Some FAQs

I’m finally getting around to answering these “Ask me anything” questions, and some of these were a little deeper than I was expecting but I’ll do my best to answer them, and perhaps this will become the start of a new FAQ page.

1. What are your plans for #2?
I’m not sure when #2 will show up. Hopefully sometime next year. I have to live up to my name.

2. Do you feel you’re too young to make any “permanent decisions” about the total number of kids you’ll have?
Oh yes. As of now I’d like at least three kids but I know my mind changes a lot so ask me again in a year.

3. As of right now, how long do you plan to breast feed?
I’d like to breastfeed for a year. She still hasn’t needed to supplement and now that we’ve made it to solids I think we’ll make it to a year without needing formula. I don’t see myself extending breastfeeding past a year though.

4. Do you and hub go on regular dates?
No. Isn’t that sad? We’ve been on one solo date since Lil’ J was born. I said we would make it regular but we have yet to find a babysitter, and feel bad asking friends. We’re going to work on that this year.

5. Do you wish you had waited longer to TTC (and have baby J)…or do you wish you had done it sooner?
Oh man. Many times I wonder what I was so scared of and why I waited so long. Sometimes I do get frustrated with the time I have to spend away from her at work, and I wonder if I had waited until I had developed a career at home if it would have been better for us, but who knows when or if that will ever happen. I think she came at the perfect time and everything will work out.

6. How has baby J impacted your relationship as husband & wife?
I thought I’d be so jealous of their father/daughter relationship, and sometimes I am, but really the bond I have with her is so much stronger than I imagined. Because of this I think sometimes I tend to ignore my husband and not spend as much time connecting with just him. We both like spending time together as the three of us, but having a baby does change the dynamic of the husband/wife relationship. In some ways we are closer than ever, but I think we’ve grown more as a family than as a couple, and I want to work on that.

7. Do you get a lot of people who look at you funny because you obviously don’t look exactly like your daughter? Does that bother you? How do you handle it?
I do get people who assume she’s not mine, or give me a surprised look when I say she’s mine, but I think some of her features are starting to look more like me, so it’s becoming less common. It does bother me a little but I also have to laugh a little too. Oh, I also sometimes try to match her when we go out. It may be a little dorkie but I figure people assume we’re related if we dress alike.

8. What is your dream job?
It used to be to be a reporter for the #1 news station in Atlanta but that’s changed since having my daughter. As far as work goes I think I have the best job I could possibly have outside of the home for me. If I could take over for Oprah, it would be pretty awesome but other than that, I can’t imagine it getting much better than this. Unless I was working from home, writing books, flying to NYC for occasional spots on the Today Show, and contributing for major parenting magazines. Ever heard of Denene Millner? I want to be her.

9. You refer sometimes to the LDS church, and I see that you are an active member. From a first-hand perspective what drew you to the church? Were you brought up LDS or did you convert? How would you say it affects your daily life choices…as in, do you ever wish that you could do things that are ‘forbidden’ by the church? And based on your experience, how do you intend to bring up Lil’ J with regards to your faith?
My family joined and became active in the LDS church when I was about 11 years old. So I was somewhat brought up in the church, but by the time I hit my teenage years I was deciding to go for myself. There was something about the way I felt when I went, that even from a young age I was asking my family when we’d be going back.

I was drawn to the church by the strong message of family, the way I felt when I went, and how the people around me seemed to be so loving and genuine. My beliefs aren’t just a religion to me it’s really my lifestyle and it makes me so happy. The message of the LDS church is so positive, and uplifting, and about always striving to better yourself, which I think is important.

As far as things that are “forbidden,” it’s not much different than how my parents raised me. My parents never drank, smoked, or drank coffee. My mom always wore moddest clothing and never swore, even before we joined the LDS church. So none of these things have ever really been difficult for me to adjust to. It is weird when people act very shocked when they hear I don’t drink. I don’t think it’s so weird.

I hope to raise my daughter the same way, with strong values.

10. Was it easy to lose the babyweight?
Yes and no. I haven’t been weighing myself but I’m sure I’m not back down to my pre-baby weight. I also haven’t been doing anything to loose it besides yoga once a week and about 15 minutes of cardio three or four nights a week (which I’m not sure if that even helps since you’re suppose to do cardio for something like 30 minutes before you start burning fat). Breastfeeding I hear helps but it’s not doing me as much good as I was hoping. I hear sometimes the last bit of fat your body doesn’t shed off until you wean because it’s got that “on reserve” for the baby.

11. How has your feelings about your body changed since giving birth?
I feel a lot more insecure. I’m not used to carrying extra weight around in places I didn’t have it before. I’m trying to adjust and motivate myself to get back into shape.

12. Which baby gear do you use most often? More than you expected? Less than you expected? could you totally do without?
Without a doubt I use my wraps more than anything else. I have a Sugar Sweet Baby and a Moby. I use them WAY more than I expected. I thought I’d get annoyed carrying my baby around all of the time but I actually enjoy it and it’s easier than holding her. I hardly ever use my stroller. I bought a swing and while she loved it for a few weeks it’s in the corner now. I’d say other than that a pump was necessary, and now we’re having fun with bath toys 🙂 I think a lot of it depends on the baby though. Definitely don’t buy it all new. You can get most of the stuff second hand for a fraction of the price and not feel bad if your baby doesn’t like it.

13. I know that you had cankles, and I am wondering what you did to help relieve the swelling? By the end of the day my feet hurt and are very puffy.
I used compression hose and put my feet up when I got home at night. That helped a lot. Also drinking lots of water and cutting back on salt. I bought some lotion that was suppose to help with the swelling and I don’t think it did much for it, but it was nice to say it helped and get my husband to rub my feet every night! 

13. I second the Mormon question! I’m really interested to know how big of an impact that plays in your life, marriage, parenting etc.? I’m about to sound dumb and I’m okay with that but…. don’t they outwardly discourage interracial relationships? If so, how can you just ignore such an important aspect of the faith in your life? How will you address that with your daughter? The LDS church doesn’t discourage interracial relationships. It’s possible some people do but that happens in any religion. I remember someone in high school saying they weren’t allowed to date outside of their race “because it’s in the Bible.” In my “preparation for marriage” class at BYU there was one line in a manual that says something to the effect of marrying someone from a starkly different social background may add stress to the marriage. Some people interpret that differently but it’s definitely not frowned upon.

With my daughter, I’ll teach her to love a man for who he is, not what he looks like, and if anyone–At church, at her school, anywhere, tries to tell her differently I’ll be sure to correct them.

14. What about the clothes? Don’t you have to wear certain undergarments all. the. time? I’m sure there are some aspects of the faith that are antiquated and outmoded, but then again, I could be wrong? I’m fascinated by all faiths and forms of spirituality and would love an in-depth look at LDS through your eyes.
I wear modest clothing long enough to be about down to my knees and shirts that cover my shoulders and don’t swoop too low.

I didn’t realize so many people had questions about my religion. For more information and people who can probably answer better than I can feel free to visit

13. I am dealing with infertility and would love your advice.I’m so sorry for the challenge you’re going through. Personally I haven’t had to face infertility so I can’t offer much advice in that department. I know there are many online resources to help. I used a program called Circle and Bloom which is aimed to help people going through infertility. But perhaps an infertility blogger like Naomi may have better at advice.

14. Where on Earth do you find time to blog, Twitter, Facebook, and do all the other social networking stuff that you do? How do you do it ALL???How do I do it all? Well, I don’t! I get a lot of help from my husband. My house is a wreck 95% of the time. I blog when everyone is asleep, I tweet while I’m waiting in line, waiting at red lights, breastfeeding, or going to the bathroom. I usually get the urge to write once or twice a week and I try to jot down my thoughts while I’m in the mood or I forget it. If I can’t get on my laptop, I’ll type it on my phone, or even voice-memo myself with phrases or ideas I’m thinking of then type it all up later and save them in my drafts to post throughout the week.

15. Tell me about your hair. What is your regimen? (Do you go to the salon or do it yourself?) Do you have a relaxer? Do you wear a weave or is it all yours? Have you always had THAT much hair? It’s beautiful!
Thank you so much! I’m embarrassed to say this but I don’t have a hair regimen. I wish I did. If I’m lucky I wrap it at night, or put it in rollers but mostly I put it up in a bun, sleep on it and brush/curl it before work. I go to the salon every 3-4 weeks and get it washed, blown dry and flat ironed. I don’t wash it in between. I’ve never had a relaxer or color, and it is all my hair, haha. I did have braids one summer, and wore half weave of a lighter brown color when I wanted a “highlights” look.

Yes, I have always had “THAT much hair” but my sisters don’t, so I’m not exactly sure how it got this way. I can already tell my daughter is going to have a head full too. Yikes!

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  1. I don’t get it that people think Little J doesn’t like you or “yours”. I definitely see a resemblance, but it isn’t just that. It’s just that there is a connection between you two and I can see it even through photos.

    I think people are curious about your religion because there are a couple of popular shows about it right now (i.e, Big Love).

  2. Thanks for doing this post! I was the one with the hair question 😉 My mom put relaxers in my hair at a very young age and I won’t be doing that with my daughter.

    I totally feel you on the religion thing. I’m non-denominational Christian and don’t smoke, drink or curse either and everyone thinks it must be so hard and restrictive, but if you’re raised this way it really makes a difference. What you’re exposed to as a child completely shapes who you are as an adult, but I do believe in the power of Christ to change us and give us self-control in the areas we struggle with.

    Also, about babywearing and 2nd hand gear I completely agree. I carry Nia in her Moby all the time and people tell me, “Oh you’ll get sick of that,” but I don’t and we go all over NYC with her in her wrap. It’s so much better than the stroller especially now with all the snow we have. Also, Nia hated her 2nd hand swing. I was so glad we didn’t buy one also we didn’t get an exersaucer either because it would take up way too much space in our small apt, but I do have to say she loves her new playmat. We put her on it from day one and she can’t get enough of it!

  3. I really appreciate you answering all these questions. I feel like I understand you a little better :). I love how you are so open. It’s so refreshing. I’m learning to open up more but I have looong way to go.

    BTW I don’t smoke or drink either. I do curse though occassionally when I’m really mad. LOL.

  4. I just wanted to leave you a comment, I somehow stumbled across your blog a few weeks ago, and love it! It’s amazing how we can come to “know” someone that we totally don’t know!!

    I am a new mommy to a 3 1/2 month old and we are just starting a trial of cloth diapers from Jillians Drawers. I read up on your cloth diapering posts.

    If you would like to read my blog (if you ever have time!) it is

    I am just starting out in the blogging world and I am trying to get more followers. Any ideas to help with that??

    Your daughter is just gorgeous, I love the photos 🙂

  5. I enjoy reading your blog and your writing as I come here frequently. Although I thought it was incredibly rude and insensitive to post something like the following website in your response to infertility:
    (posted in the link highlighted as “Naomi”)

    Though this could be funny to some, to others it’s upsetting and hurtful and not helpful at all. Not everyone can get pregnant as quickly as you did. I am not trying to pick a fight or harp on you because I do follow your blog and enjoy it. However, I just found it unnecessary and insensitive.

  6. Kate, did you even read her blog? She’s a popular blogger going through infertility and she blogs for several infertility sites and seems well versed on the subject. I simply linked her as a better blogger to ask that question to. Please check out the blog before accusing me of insensitivity.

  7. I used to get people wondering if Moo was mine when she was first born. Thankfully, since she is not as pale as she used be I don’t get those questions much. Instead, I get asked if my husband is Black. LOL. I find it so funny when people inquire about my child’s race because honestly I never knew it could be that interesting to outsiders.

    I guess since I come from a family that is racially diverse race isn’t that big of a deal to me. So, it was no surprise when my parents found out that my husband was Black, Native American and Italian. And kudos to you for sticking with the natural hair. I used to have long hair almost to my bottom until I started modeling in junior high school and got it chopped off for my first photo shoot.

    I thought my mom was going to have a heart attack when she saw the first snip. And now it’s like I’m allergic to letting my hair get longer than mid back. I do get relaxers but they never last because my hair has a mind of its own. So, my current stylist has adviced that I just stop wasting my money and stick to flat ironing in between my blow outs.

  8. This is great! Love it. I’m so glad someone asked the hair question because I ALWAYS wonder that whenever I come here. LOL. I too, write blog posts on my blackberry (usually on the train) and then email them to myself. It works wonders for saving time! And man, I so wanna be Denene Millner when I grow up! Like, really.

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