-to-school doing nothing but plowing through the rest of this series. Though reading a long time makes me tired, so this could also help with #2.

5. Take advantage of my husband: If we’re not careful we may be starting over on this baby charade. The house will be empty. Just sayin’.

6. Go shopping alone: I had the opportunity to get a few groceries without the kids the other day. It was so amazing. I can’t wait to experience that again, and maybe even try it at a clothing store..

7. Go to the bathroom alone: Look ya’ll, I’m not asking for much, just to do a few things by myself. And since becoming a mom, I don’t believe I’ve ever done this. I can’t wait to see what it’s like.

8. Blast explicit music and bad TV: It’s not that I have bad taste. It’s just that anything other than PBS and Kid’s Bop has been off limits during the day. Not anymore!

9. Get pampered: Ok maybe now I’m asking for a lot. But mani/pedis and the occasional massage? I’ve earned it.

10. Play with my kids toys: Finally I can be the architect the amazing train track I’ve been dreaming of without my kids bossing me around.

11. Organize all of my photos: Make new photo books and probably cry looking at how much my kids have grown.

12. Go on road trips: How far can I get and back in 5 hours?

13. Have a whine-free lunch (while sipping on my fake wine): I’ll still have to make it, but I won’t have to hear them whining about wanting something else.

14. Not change diapers: Or deal with anyone else’s poop or pee but my own, in the bathroom alone.

15. Spend quality time with my kids: What? But they’re at school! Yea, but you know the phrase “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”? That’s what’s up.

Now that I’ve got my schedule planned til next summer, I can’t wait to get started.

What are you looking forward to once your kids start school?

We just got back from spending a week in Utah and man, I forgot how beautiful it is there.

When my husband and I lived there we didn’t have our own children, but his family get-togethers always involved LOTS of kids. I didn’t appreciate it then, but now that we have two rug rats of our own, I’ve come to understand the advantages of having a big family.

Kids of all ages were running around around in the yard at a family get together last weekend. Lil’ J adored all of the little cousins (once removed) who came up to her and asked to play. At one point she came up to me and asked me who all of these people were and how everyone knew her name and I told her: “They’re your family! All of daddy’s cousins.”

What kids think of big families.

She grinned so big. “My family?” She skipped off running to play again.

I thought she was rather impressed, but was surprised when she relayed her thoughts to her daddy when he picked us up from the airport yesterday.

As we pulled out of the parking garage and he asked how our trip was she got right to it.

She Says: Daddy, you have enough cousins.
He Says: Enough? What do you mean?
She Says: I mean you have enough cousins.
He Says: I have a lot of cousins?
She Says: Yes. I mean you have too much cousins.
He Says: Too many?
She says: Yea.

I tried my best to stifle my laugh, then see if I could interpret her statement as a positive, asking her if she had fun with all of her daddy’s cousins, and she said she did, and that she can’t wait to see them again.

We had such a good time in Utah, each day was filled with something fun and different. I have a gazillion photos to share but for now I’ll start with this one of my kiddos with their cool Uncle Matt, whom they adore. 

 

It never fails, once a month I’m rushing to the dollar store to stock up on pregnancy tests again because I’m sure my IUD has failed or fallen out and I’m pregnant.

You see,e I can never tell when I’m actually late because I have an IUD and sometimes the dates get a little wonky. Basically if my period isn’t a week early I’m assuming I’m knocked up again and life as I know it is over.

I don’t even really know how the IUD works. I mean, no one does. Don’t ask me why I had a device put in me that even medical experts claim “likely” works in a certain way, but there’s no single explanation.

pregnant on the IUD

Anyway, why do I think I’m pregnant on the IUD month after month? Here’s why:

1. I’m tired: It could be because I have two kids and five part-time jobs, and my son is refusing to take naps and my daughter won’t sleep in her own dang room. Or it could be because I’m pregnant.

2. My belly fat: Boy, wouldn’t that be a great excuse?

3. I have to pee: I have extremely good bladder control. So when I get the urge and I actually have to consider a public restroom, I know something’s up.

4. Phantom kicks: Ya’ll, I’m not joking about this. I FEEL baby kicks in my stomach. I should probably get that checked out.

5. TLC: I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant… It can happen ya’ll! It happens. And I’m convinced I’m going to wind up on that show because I’m eight months pregnant and didn’t know it. Even though I took a test last month, and the month before and it said I wasn’t.

pregnancy-on-the-IUD

6. Breakouts: It could be stress. Or it could be the pregnancy.

7. I cried: I almost never cry since becoming a mom. It’s weird. It’s like my emotions have turned rock solid. But I cried when I missed the kiddie train ride for my son at Zilker Park (we got on the next one). And I cried while reading a sad story about a child… On the anchor desk. Where are these tears coming from? The fetus!

8. Parking spaces: No one questions me when I park in spaces for expecting mothers. … Just kidding, I don’t do that.

9. Karma: I always said I didn’t understand “surprise” pregnancies. Like, how do 50% of pregnancies wind up unplanned yet birth control is 95% effective with proper use? Wouldn’t Karma just love to show me who’s boss and make me eat a statement like that?

10. Nesting: I actually WANT to clean my house. No wait, never mind I don’t.

If I actually did want to get pregnant, (which I’m not implying that I do at this moment in time, or ever again really), there would be a few things I’d do. I wouldn’t go all crazy like I did when we were trying for Lil’ J–Forbidding my husband to take hot baths and all. No.

I’ve lived and learned and if I wanted to get pregnant I would probably only change up three things:

1. I’d quit drinking caffeine. No reason in particular, but it’s a tradition I’ve had each time I’ve tried to get pregnant. With my daughter I kept it up the entire pregnancy. With my son I was back to my old ways within a few months. Take it as you will with how that turned out.

pregnant on the iud

2. I’d trade out the lube. For a more swimmer-friendly version. I did this the first two times and it seemed to help. I mean, I got pregnant. I have a box of *Astroglide TTC Trying to Conceive™ hiding with my dollar store pregnancy tests. If the expiration date is a few years out it could possibly come in handy someday.

3. I’d get my IUD removed cause, you know… Though we aren’t sure how it works, it seems to be working just fine for the time being. I think…

Do you ever have false alarms?

***

Astroglide TTC is a sperm-friendly lubricant that doesn’t impede sperm motility like traditional lubricants. Check it out here.

 

*Thanks to Astroglide TTC™ for sponsoring this story. The opinions and text are all my own.





Ladies, beware.

snack at the pool

I was going to make this a Wordless Wednesday photo share but I can’t look at this photo without thinking of the funny habit this guy does at the pool every single time we go.

It never fails. We’re at the pool, I’m grabbing him a snack, or getting his sister dried off, or hanging out nearby as he walks up to the nearest lady laying out… Usually in a bikini. He waits until he has her attention, flashes his adorably dimpled grin and says “HIIII!”

The nice lady will smile and say hi back, and he turns around like he’s going to walk away, then turns back around toward her and say hi again. Repeat 5Xs.

He also does this in the middle of groups of two or three women.

Luckily he’s cute, and only 2, or else he would probably come across as a total creep.

And check out those lashes!

More on our pool adventures on my Tampico is Color blog.

 

~Big T is currently 2 years and 3 months old~

If you’re a Disney fan and heavily involved in social media… Particularly Twitter, then you know that this #DisneySMMC is all about. I mean, it’s trending #1 in the USA. If you’re neither, or just one of the above, you may not have a clue. So let me take a moment to fill you in.

The Disney Social Media Moms Celebration is a once-a-year invite-only conference at one of the Disney Parks for people to come together, be inspired, and learn even more about Disney and their mission.

This of course is just based on what I’ve heard. I haven’t been invited. The last couple years I saw the hashtag abuzz and hadn’t a clue of how people were chosen. Does Disney know how huge of a fan I am? Does Disney even decide go stays and who goes?  I have no idea.

But since I had just gotten back from my family’s first visit to Disney World, (which ignited a vocal spark that had been somewhat dormant for some time)–and I had happened to be sharing what I had learned around the same timing as this conference, I thought maybe this year some of the powers that be would notice how freaking OBSESSED I am, and that I’d get an email.

Emails went out tonight. And my inbox is empty. Well, actually it’s full. But it’s empty of the so called “Pixie Dust.”

It’s cool though. I’m ok. And rumor has it there’s still a chance of more emails going out so I’m holding onto hope. And regardless I’m do or die Disney FOREVA! Tonight has been quite the emotional roller coaster though. Here are 10 things I may or may not have done.

1. Cried: Eye makeup EVERYWHERE.

2. Begged my husband: To let me book a Disney Cruise as a consolation, tonight!

3. Sincerely congratulated everyone: Without an ounce of jealousy (hey, I was just there!).

4. Found out that OTR stands for: “on the road” not “over the rainbow.” I can apply to attend their breakout conference later in the year.

5. Learned that going to the conference: Has nothing to do with exploring the secret underground tunnel system… And that I can just buy a tour on our next trip if I want.

7. Checked my email: 200 times… Just in case.

8. Prescribed myself: Some Disney Therapy by ordering this necklace.

mickey necklace
9. And this dress for my daughter: I can just imagine all the fun we’ll have doing Merida for our new Disney princess photo series.

My Little Princess: A cute and creative mother-daughter photo series featuring a biracial girl dressed up as Disney Princesses.
10. Sent out positive vibes: For a 2016 conference invite and enjoyed an encore viewing of UP with my littles. We’re making our way through our entire animated collection (99 movies and counting).

Ok here’s a tip, I didn’t do one of these things, can you guess which one? Did you get invited? How long have you been a hopeful?

Many years ago I often wondered if parents were just being nice when they said they couldn’t choose a favorite child, or when said they loved them each for different reasons. Yea yea, you’re just trying to be politically correct, I’d think. But really, tell me who you like best, I promise I won’t tell anyone.

Now that I have two kids of my own I have something to say about picking a favorite. Actually, I regularly find myself choosing one over the other. And I wouldn’t be surprised if most other parents do this too.

It goes something like this:

He says: Oh you’re going to the store after the gym? Do you mind grabbing me some cereal and protein powder?

She says: Sure, but I’m not bringing both of the kids.

He says: Ok, which one do you want?

Choosing one kid over the other. Parents won't admit it, but we all do it from time to time.I stop and think. What kind of shopping experience am I feeling up to today? Going out with just one child significantly reduces the time it takes, as well as my blood pressure during the duration of the trip.

So, am I feeling up to a quiet trip, possibly entailing a little bit of whining (which would just ensure I don’t take to long down the aisles), but definitely a mental break? If yes, I’ll take my son. The challenging thing about taking him is he doesn’t always want to stay put in the shopping cart.

If I let him down, at any moment he’s guaranteed to make a beeline for daylight or the nearest fragile item within reach. The key is keeping some snacks and portable toys on hand to entertain him while I finish my shopping.

I most definitely will have a time limit, probably not to exceed 20 minutes. I’ll have to be swift and precise, but I’ll have nothing but my thoughts to listen to. And that silence is golden.

If I choose my daughter, I’m in for a good time with some guaranteed amusing conversations and about 3-thousand questions.—Questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. I’ll have to use more brain power than I prefer to for a leisure shopping trip, and hold a somewhat challenging conversation all while making sure I don’t forget the reason I came to the store in the first place.

I won’t have to worry about chasing her around the store, however I’ll deal with constant negotiations for things she wants.

The trip will most likely be prolonged with requests to play with displays and try samples, but I can take as much time as I need. Physically I won’t be worn out, but by the time we check out I’ll be mentally exhausted.

It’s a pick your poison kind of situation, and most of the time, either one will be significantly easier than both. When it comes to choosing one over the other? It all depends on what kind of mood I’m in, how tired I’m feeling, and if I’m wearing my running shoes.

Do you prefer to take one kid over another shopping with you? At what point is it easier to bring everyone?

Hi! I’m Jennifer Borget



I'm a part-time journalist, full-time wife and mother striving to make the world a better place and inspiring others to do the same. This is the space where I share my journey in making the most of every day.

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