It’s a question I’m dreading my daughter asking, and words I hope I never have to hear her utter. Yet I fear if she had the vocabulary, she may have asked me this very question this week.
We sat playing in her bedroom, I pulled out a brush from a box full of hair things in her closet and she reached for it.
Mudpie Dress from BNB Boutique
“Mine!!” she yelled at me. I brushed it through my hair a few times and waited until she said please before handing it over. Even then I was still reluctant because it had already taken me way too long to part her pigtails and get them to stay in their cute bouncy form (it was a struggle keeping her still).
Naturally, she took the brush to her hair and pulled through it. Yes, messing up my work but also getting it snagged in her beautiful curls.
I watched the confusion and frustration wave over her face and helped her free her hair.
She tried it again. Perhaps thinking she did it wrong the first time. Yet again her curls were snagged.
This time she got a new idea. She turned the brush toward me and brushed straight through my hair. She didn’t struggle or need to tug, and she seemed pleased at her accomplishment. I, on the other hand felt guilty.
I’ve never chemically straightened my hair. It’s still naturally very, very curly. But because I’m on TV and quite honestly, because it’s all I’ve really known and been easier for me to manage, I’ve kept it in “straight mode” with monthly trips to the salon.
As I sat in my daughter’s bedroom, watching her brush my hair with ease, after a struggle with her own, I couldn’t help but think about what I’m going to do when I’m faced with that question.
I don’t want her to think straight hair is prettier, or that I’m embarrassed by my curls.
My mother has a relaxer and I do remember watching my mom wash and style her own hair without the tangle and fuss mine used to give her. I’d get excited for the special occasions when she’d take me to the salon so I could take my hair out of twits and wear it pressed. Is it hypocritical that I don’t want my daughter to feel that way?
I straddle a fence when it comes to my hair. Since I’ve never had a relaxer there’s no real transition “back to natural” all I’d have to do is wash it and skip the blow drying. But I rarely wear it in it’s naturally curly state.
Someday, when it’s feasible, I’d like to show off my curls like my daughter’s so she can witness where she gets her locks.
Hopefully that someday will be before she can ask me that dreaded question.
I'm a former journalist, and lifelong creator striving to make the world a better place. This is the space where I share my journey in making the most of every day by cherishing our individuality and celebrating our differences.
I'm a part-time journalist, full-time wife and mother striving to make the world a better place and inspiring others to do the same. This is the space where I share my journey in making the most of every day.