I’m very proud of myself for having breastfed my daughter for 17 months, and my son at this point has been nursing for 15.

Part of me is sad to be nearing the end of this motherhood experience, but a greater part of me is feelin’ all “see ya!”

Photo by Rebecca Loren Photography.

The benefits are great. My children get nourishment and comfort, I burn calories (allegedly) and a get a lower risk of breast cancer. Win-win. But let’s just be honest, there are some downsides that come with breastfeeding too.

Here are three reasons I’m excited the end is near:

1. I think it’ll help me shed some weight. I know for most women the extra calories they burn while breastfeeding helps them drop the weight. For me it seems to have the opposite effect. I go UP in pants sizes not during pregnancy, but after giving birth. Once I finally gave in and bought larger sizes after my daughter, it was about the time we stopped nursing and 6 months later all of the extra fat in my hips, and butt were gone.

I’ve been working out almost daily for several months and doing better at resisting sweets, (still loving on the fries though) and I haven’t lost a pound. I have a feeling my baby’s addiction to the tap is partly to blame.

2. Biting. My son has the most beautiful smile, and adorable teeth, but I am not happy when he decides to show them off while latched on. My nipples can’t take it much longer.

3. Leakage. Lately I’ve been getting pitches from different panty-liner and adult diaper companies, and I’m wondering what about my blog screams incontinence. I don’t have bladder leaking problem at this point in my life, however, the leaking due to breastfeeding still happens to catch me at the most inopportune times.

It’s not so bad now that my son is nursing less. But on some days, when I take on an extra long shift at work and forget my boob pads. Things get ugly.

Like one day, it was a Sunday morning when I was still full-time at my station. I was finishing up my morning anchoring shift. Since it’s a 24-hour news station, I’ll record a bunch of stories at one time then they’ll play throughout the day. Well, between stories it got quiet. All of the people who normally talk in my ear stopped talking, and my director came over to have a chat with me. This was unusual.

I could sense something was up but didn’t know what. She came over and whispered what was probably more embarrassing for her than it was for me.

“Umm. I think you have a lactation spot on your shirt.”

“A what? OH!”

I looked down and confirmed.

“Oops, I leaked!”

I had a feeling it would happen at some point, but I’m usually really good about remembering nursing pads. Unfortunately one got away from me, shifted, and resulted in this.

I think if this had been my first child I may have been horrified. But since it was with my second, I understand milk stains just come with the territory.

(Notice the careful placement of my right arm.)

Unfortunately I had to spend the rest of my shift with my dress shifted a little and my right arm awkwardly positioned over my chest, but I guess it could have been worse.

I can laugh about it now and imagine my experience could make a good greeting card to a nursing mom in need of a good chuckle.

via

“In middle school we inconspicuously stuffed our bras with tissue. Who knew we’d be doing it again as adults for an entirely different reason?”

What do you think Hallmark? Am I hired?

Didn’t think so.

Here are a few other shoebox cards to make you smile:

If I ever meet Beyonce I’ll give her this appropriate card:

Being an adult changes things doesn’t it? Like your thoughts about boobs. I’m ready to have mine back.

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I’m partnering with Hallmark to share some of my life’s special moments and occasions. Some of the products featured in this post we selected, courtesy of Hallmark. All opinions are my own. You can find out more silly Shoebox greetings for the ones you love (or like a lot) by visiting Hallmark.com.

Tags: breastfeeding, funny, hallmark, humor, nursing, shoebox