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Posts Tagged ‘baby #3’

Ok I think I’m officially the worst blogger ever. For 10 years you’ve known it here first. But now in the days of blogging we’ve got Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and YouTube, Snapchat, Stories etc etc etc. I totally neglected to share here about the birth of our baby girl. In fact, today’s the first time I’ve logged into my blog dashboard since my last post. #Shame

Most of you I’m sure are connected to me somehow and saw that I announced her birth either on Facebook or Instagram. But I know that’s not the case for everyone, and I’m sorry. I’m going to make it up to you right now and make it up to myself. This here blog is my little corner of the internet and I shouldn’t do her like that.

So today I’m sharing a first look at these gorgeous newborn photos taken by the fabulous Lindsay Mac Photography. And sharing some details about my little girl.

newborn birth announcement blog

She came July 19th by eviction (birth story coming soon!). She was a hefty 9 pounds 7 ounces. 21 1/4 in long. She loves breastmilk and long strolls in her baby wrap. Big brother and sister adore her. Mommy and Daddy are exhausted and in love.

Blog nickname pending but I’d prefer not to call her Sneaky forever. Maybe Baby A, though she won’t be a baby forever *tear*. I’m open to other suggestions.

newborn birth announcement blog

birth announcement blog

newborn birth announcement blog

So much more coming soon! Life as a new mom of three, expectations versus reality, and of course way more photos.

If you’re in the Austin area make sure you check out Lindsay Mac for gorgeous newborn photos. I have so many more I can’t wait to share with you soon!

 

“When is my baby sister coming out?”

You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve heard that question over the last six months. I’m certain I’ve heard some variation hundreds of times. It’s the first thing my daughter asks in the morning and her last question before bed. And she throws it out a handful of times during the day for good measure. Then every time I leave for a doctor’s appointment my son asks me if they’re going to take the baby out.

I think I’ve come to realize that no matter how many times you experience pregnancy, the ending always feels the same. You’re full of anticipation, uncomfortable nights, and it drags on forever. The first 8 months flew by. I hardly kept up with my weekly pregnancy documenting on Instagram. We’ve been so busy with life that the growing baby sorta took a back seat to everything else going on. But now that we’re in the homestretch and she’s sticking out so far, the baby topic is unavoidable. Everyone wants to know when she’s coming. And boy do I wish I knew.

With my first daughter I knew babies weren’t likely to come on their due date. But I still had high hopes she’d come a little early. I started my maternity leave from the news station on my due date. I was so done. But then she didn’t come for TEN. MORE. DAYS.

I’d wasted a whole week and a half of my maternity leave trying everything under the sun to start labor naturally. I finally guiltily gave in to being induced (guilty because the online mom mob told me I should just let it happen).

The second time around I knew better. I decided I wouldn’t start my maternity leave until I went into labor. My due date came and went and every day I walked into the station with my huge cankles my coworkers would either gasp or laugh at the fact that I was still present. Five days after my due date I didn’t even know what to do when I started to have contractions.

I tracked them as best as I could and when it seemed like they’d been going on for about an hour I woke my husband up so we could go to the hospital.

I showed up there like “Hey ya’ll I’m ready!”

And everyone there was like “ummm, did you call anyone?” Nope.

I didn’t know what I was doing. My contractions slowed down to almost a halt but they didn’t send me home since I was already past my due date.

This time around I’m thinking third time’s a charm. I’m more aware of what contractions feel like and I’m a more diligent about tracking them. I recently found out about a tool called Bloomlife which is a wearable contraction tracker you can use at home. I stick it on my belly in the evenings when I’m watching a show and monitor what my body is up to. Sometimes I’m certain I am feeling contractions and the app confirms. Other times it’s just in my head. There have been a few nights when I thought maybe, just maybe my body was about to launch into labor, but nope. Or minor contractions without any pattern or consistency. It’s still been neat to watch my body work itself up to birthing this little girl.

Here's a rundown of how the Bloomlife contraction timer works for pregnancy. A detailed review.

So here’s how Bloomlife works

It’s a contraption timer you rent, not buy cause–Ya know, we aren’t doing this again (knock on wood). I connect the bluetooth tracker to a sticky patch and stick the set to my belly, a few fingers below my belly button. It’s hands-free and cords free and works with both iOS and Android devices.

Open up the app on my phone where the device connects and calibrates to Bloomlife.

Press start then let the app track my contractions for an hour.

Here's a rundown of how the Bloomlife contraction timer works for pregnancy. A detailed review.

It tracks my contractions big and small in real time, then after the hour tells me the average duration and interval.

It’s also great at distinguishing between baby movements and contractions.

The main challenge for me is making sure I pick a time when I’ll be chilling for a while otherwise it keeps telling me to sit still. Lately I’ve been tracking in the evenings while binge-watching Grey’s Anatomy reruns or my new favorite: What Would You Do? and enjoying an ice cream sandwich.

Here's a rundown of how the Bloomlife contraction timer works for pregnancy. A detailed review.

It is nice seeing that my body is doing what it’s supposed to do, and it’ll be there to help me know when it’s actually go-time. Sadly right now it doesn’t work as a Magic 8 ball and it can’t predict exactly when this baby is coming out (sorry kids!). (Though interestingly enough that is a feature they are working on!) But I know she’ll be here before we know it (and for everyone wondering, my guess is just a couple of days past her due date!).

Checkout Bloomlife.com for more information on how it works. Use my code JB10 to get 10% off your rental.

I’m in the homestretch of this pregnancy. Can I say that when I’m a little less than a month out? It’s really flown by and but I’m still feeling like “Wait, is this really happening?”

The last several months have been a whirlwind of denial, anxiety and excitement. I’ve had so much going on that I haven’t really given myself a lot of time to stop and imagine what life will be like next month when we become a family of FIVE. It still feels weird saying that. I don’t know if it’s something I can mentally prepare for. So I’m kinda just planning on winging it.

Finding comfortable maternity clothes for the third trimester.

Motherhood Maternity Blue Mist Cropped Pants and Pea in the Pod Ruched T-Shirt

Right now it feels a little bit like we’ll be bringing a stranger home. But if my memory serves me correctly, that feeling fades pretty quickly once she’s on the outside and in my arms.

My husband is making plans to take our older two to theme parks and water slides this summer. At the moment I feel like tagging along, or pouting at the idea of missing out. But I’m sure once our little one is here I’ll be thrilled to have some down time at home with just her while daddy heads out with the bigger kids.

I’ve definitely hit the uncomfortable part of pregnancy. I don’t remember it being quite like this before. I mean, I remember having a waddle and swollen feet. But I don’t remember having such a hard time falling asleep, staying asleep, and how sore I feel every time I get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I feel DONE.

Finding comfortable maternity clothes for the third trimester.

Motherhood Maternity Off-the-Shoulder Babydoll Blouse and Motherhood Maternity White Maternity Leggings

Maybe it’s my age, maybe I’m just so out of shape. Or maybe it’s a bit of both. I’m only 32 but pregnancy in my 30s feels a lot different than it did in my 20s.

The other times I was also working full-time outside of the home at a news station. Though I did my best to squeeze into and stretch out my regular clothes, this time I’m mostly working from home. But I still have to leave the house and look presentable now and then. As much as I’d like to stay home in my PJs all day it’s just not gonna happen (maybe during my maternity leave!).

Last month I finished up my traveling after the Mom 2.0 conference. At home I’m still shuttling Lil’ J to cheer practices and tutoring, meeting with our builder, going to church, and taking the kids to camp. I’ve tried my best to look somewhat put together for these outings.

Finding comfortable maternity clothes for the third trimester.

Jessica Simpson Maternity Flutter Sleeved T-Shirt and A Pea in the Pod Maternity Cuffed Denim Shorts 

Finding comfortable maternity clothes for the third trimester.

A Pea in the Pod Maternity Ruffled T-Shirt and A Pea in the Pod Maternity Cuffed Denim Shorts 

I’ve discovered some maternity clothes that are about as comfortable as pajamas. Especially all of the pants with the stretchy belly band that goes up over my stomach. And loose cotton tops and dresses. Oh yes the dresses.

The Motherhood Maternity line at Macy makes it look like I’ve made an effort to look cute. I just throw on a cotton top with some cute sleeves with some maternity shorts and done. The orange flutter sleeve top above is one of my favorites and from the Jessica Simpson line. A Pea in the Pod is known as a really chic brand, but my absolute favorite maternity staple has been their Maternity Ruched T-Shirts (pictured below). I have one in white, purple, coral and blue. If you see me out and about over the next month, chances are, I’ll be wearing one of these.

Finding comfortable maternity clothes for the third trimester.

A Pea in the Pod Maternity Ruched T-Shirts and Motherhood Maternity White Maternity Leggings

“All great changes are preceded by chaos.”

Accurate.

In these last several weeks I’m trying to get things organized for our baby girl, and just trying to make it through. I finally filled out the pre-registration form for my hospital and mailed it in. I bought our first box of diapers and I’ve organized both kids’ closets and drawers to make room for some baby stuff. Since we are moving early next year I’m trying to get rid of more things than we bring in. But with an additional person joining the family, I’m finding  that’s hard to do.

Physically, I feel so ready to be done but also a little nervous for what life is about to look like. Each day that goes by I simultaneously grow more anxious and excited. I’m ready to break through this final period of uncertainty, nerves and chaos and begin our new chapter of great change.

Let’s do this baby!


You can score all of my maternity looks at Macy’s from the fun Motherhood Maternity line. And the stylish and chic Pea in the Pod line. Which is your favorite?

I heard an unusual notification ping on my cell phone and looked down to read it.

“Congratulations! You’ve entered your third trimester!” My BabyCenter app informed me.

Say what? Already? How did this happen?

If you’ve been here a while you know with my first two babies I was so on top of documenting my journey to becoming a mom, and a mom of two. Weekly photos and love letters. Their pre-baby books were on point. This time around you may be thinking “Wait, isn’t she pregnant?”

Yes, I am! Actually I forget half the time too. Sometimes it isn’t until I try to bend down to grab something, or I feel her kicking me that I remember “holy cow I’m having another kid!”

So many things are so different with your first kid pregnancy vs your third kid pregnancy. These are my most common contrasts.

1. I can’t answer anyone’s questions

How far along are you? How many months are left? Do you have a name yet? I’m losing track of time, I never know how far along I am without checking my app. And unless I have some rotting produce nearby from a recently attempted bumpdate, I usually have no idea. Overall I’m just way more chill and oblivious about everything this time.  No birth plan, I need to set a reminder to pack a hospital bag. I’m just really trying to get by and get as much non-baby stuff done before the baby comes that I tend to forget to plan for all of the actual baby-related things.

2. Embracing the maternity clothes

I don’t know why I put this off for so long, maternity clothes are everything. I got my first pair of maternity jeans last month and now I have three pair, including a pair of maternity shorts and my first pair of destructed jeans. I’m enjoying this pregnancy in a different way. While it’s not the main subject of every conversation I engage in (like the first time), I’m enjoying it in a different, more seasoned way. I love how excited my kids are, and being a more mature mom. I thought I’d be 32 when I had my first baby and instead it’s the age I am with my last. No lie, comfy and cute maternity close make me feel partial regret for not doing this before. And partially makes me wish I was saving these to use again. Or maybe I can walk around with a fake bump or something? Who knows, we’ll see.

I went on a babymoon of sorts as a girlfriend getaway to Disney World and enjoyed the spa and sleeping in. I even ordered a maternity-style swimsuit. I’m living it up people. I’m enjoying my kids and husband who are willing to grab things for me so I don’t have to walk across the room. Or help me take my shoes off, or rub my swollen feet. Just soaking up this stage, while also not overly consumed with it, if that makes sense.

3. Getting the nursery ready then vs now…

First kid: Crib up, room decked out three months prior to birth.

Third kid: What nursery?

I’m not kidding. Lil’ J wants to share a room with her little sister, and I need to make up a plan before that point. I hear laundry baskets work nice. Or we could splurge on another bassinet. I haven’t thought this through yet.

This baby may not get 35 weekly love letters, but she is loved. Actually I’d argue that the amount of love pouring into this belly of mine is far more than the others because there are more people anticipating her arrival this time. I surprisingly feel pretty darn good and I’m getting very excited to meet her.

How did your pregnancy experiences differ with each child?

You can score all of my maternity looks at Macy’s from the fun Motherhood Maternity line, and the stylish and chic Pea in the Pod line. Which is your favorite?

Motherhood Maternity Chambrey Shirt Dress
Motherhood Maternity Tie-Sleeve T-Shirt
Motherhood Maternity Ruched Elbow-Sleeve Dress
Motherhood Maternity Tiered Top
A Pea in the Pod Maternity Ruched T-Shirt
Motherhood Maternity One-Piece Swimsuit
A Pea in the Pod Maternity Cuffed Denim Shorts
Jessica Simpson Maternity Destructed Skinny Jeans

Lately it seems like affirmations are all the rage. I like the idea but I’m not an affirmation evangelist by any means. That said, I never realized how many subtle and simple affirmations I’ve told myself over the years all the time. 

You can do it.

Anything is possible.

I have the power to create change.

Dream big.

I am enough.

I don’t always say them every day but I truly believe them and they run through my mind all the time.

I can hardly believe it but this is my 10th year of blogging. It’s been a year since I rebranded from Baby Making Machine to Cherish 365 (now Trademarked, whoop!) and lately I’ve been reflecting on what that means, and what I want it to mean.

I stuck the phrase “Cherish 365” on my vision board a couple of years ago, knowing it meant something but not exactly sure what. Even as I rebranded my blog I still worked on fine tuning what this phrase meant to me. On the surface, yes, of course, finding the beauty in every day. Taking time to stop and enjoy the little things that fly by every day. But I can’t help but feel like there’s more there too.

Then whatdoyaknow, later that year I find out I’m pregnant. I’ve been working through a whole lot of emotions but I’m finally coming out of the other side. In a place where I feel at peace, and a sense of fate. I think it was also a bit of a reality check. You aren’t really going to cherish every single day. I mean, some days just flat out suck. But you can always give yourself a gift to be mindful of the space you’re in.

There’s no regret for changing my blog name. Though I think there’s still a bit of fine tuning to be done with these digs.

Helpful pregnancy affirmations

We’re about four months away from meeting little Sneaky and we’re no where near prepared like we were with our first two. No name, no nursery, or even a bed decided just yet (we are hoping a laundry basket will do). But we are getting very excited to meet her (Lil’ J is BY FAR the most thrilled).

In the early stage of this pregnancy when everything was rocky and uncertain I stumbled upon a short prayer/ pregnancy affirmation: “Please God, a healthy baby.” Any time I felt overwhelmed with fear for the unknown I’d recite this and it helped.

Now as the weeks fly by I’m reminding myself not to be afraid of what might happen, but for excited for what will. Reminding myself this is probably (I’d say definitely but I learned my lesson) the last time my body will do something like this. It doesn’t always feel like something I am cherishing to the best of my ability. And it wasn’t a part of MY plan. But I know it’s a part of THE plan. And there’s comfort in knowing that. I’m choosing to enjoy that.

Sneaky’s Story Part 1 here

I scheduled a prenatal appointment for as far out as I could. But when I made another call and left a message mentioning the IUD they called back and asked that I get blood work done immediately.

My husband was back at work so I called my mom and asked if she could watch the kids for a little bit while I ran to the doctor.

“Sure, everything ok?” She asked. She was out running errands.

“Yea, I just need to have a quick blood draw.”

“A blood draw? You sure everything is ok? Do you want to talk about it?”

“Well…” I made a quick decision to tell her. “I’m pregnant.”

I heard a gasp on the other end of the phone.

“Oh Jennifer! Are you excited?!”

“Well…”

“I’ll be right over!”

I told her we weren’t telling the kids yet and she promised to keep the secret to herself.

I went in to a local phlebotomist and she said she’d send the results over to the doctor. I assumed they were checking to see if the pregnancy was ectopic but I didn’t really know how much they could tell from a blood sample.

“Well, you’re definitely pregnant,” the nurse said when she called with my results. She told me my beta number was 9000 or something like that “which is very high” she reiterated. “So we want to get you in here and take that IUD out.”

The next day my husband was off from work and he stayed with the kids while I went to my OBs office.

The woman at the registration desk instructed me to go downstairs for an ultrasound then I’d come back up to meet with my doctor.

“Empty your bladder and then you can come have a seat and we’ll get started” the ultrasound tech said.

Done and done.

“So, you have the Mirena?” She asked. “So do I!” This wasn’t the first time it crossed my mind that I was in one of those nightmare situations many women hope to never find themselves in. “Do you want to insert the probe or have me do it?”

That will forever be one of the strangest questions I’ve ever been asked in my life.

“Er, you can…”

“I just like to ask!”

Ok lady!

She did her thing and scanned around. Right away I recognized the little blob with a flicker in the middle. A heartbeat.

“Looks like we’ve got a fetal right pole there.”

“A fetal what? Like a baby?”

She nodded.

She scanned around some more to locate the IUD.

Moments passed as she probed and probed.

“Did you feel the strings?”

“I couldn’t the last couple times I checked,” I said. “Sometimes I can’t feel them for a couple days and then I feel them again so I wasn’t sure what was going on.”

She nodded and continued to scan around. Then stopped over a white spot and froze the image then typed IUD. Moved it some more and typed Long IUD. She wasn’t telling me anything but I assumed she’d found it or at least a piece of it somewhere in my uterus.

She froze the screen a few more times and typed a few more things about my ovaries and whatnot and then she was done.

The tech ended by staying my doctor will tell me my results.

I checked back in upstairs and I can’t tell you how weird it was seeing the same nurses and doctors from nearly five years ago when I had my son. And yea, I know, it’s bad I hadn’t been in for a checkup in five years.

I felt like everyone had a look of pity on my face. Maybe because they felt bad for the situation I was in, or maybe they had a feeling the outcome wouldn’t be pretty.

“Your husband must have some determined swimmers!” My doctor joked.

I know right?

Then she cut to the chase. I couldn’t stay pregnant with an IUD in. It could interfere with the pregnancy, and complicate things. She said you hear stories of babies coming out holding IUDs (I know I have) but it doesn’t really happen that way. It would be better to take it out now and risk losing the baby while it is the size of a sesame seed than later when it’s the size of an apple.

“So first I have to ask, do you want to keep the pregnancy?”

This was the first real punch to the gut.

Of course. Though not what I planned for, or even something I was thrilled about, of course.

“Yes.” I said without hesitation. But the question still lingered and felt strange.

“Ok. I’m going to try to take the IUD out without disrupting the pregnancy.”

I don’t know exactly how much time passed, but the next 20 minutes or so were absolutely excruciating.

They poked, prodded and pulled trying to grab it. I say they because after awhile of reaching and missing she called in for reinforcements. Another doctor came in with an ultrasound machine to get a picture of the IUD so they could watch and see what they were grabbing at.

While the other OB took a stab at it, the doctor who delivered both of my babies held my hand while I squeezed and cried.

“Is that the IUD? It doesn’t look like it… it could be calcifications.” They discussed.

I was imagining pieces of placenta and baby coming out with whatever they were pulling at. At some points it felt like they’d found the strings and were dragging it out but then they’d sigh in defeat and try again.

Finally my doctor made a call to stop.

“We aren’t getting anywhere… The last thing I want to do is mess up a pregnancy if there’s no IUD.”

She wrote a medical order for a one plate X-ray. She told me the radiographer would probably give me an earful and say they don’t X-ray pregnant women, but she assured me this would be extremely low-risk and they’d then be able to tell if and where an IUD was located.

My doctor told me to take my time to get up, I’d probably be cramping and bleeding for awhile.

I took a moment to pull myself together before I walked out of the office, still puffy eyed and sore.

Then I sat in the car and cried and cried. From the pain. From the fear. The guilt. I called my husband sobbing and gave him an update from the radiologist parking lot. There was still an hour until they closed and I figured I’d might as well get it over with today.

“Your mom is at the same medical building, do you want to call her?” He asked. My husband frequently uses an app to keep up with where everyone is, so he could see my mom was near my location.

“No” I said.

I walked inside and tried to hold it together while I waited for my turn, but I was mostly failing.

I texted my mom to see if she was coming or going from an appointment. She’d been meeting with her infectious disease doctor who’d just given her a clean bill of health.

I told her I was in the same building and she asked if I wanted company.

Moments later she was walking into the waiting room and sitting by my side. I told her everything that happened. How they couldn’t get the IUD, IF there even was an IUD now I wasn’t so sure. Which is what brought me here. Then I told her whether there was or not I’d likely miscarry now anyway which sent me into another wave of tears, but she waved that comment off like it wasn’t even a possibility.

When it was my turn for an x-ray my mom helped me get changed. I got all the warnings and notices etc etc etc. But really, I just wanted to get all of this over with.

“We’re looking for an IUD?” The radiologist asked. I nodded. But he gave me no indication of what he saw.

The rest of the afternoon and into the evening the cramping didn’t slow down. I assumed my body was not taking lightly to all of the trauma from that day. And I assumed the pregnancy was over.

I laid in my dark room the rest of the day.

My husband gave me ibuprofen and tried to console me but I was a mess. Still, he wanted to be there for me, and he was during the worst day I can remember.

We got a late phone call from my OBs office. Around 7 o’clock. It was my doctor.

She told me there was good news and bad news.

“Good News is, there’s no IUD. So that explains how you got pregnant. There are some calcifications in your uterus that looked like an IUD and may be from where it left that we need to keep an eye on. The bad news is I’ve likely—no, not likely.” She corrected herself. “With the procedure I’ve probably increased your risk for a miscarriage. Lay down, stay on pelvic rest. No sex or heavy lifting or exercise for the next little bit.”

Where did the IUD go? We still don’t know but we’re thinking it came out at some point. Probably more recently than not since I’d been checking the strings on and off for years.

She told me she was going to be out of town the next week but she was scheduling a follow up appointment with the other doctor who had assisted that day for early next week.

She also asked that I call the nurses if the bleeding got heavier.

My husband let out a huge sigh of relief and told some pelvic rest jokes, but I wasn’t feeling optimistic just yet.

The next night around 9 she called again to see how I was doing and I asked when she thought I might be in the clear. She said she was hoping if everything looked good in the ultrasound early the next week we would hopefully be in the clear. She said she wouldn’t have much service but she would stay in contact with the other OB and get an update ASAP.

I had spotting on and off the next couple of days. I told a couple friends about the pregnancy because I felt like if it was all about to end I didn’t want it to feel like it had never happened. If that even makes sense.

I prayed for a healthy baby. I bounced between utter fear for having a completely unplanned third child and fear for losing said child.

I felt more sad, depressed and confused than I’d ever felt in my entire life.

A week passed and I had another ultrasound. With the same tech who likes to ask if I’d prefer to stick the probe in, (who also thought she saw my IUD). I had a small panic attack that took me back to the procedure again. But then on the monitor there was the baby again a little bit bigger.

Another week would pass. Then another. Between it all there was occasional spotting, a big blood clot, the flu, a dose of Tamiflu, 102 degree fevers and other complications that had me toying with the fetal nickname Lucky.

When all the dust settled, though still rattled I told my daughter the news and (unbeknownst to her) she’s been a healing me ever since. Encouraging me to take a picture every week, kissing and hugging on my belly every day.

I’m nearly 16 weeks along and am finally beginning to feel myself again. Not just free of nausea, but free of so much doom and gloom and uneasiness. I can smile when people ask about the baby instead of sighing or rolling my eyes. I’m beginning to feel motivated again and actually settling into the idea of having a fifth member of our family.

It was a rocky start. But I have a feeling someday I’ll feel like Sneaky was worth all the trouble.

In the first days and weeks of finding out I was pregnant I kept the news closer than usual. I told my husband of course… Immediately. Actually, I was out of town working when I found out and I first told him in a text message (more on that later).

There were a lot of things complicating matters in the beginning… And IUD, X-rays, the flu. There were several times when I honestly didn’t think the baby would make it. So I didn’t dare tell my kids and get them all worked up for nothing.

After a few weekly appointments and a sigh of relief from my OB I finally felt ready to tell my kids.

I went back and forth on exactly when to tell. At first I thought Christmas would be perfect. I’d be 12 weeks along and I knew my daughter would be just delighted. But after chewing on that for a bit I decided I wanted to spill the beans sooner. I didn’t want the news to be overwhelming or underwhelming. And I was lacking a feeling of excitement I knew my daughter would bring instantly.

A big sister (again) shirt? A necklace or book revealing the surprise? I couldn’t decide how I wanted to tell her. An idea came to me one morning when I was looking at old ultrasound photos stuck to the side of my fridge. I grabbed a strip from each child and brought them into the living room.

I set up my camera to record her reaction but at the last moment decided to put it down and just be in the moment. Besides, her reactions to surprises lately aren’t as dramatic as I picture them to be.

“These are ultrasound pictures,” I told her. “Those are babies when they’re teeny tiny, in my tummy. Can you guess which one is you?”

There was really no winning this game. Each ultrasound picture was of an 8 week fetus.

She pointed to the picture framed on the far right. She was correct.

“Yep! That’s you!”

There were two left.

“Can you guess which one is your brother?”

She looked at both and pointed to the one in the middle. Right again!

She studied all the options again and pointed to the third “But who is this one?”

“That’s the baby in my tummy right now,” I said.

She looked down at my stomach then back at the picture.

“There’s a baby in your tummy right now?”

I nodded.

“Are you kidding?” She asked with hesitation.

“No baby, I am not kidding, there’s a tiny baby in there.”

Just then my husband called. He was out running errands with our son. As soon as I answered my daughter asked to speak to him.

“Daddy, mommy said there’s a baby in her tummy is that true?” She asked.

“Ooh, what do you think?” He asked. But she wasn’t having that.

“Just tell me!” 

“Yes, there is.”

She picked up the ultrasound photo and examined it closer while I finished the conversation with her dad. I saw a smile spread across her face.

“So this is why you’ve been having so many doctors appointments?” She asked. “And why you said you couldn’t get too sick with the flu?” She was putting together a slew of puzzle pieces all at once.

Her excitement grew by the minute as reality set in. She was going to have another little sibling, and she was thrilled.

“The baby is still really little,” I tried to explain. “And we aren’t telling many people yet because sometimes babies when they’re really little they don’t grow big and they die before they’re born.”

These may sound like harsh words but she took it well.

“I don’t want the baby to die!” She said. “I’ll help it grow and keep you healthy.”

My husband has spoiled me by picking up whatever craving I desire any given day and my daughter will go above and beyond doing anything and everything for the sake of the baby. Sharing her snacks, encouraging me to take naps when she thinks I look tired, she’ll even eat her veggies if she thinks she’s being a good example for the baby in utero.

As I had hoped her excitement is infectious. When I went away with my husband for a few days for our anniversary, panic began to sink in again. But as soon as we returned home to my eager daughter who immediately hugged my growing belly, the freakout antidote kicked in.

Every Thursday she reminds me the baby is another week old and she asks to read the BabyCenter update and look at pictures of how the baby looks now. She reminds me to take belly photos and helps me set up the photoshoot and gives me ideas for pictures. She is already this baby’s number one fan.

On Christmas Eve she set out a special stocking (she got it at one of her cheer competitions) for the baby and asked me if I thought Santa would bring anything to put in it. I shrugged (knowing he wouldn’t) and figured she wouldn’t care once she saw all of her presents.

On Christmas day she asked about the baby’s stocking several times.

“Did Santa take it? It’s not hanging up anymore.”

When she didn’t drop it I acted quickly and grabbed the only baby items we have right now. It was actually a gift I’d received just a few days before from one of the brands I work with.

I stuffed the tiny bear and baby onesie in the stocking and handed it to my daughter.

“Look what I found!” I tried to play it off.

Her face lit up but I misread it as recognition of the gifts and told her that I put the items in the stocking. Her smile faded.

You put them in here?”

I started to say yes and explain why but when I saw it wasn’t helping I changed my story back.

“Just kidding, Santa brought it!”

Like a switch her face brightened up again and she ran to show her dad and grandparents what Santa brought for the baby.

My daughter made a little cubby in her room where she’s collecting items for the baby. She put the onesie and some blankets in it so far. She’s decided she’ll share the bear with the baby. For now she sleeps with it and carries it around with her just about everywhere.

She is constantly throwing out baby names, asking how I’m feeling and telling friends she’s getting a baby for her birthday.

We told my son the news as soon as he got home and though he didn’t understand to the extent that my daughter does, he definitely grasps that there’s a baby in my tummy that’s going to grow and get bigger and eventually come out to be his brother or sister.

He says he’s excited to be a big brother and he’s hoping it’s a baby girl (so she doesn’t want to share his toys).

Both of them are excited about the baby, but especially my sweet big girl. She has been such a shining light in this pregnancy. I’m still freaking out but she’s constantly reminding me the joy children bring and how much love they share between each other. I honestly don’t think this kid could have a better big sister.

When I worry how much room I have on my lap, or in my heart, my daughter reminds me that we all have so much love to give.

 

 

As I prepared to sit down and write this post a certain gif kept coming to mind.

It’s not an accurate depiction of my life. Nothing is burning down. We aren’t falling apart. But it’s how I’ve been feeling inside.

To y’all I’m trying to be like “yea, it’s cool, I’m good” but inside I’m like “WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIIIE!”

So yea. I’m pregnant. And though I’ve done this twice already I feel like it’s the first time I’m utterly terrified.

My husband is trying to play this off like “Yea, we planned this,” but I’m like dude, ain’t nobody gonna buy that. I closed up shop so hard I renamed my entire brand.

I was done. And finally ok with that. I mean, not just ok, I’m talking vacations booked, retirement planned, all evidence that babies ever lived here GONE, totally ok.

I’m debating how far into the details I want to get as far as the miraculousness of this pregnancy but some of it is sad and actually quite traumatizing so I may save it for another post. I will say at one point a fetal nickname I was considering was Lucky but ultimately when the dust settled, Sneaky fit the best.

One of the hardest parts of these last few months was not saying anything on my blog. The last two pregnancies I was spewing the news before the pee even dried on the stick. This time has just been… more complicated.

But keeping something that was such a huge part of my life all bottled up when I’m used to word vomiting all over this joint was just weird.

Of course I still had sponsor obligations (A LOT of those. Thank you so so much for bearing with me it was all I had energy to write). And I still shared very real parts of my life. But I felt like that gif…

I’m fine. We’re fine. When I really wasn’t.

So. Here we are all out in the open. The first trimester essentially behind me. This kid is already missing a whole freakin chapter of its baby book but I guess that’s what you get when you catch me by surprise.

So in answer to some of your questions. Yes, I’ll be blogging about the pregnancy though I don’t know how much. I mean, I’m not turning this into a pregnancy blog but I’d like to do some kind of weekly update if I can keep up and share this part of my life.

No, I’m not changing the name of my blog back to Baby Making Machine. The machine has rebooted, blown off a lot of dust and moths and kicked back to life one final time and we’re gonna try to cherish the heck out of it.

The hubs is excited.

I know! I was shocked too. Among the first thing he said was “Well at least this time we have money.” And “So are you changing the name of your blog back?” (See above).

The kids are THRILLED, especially my daughter, and quite honestly telling her has been the best part of this whole experience. I’ll go more into that later.

Bigger house/car? Ummm. No? We have a 2000ish sq foot house with four bedrooms. On average we use one. Mine. This kid can just cram in there too. Maybe someday when my kids actually master the concept of sleeping in their own rooms on a consistent basis we will consider an upgrade.

Our car has a third row we keep down. We are going to have to play with car seats and stuff but right now that whole idea gives me anxiety so… Next!

Oh and yea, this time we are going to find out the sex and not wait until the birth. I think we will know in a month or so. It’s been awhile things may have changed but I’ll keep you posted.

And I wasn’t pregnant in this picture but thanks to everyone who said they could tell I was.

KIDDING. I totally was.

Anyway, guess that’s all for now.

Hi! I’m Jennifer Borget

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I'm a part-time journalist, full-time wife and mother striving to make the world a better place and inspiring others to do the same. This is the space where I share my journey in making the most of every day.

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