The past several months in some ways have felt like a whirlwind. Two family vacations, work, starting a new decade of life, and the kids have been growing and thriving in school and play. It wasn’t until about a week ago when I noticed something significant had changed.
We were at Disney World, I was holding my friend Sheena’s daughter. The most cuddly, sweet, adorable little baby girl. I was smooching and snuggling, and walking around with her; having such a good time. Big T and Lil’ J were playing with her toes, and talking to her. It wasn’t until another mom looked at me and said “Awwwww, do you want another one?” that I realized what was different. My ovaries. They weren’t aching.
I didn’t think too much of it. I was on a busy vacation with two busy kids, it probably would be the least likely time to want another. But then at church yesterday, while I was sitting in the back with my two sweet (they were sweet yesterday) children I had this overwhelming and peaceful feeling of completeness.
To test this theory (not totally intentionally), I grabbed one of my friend’s babies in the hall after sacrament meeting. He was the most adorable, sweet and cuddly little guy. Still drenched in the beautiful baby scent. I took a whiff.
I told her I was cured of baby fever. She laughed. But I was totally serious. So serious I told my husband.
He didn’t seem to care much because he’s been done since Big T came out. But I was happy to have arrived at the same conclusion as him.
I guess this is how it feels. When you’re no longer wondering should you, shouldn’t you, what ifs and whatnot. I’m not worried about only having two kids because it feels right for us. We won’t be bringing any more spirits into this world. However, I’m still very pulled to the idea of adopting through foster care some day. We’ll see where we are led.
For now my husband can stop sweating bullets, worrying I’d change my mind. And I can cross minivans off my list of potential cars.