At the end of the year I’m always brought to a place where I sit and reflect about how the year went. How my kids have grown, what they’ve learned and what I hope to teach them in the year to come. I think about how I’ve been as a wife, and a mother and how I can do better. From better habits to life lessons.

Of course we can’t protect our kids against everything, but I can take my experience and arm them in ways I wasn’t as a kid.

I love showing my children diversity in books, toys, friends, and leaders. Watching kick-butt black women anchoring the news was so inspiring to me as a little girl. And influential in choosing the career I did. I want my kids to see people who look like them, and people in all shapes in sizes doing inspiring things. I want them to know they can accomplish anything too. And I always want them to feel comfortable in their own skin.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve been trying to take better care of my beautiful brown skin. Though my grandma always says “Black don’t crack” I know she’s always been on top of moisturizing. She looks like she could be my mom. And there may have been a time or two someone asked if she was my older sister. I want to be like that when I’m her age! I’m drinking way less soda and drinking way more water and I’m finally moisturizing like I never have before. No more ashy elbows in winter months for me!

There are so many skin care myths out there, so I’m also trying to educate my self on the topic as well.

Dermatologist Dr. Barba says there are quite a few places on our bodies we tend to forget and not take care of – our hands, feet, neck and underarms are some of the most common. It’s important to make sure our skincare routine is inclusive and that we are always moisturizing every single inch of skin.

“Increasing the use of good products that will moisturize the underarm skin,” she said. “This is why I recommend Dove Advanced Care Antiperspirant. It protects you from odor and wetness for 48 hours and provides skincare benefits with its NutriumMoisture formula.”

Whether I’m teaching my children to love themselves for who they are, or continuing to grow in this own space myself; I want to make sure I’m doing what I can to insure we feel comfortable, confident and beautiful in our own skin. Inside and out.

This blog post is sponsored by Dove. Thank you for supporting brands that believe in us. 

The problem with being an optimistic person is that sometimes the negativity everywhere seems like it could be solved with some BBQs and heart-to-hearts. Or at least a heavy dose of therapy. biracial children identity

It really wears me down. I’m sure it wears everyone down, but as someone who just wants to be happy all the time, bad news and grumpy moods REALLY get me down. So I’ve had to be selfish for my sanity, withdraw and protect myself emotionally. I’ve kept the news off, disabled my Facebook news feed, closed myself off to the world as much as possible and focused on what’s here before me. I’ve planned day trips, shared a lot about potty training, and let my brain relax into jello as I analyzed every Bachelorette episode. I’d checked out, friends. But I’d needed that.

During this exercise I’ve had a lot of time to reflect and you know what? Though I’ve been more removed, I’m still so worried for our kids. Still hopeful, but worried.

There are so many messages out there about minorities, blacks, whites, and so much hatred and I’m so sad that all of our kids are growing up in this mess. We’ve taken huge steps forward and now I feel like we’re taking a giant step back. I truly hope that our children can come out of this more accepting, with a brighter outlook, and more loving than any generation before.

As a mother of two biracial children I have a thousand concerns swirling around in my head. In so many ways I want to (and do) shelter them. But ultimately I want them to be armed and ready for what lies ahead. I want them to have a better childhood than I did. I want them to be confident biracial children that are never ashamed of who they are, or their background. And I want them to be ready to stand up for themselves when necessary.

Biracial Children Identity

These are 10 invaluable lessons for my biracial children

1. Know who you are… on all fronts

If society stays the way it is now you’ll likely be considered black, no questions asked. Own it. Embrace that side of your background like the beautiful badge it is. Don’t feel the need to quickly correct anyone who checks you off for that box. That said, YOU know who you are, and you do not have to allow people to shove you into one box or another. Don’t be afraid to push the envelope to be acknowledged as you are. Anyone who asks you to “choose a side” probably isn’t worth your time.

2. Understand how others will perceive you whether that is right or wrong

As a continuation from number 1, it’s important to know that although you may embrace your entire background, others may still have preconceived notions.

My son, some people will look at you differently when you’re playing rough, wanting a turn with your friend’s water gun, or wearing a hoodie. It’s not right, but it’s important to be aware that it still happens.

My sweet daughter. Some people will see your skin as “too dark” while others call you names for being “too light.” You’re in a precarious position but I know you can handle it. No one knows you like we do. Remember which opinions really matter.

My children, be aware of how others will perceive you so you’re prepared for whatever is thrown your way.

3. Don’t be a victim

Now that I’ve told you how the world seems set up against you, let me tell you this… You are NOT a victim. Don’t ever let your skin color hold you back from anything. You may often find yourself in situations where you’re surrounded by people who don’t look like you, that doesn’t mean you don’t belong. Don’t sell yourself short or think that something is impossible because of the way you look. You may be the first. You may be the only in different paths you take. But you are not less-than or incapable.

If I ever hear you attribute being unwilling to try for something because of what you look like we are going to have some serious problems. Don’t you dare allow others to convince you you’re at a disadvantage and can’t go as far because of the way you look. I’ve worked way too hard to prove you otherwise.

4. You are not required to think like anyone else

I hate stereotypes and though there is one for nearly every situation, we certainly get a heavy dose of it. Across the board, people have a variety of opinions, hair styles, sense of fashion, way of speaking and so on. For some reason when it comes to black people, others want to put us into a box as if we all think the same way and then ask why we’re “different” when we diverge from their assumptions. Some people think they’re complimenting us when they say we are “well spoken” or “so articulate” just because they are shocked we aren’t using ebonics. Not only is it not a compliment, it’s offensive.

Just because you share the same color skin as someone doesn’t mean you share the same collective brain, with the same thoughts, experiences, or opinions.  White people are allowed to disagree with other white people who don’t think like them. We should be allowed to have the same rainbow of opinions.

You are entitled to your own view point. People aren’t always going to agree with you, and that’s life. But you should be granted the same amount of contradicting opinions as anyone else.

Please always remember, you do not speak for all black people. Which brings me to my next point.

5. You are not a spokesperson and don’t have to be

You don’t speak for every biracial/black/brown person. Give others their chance to say what they believe and share your opinions while also respecting those of others who may feel differently.

Also, you don’t owe it to anyone to be a black history teacher. It’s not your responsibility to educate those who are ignorant; to allow people to play with your hair; to ask you crude or offensive questions because you’re a “safe friend.” Trust me, it gets exhausting. That is not your job. Feel free to direct people to their nearest library or paid educational resource.

All that said, people can learn a lot from you. Just being in your presence will inspire and influence people and peek their curiosity. So…

6. Be willing to teach and willing to learn

If something offends you, be open to explaining why. Having a canned response prepared is totally ok. For instance, the “what are you?” question gets really annoying. Obviously you’re a human being and a thousand other things, but people are failing at finding a polite way to ask about your heritage. You could share a more polite way to pose that question so that they don’t prance around offending every multiracial person they come in contact with for the rest of their lives.

Also, you don’t know everything. So be willing to be quiet and listen to others who are different than you. You can learn a lot from them, just like they can learn from you. Leaving this world without moving beyond our own little shells of experience would be such a waste. Go, meet, explore, absorb!

7. Don’t mind those who don’t matter

Realize that as much as you may wish you could, you can’t make everyone like you. And you can’t make everyone happy.Please don’t let the opinions of others wear you down. Remember the opinions that are truly important and know how to spot a true loyal friend.

8. Have Grace

No one is perfect. People are going to screw up and offend you. Be forgiving. Especially if they are sincerely apologetic. And if they are not… Ask yourself who is that hurting in the long run? Them or you? Give yourself permission to let things go so that others’ negativity doesn’t infringe on your joy.

9. Learn Better and Try To Do Better

Try not to make assumptions. Rarely have you seen the full picture. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Even if you think they are the most disgusting piece of footwear you’ve ever laid eyes on, just stick your feet in and give it a try. I promise you there will always be something you can learn from someone else that can help you to become an even better person.

10. Love Yourself

If I didn’t stress this enough let me drive this point home, there is no one on this world exactly like you. There has never been any other and will never be any other you. Treat yourself as such. Don’t get caught up in trying to be like someone else. Love the beautiful brown skin you’re in and all of your other wonderful qualities. Become the best person you can be, and help others to become their best selves.

When we’re all helping one another to be great, we will all rise to be great, and inevitably make the world a better place… Oh there goes my optimism again.

Biracial Children Identity

On our first dream board my husband and I printed and glued stock photos of two kids. A boy and a girl. These images were symbols of our dream children. Just two, like a brand new pair of shoes, they’d be our perfect pair.

We were excited for the future but we also had some fears. I worried they would look nothing like me and I’d spend a lifetime swatting off “are you the nanny?” questions.

And then what it would be like for our little biracial children growing up? We weren’t sure where we’d be living–Utah, Georgia, the Midwest, or the South. Would our children fit in or stick out? Both my husband and I have lived experiences on either end of the spectrum, but we knew things would be different still for our children. If neither I or their dad ever really understood what it felt like to be multiracial, at least they would share that in common.

Now, more than a decade later, we’re in the middle of Texas (the best part, if I might add) my children are homeschooled and a part of diverse co-ops and athletic activities. My worries about them being different or not fitting in have dwindled significantly.

We wished for a brother and sister pair and that’s what we got. We hoped they’d be best friends, and while some days that title is debatable–Most of the time, they are best friends.

“He wants to match me,” my daughter will often say as I’m dressing her brother.

So I grabbed his Stride Rite sandals and a pink shirt to go along with her new sandals and colorful outfit.

She is a thoughtful big sister. She looks out for him, defends him, helps him with little tasks and wants nothing more than to snuggle and squeeze the dickens out of him.

He prefers her company over her hugs, but there’s no one else he’d rather play with. And if you ask him who his favorite friends is, he always replies “my sister!”

Things won’t not always be easy for these two. Some of their battles may be about their differences from others, and they may feel like it’s them against the world. Other times they’ll likely team up opposite of their dad and I. And more than likely, many of their battles will be disagreements between each other. But the important thing is they’re on the same team. Two kids from two parents who dreamt of them long before they were born.

Our perfect little pair teaming up to take on the world.

How do your kids get along?

 I’m teaming up with Stride Rite over the next few months to share our family adventures and style. These are Lil’ J’s Mellie sandals she loves to wear with everything from shorts to dresses. And Big T’s are the cute Issac Sandals, perfect for outings where he may get wet. We also are loving this new Lottie style as well at the Perlas. Stay tuned for more of Lil’ J’s fashion shoots. She can’t wait to show you.  

I love taking a walk down memory lane and seeing the crazy things I used to say on this here blog. Oh man, if I could time travel–Wait, I think I wrote about that already.

But really, if I could go back in time at this very moment to the day I was writing these posts about raising multiracial babies, I’d have a lot to say to her–me–myself. But mostly it would be: SIT DOWN!

Let’s start with #1.

#1 My baby face generator obsession

I spent way too much time playing with online tools that left me worrying my baby might come out looking nothing like me and more like someone from the Addams family.

And I quote myself from seven years ago “I’m going to be honest here… I would like a baby girl but really all I want is 1. A healthy baby and 2. A cute baby. Boy or girl, if Spawnie is cute (not just to me, but like to everyone) I’ll be happy!”

I’m not sure if I was really being as honest as I said I was. I kind of don’t doubt her… That silly young girl who thought how her baby looked would affect her love for her child.

Reality: Your kids are cute to you. No matter if they’re 10 shades darker or 10 shades lighter than yourself, have brown, blond or red hair, you are going to love that child of yours with all your heart.

#2: Nanny mixups

“My friend mentioned earlier said people have mistaken her as the nanny before and see — I’m not sure I’d be able to handle that in a nice way. Or what if our daughter takes more of my complexion, and when my husband’s out he’s asked where he got our daughter from, implying she’s adopted.”

Reality: Been there, done that, we survived. I think there’s a little bit of shock the first time it happens when your baby is tiny and sitting still and you’re more aware of glances and whatnot. Now? Goodness gracious I can make it through an entire shopping trip without making eye contact with anyone, much less notice if anyone gives us awkward glances. And when someone does flat out ask what’s up, we usually laugh it off. Because honestly? We pick our battles.

Now when someone says this … That’s a different story.

#3: Will our kids drive us further apart?

“I’ve heard children can bring you closer together but I’ve also heard they can drive you further apart… I hope our love for the Lord can keep us from driving each other crazy after kids!”

Reality: This was something on my mind before kids and from time to time it creeps back up. In fact, out of all of handful of pre-baby worries I’m re-living today, this one is probably the most valid. Funny enough, this one has nothing specifically to do with raising multiracial babies, it is a fear any parent could find on their mind.

Kids DEFINITELY change things. We don’t get nearly enough alone time to have adult conversations much less date nights. Our kids are both finally sleeping in their own rooms for most of the night–That’s something. But our children haven’t gotten between us emotionally. In that regard they’ve brought us closer together.

I’d tell my younger self to enjoy those pre-kid moments together. As insanely boring as they seem, they’re the last boring moments we’ll share together in the foreseeable future.

#4: My multiracial kid won’t have anyone to date

“I worry especially that my daughters will face the same [dating] challenges I faced growing up, but won’t deal with it as I did…I worry my sons will have a hard time finding women to date because their parents don’t want their daughter child “dating a black boy.”

Reality: HA HA HA. My kids are never dating, and I like it that way. Seriously, this was a non-issue. Next!

#5: A desire for open-minded friends

“I hope as my children grow up they meet other children who are taught to have friends of all races, and date people of all nationalities.”

Reality: Right now, this actually falls a lot more on me than I expected. I’m with my kids way more than I imagined I’d be (I don’t know why in my mind I imagined them schlepping off to slumber parties with acquaintances at the mere age of 3). I meet the other kids’ parents and 99% of the time, I’m talking to mom and/or dad while my kids are playing with their friends. You can tell pretty quick if someone is going to have a problem with you or your relationship and I can choose to distance ourselves from those people. We have been blessed with amazing neighbors, church friends and now homeschool friends from all backgrounds. Beyond that, we are branching out of our own bubbles as well. Consuming books and literature about people and places that are different from us.

I think like tends to attract like and we’ll keep meeting families and friends who have the same wish for their children.

Many of these worries have deescalated or dissolved since having my kids, and others have had new ones take their place.

For us, parenting has been much less about bracing ourselves for the hardships that can come from raising multiracial children, and much more about raising children to become compassionate members of society who know where they come from and where they want to go.

Were your pre-baby expectations different than your reality?

Today I’m linking up with some other wonderful mamas who are sharing their stories of multicultural motherhood.

What to Expect When You’re Expecting Multiracial Babies/ De Su Mama

Will My Child Look Like Me? Thoughts from a Multicultural Mom /Raising Whasians

How to Prepare for a Multicultural Family / Almost Indian Wife

Books for the Multicultural Family / Are Those Your Kids

When it comes to teaching our kids Civil Rights history, I’ve seemed to have done most of it so far. So I was amused when I overheard a conversation about MLK Day between my white husband and our biracial daughter.

He says: You need to start getting ready for bed, you have school tomorrow.
She says: No I don’t! It’s Martin Looser King Day!
He says: It’s what?
She says: [hesitating to get it right] Martin Luther King Day!
He says: Who was what?
She says: Martin Luther King Jr.
He says: No, I mean what did he do.
She says: He helped make the world a better place. He helped everyone to get a long, and to be more fair.
He says: Oh yea?
She says: Yea, because there were signs that said only brown people.–No, I mean only white people could go in. So we couldn’t go in. Only YOU.
He says [after peering an impressive smirk my direction]: Yea, and that wasn’t fair was it?
She says: NO

I think my husband handled the sudden jab well, considering. To be honest I didn’t even really know that she put it all together as well as she had. We talked a lot about Martin Luther King Jr Day last year, and continued to read some books about him (we like this one) now and then through the year, but I’m so impressed that she still remembers, and even asked about eating “Peace Pie” again–A tradition we started last year decorating an apple pie and an excuse to eat dessert.

I think it’s important we talk about these topics at an age-appropriate level to help our kids know what our country has been through, how people have–and continue– to change, hopefully for the better.

Today we will definitely be reading more stories, having more discussions, and sharing our thoughts on the holiday. We may even work on a craft like we did last year. But most of all we’re enjoying extra time together off of work and out of school, and grateful for the people who worked so hard so that our family can even exist as we do today.

Over the weekend I overheard my daughter talking to my youngest sister about sunscreen. (Remember she’s obsessed with the stuff?) And how even though we have brown skin, we can still burn, it just takes longer.

I tuned out their conversation for a moment while I got our pool items packed in the car.

I didn’t hear exactly what my sister was saying next, but I overheard her say “you’re just your color because you’re a little kid, but when you grow up, you’ll be darker like me.”

I didn’t have the heart to explain otherwise.

My daughter countered with her own conclusions for her lighter skin: “No no. I’m kind of pinkish like my dad, and brown like my mom, and like you! I’m like–”

“Yea yea yea,” my sister cut her off.

I called them to get into the car then told Lil’ J she was right. She’s like her mommy and daddy.

“Yea, I’m like everybody,” she said.

This wasn’t the first time I had heard my biracial daughter say something like this. Actually, just a week or two before she came into the kitchen and professed the same thing while my husband and I had a discussion at the table.

“Mommy, I’m a little pink like daddy,” while pointing to the palms of her hands, and parts of her forearm. “And brown like you!”

She beamed with pride.

“That’s right,” I told her. “And your friends?”

“Well…” She recounted each of her friends in their various shades and said they each were like her. “So I’m like everyone.”

“Kinda like a chameleon?” I said.”

“YEA!” She answered. Excited by her realization.

“Is mommy like everyone too?” I asked.

“No,” she answered point blank. “You’re just brown, and daddy’s just pink.”

“But we’re all the same in other ways,” I reminded her.

In our usual fashion I related the discussion to a Disney movie… Tarzan and the conversation he had with his gorilla mom about them being the same on the inside. … But even more so human to human.

I love the way she sees herself as not only a little bit of her daddy and I, but a little bit like everyone else. I hope that is a sign of the compassion and empathy she holds for others.

I hope that it doesn’t come to this but if/when there will be days she’s called too light or too dark, I want her to remember who she is. A little girl who is part mommy, part daddy, and a little bit lilt everyone else. All while being completely authentic and uniquely herself.

How does your child see him/herself?

~Lil’ J is 4 years 11 months old.

The most common question I’m asked isn’t about breaking into my broadcast career, how I met my hot husband, or even “how are you today?” it’s “how do you do your daughter’s hair?”.

Ok, one of those questions may be a little more popular, but not when it comes to my blog. Biracial hair care, mixed hair care or natural hair care especially has become a hot topic. I can’t believe I haven’t updated my process since Lil’ J was a toddler. I’ve been meaning to do it but really wanted pictures of the process to make it all flow. I finally took some yesterday (Sunday is typically our hair-washing day). It’s going to be picture-heavy so get ready!

It’s been a learning process for me as I only recently began to wear my hair in its naturally curly state all the time. Before that I kept it flat ironed with salon visits. I’m embracing my natural hair in all of its curly beauty now that I have a little girl who has gorgeous curls of her own. It can be hard to think curls are pretty when we’re bombarded with society’s standard of beauty that often overlooks us.

I’m going to be filing this under my new “making strong roots” section because this topic fits in more way than one.

So, first off, FYI, I try not to let her hair get this crazy but let’s face it—Life gets busy. I avoid letting her out of the house like this though.

Typically I’ll wash Lil’ J’s hair when Big T is napping, or already in bed. He loves splashing in water and if he knows his sister is having all the fun, it becomes a challenge trying to entertain him too.

I clear off the kitchen counters give the sink a little extra scrubbing—Yes, you read right, the sink. I could do her hair in the tub but dumping water on her head over and over with a cup just isn’t cutting it. I’ll probably eventually invest in one of those bathtub sprayer adapters but I feel like I’m conserving more water in the sink, and it works for us. It’s also how my mom did our hair at home, and I have fond memories of those nights so let’s just say we’re carrying on the tradition.

I get her set up with an iPad or phone, and let her watch a show while I do her hair, but usually we end up “talking to the knots,” which I’ll explain later.

I have a bathroom caddy that I lug all of our hair supplies in. Between three different curly hair types, we have a variety of products. These are typically the ones I use most often, but not all at once. I didn’t use all of these when doing Lil’ J’s hair this time. But here are my go-tos:

–Herbal Essence Hello Hydration Conditioner: I use this to get her hair detangled because I need to use a TON of conditioner and would use my nicer and pricier conditioner right up if I used the same amount. I love this because it has a lot of slip.

–Curly Q’s Coconut Dream Conditioner: LOVE the smell and it hydrates her hair so well, and leaves it silky smooth. I use this EVERY time.

–Shea Moisture Cleansing Conditioner: I use this instead of a Shampoo.

–Curly Q’s Custard: I love this after washing when I’m styling or twisting it up for the night. I’ve tried various similar products but keep coming back to this.

–Shea Moisture Coconut and Hibiscus Style Milk: Similar to the custard above, I also buy this a lot.

It’s important to remember that it’s about the process not the products. So what works for my daughter’s hair may be totally different for your child’s hair. For my natural curls I use the Shea Moisture products most often and I’ve recently started using them on my kids. I haven’t noticed a huge different from product to product, but I do see a big difference if I change up the process.

Alright, enough yapping, here we go…

Step 1 Shampoo (optional):

Rarely do I use shampoo. I usually go straight to conditioner. Today I used a cowash by Shea Moisture to cleanse her hair before going on to condition some more. I get her hair soaking wet, wash, massage, then rinse. Simple enough.

Step 2: Condition

I load her hair up with conditioner. I currently have been using the Hello Hydration by Herbal Essence. It’s inexpensive and exactly what I need to get her hair slick and easy to detangle. I use a TON of this stuff, I just keep caking it in, and let her hair soak it up. Since I use so much of it, I don’t use a pricey conditioner for this part.

Step 3: Separate

I part her hair into a few sections and tie them apart. Sometimes I’ll use clamps. It just depends what I have on hand.

Step 4: Detangle
Dang, I forgot a photo! But I needed all hands on deck for this. I go to work section-by-section and detangle using possibly the most important item of this whole process: A good wide-tooth comb. I start from the bottom and work my way up until the entire section is detangled. This process can be a breeze if you stay on top of it, and use A LOT of conditioner while detangling. Be extremely generous with a good conditioner and it helps the tangles slip right out. If it starts to hurt, Lil’ J will tell her knots they’ve gotta pack up and move out of her head, and I’ll talk her through what they’re saying as they leave. It keeps her smiling through the process and she actually looks forward to detangling because of this strange tradition we have. But lately, when I wash her hair in this order detangling is a breeze.

Step 5: Deep Condition

As I complete each section I rinse out the conditioner then add a nice deep conditioner. Right now I really like the Curls Coconut Dream Conditioner for kids. I used to only use this for detangling and conditioning but I was going through it so fast, and believe it or not, it’s not the best for detangling and doesn’t have as much “slip.” But it smells great and is an awesome moisturizer. I add this conditioner to the section I’ve just detangled before moving on to the next section of hair and then put it in a loose braid.

Step 6: Repeat and Rinse

I repeat steps four and five until her whole head is detangled and up in lose braids. Then I rinse her head with cold water to close the pores. I don’t take the braids down just yet, because it’s ok if some conditioner is left in. It’ll help keep in extra moisture.

Step 7: Moisturize and Style

Are you getting the idea yet? The key is hydration and moisture retention. For this step I take down her braids and add some moisturizer cream section by section using my hands. I usually use the Curls Curly Q Custard Curl Styling Cream, but I’ve also started using my Curl Enhancing Smoothie by Shea Moisture and it seems to be doing a good job too.

If it’s the middle of the day I’ll leave her hair down, let it air dry and she can run around and let her curls dry in a couple of hours. If it starts to frizz and I want to freshen it up a bit I’ll spray some Shea Moisture Kids Extra-Moisturizing Detangler and run my fingers through to freshen them up.

If it’s right before bed I’ll use the styling cream while I twist it up either into bantu knots, or braids (tighter than the ones from before when we were detangling).

The final key is having her sleep on a satin pillowcase. It keeps her hair from all the friction and frizzes caused by regular cotton pillowcases.

To keep it fresh the following days I use a water bottle to spray her hair and get it damp section by section, then use the moisturizer to re-style before bed. Take it down in the morning and BOOM! Gorgeous curls day after day.

Big T’s routine is similar but much faster because he HATES getting his hair detangled and it’s a struggle. Luckily his curls seem to be staying so cute and hold their natural ringlets for awhile. Hopefully he’ll get used to our routine in a couple more years because I’d like to keep it about this length (and get trims back to about this length in the future). Excuse this blurry picture of my little tornado. I may post a guide for how I do his hair soon if there’s interest, though it doesn’t seem like there are as many boys rockin’ their fros lately.

For my babies, when they were babies, I used Curl’s baby line. You can find that tutorial here.

Have any questions or comments about biracial hair care? Shoot! I’ll be happy to reply below.

Oh, and because I know someone will ask… No, I didn’t make this dress. I bought it from Adelaide’s Boutique.

Just a couple days ago my daughter said her daddy was “blue” because the shirt he was wearing was blue. Apparently I was red because that was the color of my shirt. I was beginning to think perhaps it is true what some people claim to believe… Kids are colorblind to skin.

I’ve never honestly felt that way; that children, or people in general are colorblind to race. It’s natural to recognize someone looking different than you, or out of the ordinary. Whether it’s someone with red hair, blond hair, brown skin—whatever. We aren’t blind, and it’s ok to notice these things. But do children?

Tonight, my daughter dropped a bomb on me: “Mom, why are you brown and I’m not?”

“What?” I looked down at my shirt, to see if that’s what she meant. But she clarified just as I was checking.

“Your skin. Why is your skin brown, and mine’s not?” She asked.

“Yours isn’t?” I thought it might be best to answer her question with questions to see where she was coming from.

“No. See?” She held up her arm for me to inspect.

“Well, who told you that?” I immediately became suspicious of kids at school. Kids at school are always bringing new things to her attention. She just started a new preschool, and maybe someone said something about us after drop off.

“Well, Daniel Tiger says…” (She broke out in a tune) “In some ways we are different, and in some ways, we are the same.”

Damn that tiger.

No really, it’s not his fault, or any fault at all. In the episode on the PBS show the differences they highlight are a kid walking using braces, and not everyone having a tail. From what I can tell, my daughter taking it to the skin color discussion was all on her own.

“That’s right,” I said. “But what color are you?”

She wasn’t sure how to answer this either, she looked around the room, maybe for a comparison.

“Well, my kitchen is white…”

“Yes…” I said. Waiting to hear more. “Like you?” I questioned.

“No.” She said.

“Oh ok, well what’s daddy? Is he brown too?” I asked, trying to see where she was going with this.

“No, he’s yellow. Like me.” She decided.

“Oh ok,” I answered. “What about your brother?”

“He’s yellow too,” she professed. “Me, and daddy and [my brother] are yellow. And only you—“ she stopped to change her mind. “You and Snoop are brown.”

The dog and I are brown. I smiled, as I learned the workings of my preschooler’s thoughts of the world.

“Ok. And is brown pretty?” I braced herself for her answer. But I was really curious what she’d say.

“No,” she responded point blank.

“Why not?” I asked her.

“Because brown’s not my favorite color.”

“Is mommy pretty?” I asked.

“YES!” And she dove into my lap for a hug.

“Mommy?”

Oh great what now. “Yes?”

“Can we play with blocks now?”

And as quickly as that, the conversation was over.

Later, after she was tucked into bed, then came back out of her room sneaking some extra mommy time, she brought it up again while pointing to a photograph of herself against her daddy’s skin and said: “I don’t want my skin to be this color.”

This comment shocked me the most out of everything, but again, I tried to stay cool and keep with the questions, versus answers.

“Why not?” I asked her.

“Because I’m brown, and that’s not my favorite color.”

“Oh, well what color do you want to be?” Again, I braced myself for her answer.

“Purple.” She said.

I took a small sigh of relief. Apparently I’m ok with my daughter wanting to be purple. I just said “ok” (whatever kid!). It was late and she was trying to delay bedtime at this point.

“You’re beautiful the way you are.”

As I suspected all along, kids aren’t colorblind, they notice things. Though it’s not always on her mind that “mommy is brown.” For some reason it came to her mind in this moment, and was gone the next. The same thing happens with conversations with my husband. I don’t constantly think about being married to a white dude… Or even dwell on the fact that I’m black. It rarely comes up at home because we’re just mommy, daddy, wife, and husband; adorable kids… A family.

She’s exploring and learning about the world around her, in all sorts of aspects of her little life right now. I think. I hope. No, I PRAY it’s a long time before we have a deeper skin color conversation that deals with wanting to be colors other than purple. But who knows, maybe it will never happen. And if it does (because honestly, I suspect every child, every color at some point wishes they could look like someone else) I hope… No, I pray it will be as cool, collected, and humorous as it was tonight.