Lately Lil’ J has a strange obsession with talking about her “sister.” She has a friend at church that she likes to call her “friend sister.” She likes to pretend her dolls are her sisters, and tonight she asked if she could trade her little brother in for a baby sister.

I can’t help but feel a little bad about all this. I mean, where did she get the idea that sisters are so great? Was it Frozen?

I asked her how she thought her brother would feel if we traded him and she said “Well, we can just trade him for three days.” Ok, yea, that makes it all better.

Then I asked how she’d feel if we got another baby and he wasn’t as nice to her. She quickly caught my sly switch of the gender-specific pronoun and said “NO! NOT HE! A GIRL!”

Seriously, she’s too smart for her own good.

My daughter isn’t the only one asking if more babies are coming out. And yes, I understand that the name of my blog isn’t quite fitting for a mom of two. Perhaps I’ll sell the domain to the Duggars. What I’ve been telling everyone who asks if I’m done having kids is probably. Not a definite no but pretty close. How close?

Well I don’t feel a definite “I’m done” feeling however, I don’t really feel like there’s someone “missing.” I hear people say that all the time but I’m still not quite sure what that means.

Every time I momentarily consider the idea of a third my mind goes off on a tangent sorta like this:

I thought one kid was awesome, two is hard. There’s no way three is getting any easier. Plus we’ll be outnumbered. I hear three is so hard you might as well have four, cause it is easier than three. So now I’m up to four kids. Twice as many as I have now. How will I give my oldest the attention she desires? Maybe she’d be satisfied enough with attention from her siblings? Afterall SHE’S the one that keeps talking about having more babies in the house. She can’t hate the competition that much. Granted if she has another brother she would NOT be happy. But I can’t control that. Is it worth the risk? Knowing my luck I’ll have a boy.

And if I have three I might as well have four cause the odd number and “middle child” thing seems unsettling. Then I’ll probably have ANOTHER boy, Lil’ J will be furious and I’ll be wondering why we didn’t stop at two.

But then again the idea of just two years down the line at Christmas and other holiday gatherings just seems downright depressing… That is, if their spouses let them come visit us. We could be spending holidays alone for the rest of our lives… After the next 18 years.

And what if they don’t want to visit us in our old age? If we have more kids we’ll have better odds of some of them loving us enough to visit us during the holidays and help us in our final days.

But then again two seems like an awesome number of kids to stop at for many reasons… We won’t need a bigger car, there’s cheaper–well, everything. We have four bedrooms now, and I love that we have a dedicated guestroom. We potentially could transform that for a third kid but what about the fourth? We never want to move again so someone’s gotta share a room. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Sharing builds character. I shared a room!

Maybe in four or five years we’ll have two more kids and it’ll be the best of both worlds. We’ll have a bigger, (happier?) family, but the older two won’t need our attention as much. Or is that just a myth we tell ourselves? What if I go back to having babies then my older two flunk out of elementary school because I was nursing the baby to sleep instead of helping them with their stupid Common Core math homework? Perhaps all the problems in the world would be solved if we just payed attention to those older kids more. And the middle ones–See I almost forgot him already!

Ok I’m back to being two and through. Besides, if we had a third I just know s/he would have red hair. Which isn’t a bad thing, but it’s just mixing up the brown curly haired pattern we have going on now. I’m just now getting to where people have stopped asking if my kids are mine–Then I’d have a third one with red hair and the questions would never end.

Two it is.

But all bets are off if my husband decides he wants another because that would be a pure act of God. Of course there’s a greater likelihood of my IUD failing, and there’s like a .5% chance of that.

So all in all I think I’m done, but I don’t feel done. Does that make sense?

I didn’t think so.

Tags: potential baby #3, ramblings