I’m officially done having kids… I think.

Lately Lil’ J has a strange obsession with talking about her “sister.” She has a friend at church that she likes to call her “friend sister.” She likes to pretend her dolls are her sisters, and tonight she asked if she could trade her little brother in for a baby sister.

I can’t help but feel a little bad about all this. I mean, where did she get the idea that sisters are so great? Was it Frozen?

I asked her how she thought her brother would feel if we traded him and she said “Well, we can just trade him for three days.” Ok, yea, that makes it all better.

Then I asked how she’d feel if we got another baby and he wasn’t as nice to her. She quickly caught my sly switch of the gender-specific pronoun and said “NO! NOT HE! A GIRL!”

Seriously, she’s too smart for her own good.

Deciding whether or not to have a third child is no easy decision. Daughter really wants a sister. My daughter isn’t the only one asking if more babies are coming out. And yes, I understand that the name of my blog isn’t quite fitting for a mom of two. Perhaps I’ll sell the domain to the Duggars. What I’ve been telling everyone who asks if I’m done having kids is probably. Not a definite no but pretty close. How close?

Well I don’t feel a definite “I’m done” feeling however, I don’t really feel like there’s someone “missing.” I hear people say that all the time but I’m still not quite sure what that means.

Every time I momentarily consider the idea of a third my mind goes off on a tangent sorta like this:

I thought one kid was awesome, two is hard. There’s no way three is getting any easier. Plus we’ll be outnumbered. I hear three is so hard you might as well have four, cause it is easier than three. So now I’m up to four kids. Twice as many as I have now. How will I give my oldest the attention she desires? Maybe she’d be satisfied enough with attention from her siblings? Afterall SHE’S the one that keeps talking about having more babies in the house. She can’t hate the competition that much. Granted if she has another brother she would NOT be happy. But I can’t control that. Is it worth the risk? Knowing my luck I’ll have a boy.

And if I have three I might as well have four cause the odd number and “middle child” thing seems unsettling. Then I’ll probably have ANOTHER boy, Lil’ J will be furious and I’ll be wondering why we didn’t stop at two.

But then again the idea of just two years down the line at Christmas and other holiday gatherings just seems downright depressing… That is, if their spouses let them come visit us. We could be spending holidays alone for the rest of our lives… After the next 18 years.

Deciding whether or not to have a third child is no easy decision. Big sister wants to trade her little brother for a sister. And what if they don’t want to visit us in our old age? If we have more kids we’ll have better odds of some of them loving us enough to visit us during the holidays and help us in our final days.

But then again two seems like an awesome number of kids to stop at for many reasons… We won’t need a bigger car, there’s cheaper–well, everything. We have four bedrooms now, and I love that we have a dedicated guestroom. We potentially could transform that for a third kid but what about the fourth? We never want to move again so someone’s gotta share a room. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Sharing builds character. I shared a room!

Maybe in four or five years we’ll have two more kids and it’ll be the best of both worlds. We’ll have a bigger, (happier?) family, but the older two won’t need our attention as much. Or is that just a myth we tell ourselves? What if I go back to having babies then my older two flunk out of elementary school because I was nursing the baby to sleep instead of helping them with their stupid Common Core math homework? Perhaps all the problems in the world would be solved if we just payed attention to those older kids more. And the middle ones–See I almost forgot him already!

Ok I’m back to being two and through. Besides, if we had a third I just know s/he would have red hair. Which isn’t a bad thing, but it’s just mixing up the brown curly haired pattern we have going on now. I’m just now getting to where people have stopped asking if my kids are mine–Then I’d have a third one with red hair and the questions would never end.

Two it is.

Deciding whether or not to have a third child is no easy decision. Big sister wants to trade her little brother for a sister. But all bets are off if my husband decides he wants another because that would be a pure act of God. Of course there’s a greater likelihood of my IUD failing, and there’s like a .5% chance of that.

So all in all I think I’m done, but I don’t feel done. Does that make sense?

I didn’t think so.

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  1. I have 3….it really isnt that hard. 1 to 2 was harder than the jump from 2 to 3 🙂 Also, I have never EVER heard anyone say that they regret having “that last kid” or “Should have stopped at (insert number here)” I have only heard people regret NOT having more babies. Because babies are awesome. 🙂

    1. Babies are totally awesome. You’re right. One was easier for me. Two has been hard now that my second is busier, so it’s hard to imagine going to 3. You’re right, people don’t openly confess to wishing they had stopped with less. Haha.

  2. I say the EXACT same thing- you don’t sound crazy at all! I know in my heart I’m done at two. It’s what we planned, I love it, and I don’t want to go through pregnancy again (ugh) and nursing again (double ugh) while chasing two OTHER littles around.

    But I have a really hard time saying the official “we’re done” (or getting anything official done to stop it!). I finally realized it was because, as a woman, it’s really hard for me to come to terms with the fact that my childbearing years are over, if that makes sense. I don’t feel old enough to be DONE having babies- the passage of time is so fast, and I just can’t believe it’s over. Even though I’m glad it’s over. Which makes no sense.

    All that to say, I know exactly what you mean.

    1. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head Angie. Maybe it’s my instincts telling me “make more babies!” “You’re sill fertile!” And that’s why I hate saying I’m done. Hopefully once I hit menopause that’ll go away.

  3. I know EXACTLY what you mean, and the person who commented above me! I want one more but I don’t think we can afford it , and although my second is an easy baby my first is STILL difficult! Would I “feel” done after one more?! Or will I feel the same way after that one too?! My last pregnancy, my last baby, my last firsts with a child?! I feel so sad about it especially with how fun this baby is (even though she never sleeps) and if we did have one id like it to be sooner than later. Gah! See! I could have written this post myself!

    1. Lisa I’m so glad I’m not alone. How old is your second? I feel like the price goes up with three considering the car situation but you’d hate that to be the deciding factor. So many things to consider. I guess we’ll hafta go with out hearts. Which mind right now says “no more!” Haha

  4. Have a third. It’s really not that bad after you’ve had the 2nd. Plus it’s fun to watch interactions with them. My 3 crack me up and they always have each other. What happens if your current 2 fight and stop talking. That’s happened with my mom and her sister and there’s no other sibling to fix the rift. At least with the 3 I know one will always have the others back.

    1. That’s a good point Jamie!

      But what about your middle child? You know they always get the bad rap. How’s that been? I read a statistic that of the 51% of moms who admit they have a favorite child, only 13% say it’s the middle child. Poor things. (But I don’t admit to having a favorite).

      1. My middle child is my daughter. She never suffered from middle child syndrome. I told her from the day she was born that the middle of everything was always the best. Then I would name all “middle” things like peanut butter in between two pieces of bread, a hotdog in the roll, burger in a roll, the cream inside an oreo cookie, the heart in a person’s body, etc. She was tall for her age, and when she out grew her older brother, people would ask if she was the oldest. She would actually get snappy with them like it was an insult to be the oldest and say “NO! I am the bologna in between the bread. *I’m* in the middle and that’s the best place to be!” My poor sons would feel bad when they were young and say that they wished they were in the middle.

          1. I noticed a typo in my comment. That should say I told my daughter from the day her younger brother was born.

  5. As the eldest of 4 my mom shared with me that going from 2 to 3 was earth shattering but once getting over the hump of 3, having a 4th was much more manageable. I’m taking her word for it and am not in any way curious to find out if it’s true!

  6. Do what works well for your family! My husband and I have a soon-to -be 3 year old and do not plan do you have any additional children. That being said, neither one of us ever wanted a large familyand as Christians we have taken God’s Word in Genesis related to being fruitful and multiplying to interpret the scripture to mean being fruitful in all areas of life (e.g., evangelism, volunteer work, the edification of our home, and our careers) not just reproduction. Multiplying, in my view, is sufficient with one child or as many as one wants to have. Many people in our Christian / non-denominational church have multiple kids to include a few families with as many as ten children, but that is not what we have felt is necessary for our family after prayer and consideration of our lifestyle. In any event, it is important that both parents are in agreement with regard to any family matters to include as many children to have. If you all want to stop at 2, theen stop at 2 and God bless you for that if you have 20 then that will be fine too as long as you and your husband both agree!

    By the way, I am African American and my husband is Caucasian so I often get the question about whether our 3 year old is my child quite often. It happens very often when I speak to her in Spanish because I think that really throws people off to see a Black woman speaking to a biracial child in Spanish. I studied it in school and I’m attempting to teach it to my daughter although I’m not fully fluentl. It’s unfortunate, but it happens so I completely understand where you are coming from. I also grew up in East Tennessee near the Smoky Mountains where you recently traveled. Isn’t that a lovely area of the country? It seems that you enjoyed your trip and it is nice to have a get away from the family from time to time. I travel routinely for work and while I miss my husband, daughter, and dogs while I’m at the am away, it is nice to have a little bit of alone time to recharge my batteries before heading back home.
    God bless!

    1. Thank you so much for your heart-felt comment Alisha! I love your interpretation of multiplying and replenishing the Earth. I never thought of it that way but it totally makes sense in my mind too. Also, good for you with the Spanish speaking. That’s a goal of mine, to get it down and practice with my kids but lately I’m not doing so great.

      Yes, I totally agree, it’s so nice to get away and refreshed every now and then. Thanks again for your comment!

  7. Going from 1 to 2 kids was the hardest. Two kids was like having ten. Going to the third was very easy. My ovaries started to scream for a third baby when my second child was almost four. I would have loved a lot of children but three were all that was in the cards.

  8. I know how you feel! I have two as well, girl is 5, boy is 2.5. One side of me thinks I can’t handle 3, the other thinks “Why wouldn’t I?!” Moms have 5 kids, 10 kids, and they are okay. That other side wants to be pregnant NOW. My husband is one of 6, seeing their family I’m more and more convinced that more is better no matter the financial situation. I feel like bigger families bond better and have deeper values. Maybe that’s just me. But I feel like with just 2 I’ll spoil them too much!

  9. We currently have five kids and are contemplating number six. We were quite sure, however, after three, that four would be it. But, after number four was almost two we felt prompted to have another. After number five, we felt like any more were up to us, so we’ll see how it goes.

    As long as you make it a matter of prayer, I think you’ll be fine. Also, you don’t HAVE to decide RIGHT NOW. As kids get older, it gets easier. They become more self sufficient leaving you time to tend to the younger ones, or they can help with the younger ones. There’s no reason you can’t re-evaluate in a year or two.

  10. You are under 30…I wouldn’t write it off just yet (no matter what). I love babies, oh my I LOVE babies but swore to never have any more after 2…ended up having 5 in total. I had 3 of them in my 30s. You will know if/when it’s right…

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