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Operation MILF

So here’s the story about how I went from this, to this.

Once upon a time, I had a baby.

The End.
In my prime I had a six pack, nice arms, manicured nails, pressed hair that was actually styled, and waxed eyebrows. 

I wasn’t always this way. I was an ugly duckling when I was young. SUPER skinny. So much so that I got called to the counselors office in 8th grade because someone had turned me in for having an eating disorder. Not true.

I was just thin. And no matter what I ate, I couldn’t gain weight.

Adults told me to enjoy it but I didn’t understand what that meant (until now). But one day I became comfortable in my own skin. I think this was late high school, early collage and the first five years of marriage. I wore some accessories, cute clothes, got my hair done every-other week and was looking pretty fly. I also had this strange light-colored contact thing going on which, looking back was a little weird, but it was a phase, and I thought I looked good.

Now I’m a mom. Things have changed a bit. I buy something for my daughter 100 times before buying something for myself. The last time I got all done up was the day before my daughter was born. I put on makeup, fake eyelashes, got my nails done. Wow. Little did I know that was the last of that!

The best I’ve looked since baby

Recently I’ve gotten this overwhelming feeling of ugliness. It sounds lame, and probably vain, but it’s true. Here I am walking around with quite possibly the world’s cutest baby but I look somewhat similar to a bum on the street. People probably think I’m the nanny. And not just because she’s a few shades lighter than me.

It doesn’t help my confidence any that every once in awhile I take a peek at style bloggers who post pictures of their infinite outfits on a daily basis, as if to remind me how fugly I am.

I know that’s not their intent, heck, I don’t have to look. But I can’t resist. I look hoping to be inspired but I’m left feeling down about the way I look. Granted, many of them are single, or married without children. Part of me wants to tell them “call me when you’ve got a baby spitting up and pooping on you and tell me if you still feel sexy.” But that won’t get me anywhere.

My grandma told me the secret to looking young and keeping the wrinkles off is to not fret about things. If you are upset about something and can do something about it, fix it. But if not, let it go.

Now as I see it I have two options. I can swallow my pride and decide this just isn’t the season for me to be wearing heels and designer jeans, and wait until my children are older to get back into the swing of things. Or, I can do something about the way I feel. Take a little more time to get ready in the morning and try to look nice. I’ve decided to try the latter, for now at least.

So this week, on a day I didn’t have to be on air I did my hair and put some makeup on. I wore a skirt and even a necklace. Don’t tell anyone but I didn’t shave my legs, that was just too much. Baby steps people. The stubble wasn’t too obvious so I figured with that, and the fact that I’d be at my desk most of the day no one would be staring at my hairy legs.

When I was getting dressed I debated wearing boots with my skirt, to style it up a little, but I decided I shouldn’t over-think this. I don’t need to be someone I’m not, I can wear my clothes and be comfortably me.

My friends noticed a difference and so did I. I thought dressing up wasn’t comfortable. And it isn’t, for rolling around on the ground with Lil’ J, but it is when I go out. I’m just wearing a simple pencil skirt, button down shirt and flats, but I felt like a million bucks.

When I got home I got my daughter ready for pictures, but decided to pose in some with her so I could see how the style bloggers feel. I tried this before, and proved to be a fashionista failure, but my husband was taking the pictures and my daughter wasn’t with me. It was much more comfortable snapping some photos myself and taking next to her.

This is where I am. Some days I’m dressed up for work, but most days I’m wearing yoga pants, or if I’m lucky, jeans and a t-shirt. I may not be as hot as I used to be but my husband thinks I’m hot, and I’m a MILF to him.

This is a part of a guest post series about ugly moms–Eer, moms feeling ugly. You can read more of my thoughs and what other moms like me are feeling by visiting Chill Mama Chill.


Emmy says:

What a timely wonderful post! And yes- you are beautiful! I just took my kids to a play date with the ladies in our new ward- we just moved a week ago– and all of these moms are beautiful-put together, perfect make-up and I must admit I felt like the ugly friend. They were all beyond nice and did nothing to make me feel this way but yes, taking the time to dress nicely even just nicer can really make a huge difference.

angelirish19 says:

I think you look amazing in that photo, maybe particularly because it isn’t anything elaborate. I really love pencil skirts (one day I will actually own one) and you look great. It took me the longest time to get back into wearing nicer clothes and doing hair and makeup after my daughter was born. It’s a process, just gotta take it slow.

First of all: YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL!

But I know what you mean, and good on you for jazzing things up a bit. Looking good and feeling good go hand in hand.

Loving your honesty as always.

xo
Dani
http://www.okdani.com

Shelly says:

You look beautiful! I can relate to feeling “fugly.” I wear t’s and shorts on a daily basis. I haven’t gotten myself all cute since my baby girl was born 6 months ago. Most days I don’t have make up unless I have to go somewhere. But I’ve always been low key when it comes to make up and style so I don’t think anyone has really noticed. LOL

I know I know MILF isn’t the best choice for a term. I never ever use the F-bomb myself (k maybe once in the car, but I was alone and really really mad) but I sort of see the word as being it’s own word and not an acronym.

PS: Thanks for yalls compliments!

Girl, you are beautiful! I so know what you mean by feeling not so cute. At least I’m sure no one calls you out when you think you are feeling that way. My 4 year asked me 2 days ago, “Moma, why isn’t your hair pretty and long?” I asked her if my hair was ugly and she said YES(I had it in a not so put together pony tail). Yikes! I quickly washed and styled my hair…

swank|mama says:

Ummmm you’re crazy Jennifer because you are one hot mama! But I totally understand that because some days I feel the same way. And when teenagers and young guys actually hit on me still, I take it as a confidence booster. Hell, some young guys actually tried to hit on me WHILE I was 8 months pregnant at the mall haha. They completely missed the bump.

I still try to dress sexy when I go out but not overdo it. I kind of got a teeny bit more conservative after having Lil J, mostly because I have a thought in the back of my mind that he probably does not want to see his mom look sexy…at all haha.

Try to go all out one day when you, your hubby AND Lil J go out on the town. Let your hubby look after Lil J while you primp yourself and, trust me, you will feel like a million bucks 🙂

<3

One of the first things I noticed about you was how pretty (inside and out!) you were! Still rings true today, you’ve got some great genes 🙂

And who thought you were the nanny?!? I will find them and slap them myself! How rude. But, I think usually people assume the nanny is young and hot not the mom. So if someone is assuming that maybe it’s good? People thought I was Little O’s mom- time after time. I just shook my head and laughed!

Becca says:

You are gorgeous! I know how you feel. My bambino is 3 weeks old, I’m still wearing maternity clothes with no end in sight, and putting on mascara is a major accomplishment right now.

Cindy says:

Well, I know you didn’t post this just to get people to tell you how gorgeous you are, but really, you are smokin’ hot. Stop being so hard on yourself! You’ve toned it down a little, maybe, but you still look better than 99% of us.

Maria says:

I think you’re beautiful! In my case, well…you can’t polish a “you know what.” Ha ha. It’s been a while (like quite a few pregnancy pounds and sleepless nights) since I’ve felt pretty!

Lindsey says:

Feeling ugly is just part of the baby package. 🙂 Mostly from not getting enough sleep… now I know why they call it “beauty sleep”! Dark circles are hard to hide. And boy do I love it when people see me and say, “You look tired”, lol. My little guy is almost 5 months. It’s worth it!

And you’re gorgeous by the way. 🙂 You make me want to take some time to doll myself up and get pictures taken!

You’re a freakin’ BABE! I know all the crap about beauty coming from within but I’m with you. I’m in the midst of accepting my season is over as the young men eye my 16 year old daughter instead of me.

That doesn’t change that fact that when the cute surgeon came out to talk to me about my husband’s knee and he kept elbowing me while talking about his pre-arthritic knees, I suddenly realized he was FLIRTING WITH ME and I was thrilled.

So I don’t usually promote my own posts but read this: http://www.amusingmother.com/2011/03/peculiar.html and feel glad you don’t have to feel pleased about being hit on by this kind of man.

Cuz I totally was.

Do it Lindsey! Looking at these makes me feel better! haha.

You look stunning!

melifaif says:

I think you are gorgeous and perfect just the way you are. And I mean that. But I also get where you are coming from. I did the same….about a year ago. I stepped up my game a bit….just in the details. But, that is also what gives you the polished look. So, yeah….go you!!!! Up, down, casual, dressy….I take it all.

um jen this post was SO appropriate!!! I thought that I could “easily” lose the baby weight like 6 months post baby… but working and losing weight just didnt mesh with me!? its so refreshing to see this post. and you do look amazing. my goal for the month of june is to put on mascara and get dressed for the day before noon 🙂 it definately makes me feel so much better about myself! you are a TOTAL hottie 🙂 I think you and Lil J make the cutest mommy-daughter combo. you;re like two peas in a pod!

Traci says:

I’ve been feeling the same way recently so I just got a new hair cut and spent way too much money on clothes for myself but I do feel a little better so I think it was worth it.

Im not trying to go off the deep end here. But its interesting some of the things you identified with as being beautiful (pressed hair, thin, designer jeans, sculpted arms, etc). All things I THINK could be beautiful but doesnt have to define your beauty. I say that to say this, I wonder if youll fell different about your personal beauty if u redefined/revisited what beauty means to you. Ya know?

For example, I wore my hair straightened for years, and if it wasnt as straight as I thought it should be, I felt fugly, a hot mess. When i chose to challened societys standard of beauty and wear the natural texture of my hair, proudly, that stand of beauty no longer made me feel more or less beautiful. I have since worn and afro , a very short haircut, and now locs (things which i wouldve never felt beautiful doing say 10 yrs ago). ANd now I feel like a Queen….

I also used to put a lot of energy into clothes. And often got pissed b/c i couldnt afford the things my peers wore. Now my hijab (i converted to islam a few years ago) makes me feel beautiful.

Im not saying LOWER ur standards or compromise. Im saying figure out a new beautiful. Reflect on whose standards are you judging urself on (ur own, or ur societys).

Straightened hair, fancy cothing, make up, manicured eyes, toes ,and feet dont have to the deciding

I sent the last comment unfinished. Oops!

i just wanted to add that those things dont have to be the deciding/determing factor of Beauty. They r all temporal.

I am ecstatis that I have changed my perception of beauty in time for my baby girl. I dont want her growing up thinking that her hair, clothes, and being a certain size defines her beauty. Beauty is so much bigger than that.

im not saying I never wake up and have a bad hair/clothes day. Im just saying ,that now I at least know that BEAUTY i am judging myself by is my perception and not the perception that media, society, etc has trained me to think is beauty.

Redefine and find a new beauty…

So I love this post. I think about this all the time. I once was hot. Now, not so much. This post made me smile, and feel a lot better.

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Hi! I’m Jennifer Borget

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I'm a former journalist, and lifelong creator striving to make the world a better place. This is the space where I share my journey in making the most of every day by cherishing our individuality and celebrating our differences.



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