Pros and Cons to having another baby [9 months from] NOW!

I always dreamed I’d have my children close in age. I wanted them to be between 18 months and 2-years apart. Well, time flew faster than I knew and that window of opportunity has long since passed. Now I’m looking at the 2.5 year age gap. That is the next perfect gap that’s hardly obtainable, maybe, as in, if I get on it RIGHT NOW. But there are some things holding me back.

For one, I don’t really want a winter baby. I LOVE having a summer baby, and being able to go outside, travel, swimming, and what not with my little one. Plus who wants a birthday squished together with Christmas?I hate cold weather (although it was 75 degrees here yesterday, so I guess it’s not THAT cold here) and I worry we’d be couped up inside during my maternity leave.
Which leads me to another problem. When I went back to work with Lil’ J, my husband was at home with her for her first year. Well, now he’s working, and though I thought I’d want to quit my job by now, I don’t. I love it, and I’m not ready to leave a career I see taking us places I never imagined before. But that means my sweet little #2 will have a caregiver other than myself or my husband when s/he is just 12 weeks old. That makes me sad. Granted, I LOVE the school Lil’ J goes to. She won’t be going there anymore after she’s two but we’d get first dibs there as a sibling, and I couldn’t picture my child attending someplace better. So we’ll see. A nanny is also an option.

So my biggest reason for wanting to get this ball rolling is wanting them close in age. I want them to be friends, and I just picture having two daughters who are BFFs. That’s my dream! But if I have a boy maybe it wouldn’t matter anyway, and maybe I’ll look back and think “what the heck was I rushing for?”

GAH! Decisions decisions!

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  1. Hey Jen, ugh, decisions decisions. Just some observations. As far a lil J goes even if you do have a little boy, you never know they could be BFFs. My little brother 2.5 years younger than me was my BEST bud growing up. We are still close too!

    I’m LDS and I totally get the extra guilt on top of your own feelings that can go along with not having someone at home with your little one. That said have you seen all the amazing women on who probably had their kids in child care too? From all the things I see on your blog you are obviously super involved mommy with your daughter. I don’t see why that would change with #2. Good luck on your decision making!

  2. I think the decision to have #2 is harder than to have #1 lol. Good luck. You’re a great mommy, I missed your journey with the first, can’t wait to follow the second 🙂

  3. You make a pretty good argument. In my opinion, having the kids close enough to really be friends and even be in school together for a few years here and there is HUGE. The nine months it takes to add another baby will give you the time you need to adjust.

    I too have a “stash” of dollar store preg. tests, Just.In.Case. For the same reason =), oh, and cuz their CHEAP!

  4. I’m with you 110%! These are real life conversations and thoughts I’m going through right now. I find a lot of things we worry about don’t actually happen in the end and details/specifics get worked out eventually. Trust your gut!

  5. I know how we liked to be prepared for adding a new person to the family- but if you analyze it too much it will never be a perfect time. There will always be ‘something’ on the Con side. I think you should look to see if the Pros outways the Cons. Everything on your Con list has an appropriate adjustement. for instance yea things are running smoothly now because you’ve got your groove but there will be another 40 weeks before you have to start a new groove- it’s no biggie. Plus you will just create a new groove once LO #2 arrives. I mean you wouldn’t wait until things started to get bumpy and you no longer have a groove to say okay we’re ready! Since you have a handle on things now you would be okay to jump in and start a new groove- there’s no better time.

    And don’t be scared- you have a whole online community for moral support. Plus you can call us all when you’re up feeding the baby at night- if you can just remember where you put all of our numbers 🙂

  6. When I was pregnant with our 2nd, Our 1st born was only a yr old. I was terrified and thought what they heck are we doing.. are we crazy.. we can’t afford this..LOL. After the shock.. all of those questionable feelings flew right out the window & we handled it just fine… we now have 5 kids. Our youngest just turned One last month. 🙂 Good Luck

  7. I don’t think you’re crazy at all! I always said 2 or 2.5, then when the window for a 2 year gap came, I felt a little panicky and decided a 3 year gap was perfect. But then, Heavenly Father had other plans and basically instructed me (and then my hub) to get pregnant right away. Our kids (2 boys!) will be 2.5 years apart. It’s sooner than I planned, but I am loving it now.

    Some of your “cons” will be there no matter when your timing is. . . the difference between 2.5 years and 3 years feels huge, but isn’t really that much. It’ll go fast and you’ll be back to wondering what you should do in another 6 months from now. . . Life’s funny that way. That said, if your life is in a good place now, don’t rush just for sake of having them close together.

    Good luck with your decision!

  8. My little girls are 20 months apart and I won’t say it has been easy, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. They love each other already and I am so excited for them to grow up together so close in age. I like the idea of having them in twos, so now that these two are close we are waiting at least 3 years to have more. Good luck!

  9. It’s such a hard decision deciding when to add to your family. For me, I like that the boys will be close in age (could end up being 3 years to the day apart). So they’ll grow up with a best bud, but yet they aren’t too close in age to where I would feel like I would lose my sanity, haha! Whatever you guys decide will be ultimately what’s best for your family. But I agree, it’s so hard deciding when to pop out the next kid!

  10. As much as you’d like to plan everything, you also gotta remember that you are not the only one “in on the planning”. Your Heavenly Father has a plan for you beyond anything you could ever plan for yourself and I guarantee his plan is the right plan for you because He sees the BIG PICTURE! Good luck! =)

  11. I bet lil J would love a sister! She would have someone to dress up with! (:
    My 2 boys are BFFs. They’re 22 months apart. One spring baby, one summer baby & I LOVE it! I dont think they’d be as close or BFFs if my #2 would’ve been a girl! I’ve always wanted 2 boys close in age though ever since I was little so I’m happy (:

  12. My #2 is now 6.5 months old and the beginning was extremely challenging but it does get easier. I, like you, originally wanted my kids 18-24 months apart, then I changed it to 2.5 years and it ended up being a month shy of 3 years between them. I want another but I’ll be shooting for the 2.5-3 year gap again. I’m a SAHM so I don’t worry about the child care thing but the things on my list are bigger vehicle and bigger house. After having my two girls share a room and waking each other up at night I won’t have another until that baby can have it’s own room so our 2 bedroom condo just won’t do!

    And for the record, I spent my entire pregnancy scared of having #2, haha!

  13. I had all of those exact thoughts in my head – minus the maternity leave one because {not to brag} but in Canada we have a year off. Sometimes, I still don’t think I’ll ever be ready for another baby! It’s scary and exciting all at the same time.

  14. I think just like number #1 there is never the perfect time to have a baby. I think you just have to do it and see what happens. I went back and forth about when do have our first baby because things are so crazy in our life right now with me being in school. But I didn’t want to wait until I graduated because I would be 28yo and we want to have a decent amount of kids. So we finally decided to just go for it and the timing honestly could not have been more perfect. Baby girl is due at the beginning of June which means I’ll be finished with finals for the semester and I get to spend the whole summer with her. Thankfully my classes are all online so I will get to stay home with her for the first year of her life. Unfortunately I have to do rotations my last year so she will have to go to daycare when she’s a year old. But like you when we decide to have #2 I’ll only be able to stay home for the 12 weeks and then pay for a nanny or do daycare because I will have to work to pay off my student loans. I think now is better than later or never but you can still plan when you want to start trying so that it’s more convenient for your family and if it’s meant to be it will happen. Good luck with whatever you decide!

  15. Currently pregnant with #2 and while I thought my children would be closer in age, I think I am going to like them being 3.5 years apart because my daughter is going to be such a great helper! She is very excited 🙂

  16. What does your husband say? Have you prayed about it? All rhetorical questions of course. No one can tell you if its right except for you, however I think the fact that you are blogging/thinking about it shows the desires of your heart. Its a very noteworthy desire. Having children that is. Its normal to be scared too, it shows that you care! You’re a great Mother and I only see more children as a good experience. I am sure it will complicate things, but thats what life is about!!! Things that build us up and make us stronger. 🙂 I wish I had more “Pros” on my list… but I know that time will come! Just keep thinking about it, you’ll come to a conclusion!

  17. Kids love other kids no matter the age gap. Have you noticed how babies are drawn to other kids? They always react differently to kids than adults. I’m thinking they can sense a free spirit. My first is 4 years old and my baby is 5 months old. You would think they were twins! They play with each other and everything. Baby Joy’s face lights up when she hears her sisters voices. All my kids are best buddies!

    I do think baby number 2 is easy close together though since you never get out of the baby(ish) routine from #1.

  18. As a mother of 5, obviously, I’m not the person to tell you whether you’re crazy or not. 😉 I will say that my first two were 3 years apart, and they are great friends. You still have a little time to think. However, I’m a great big fan of getting them closer together, if you want to maximize the friendship. My sister and I are 20 months apart, and a I am soooo glad I have someone so nearly my own age. She’s not like a little sister at all, but a very good friend. She was never even far enough behind me in age to annoy me very much. 😉 Have babies. You’re a good mom. Spread that blessing out to another one. <3

  19. You are NOT crazy! But I think you should just GO FOR IT! There will never be a perfect time. I just found out yesterday that I am pregnant with number two and I am thrilled. My daughter is 18 months, and will be 2 an d 3 months when the new squish gets here and I can’t wait. You will not regret having a child. You might regret not having one.

  20. I can see how it can be difficult to decide when to go for #2. I’m sure when it is right it will just happen. My #1 is 7months old and I’m ready for #2 but my body is not so alas we wait 5 more months. I want to be able to breastfeed for the full year before having another one but its still hard to wait. haha. P.s. You are such a good mama. I love your blog!

  21. Honestly, sounds like you really feel pretty content where you are at now. If bringing another child to this world means disturbing your life now then its better not too have another one. Sounds like you kind of have your mind made up.

  22. I think you already know what you want. You have been mentioning the baby thing off and on for awhile now so its obviously been on your mind. You seem to really want another one but its seems like fear is holding you back. Yes baby may have to be in daycare but like you said its a good daycare. And it wont be all day every day. In the end if you dont do what you are being led to do and what you truely WANT to do because you are trying to talk yourself out of it, you might be very sad. Go for it!

  23. First time commenter, few months follower. I can totally relate and I am just starting to plan for baby 1! I’m terrified and completely thrilled about the idea all at once! Like many commenters said, there is never a perfect time, but I feel, when the time is right you will know.

  24. I’m expecting #2 the week before #1’s birthday and the more I think about it, the more excited I am to have them so close. They’re different genders, but I’m still hopeful they’ll be besties.

  25. I am due in May with #2 (Lil. J is the same age as #1). I am excited and scared at the same time. Things are going to be harder, but I agree with the summer baby argument, plus I am a teacher so at least I will have the summer with baby before he goes to the babysitter. Good luck with the decision. I hope 23 months is a good balance for us.

  26. I think figuring out work with a baby is one of the hardest things for me and my husband. We will have our first in April and it’s tough! I teach Special Ed and I don’t want to leave it, but at the same time I want to be with my baby as much as possible. I think it’s great you’ve found a way to do that, and I wish you luck as you work on having a second baby!

  27. I agree abut not wanting a winter baby, but mostly because illness is so much more prevalent during the winter months. Although this is something I never thought about before having my August baby, I’m so glad she was born at that time of the year. One week after she was born, we were already out and about, going to restaurants, church, and even our first family trip. I didn’t have to worry about her catching something that her little body would have a hard time fighting off. So when we get around to #2, that is definitely something we will have to consider.

  28. My brother and I are three years apart and were incredibly close growing up. We also were in school together for all of elementary, but then were apart for middle school and high school. It was actually pretty cool, because sometimes it’s hard for siblings to live in each other’s shadows. I just wanted to give you the reassurance that even another year won’t be a huge deal when it comes to potential closeness. Also, I know a lady whose sister is 12 years her junior, and they are incredibly close and always have been. She considered her sister her baby when she was born.

  29. My issue with having kids so close in age, stems from each child getting that special one on one time they need when they are young….My brother and I are 3yrs apart and went to school together… I believe that pushed us apart, we fought all the time! We had to share and be with each other at home, and at school and shared friends…. my parents constantly made me take my 13yr brother with me when I (16) wanted to spend time with my friends…..Plus they spoiled him so I resented him for it.
    My aunt had all 4 of her children about 1yr apart from each other and those kids fought constantly– Jealousy was terrible… Not to mention you have 2 kids becoming teens,high school, graduating,college at the same time that is a huge Finacial reason to spread them out a bit.

    When I found I was prego with my now 4yr old, I sat back and really watched how other people did things and I have to say that I have experienced so many couples say they wish there kids out, or a child getting shoved to the way side because there is a new baby in the house while its still a baby itself… Its sad and breaks my heart.
    Im now prego with my 2nd and my kids will be exactly 5yrs apart, Im not sure how thats gonna workout, because I dont know anybody that has waited this long. But I can say that my daughter is truely excited about the baby, she draws pictures of her with the baby, and makes up cute songs, and helpes me shop for all the “cute” stuff for this baby. I think that she is at the age where she can understand what having a sibling really means– opposed to asking a 2yr old who really doesnt even understand what a brother or sister is…. But in all honesty I beleive whent the time is right you’ll know! and thats when you should go for it, if you questioning yourself you should probably wait.
    O and my mom and her sister are more than 10yrs apart and they are truely bestfriends, love/friendship has no age limits.

  30. My girls are 3.5 years apart (2 and 5.5 now). It is further than I origionally wanted, but now I really like the spacing. They are great little friends and they play together well. There are pros and cons to any spacing, but whatever you do, will be perfect for your family. Good luck!

  31. It is such a touch decision to make and I don’t think you are crazy at all! We are now expecting #2 and ours will be just about 3 years apart. I think that whatever you decide will be just perfect for your family! I don’t think you can really go wrong.

  32. My daughter was 9 1/2 when my son was born… That was difficult and she was MAD lol… My son was 5 when I had my daughter, and I feel like that was perfect for me… He is independent so when the baby needs me it’s not a big deal, but yet they are close enough together that they will enjoy each other. My oldest daughter, who is 14 now, LOVES both of her siblings to pieces, so it all worked out…

  33. I just had baby #2 3 months ago and my two sons are 2 years and 5 months apart, it hasn’t been easy, but I LOVE IT! It took a couple months to adjust to working with both of their schedules. I think that the time can be right anytime, children will adjust to what they have to adjust to, and I don’t think that in the long run you would regret adding another baby into your family 🙂 GOOD LUCK 🙂

  34. I just had a baby 3 months ago and I don’t think the winter part is bad at all! I think it’s fun to bundle up a newborn and in the summer he’ll be at such a fun age for swimming and stuff 🙂 Plus it’s easier to cover up the post baby weight with winter clothing. Just my opinion tho… good luck with your decision. I’m sure it’s not easy! I’ll be in your shoes before I know it!

  35. I think sometimes, we want things to be a certain way, and then we think about it and realize why did I do this? Other times, I think we tend to do the latter and ask, why didn’t I enjoy this a little more. Me I want more, more, more… 🙂

  36. Ha! I thought I was the only one who weighed Summer v. Winter in having babies 🙂 My two children are 17 YEARS apart. And let me tell you, they love each other more than any two siblings I have ever seen. Yay, go for #2, but by all means wait a few months (May is the perfect month for having babies!).

  37. I just had my second, the kiddos are about 2.5 apart. I was scared to make the decision to go off birth control, but then I thought about how it felt to hold a newborn baby in my arms and most of.the cons on my list washed away. There will always be challenges. That said, you have to be ok with the idea when all is said and done!

  38. Haha! No, you’re not crazy! My baby just turned one this week, and I have NO plans of adding onto our little family just yet.

    I know you’ve pointed it out before, but it really seems like everyone is happy with the spacing they ended up with. If you’re super happy right now, leave well enough alone. If another baby would make your family even happier and more complete then go for it! They’ll love each other no matter what!

  39. Really good thoughts. I really like pro and con lists, it makes it easier to see what you are doing and which truly out weighs the other. The pros I like the most were close in age and get it all over with at once.

    Thank you for sharing!

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