I Seriously Need to Stop Comparing My Children


When will I ever learn that my two kids are completely different people? That other kids, other people are all different from one another. It’s a daily reality check.

I’ve been having a tough time lately–Almost worrying, about my son and his development.

He turns 3 tomorrow. He’s a cheery, smart, sweet little boy. But he’s not like his sister was at this age.

siblings having fun comparing siblings

Please excuse me while I go down the rabbit hole I know I shouldn’t: She was completely potty trained for almost a year, a big sister for three months, and holding full conversations with everyone.

Big T knows a lot of words but can’t necessarily keep a conversation. He’s afraid to poop in the potty, and has a hard time getting himself dressed.

Part of me wonders if he’s behind. Something I’ve never felt myself wondering about my daughter. But a quick google search assures me he’s totally normal and on schedule.

I was working full-time when Lil’ J was younger, so she definitely had more exposure to many people talking to her all day, versus just me or my husband most of the time. On the other hand, he’s way ahead of where she was when it comes to recognizing letters. He can name all of his letters and numbers, colors and three dimensional shapes.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s because I baby him. When he reaches up to me and yells “hold you!” I don’t always correct him, because it’s cute. And I know he won’t speak this way forever. I chase him around to get him dressed instead of asking him to do it himself.

Other than that I treat them the same. I try be fair, play and read to both of them. Most of all I shower them both with so much love and kisses.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. We all have different talents and interests. I just have to remember the same go for my two children who are so very different.

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  1. Girl… you and me both! Husband and I were talking about this very thing last night. Miss C is not like her older sisters were at this age. She’s 3 and is still getting into everything, acts like a baby and isn’t even potty trained!! I baby her so much and I need to stop.

  2. I have twins and am guilty of doing this with them all the time. It’s obvious though that everyone is an individual with their own strengths because they were exposed to the exact same things and are still completely different. One is creative, silly, funny, independent and loves all animals the other is sporty, serious, helpful and loves maths and reading and is scared of most animals. I think seeing how different they are has made me not worry so much about my youngest reaching milestones he’ll get there in his own time.

  3. I absolutely agree! My younger son turned three in February, and my older one will be eight in a couple months. When I found out I was having a second boy, I was a little disappointed I wasn’t going to get the “full” parenting experience by having a girl. And while obviously there are elements I am missing out on, my boys are so completely different that I need not have worried! The older one was very articulate at an early age, and a very sophisticated player–elaborate setups and stories. He is blond and tall, and it took FOREVER to get him potty trained. My younger one talks pretty well but has a stutter, and while he knows his numbers, he still has trouble applying them sometimes. We’re still a long way off on letters! He’s still a little peanut, has darker features, and was potty trained before his third birthday. One was all about sports, the other likes a little of everything–cars, superheroes, and sports. My older one was a snuggler, but not very affectionate beyond that, whereas the younger one only snuggles for TV viewing but gives a million hugs and kisses. My older one, for as highly intelligent as he is, has some behavior issues. My younger one doesn’t seem to come by the academic learning as naturally, but I have a decent chance of getting him to listen (he *is* 3!) and I catch him comprehending social situations more than his brother ever did. I am constantly amazed at how different they are, and consequently even more amazed when I find a single similarity! I never would have guessed it. I’m getting better at not comparing, but it’s not always easy!

  4. I had some concerns with my grandson, who also just turned 3. He would say words, but never combined them. And many of those words were a struggle to understand. One day we were in the car and out of the blue he said, “WaWa(his name for me), I have a penis in my pants”. Thankfully we were sitting at a red light. I contained my laughter long enough to say “why, yes you do” to which he said, “Yeah, my mommy put it there.” So just like that he was talking in sentences. We had never heard him say any of those word prior to this.
    It sounds as if your son is taking it all in and when he is ready he will reach those milestones, but on his timeline!

  5. So Guilty. I have a post in draft about this that I feel so awful about that I haven’t finished it to post…

    PS the pic… i love that she’s in layers….and he’s shirtless

  6. It’s ok momma, I’m sure we have all some point been guilty of comparing our kids progress to others. I know my daughter was a little delayed on the potty part. She is finally wiping her self without nagging us every time to help her, she turns 5 in Aug. she just started sleeping without a diaper this week! So, don’t worry, he will get there when he is ready and I think it’s better because pressure can sometimes make things worse. The talking part, I don’t know about too well since I have a parrot Lol but I have met kids my daughters age and slightly older who are not talking too well yet so, unless the pediatrician thinks it’s a concern I’d wait, once he starts voluntary 3 hr pre-k, if you are doing that he should get talking quickly then. ? He will have lots of buddies and they do activities and other exercises to help them get their tongues rolling. ?

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