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How Social Media Influenced My Birth Views and How I Changed Them Back

I was literally on the floor bawling when my husband got home from the gym. He may have thought I was crying from the contractions I had been having for the past 22 hours, but I wasn’t. I was crying because they stopped, and because I was worried about being induced.

“What are you most worried about?” He asked me. “That it may lead to a c-section?”

I shook my head. “I was just looking forward to waking up in the middle of the night and the excitement of the surprise of it all,” I admitted.

He sat silent for a few seconds before comforting me some more. He told me what he’d remember more than the hustle and bustle of getting to the hospital and getting her out, would be seeing her for the first time. And watching me watching her, and falling in love with our little creation.

After gaining some composure we went to the nursery where he said a sweet prayer for me. A prayer which key points I’ll remember forever. A prayer that truly calmed my soul, and has made me feel better about–and more excited to meet our daughter than ever before.

Over the past year I’ve been inundated in a world so many people don’t know exists. People know about social media–sure–but not many understand the cliques, the strong opinions and even radical groups that are out there.

I’m a curious woman, and being the journalist I am, I really enjoy learning about different sides of a story. I would say “both sides” but there are more than two sides to almost every story.

When it comes to birth, I grew up only really knowing about one side–The side most all of my friends have experienced–The side I’ve been comfortable with all my life. That’s hospital births, usually with pain medication, sometimes involving inductions or other medical procedures.

Positioning myself as a huge spectacle online has put me in the spotlight and made me fresh meat to any and every mom who has an opinion about anything. Most commonly, or at least most noticeably, I get comments from the “crunchy” type. The moms who feel natural is best, sometimes despite popular beliefs and what anyone else says.

At first I thought some of these people had a few loose screws, but as I’ve gotten to know them, I’ve learned more about where they’re coming from, and started to learn a different side of things I may have never been open to learning had it not been for their influence online.

Now the difficult part in befriending said-crunchies, sharing with them my pregnancy experiences, listening to their experiences, sympathizing with them, and learning from them, is that I grew to feel an immense amount of pressure. As if they’d taken me under their wing and were watching me like a hawk to see if I’d make the wrong move.

I began to worry about choosing to get an epidural, not because of rare and possible side effects, but because if I did go into the “cascade of interventions” I’d disappoint (or probably prove right) my acquaintances. I was more nervous about disappointing my audience with my birth story, than doing what I really wanted to do, and the added stress was obvious at home.

My husband insists I don’t blog my birth story; that I experience it for me, and not worry about sharing the ifs whens and hows to the world.

“Just say we had a baby, The End,” he tried to persuade me. “That’s all that matters.”

“Yes, but women like to talk about and read these things,” I pushed back. “It’s like our version of war stories we like to share.”

“But who needs to know how many doses of pitocin you get, or why you got an epidural? That’s just opening the door to let people judge you and make you feel bad.”

Basically he’s saying I’d be asking for it. True. To an extent. I don’t think anyone asks to be critically judged, but putting yourself out there like I have does assume that position. The difference is now I have the confidence to stand behind my decisions no matter what someone else says.

Before starting my blog I never focused on what kind of birth I wanted… Other than the end result to have a baby. I knew c-sections happened, and I never thought they were a big deal. I knew if I needed one, so be it. After developing my blog and its audience, the thought of having a c-section felt like it would equal a failed birth.

Why? Why? WHY?

I don’t feel that way deep down. I don’t. I know some people do, and that’s their challenge they’ll have to overcome–Or not, if they don’t want to. I had let other people’s opinions on what’s right and wrong in a situation brainwash me into believing that if it didn’t go a certain way, I was cheated. But I shouldn’t have let their negative feelings about a birth outcome change my views of what’s important to me.

There’s a difference between being uneducated–Naive, and differing in opinions with someone. Everyone can find a different study to go along with their viewpoint.

Something I think a lot of people need to suck up and realize is just because someone’s opinion differs from yours doesn’t mean they haven’t done their research, or that they are wrong. It just means after looking at the evidence, you both came to different conclusions. Nothing is wrong with that. Can we please shout that message to the world of moms, the world of women?–Just because we disagree doesn’t mean I’m wrong.

A friend of mine who was induced before her due date tells me everything went perfectly well for her, her baby’s fine, and “I was having a big baby, nothing is wrong with inducing early.”–While the next person tells me I should wait it out as long as possible, “43 weeks or more can be totally fine, the baby won’t stay in there forever.”

I smile at both of them, knowing I disagree equally. I’ve read that it’s best inductions aren’t done before 40 weeks because calculations could be off and you can be risking having your child prematurely. I also have read that staying pregnant longer than 42 weeks can increase the chances of infection, injury during a vaginal birth, and double your chances for needing a cesarean section.

I’m done being everyone’s baby doll. I know most have good intentions but it’s become information overload.

I enjoy hearing other people’s experiences, and learning from them, but the truth is everyone has different experiences, and there’s no cookie-cutter solution for everyone. And it all goes a little too far when people start telling you the way your deciding things are wrong, just because it may not have worked for them.

My sweet husband reminds me that he and I are in this together, for our baby. And no one else’s opinion on the means of which she gets here matters.

I’M her mother. I know what’s best for her and I’m not going to let the next person–be it doctor, blog writer or twitter follower–tell me they know better.

As of now we are considering inducing labor July 3rd. No longer do I feel anxious or disappointed about the possibility, I’m excited about our decision. It may not be what’s right for you, but I’m at peace with the choice. I may not have the “OMG this is it!” moment in the middle of the night, but I will get to get dressed up before we go in, and plan around her new due date. I’m finding the positive sides in what some may consider a negative position.

Most of all, I’m so happy to know that I’ll finally be meeting my daughter in less than a week. I feel divinely guided in the decisions we’re making for our family and whatever happens will be what’s meant to happen for us.


Mrs. Cline says:

I love this. I could say so, so much. But please know that I love this, and you. And the end result is a healthy baby, in our arms, being loved on by us and our wonderful hubbies, no? I support you no matter what you do.

{I love this so much.}

Lara says:

I completely understand how you feel. I had an ideal birth in my head… but it didn’t go as planned. I did go into labor on my own (I had a in induction scheduled but didn’t make it) but I had to be further induced… got an epidural… and ultimately ended up with a c-section. It wasn’t as planned… but it brought me my baby girl. And all that matters is that you have a healthy and safe delivery.. no matter how it’s done. Best wishes to you, your husband and your sweet little baby. Your little one will be here before you know it! Enjoy every moment!

mommom says:

well, you already know I agree with you. 100% mama. Best of luck! can’t wait to meet her here soon!

Christina says:

Bravo Jenn! I am so thrilled to see that you are happy, and confident, and excited! WHO CARES what anyone thinks about the way YOUR baby gets here?! My favorite thing someone said to me, “If they werent in the room when the baby was made, they don’t have a say” It’s awesome to hear all sides, but more than anything, it’s important that you and your hubby have an experience that you remember in a good, happy way. Kudos to you for finding the strength to throw the “negative nancies” to the side, and do what you feel is best for you and your family! I wish you all the great things in the world, and if you decide to share, I can’t WAIT to hear your birth story, no matter how it goes!

H says:

*hugs* You do what’s best for you, mama.

Andrea says:

Good for you! It’s important to realize that this is no one “right” way to give birth and that everyone is different. I felt like a failure after my c-section because everyone else was giving birth vaginally and “OMG What was wrong with me?” But 3 years later with my little boy, none of that matters anymore. It’s just the way it happened.

I’ll keep you in my prayers and I wish you good and happy things.

Ryley says:

This is great. Good for you.. I know I can be a little over opinionated at times too. but I think it’s more of wanting someone to be as informed as possible. You are.
and you are right.. All that matter is a healthy baby and healthy mommy.
You will all be great. And we will support you, no matter what.

Tori says:

I had a c-section and I don’t consider myself any less of a mother because of it… and I’m a “crunchy, cloth diapering, all organic” mom! He was breech. I wasn’t dilating at all, even with 8 weeks of premature labor. He wasn’t getting out any other way. I’d like to meet the woman who says I “failed” at birth and sock her in the nose. 🙂 8 weeks of bed rest, 12 or so visits to L&D, non-contraction medications, PUPPP…. I think I did my time adequately! Don’t let anyone ever EVER make you feel bad about what you choose for your birth, or what God chooses for you (because let’s face it, it’s really up to Him!). Each birth is unique and personal. And you’re right, men have war stories and cars and sports, we women have birth and kids 🙂

Emilee says:

Well, I don’t think you should worry what others say. It is your experience and everyone has different pregnancies/experiences so I think you have come to a fantastic conclusion. My doctor told me this early on to not listen to what others say so I’m glad I have. Good luck! I’m right behind you. My due date is July 15th. I know that your labor/delivery will be right for you. You are doing a fantastic job.

JessieLeigh says:

This is very well-written and articulated and I can completely understand your views. I do not necessarily agree with them (as is, of course, my prerogative :)), but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand. What I wish for you is a wonderful birth experience, however it may play out and however that might look for you. I’ll still be saying a little prayer that you go into spontaneous labor before that scheduled induction though… Best of luck to you!!!

I agree 100%! Births are like fingerprints: though all of them look similar at first glance, their details make them extraordinarily different – and not a single one is like another.

I’ve had three inductions and three epidurals (and three boys!) and three TOTALLY different birth experiences. I loved and learned from them all, even the more difficult ones. Bravo to you for choosing to “turn off the noise” and trust your own instincts. Your sweet baby girl will be just fine! 🙂

caitlinhart says:

Ultimately you have to do what is right for you! You go girl! Have that baby however you like!

Mama Bennie says:

Whatever you want is what is right. I shared my experiences with you on twitter, and they were what was right for me. I only wish you the best and that you find some relaxation before the big event. Only you can make the decisions that are right for you, no matter what other people’s opinions are. I was induced at 41 weeks and 5 days with my first and my second came on her own 9 days early so even your own births will be very different. Whether you are induced or not, if you do or don’t breastfeed, or do or don’t use cloth diapers (or whatever else other people can pick on you for) I just hope you have the best motherhood experience ever!

Freakin’ Ay! Love it! There are few things as personal as how a person chooses (or ends up) giving birth. Since the moment we began trying to conceive, I knew (as did my obgyn) that I needed to have a c-section. I am terrified of any other way. I can’t explain it, but I equate it to someone else’s fear of heights, spiders, etc. For my doctor, she thinks the only “big girl” decision regarding birth is making an informed decision that works best for you and your baby. She is absolutely on board with my decision to have a section.

I say all that to say… I am so proud of you for staying true to you, going with your gut and making your very own “big girl” decision!!!!

YOUR ROCK!

Good for you Jen! Though I’ve been following your pregnancy via your blog and on Twitter and super excited for you, I could care less how your little girl arrives. Whether or not you choose to blog your birth story is entirely up to you as is the decision to induce labor, use pain meds, etc. I wish you nothing but the best. Enjoy the magical moment knowing that you only experience your first birth once. Blog followers, Twitter followers won’t matter because when you see your little girl for the first time you will feel the presence of God in that room. It is truly a gift. Enjoy.

Kristi, Live and Love…Out Loud
@TweetingMama

Lauren says:

I completely agree with you! Every woman is different, and every baby comes differently. Do what’s right for you and your family!

Exactly. And after you’ve had a few births, you realize that *both* sides are right and have their place. I loved every part of my ‘natural’ birth yet am equally thankful for the medical interventions that were there when I needed them.

((((HUGS))) I’m glad you found your peace in this. I’ve watching the flood gates roll through your blog and read comments that to me were down right rude. I recall one where the person seemed to be laughing at you because you wanted to put on make up. Huh?? It’s your pregnancy, it’s your birthing process and its YOUR baby to breast/formula feed, disposable/cloth diaper cloth and stroller/carrier transport as you and your husband see fit. I’ve found that in life people who get upset about what you do only do so because it makes them question what they’re doing. Confident people don’t badger people for being different. If Miss J doesn’t come before the 3rd, I wish the best for you during your induction and hopefully she’ll get to wear her tutu at least for a picture on the 4th.

Gena says:

Jennifer I totally love you. I was just saying to someone this weekend that I’m so worried about you. Not that you will have anything happen to you or Miss J. But that some people are pressuring you into something that isn’t you! I can be seen as crunchy in certain aspects of my life. But guess what! It’s MY life! I’m a huge advocate to do what is best for YOU! ONLY YOU! We are all different. UGH I feel a total vlog coming on because I’m sick of seeing people push their views on women like you! Go in and do what YOU need to do! The only thing I’d worry about is if your body wasn’t ready that you’d end up in a c-section. It’s more common in first time moms. So just go talk to your midwife about it. Ultimately the choice is yours and if you are okay with that, then GO FOR IT!

paintedpants says:

*high-five* I agree that there is an immense amount of pressure among the mommyblog community–lots of opinions about what is “right” or “wrong.” In the end you have to do what is right for you, your baby and your family. I think as women we need to be better at supporting one another without judging the choices made.

– Lori @ICanGrowPeople

melifaif says:

blah, blah and BLAH! (This is my sarcasim) I agree, I agree, and I could NOT agree more!!! We (women) always have a lot to say about everything. And you are completely right. What is right for you is right for you. I am praying for a safe, and easy delivery. Now show us your 40 week belly shot already! 😎 One thing is for sure….you will have a BLAST this forth of july!!!! And you should name her RUBY for the red hair she will have….sorry! Can’t help myself…

greepfamily says:

Excellent post! And it doesn’t come off ranty at all. It comes off as incredibly well thought out. I’m really glad you’ve found peace in your decisions and with however your birth ends up. There is no one-size-fits-all perfect birth experience and I think you said it best when you said, “There’s a difference between being uneducated–naive, and differing in opinions with someone.”

A true birth advocate simply wants women to make informed choices. Informed being the key word. If you look at the options and research and I look at the same and we come to two different conclusions and decisions about how we’d like to proceed and what we’re comfortable with — well, that’s great. And totally ok. Because women need to support women.

You’ll find this same sort of thing will carry over to parenting, maybe even more rabidly so. Obviously, as parents we make the choices we believe are best, yet we often ignore that they are simply best FOR US. Like birth, parenting is not one-size-fits-all either and if you can carry this same self-confidence and peace into your parenting, you’ll probably find the whole mess a whole lot easier 🙂

Just remember to always trust your instincts in all things baby, from now until she’s 100. You’re her mom. You know best. Period. Trust your instincts and don’t let anyone give you a bunch of “shoulds.” There are no official rules of parenting and no one is keeping score.

I’m so very excited for you to start the next leg of your journey when Lil’ J arrives! Even though parenting will occasionally make you want to leap out the nearest window, it is by far the most fun things I’ve ever ever done. I hope you feel the same 🙂

*hug*

(@waitingforpoppy)

Carrie says:

Whatever happens, what matters most is a healthy baby girl and a happy mama and daddy 🙂

Good luck! I hope Lil’ J decides to arrive before you have to wrry about inducing

Dianne says:

If you don’t know what your options are, there are none. You’ve done your homework and you are a smart lady. You can plan a birth all you want, but sometimes things happen that aren’t quite in your plan. If this occurs, you weigh your options (because you’ve done your homework!) The ultimate goal, is having a baby. Secondary to that, is the experience. You make it the best experience possible for YOUR situation. This is YOUR birth! Soon, a family will be born and the real experience begins…Happy Babymooning Mommy and Daddy!

YUMMama says:

Well, written. I’m glad that my parents have always pushed me to be an individual and to follow my own desires instead of the desires and wishes of those around me. I don’t know what makes us as women so catty towards each other, especially moms.

I know that we all judge, but do it silently if you don’t have anything nice to say. I completely agree that the decision you made was right for your family and that’s all that matters. You still have time between now and July 3rd. So, you very well may get to experience that excitement of going into natural labor. But like your husband pointed out whether you do or not won’t matter when you’re holding Lil J in your arms.

Kudos to you for shaking off the social pressure. This is your life you’re sharing with us. And I for one hope that you continue to just be you. That’s part of the reason why I fell in love with this blog. You seemed so real and down to earth. At times I saw a little bit of myself in you. I don’t know that if you plan on continuing to blog about your journey once the baby gets here, but I hope that you do.

Your story is beautiful and an inspiration to so many.

Betty says:

This is a great post; I’m bookmarking it because I think I’m going to want to read it again closer to giving birth. I’m really glad to hear you’re in such a good place and feeling confident about your situation and your choices, and I hope the birth goes great!

Good for you! Let me just say I will also be getting induced but 2 weeks early with twins. If I make it that far with these little creatures that is! But, don’t let people make you feel bad. I experienced this with my first child. I was selling jewelry at the time and had a party at my friends house. They are all “crunchies” as you call it and believe in all natural. They made me feel like crap. You got it online try having it shoved down your throat in person! I felt terrible when I left. But, I knew that I was making the right decision for myself (having an epidural). No one knows you, your body, your baby, and your feelings like you do. I will tell you to pray. Praying has made me feel so much better so many times. It has calmed my nerves and it will for you too. I know you already believe that as we have the same beliefs. Stay strong and you are almost done!

I am so, SO happy to see this. I’ve been worrying about you (not that you even have any clue who I am – isn’t that the funny thing about social media??) as I follow your Tweets… you have gotten so much pressure/so many opinions on things, and while you obviously have a wonderfully wise head on your shoulders, we’re all human, and I’ve been there… self-doubt can creep in, and it’s so easy to get caught up in this crap.

I am so proud of you that you realized that this is about you, your husband, and Spawnie. No one else. And there are PLENTY of women out there who will applaud you simply for that – women who could care less what “type” of birth experience you had, as long as you and Spawnie come out of it happy and healthy. So if you do decide to write about your birth, please know that I, and many others, will be cheering for you no matter what.

FWIW, I ended up getting induced at 39 weeks due to an emergency situation, and I was a bit sad about it for the reasons you espoused (I wanted to wake up with contractions, and rush to the hospital, etc). But you know what? It was kind of cool in other ways. My husband still acted like we were in a hurry and drove like a maniac on the way to the hospital, so that was cute. And the good thing was, I got to pack calmly, say a “real” goodbye to my dog, and get myself mentally prepared.

In the end, every birth experience is unique and special because it is yours, and yours alone. Shut all those opinionated voices out of your head and just enjoy. I am so excited for you, and proud of you for staying level-headed and neutral throughout your journey. Good luck and I can’t wait to “meet” Spawnie.

WorryWart says:

You’ll look back at this post and so will Lil’ J and be so proud! I’m glad you’ve found peace with your birth!!!

tashsparkles says:

Wonderful post! As you often say – you do you. You know your body better than anyone, you’ve done the research, and you trust your doctor. I think that’s the perfect birth trifecta. Spawnie’s birth will be perfect, no matter the specific details. 🙂

I think I’m going to link to this post on my own blog. Too many Twitter moms don’t respect other/differing opinions. I’ve had to start unfollowing people…. Sad.

Good luck! Hugs from me and Butterball <3

*Alice Anne* says:

This is very well-written! You shouldn’t be thinking about the blogworld during the birth of your child! Ha ha. Try to block us all out and spend some time with your hubby and new little baby girl. 🙂

Kari says:

This is such a heart-felt post! Go with your heart and everything will be fine. Don’t worry about pleasing others or living up to others expectations.

By the way, my daughter was born after an induced labor on July 3rd!

Good luck and take care!

Brooke says:

I completely agree with you about doing the research and coming to a totally different conclusion! I also know the pressure of having your birth go one way because of judgment from others. I took a Bradley class, and I delayed an epidural not because I wasn’t ready for one or need one but simply because I didn’t want to have to disappoint my instructor. In hindsight, it’s absurd.

FWIW, July 3rd is a FABULOUS birthday (I have a list of reasons if you need them ;-))

Heather M. says:

I followed a Twitter link to this post, and I just want you to know that you’ve taken my opinion and articulated it perfectly. I had labor induced on my second pregnancy at 40 weeks and 1 day — because I wanted to. I knew the risks, but I also knew the reward. Five and a half months later, it really doesn’t matter that I chose not to wait until it happened on its own. I have my baby boy, and we’re both happy and healthy, and that’s all that matters.

Just do what works for you. Those other people won’t be in the delivery room, helping you push. They won’t be there when you’re raising your baby. They’re simply not as important as your little family, and I hope you can let any judgment that comes your way slide off your shoulders and melt away.

it’s totally normal to feel that way. i still get a twinge of jealousy when i hear about my friend’s med free birth. but then i remember i had an easy labor and delivered a healthy baby girl so it only lasts for a second!

“Just do what works for you. Those other people won’t be in the delivery room, helping you push.”

that my friend is the truth! and i see your due date was my little girl’s first birthday! it goes by fast! 🙂

ericka
http://alabastercow.com

Cindy says:

Gosh, I hope I haven’t come across as one of those people! I’m afraid some women are so caught up in their identity as “strong, natural women” that they are unable to see that other folks might just have their own way. It’s not a moral issue, but some women certainly treat it like one!

I’m a huge advocate of doing natural birth–if you can. I’ve had no completely natural births, though. With the first, I had an unmedicated (it was too late) forceps delivery. Not very natural, and the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. The second was induced, because my uterus just wasn’t starting up on its own. That was the easiest birth I’ve had, so don’t fear the pitocin. I won’t say the crunchies lie, exactly, as a poorly managed dose can be painful, but the docs do know how to do this in the best possible way. My third was a c-section. I feel fine about that one, too! I got my girl. Who cares how? I never want to do that surgery again, but there’s no such thing as a failed birth, as far as I’m concerned. Baby’s out? You did it!

I’ll deliver baby #4 in 8 weeks, and I hope to do it naturally, but I’m not gonna tell any other woman to put herself through that, just to prove she’s a good mom.

I love birth stories, so I do hope you’ll share yours, but I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t. I certainly wouldn’t, if I knew I could count on someone picking apart my decisions, like it was any of their business.

B&U&I says:

Oh, I just want to hug you right now!! **hug**

I so feel what you are saying in this post! I spent my entire pregnancy completely against induction and c-section, and guess what…I ended up with both! And guess what…I’m alive, my daughter is alive, we’re both healthy and I do not for one second regret the decisions I made on either issue.

You’re already a fabulous mother, trust your decisions and your instincts and know that Heavenly Father will guide you through it all, even in the middle of labor. You already have beside you one of the greatest blessings in the world and that is a husband who holds the priesthood, who can give you a blessing of comfort, healing, etc. whenever you need it. He can receive revelation for your family directly from Heavenly Father. I don’t know your husband but based on everything you’ve said about him in this and previous posts I can tell that he loves you and will never leave your side through all of this. And honestly, with a loving Priesthood holder by your side and the ability to call on the guidance and direction of Heavenly Father at ANY time you’ve got the winning team to guide you to AND through any decision.

My thoughts and my prayers are with you guys…

amylynne says:

I totally agree. I got induced with both of mine (one at 41+1 and one at 39) and people had lots to say about it, especially the 39 week one obviously, but ultimately everything really was fine. But I got my feathers really ruffled about it several days before my second induction, and I wrote a similar post: http://bradyandamy.blogspot.com/2010/04/grand-entrances.html
I’m glad we both came to the same conclusion! Good luck this week!!

Danielle says:

A REAL birth advocate allows women to make educated decisions that are right for them, despite their objection!

It is so sad that there are some nuts out there trying to pass themselves off as real advocates when they are only biased against certain types of births because of their own experiences.

It’s all well and good for someone to tell you what THEY want for their birth, what THEY think is best. After all, people love to talk about themselves! But what you have to decide is what is best for yourself, your baby, and your family.

Honestly, induction isn’t the end of the world. I’ve had five kids, four inductions (not by choice) and one emergency C section. In the end, I wouldn’t trade any one of those birth stories for a “better” or more “crunchy” birth.

I was praying for you last night about this very thing – your birth experience – before I read this post. Odd, how God moves us, huh?

I’m wishing you all the best and can’t wait to hear that the beautiful little girl has made her entrance – no matter what method it takes.

Congrats from someone who was induced last year on July 3rd! It’s a great day! Bravo!

Christa says:

I couldn’t agree with you more! I think some people might say that I’m more mainstream with a nasty little attitude but I don’t think it’s bad at all and I think we’d have a lot in common!

You might make it to July 3rd but I don’t think you will…I had my induction scheduled as well but I never made it! My water broke on the day of my appointment for sonogram to make sure Baby Bean {aka Mason} was doing okay. And I guess he was doing just fine lol. That was on the 29th of Jan at 6:30 am I didn’t have him until the 30th at 7:56am and that’s because I was induced! And guess what baby did GREAT and I didn’t end up with c-section.

As many of these other ladies pointed out births stories, how they start and how they end are different for everyone but the goal is the same: Happy Healthy Mommy and Baby.

Do you 🙂 Can’t wait to meet Miss J!

<3 @LittleBGCG

My oldest and youngest were induced and they are perfectly healthy. In the end, you have to do what is right for you. Don’t worry about what people think. They are going to have their thoughts whether you do what they want or if you do what you want. Just pray for a healthy little girl and give her all the love you can give her while she’s in and when she comes out.

Leanne says:

HI, I have been a reader of your blog since I became pregnant with my son. He is now 4 months old. I can completly understand your resevataions about being induced (but to be honest that is also a pretty cool birth story?!) I was 4 days away from being induced when I went into labour naturally – but my body just couldn’t do the work and after 26 hours or so of contractions and my waters contiuning to break and pepthdin and an epidural and them trying to speed things up I was still only 4cm. My little man then had to be removed via c-section and I was a little scared but the thought of my baby being in distress was the worst feeling and I wanted him/her (at that point we did not if we were having a boty or girl) to be safe. This was my overiding feeling. And to be honest I would have a c-section again! The team I had were fantastic and yes afterwards there was pain but i’ve got friends who were natural and they’ve had pain to – just in a different area. As our husband said the most important part is the arrival.

All the best for you and your family! Sending you good vibes from across the pond! xx

Beth says:

Beautifully said! I think that no choices are really terrible or wrong as long as the end result is a healthy, happy baby and mom. Different things work for different situations and different people. I’m personally looking at a scheduled c-section… which even my mom gives me crap about. But when the time comes? I want the choice that’s right for me and my family, not for anybody else. Now I just have to stand up to everybody else in the meantime. Eeep! Good luck to you, your husband, and your little baby girl to be 😀

Good for you! In the short time I’ve been pregnant I have found that I get way too much unsolicited advice. I think people for get that every pregnancy is different and every baby is different…so no situation will be the same. Alls well and good with advice, but in the end like you said your the mom, and need to make your own decisions. Good for you!

Monica says:

What an incredible post! I have been reading your blog off and on for quite some time now. (Since before you became pregnant) And I have thought about you and prayed for you many times as I have watched you form opinions about your birth plan and wondered about what the influence of social media was doing to those plans. I think you have a wonderfully supportive husband that has been an incredible support for you. I will continue to pray for you as the day of your little one’s arrival draws near.

Bravo girl. bravo! It’s sad that there are people out there like that. But you do you right? So sorry you had to go through that. When I was pregnant I came across those people too. But they influenced me. I thought natural was the only way to go. Long story short I had to b induced and when I felt 4 contractions shoo…I said drug me up! All that matters is your little bundle of joy…

You know the most important thing at this point in it all is for you to be at peace and ready for this experience, what ever way it goes. I knew I didn’t want a room full of people during labor/delivery, because I didn’t want to have to feel like I was performing for anyone, even though (especially because) I am a performer. This was just about me, my husband and my baby, and what ever support people I wanted around.

Your husband may be right about the birth story. I mean, I wouldn’t promise not to blog it later, but for your own sake, you might want to shut off your social media until you have something you want to share. Otherwise, it’s almost as if you are on “stage” with this labor, and anxiety is the last thing you need for coping with labor.

I actually think that once you shut that part of this experience off, your body will be able to relax and your baby will come. Your mind has so much influence over your body. After 4 births, I am finally learning to think less, have more faith, and relax more.

Best wishes! I hope the experience is everything YOU want it to be.

Trust your mommy instincts. Your birth will be beautiful and amazing, and your baby in your arms will fill you with so much love. Enjoy!

FSD says:

Just remember…induction doesn’t equal c-section. My water broke, but I still had to be “induced” because my cervix was still hard and closed. Since we were up against the clock due to my water breaking plus meconium in my fluid, pitocin was needed to get my contractions going. I labored for 13 hours and had a vaginal birth. I had bad back labor (supposedly from the pitocin), which caused me to tense up a lot. My body couldn’t work with the contractions, so I dilated SLOW. Only 1.5 cm in 11 hours. I desperately needed a epidural, something I thought was taboo due to all the “crunchies.” I always said I would reserve judgment about MY need for one when MY time came. Turns out I NEEDED the epi. After getting my epi, I went from 1.5 cm to fully dilated and pushing and having a baby in 1 hour. My first child. I pushed my daughter out in 2 contractions (10 min max). DO YOU, girl! Good luck!!!

FSD says:

By the way…I don’t think you’re going to need the induction. I really believe you’re going to go into labor on your own. Lil Miss J will sound the alarm when you least expect it…and it’ll be SOON!!! 🙂

Mary says:

Great post. I agree with everything.

And you know what? I was born with the C-section and if it wasn’t for that, I wouldnt be here, because my mom wasn’t dilating at all and I had trouble breathing.

And my daughter had to be induced, because I had no signs of labor and that is just the way it is in our country. And I am completely OK with it. I think that it is wonderful that someone has completely natural birth and all that, but at the times when there weren’t inductions and c-sections, there were so much more deaths. Nature isn’t always co-oping.

The most important thing is that she would be born and you both would be ok. Nothing else matters.

(and BTW, I didn’t get an epidural. Not because I wanted everything natural, but because you are so numb with it, that you don’t know when to push. And the pain wasn’t so bad. Just my opinion:)

Kristen says:

I’m one of your MANY Twitter followers (@kris2the10) who has been worrying about you! Birth is between your baby, your partner, and you. True, you’ve put yourself out there, but ultimately, you’re the only one who has to accept your decisions and your birth, how ever it may turn out. I can’t imagine how it would feel to have to weigh the opinions and judgements of everyone you have watching you, but I’m so happy that you’ve come to terms with it all and that you are in a place of peace.

Can’t wait for you to meet your daughter 🙂

Jen J. says:

I couldn’t agree more! In fact, I think I’ll likely link back to this post when I get further along in my pregnancy & start to discuss my birth “plan” on my blog. The plan is to not have a plan. IMO when you have a plan, you set yourself up for disappointment if something goes wrong & that’s honestly the LAST thing I wanna worry about when my little girl is on her way into this world. If you make it to this Saturday, GL & can’t wait to see your LO!

KarmaPearl says:

I’m really proud of you for posting this. You are absolutely right about the pressure, the “I’m right, you’re wrong, etc” attitude that you come across in the “social media world”. Do what’s right for you and your family and everything will fall into place. I try really hard not to give advice unless I’m asked for it, but sometimes I fail at it.

I can’t wait to see pictures of that sweet baby girl! Your blog posts and Tweets have been making me remember my labor and delivery and days leading up to it with a smile (sounds crazy, I know! But I had a positive birth experience)!!

Nichole says:

awesome! i’m with your husband. that’s why our personal choices are just that: personal. and that’s why personal revelation is PERSONAL. you do what’s best for you and your baby. trust yourself. that’s really the number one piece of advice i can offer to any new mom: trust yourself!

Mommy Bee says:

I believe I’ve said before, but (as one of those crunchy moms) I’ll say it again:
“I can respect an educated choice, whether I agree with it or not.”
It’s not about what you choose, so long as you understand the choice you are making. Yeah, I feel strongly about my choices–and I blog about what I do and why I do it in the hopes that it can help inform others as they try to make their educated choices.
🙂

cami says:

I tend to lean a little more to the natural side in general. I like to minimize chemicals, feed my kids healthy whole foods etc.

When it comes to child birth…my most fulfilling experience is a pain free one. I am not seeking the empowerment that many experience with an unmedicated birth.

Through an epidural I get serenity, peace and rest which is the experience I desire.

3 of my 6 births were induced. They were my easiest and most enjoyable births.

On the contrary my 5th was C section Due to being stuck in a transverse position, unable to be turned.

So, for my 6th child, I was planning for a VBAC, I had the hopes of ending my child bearing years with the rewarding experience of a vaginal birth. It became medically necessary to have another C section, I was consumed with disappointment and discouragement. My husband gave me a blessing before surgery, reassuring me. That the most important thing is bringing a baby into the world, not the way in which they arrive.

I feel the same about all births. If a baby is born at home, what a wonderful blessing to that family. If a baby is born in a hospital, medicated/unmedicated, vaginal/C section…it is a blessing.

You are smart to do your research, I have done loads, and I felt good about each and every birth and they way they were delivered to this Earth.

Good Luck!

Johanna says:

I can totally, 100% relate, and I think you’ve come to the best conclusion. In the end, all that matters is bringing a healthy baby into this world, by whatever means necessary. I am so glad to hear that you’re at peace with the 7/3 induction, although I’m hoping it isn’t necessary because I too want to experience the excitement of heading to the hospital when labor begins. But I’m also DYING to meet my girl, and I’m not sure how much longer I can wait!! So very excited for you, and I cannot wait to see pictures of your little one!!

Niqi says:

your parenting skills are so much more important than your birthing skills. and since you already love your baby, you’re already on the right road to being a great parent.

relax – take deep breaths – your body is made to have a baby – sometimes we stress out and then really do need more help. and if you do that’s ok. the most important thing is for you all to get through it safe, healthy and alive. that’s it.

Your birth experience is dependent upon you, your husband, your baby and your doctor/hospital.

Nobody else has the right or business telling you how it should go down.

And as for a post about it?

“Labor wasn’t exactly what I expected, but it was something I’ll never forget. Baby J arrived at (time), (date), and her stats are (weight and height). Thanks for all your prayers and kind wishes! Now our little family will be taking some time off to live this life we’ve chosen…talk to you later!”

Doesn’t that sound nice?

I never told anyone for years what my birth experience was like, it felt like a private thing to me – I know, I was probably weird about it – but I didn’t think it was a conversational topic.

Jennifer says:

Well said!! I’m hoping you don’t make it to your induction date and if you do 7-3-10 is s good date. My math teacher husband would say 7+3=10. Good luck.

Tia says:

I follow you on twitter, but don’t actually have an account. In response to being induced without an epidural, I have done it twice. It does hurt because you constantly have one strong contraction after another, but was manageable for me. I do have to say that it is worse than natural labor without an epidural. With my 2nd girl, my induction was with a cervadil, in labor for 7 hours. With my 3rd girl, my induction with pitocin, in labor 3 hours.

CurlyKye says:

This made me smile. Oh how you’ve come full circle. I remember the days of reading your blog about the fertility tests you’d taken, how many pregnancy tests you’d taken…the day you found out you were pregnant…remember the pee pee color changer test thingy that would tell you whether it was a girl or boy? And how it said you were going to have a boy?

Here’s to your healthy baby girl and the blessing of the day you bring her into the world….no matter when or how!

good luck and enjoy that baby!!

Good for you! This is such an important lesson to learn before having kids. Just wait until you get immersed in the mommy/parenting online world. I know I often find myself falling into this judgment/worry trap when it comes to parenting choices. Sometimes too much information and too many differing opinion is paralyzing. I’m afraid to do anything because it might be the wrong thing, and it’s not just my birth at stake, it’s my child!

Glam-O-Mommy says:

You go Jennifer! Ultimately, however you deliver, your experience will be amazing because it is YOURS and you and your husband will have a beautiful baby at the end. It’s been a pleasure sharing your pregnancy through your blog and if you do choose to share your birth story, I’d love to hear it, because I always find them fascinating…but no judgment if you do or don’t! I’m just very excited. I had to work a long day today and could not check Twitter and was wondering if you had gone into deliver her yet!

Jamie says:

I’m so glad you wrote this post! These hard core, bossy types THINK they are doing a good thing but they are really just pushing their views on other moms and actually hurting their point of view (if that makes sense). I can’t stand it when moms bash other moms. When someone sees these people acting like that, it’s very off putting and makes people turn away from them. They are not getting their point across because they are acting like a crazy person! I’m probably going to get bashed for that comment but it’s true. I’m not going to listen to someone if they are talking down to me like I’m stupid or wrong. It’s YOUR life, YOUR baby, and YOUR decision. There is no wrong way to either birth or raise a child. Different people do different things and it’s OKAY PEOPLE!

Hehe, sorry, I didn’t mean to rant like that. It just came out 🙂 Best of luck to you and I can’t wait to see Lil’ J no matter how she gets here. I’ve got your back mama!

MamaBear says:

This is so well written. When it comes to bringing a child into the world, every mom has her own set of circumstandes and different factors to consider. You and your husband and doctor are the ONLY ones qualified to make the decision that is best for you and your baby. Although others may have insight to add that help you in making that decision, no one is qualified to make your decisions for you or criticize your actions. But, as we all know, no matter what you end up doing, somebody out there will have a problem with it.

I hate to say this, but you might as well get used to it now, because the onslaught of advice and criticism certainly doesn’t stop when the baby is birthed. Then it becomes a flurry of “suggestions” related to breastfeeding vs. bottlefeeding, commercially prepared baby food vs. homemade baby food, working vs. staying at home, public school vs. private school vs. homeschool, etc.

I hope you decide to post your birth story … all of us who have followed your pregnancy are interested to know how the delivery goes for you. Perhaps you could post it and close the comments??

Kristen says:

LOVE LOVE LOVE this post! Your husband is a doll, seriously!

In the end, when you’re staring at your precious baby girl, it won’t matter a lick how she came into the world. That feeling of unconditional love trumps anything.

That being said, I do hope J decides to surprise you and arrive spontaneously before her induction date. But if not, it won’t be anything less than amazing 🙂

As you know my dear I was induced right on the 37th week mark for medical difficulties. This was my 3rd baby, 3rd induction, and it went fabulously. Yes, I had an epidural because my contractions sky rocketed, and there is nothing wrong with that. I don’t consider it me giving up, I considered it me being able to be a little more at ease when the little one got there. The instant that precious baby is born everything else goes out the window. The pain, the “did I make the right decision” everything.

What ever decision you and your hubby make will be the right one for you and your precious little baby, and I am here to support you either way.

I just can’t wait to see that beautiful little baby girl of yours!!!

And by the way, tell your husband good job. He sounds like he’s a great support for you and will be more so when your angel arrives. Not all hubbys/dads are like that, I just want to make sure he knows it. (I’m sure you tell him all the time 🙂

Well wishes and many many hugs!!!

Awesome blog post. I don’t really have anything to add that hasn’t been said a zillion times already, but I wanted to say that. I’m soooooooo glad that you realized that it’s great to have the input from others and get advice, but ultimately it’s YOUR choice. It’s YOUR baby. Your husband is awesome and he is obviously so great to you and standing by you. That’s great!

I was watching on Twitter as your due date approached and you got more and more keyed up and worried. I was so afraid that all the opinions had gotten to you and had beaten you over the head so much that you had a breakdown. Nothing harder than having hormones and opinions jumping on you!

Part of the reason why I have never blogged my birth story is that my daughter’s birth was a planned c-section. Although the reasons were very real, it was very well researched, and not taken lightly at all, I didn’t want to hear the naysayers tell me that I shouldn’t have done that. I should have tried to go naturally. You don’t know me, my medical issues, or my body, so don’t judge.

I love many things about social media, but I could do without the judging!

Jenna says:

Favorite post thus far! You know how I feel about this. 🙂 You have to go with your gut. Statistics don’t really matter in the end — your instinct does. Always put your instinct first. Always.

Emily says:

I do hope you post your birth story!

Lindsey says:

I have so been there… it can be very anxiety-inducing to hear and try to keep an open mind to EVERYONE’S experiences. You just have to do what’s best for you. What matters is that your baby will come. 🙂

I hope you blog your birth story anyway, just because we’re going to love to hear it! I would NEVER judge someone’s birth decisions, sooo silly!

alexis says:

good for you. i think the best advice on birth i got was from my husband, who gave me a blessing and told me to stop worrying. he said to do what i felt was right, and not to listen to anyone else. you’re right when you say you shouldn’t be ignorant about these things, but ultimately the choice is your own. that’s what i’ve always told my friends who are about to become mothers for the first time. YOU are the only one who will have to deal with the actual consequences of your decisions. are your twitter friends going to be at your side during the birth massaging your back at 2 in the morning while you are attempting to make it through labor without an epidural? i think not. so prepare yourself the best you can, make your decision, and feel strong in that choice.

i’m so glad you’ve made peace with your choices. and your husband sounds like a gem.

I love this entry. I’m due on the 6th and was offered an induction to consider for this week (My 39th). I asked online and got a wide variety of answers, ranging from “My induction was fine” to “NO DO NOT DO IT YOU WILL HAVE A C-SECTION AND BIRTH TRAUMA!”

In the end, I wouldn’t have been able to get induced this week anyway, because my doctor won’t induce you if you aren’t dilated (which I am not, fun!), but it was hard to make the choice. In my heart, I’d love a baby this week. But you do think about what other people say.

I think your husband is right. There’s no need for a birth story. And no matter what birth story you write, someone will judge you. I’ve only just started reading your blog, but I can already tell you’re a strong person who will make the best decision for your family. That’s all that matters.

good luck!

Karen says:

I’m so sorry you’ve felt pressured into giving birth a certain way. It’s a personal experience between you, your husband, and your daughter. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about your decisions. Besides, pregnancy and birth don’t exactly conform to our plans. No one wants to get morning sickness or gestational diabetes, but we make due if it happens. My mom has given birth three times- all completely different. I was breach and delivered by C within 20 minutes of arriving at the hospital. My first sister was without drugs, and my mother said it was the best because she was in shape and able to feel what she was doing. Exercising the birth muscles ahead of time had a lot to do with it. My other sister was horrible. Mom used pain meds, so she couldn’t feel much going on, and she was overweight and out of shape at the time. She also got an infection after the birth. While all three situations were very different, the end result was the same- a healthy baby girl. In the end that’s all that matters.

On a side note, I’d love to hear about your birth experience. I’m a first time preggo myself (29 weeks) who stumbled on this blog accidentally. It’s really great to hear what you’ve been going through. I completely understand that you (or your husband) may not want to share such an intimate experience, but just know that some of us out here aren’t interested in judging. We just want to learn and feel connected with someone who’s going through the same thing.

Take care!

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Hi! I’m Jennifer Borget

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I'm a former journalist, and lifelong creator striving to make the world a better place. This is the space where I share my journey in making the most of every day by cherishing our individuality and celebrating our differences.



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