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How far apart to space the kiddos?

Ok, so remember how a a month ago I said I was just gonna go with the flow and not worry about future stuff? Well, I’m going to take a break from that for a moment and freak out about a dilemma. Come with me?

“Happiness” shirt from See Baby Grow; Jean Shorts from Old Navy via eBay; Pink Shoes: Thrifted

You know those cute little shirts that say “big sister” or “little brother”? Adorable right? I passed a rack of them at the store the other day but had to tell myself to just keep walking. Lil’ J ain’t going to be a big sister anytime (relatively) soon so I shouldn’t even get that thought process going. It’s dangerous grounds.

For now, when she occasionally does wear a t-shirt, the words on it have nothing to do with having more siblings. They’re simple. Peace. Love. Happiness. No hidden messages on these. Well, the back does say “see baby grow” but that has nothing to do with a baby in utero and everything to do with my first child growing.

I’m not sure you can understand the love you’ll have for a child until you have a child. I mean, I knew I loved my daughter long before she was born. That love grew as she grew in my belly but when I first saw her–Gosh, I loved her more than I knew was possible. I felt like my heart could burst. All I wanted to do was stare at her, hold her. I couldn’t comprehend this love until I experienced it for myself. I think the same thing goes for having a second child.

Pink Bandanna via Walmart

Now I know how it feels to love a child SO MUCH, but I can’t imagine splitting that love with another. I’ve heard people say the love it multiplied, not divided–Or maybe I’m just thinking of Sister Wives–Either way, won’t my TIME be divided? My daughter clings to me like white on rice. And seeing as I slept through half of my pregnancy last time, it will be impossible to do that next time around.

When I had Lil’ J I mentally prepared to have another as soon as possible. Of course, my husband had other plans. As time has gone on I’ve really enjoyed this one-on-one time with the daughter I’ve always dreamed of and it’s so hard to imagine adding another to the mix.

I thought I wanted them to be super close in age so they could be super tight but that’s not always the case with siblings. I’ve asked the spacing question numerous times, and I always get a slew of responses which lead me to realize one thing–Everyone seems to be happy with what they have.

Love shirt via See Baby Grow

It took me a while to realize this because I didn’t want to see it. Instead I noted there are rare cases where the mom wishes she didn’t have a 7-year gap, and ignored instances where the mom wished she had more alone time with her baby before having another. I was seeing what I wanted to see. But in reality, overall, most people seem to like the way they have it.

I can’t imagine not being able to give my daughter all of my attention but at the same time I crave the feeling of holding a newborn. I want to start over with my daughter is what I want. Can’t I go back? Relive those moments? I know now more than ever to cherish those moments because oh man, they go fast. Even when she throws one of her hilarious little temper tantrums. Instead of getting upset, I can’t help but laugh at how silly she looks flopping and whining because she’s not getting what she wants. How in the world do they learn these things?!

Anyway, why did I whine when she was so tiny? She’s fun now, but I can’t go back.

What gives me something more to think about is the fact that next time may be the last time I have a baby. My last pregnancy, last time to experience all those firsts. I’m afraid to miss #2’s firsts because I’m watching Lil’ J’s firsts or vice versa. I’m not sure when kids become more independent… 2? 5? 18? Never? I guess it depends on the kid.

I guess there’s no perfect answer, or it’s different for everyone, but for now, I’m thinking two and a half years would be a nice not-too-close not-too-far gap for me. Hopefully that’ll mean needing no new diapers, as Lil’ J will hopefully be growing out as #2 gets in them. She’ll hopefully be talking more and able to communicate some of her thoughts, but they’ll only be two grades apart in school. If we have a boy next, I don’t think they’ll really be best friends anyway, and the whole age gap dilemma won’t even matter. If we have a girl, I assume they will be BFFs, but because I think that, they’ll probably not get along at all.

The good thing is I’m not freaking out like last time where I was like “HOLY HECK WHEN AM I GONNA HAVE A KID? I CAN’T DECIDE!!” This time it’s like “Eh. I already have a one, I guess I’ll have another when I have another.” Especially because people tell me it’s 152,000Xs harder. So I ain’t rushing that. My husband says if I want, we can just stop with Lil’ J, but Eff that!

Another, selfish thing on my mind is thinking that my independence will be like 100% gone once another is born. Between work, a husband, taking a billion pictures, and enjoying writing about it all here during my free time, I can’t imagine accomplishing everything with another in the mix.

I’m finally beginning to feel like I have a handle on it all, and I’m thinking about taking a cooking class, or a creative writing class. Maybe even a photography class. But with time being split between two children I feel like time to myself will just be wrong. I mean, I know it’s not, but in order to give enough time to each child I’ll have to give up some more “me time” I imagine. And while kids change your life and are the BEST thing in the world, I’m not sure I’m quite ready for all of this times two.

Hopefully that will change eventually. But for now, we’re keeping those “big sister” shirts out of her closet and making more room for dresses!

Decisions decisions. … But no rush! Just thinking about it all for a moment.

How far apart did you space your kiddos? Curious.


Anonymous says:

I have a 8 year old and a 2 year old. I wouldnt change a thing!! Their age gap allows me to give them the ammount of attention they both need.

Callie says:

My boys are 26 months apart. I love it because my oldest is so interested and wants to help with everything. The hardest part was dealing with the toddler the first couple months when i was nursing so often. Lots of cartoons were needed when rocking the baby to sleep. Now that the baby is 5 months old it is a piece of cake. No matter when you decide to have baby number 2 it will be the right time (although, I wouldn’t want my kids 7 years apart…).

Krista says:

I have four, and thought we were done, but the question hubs always asked when we only had two was: four, or four more!?! Mine are 10, 7, just turned 3, and 16 months…I dare say if one or two more are in my future (man you’re makin me have baby fever) that they all better be girls! I’m in seventh heaven with my littlest! 😉

Krista says:

I have four, and thought we were done, but the question hubs always asked when we only had two was: four, or four more!?! Mine are 10, 7, just turned 3, and 16 months…I dare say if one or two more are in my future (man you’re makin me have baby fever) that they all better be girls! I’m in seventh heaven with my littlest! 😉

QueenKai says:

Welcome to the place I like to call “crazyville”. Yes, it’s harder to add to your family once you have a child because the dynamic is changing. Yes, you will have to decide your time. No, you won’t devide your love. Your daughter will love having a sibling and learning that they are not the center of all is good for all kids its not like your leaving, its just going to be an adjustment. I have 6 and I love them all but my “me time” is almost none existent. You have to give a little to get a little and trust me if I can manage my group you can handle yours. Remember to put yourself on your todo list (I often forget) or you’ll regret it later. The good thing is you have all the skills necessary just breath and relax and you will do great. Also the spacing thing depends on the person, I did 3 yrs, 10 years, 18 months, 22 months, then 25 months; now that was crazy.

Liss@Random says:

Well, I don’t have any kids of my own, but I’m the younger of 2. Funny enough, most of my friends with siblings are also one of two, and for the most part, we are all 3 years apart! Weird, I know. Lots of my friends are you gets like me, but a couple are the older one. I think of all of my friends, my brother and I are the most distant with each other. Not because we’re brother and sister, but because we have practically NOTHING in common! That’s just the way we are. He’s Mr. Social, and I’m shy. He’s fashionable, I’m practical and comfortable. He’s tends to be moody and argumentative, and I’m more positive and easy-going. He’s popular, and I’m “his sister”. I’ve come to terms with that now, though. As much as we try, we just never have much of anything to talk about. I know girls who are close with their older brothers; maybe not best friends, but close. I think in the end, it’s not the spacing so much that matters as the personalities that your children will have and develop. I think it’s when the personalities don’t match up that parents start to wonder the ‘what ifs’.

Anyway, that’s my 2 cents.

Sometimes reading your blog frustrates me… In a good way :)!! It makes me think about my life and situation and it also makes me appreciate it so much more.

Anyway… my husband and I talked about this before we got married. I want 6 kids but we live in Europe and that ain’t happening with a poor economy and small house. So, we’re hoping for 3. My daughter is 16 months now and I’m pregnant at 14 weeks with Baby #2. We decided that 2-3 years apart is best. After our daughter was born, we immediately started planning the next one. I wanted to wait a whole year before we started trying but at 10 months, we both agreed that we were ready. We missed having that newborn baby to hold and cherish especially now that our daughter is running and becoming a kid.

I think in one of your last post you said that your hubby wanted to have another next year, I think that’s a good mark. I think Lil’ J will be at the point where she’ll want to help and be involved. Just don’t wait too long.

Mine are 23 months apart and YES its bloody hard. I found it a lot harder going from 1 to 2 then just having my firstborn. But you said it really well. Most people like what they have. And thats sooo true. There are good and bad to both. I wouldn’t change a thing with mine but I will give u a little list of my pros and cons.
Pros
1. you are already in the baby stage so its easier to adapt
2. They share, play and are good friends plus re-use toys/clothes etc
3. Get them out of the way so you can holiday/travel/get a bit of independence back etc

Cons.
1. Its HARD HARD HARD having 2 little people so dependant on u 24/7
2. Hardly any breaks, its so constant always something to do and no alone time with hubby or even by yourself
3. Hard to share you’re time between them and feel guilty

Of course its not all bad so please don’t let me put you off, its wonderful most of the time and my littlies bring us both so much joy and laughter. They really are a blessing.Whatever decison u make will be the right one for you’re family and please don’t worry for a second you wont love the second as much as the first TRUST ME its a non issue. You love them so deeply and just as fiercly as the first.

I am due with #2 in October which will put my little girls about 20 months apart. Personally I think that the more you worry about all the specifics, the longer you will put off another one. I just kind of took a leap of faith and saved the worrying for when it was too late to change my mind! Haha! Now I am freaking out about it all a little bit, but I know plenty of other women have had babies this close and closer together and got through it just fine and even loved it. I think you are right, everyone is happy with how they did it (and really what choice do we have, it can’t be undone!) I am sure you and your hubby will make the right decision, or maybe Heavenly Father will make it for you, I’ve seen that happen plenty of times too! 😉

Great post! My oldest daughter is 8 almost 9. Then the last three are 2 years apart. 5,3,1. Perfect spacing I believe because for me, I did not want to get to accustomed to not having a baby. Many people have different opinions. Like in your case, you may decide until Lil J is 5 and in school. Or when you see is a little more independent. Each of my babies have times when they are totally dependent on me and other times they are in their own world. I handle it gracefully. It is a challenge, but when you are ready. You are Ready! Having one child is an amazing experience and the decision to add to the love you already have and give her a new role in life as a big sister will be a beautiful one. And if you decide she will be an only child will also be a beautiful decision as well.

My older two girls are 3 years apart, and barely get along. There is a 6 year gap before my next daughter – I had remarried, then lost a baby, so I had her 13 months after her brother. The next one (a boy) is 27 months younger, and they aren’t terribly close, but the baby is 2 1/2 years younger than that, and the boys ARE close. Actually the older boy is closest to my oldest daughter, and the baby boy is very close to both his brother and my 2nd daughter. The poor middle child really isn’t close with any of the others.

All that to say that you are right – while you can nitpick and worry about details, there are no guarantees, and you may as well just LOVE what you have!

Michelle says:

I think you are right that most people are happy with the spacing they have. You have to do what is right for you and your family and no one else.

That being said with my son I really didn’t truly feel that longing for another one until he was 4 but life circumstances prevented me from having another one and now he is 11. I am remarried and my kids are 11, 10, and 8 (oldest biological and youngest two stepchildren who live with us and hubby and I raise full-time). Hubby and I have been together 5 1/2 years and married for over 3 years and we are just now started for our first together baby. Did I ever imagine my kids would 12, 11, 9, and newborn? No! Or that my pregnancies would be 12 years apart? No! But sometimes life throws you curve balls and you just have to run with it.

There is only 2 years 8 months between all three of our kids and I will say since I met hubby when the kids were 5, 5, and 3, I think it has been easier having kids close in age rather than further apart in age. All three of my kids play together so well and very independently. IMO though you can get that from siblings who are about 3 1/2 years apart or less. It seems like my friends who have kids 4 years or more apart, their kids get along but they just don’t have as many common interests so they don’t play as well together.

Seana says:

Mine are 2 years and 5 1/2 months apart and it was PERFECT for us. But it’s different for everyone. I had my daughter first, and my son second…my son was born 2 days after lil J and my daughter is now 3 1/2 and right now they are the best of buds! They LOVE each other so much. I pray that it stay this way forever. My daughter is such a little mommy to her baby brother, and he thinks the world of her. You will know when the time is right to get pregnant again…and will probably be like me and still freak out when you get a positive pregnancy test!

Jenn says:

You should do whatever feels right for you and your family. My first three were all 2 yrs apart, then 10 years later these ones are closer…the first 2 were 17months apart then the third came 12 months after the second their birthdays are both in the same month then this fourth(and LAST) will be 16 month from the third…but we are old and I wanted to get it over with before I was too old.

I think anytime is good time to have children as long as you can support them. Why must we always be in control and try to “space” our children. I have 2 kids and another on the way…ages 4 and 3. I never planned for them or thought about spacing, I just wanted the blessing of pregnancy whenever the time was right according to the Lord and my body.

You will love both children unconditionally 100% because you are their mother. The times you share with each child individually will be unique. There is no such thing as divided love. You will see how much love will flow and you will not believe that is possible to love that much. I’m rambling…Good Luck!

able mabel says:

Mine are all roughly 18-20 months apart in age. Because I don’t know any differently, I think it’s “just right”. There is no such thing as the perfect spacing.

As far as love, it doesn’t divide, it multiplies. I look at how much love and attention my baby gets and it’s way more than my oldest ever got just because my baby has siblings that shower her with adoration. My oldest only had me and my husband on a daily basis.

I think too much emphesis is put on making sure our kids get enough “mom time” and many, many times moms feel guilty when they shouldn’t. I think it’s healty to teach our kids that Mom won’t/can’t always be there at any given moment so it’s okay to be independent. All within reason, of course.

I think all the other commenters are right, but I’ll say it again 🙂 You will love your next baby as much as you love your first. But, for me at least, it was more like 3x as hard with two than it was with one. You take care of one child, then the other, then both. It’s definietly an adjustment. My two are 21.5 months apart. Second was NOT planned, so I definitely did not have a say! I love how they are now, at 18 mo and 3 years old, but when the baby was an infant…oh boy. And diapers for two? HATE IT. Sure, it all worked out great for me, but who says it wouldn’t have worked out great another way? Call it fate, God’s plan, whatever. As with everything, it will happen when it happens and you’ll make the best of it and make it perfect for you.

Dianne says:

I agree with your comment that you accept however they come…farther apart, closer together, all boys, all girls, or both genders. My son was 22 months when our daughter was born. My husband and I knew we wanted three children so we decided to be done with it and have them all close together. Well, our daughter was 25 months old when we had…TWINS! Yes, we now had four kids under 4 years old. That also translates into 4 teenagers at the same time for several years. I’m happy to say they’re all in their 20’s and I can’t imagine having done it any other way! My husband and I are still under 50 and enjoying life with grandbabies now :0)

Yall rock so much! I want to address all of you:
Anonymous, Callie, I love that you love your spacing, it seems like just as I suspected, most wouldn’t change a thing! That makes me know no matter what, I’ll be happy BUT… I am thinking/hoping 2.5 years apart 😉
Krista… Bring on the baby fever! Haha.
QueenKai, You described the situation and my thoughts perfectly by calling it “Crazyville,” thanks for getting me.
Liss@Random, THANK YOU for your opinion. So interesting to hear from someone not yet in the trenches of motherhood 😉 I forget how things were sometimes before becoming a mom, and before I had this crazy bias. Haha.
Sonia@My Sweet Monkey, You made me laugh. Congratulations on #2! You know, plans change, and I get that. I am hoping we can stick with our 8 month plan, that sounds about right. Don’t be frustrated! Haha. I love babies (obviously). It’s just with having a career, I want to make sure I can still give as much as possible to my kiddos. So much more to consider 🙂
Ebonie’s Mummy, wow! THANK YOU for breaking it down for me, haha. That seriously rocked my socks off!
Matt and Jen McEvoy, Congratulations! I definitely won’t be putting it off. I want them to be close, but not too close. Haha. Don’t freak out, you are going to do GREAT! 🙂

@Immaculate Mommy of 4 Thanks! 🙂 And I totally get what you mean. You are so sweet. It’s just scary having two ya know? I mean yall have gotta remember how it felt right?!

AdronsCatherine, Poor middle child! But good example of how personalities all mesh together differently!

Michelle, what a meshup you have! Totally proves life can throw ya for a loop and you go with it. Thanks for sharing!

Seana, I hope your kiddos stay close too, that’s my dream!

Jenn, thank you! I totally get your wanting to pop them all out plan too. Sometimes I feel that way.

Cookin’ Mom, I wish I didn’t have to “plan” these things. But I’m afraid if I go the not planning not preventing route I’ll end up like Mrs. Duggar. 😉 Thanks for your comment! You are right, there’s no divided love! It’s just hard to imagine loving another the same when I don’t have another yet ya know?

Able Mabel, You are so right! The guilt! It’s nuts! And I’m loving how we’re all using the Sister Wives line about love multiplying not diving. I love how you said you new baby gets showered more with love because they also have an older sibling. Good point!

@Diane, see, this is what I’m dreading/hoping for. Maybe next time we’ll see “surprise! twins!!” And then we won’t have to worry about planning a third.

YUMMommy says:

Moo & JJ are 2 years & 5 months apart. We didn’t plan it tho. JJ was our surprise baby. Have fun enjoying your time with J. And don’t worry that if you have boy, he & J won’t be bffs cuz Moo tells us all the time that JJ is her best friend.

I envision them being thick as thieves as they grow up.

{swank}mama says:

It’s always good to think about what’s best for your child but you and your hubby also have to be ready to have another child. I thought about it hard for at least 6 months or more before I made the decision to go off birth control and try for round #2 {http://swankmama.blogspot.com/search/label/the%20journey%202.0}. Things will come when they’re meant to be and I’m sure Lil J will appreciate a sibling no matter the age difference. I know Miss S did and there’s a 9 1/2 age difference between her and Lil J {something that was beyond my control!}.

PVDela says:

You’re right most people love it the way they have it, three was a harder transition than two but I found that they don’t need as much of your attention because they have each other which frees up a few minutes here and there that I didn’t have before.

Physically research says that your body handles the next pregnancy better if you space them 1 1/2 to 5 years apart if that makes any difference to you.

Ultimately just follow the Spirit and you won’t have amy regrets. I know you’ll do great.

PVDela says:

I forgot to add that mine are each 2 years and 4 months apart which has worked out really well for us, old enough to help out young enough that they are still relatively close in age. 🙂

Iiona says:

The age gap is different with everyone and I love both ends of the spectrum. My two oldest are 5 years 5 days apart (May 23 and May 28th) and the last two are 14 months apart. Both ends had their perks, with the older 2 the oldest was starting school and making his own friends and independent enough where I wasn’t needed every second of every day. And the younger 2 at first was very hard… the youngest was premature and very sickly, but now it is perfect… hand-me-downs, love/hate relationship, share a room, tons of girly things around as well as not so girly… Once you have your next child, that age gap will be ‘perfect’ for you and your family.

As you said, “Enjoy your daughter that you have!” She is so freaking adorable so it’s kind of hard not to 🙂

Anonymous says:

Hello. Although I love your blog, I don’t always follow it lol. I just turned 21, have been married for nearly 3 years, and have a 14 month old girl. I am currently expecting fabulous baby #2!!! It wasn’t planned, and I wasn’t ready for this at first, I find myself really happy with what God has planned. My daughter is a sweetheart but with an attitude when we tell her no. I know she will be a great big sister and I look forward to seeing their relationship. I am a blessed SAHM, and won’t have to juggle as much as you, but I know the only thing I will splitting is time between them is my time, but it’s manageable. I also grew up with two brothers and one sister, I was the youngest. I was a tomboy so I had a better relationship with my middle brother, up until the point where hanging out with your little sister wasn’t cool. My brother and I are still the closest of us all. Everything will work out in the end. It seems to me no matter what YOU make it work for YOU. <3

Jenna says:

I couldn’t imagine dividing my love either, but you don’t really “divide” anything. Your love just grows. I mean, did Lil J make you love your husband less? Snoop? Probably not. So have no fear!

Husband, no. Snoop, Yes. BAD EXAMPLE Jenna!!! *I’m sad about this though*

listipton says:

My first two are 2.75 years apart…and as you said, we’re pretty happy with it. We’re having our third in January and this one will be a 3.25 years younger than our second child. Again, I’m pretty happy with the difference. But I don’t agree that it’s ‘harder’ to have more than one…just a different kind of balance, yk? I work full time, participate in Roller Derby & still manage to have time for my kidlets. There will be about a six month adjustment time, but I have faith we’ll make it work. I remember with our first that my husband was completely happy to stop at one (both #2 & #3 were surprises….). He later told me after #2 was born that he had been afraid he wouldn’t be capable of loving a second child as much as he loved our daughter. Clearly, he loves #2, and now isn’t scared of that possibility with #3, but it wasn’t something he could even articulate until after the second was born.

Only child, and we are one and done! Love the fact that he’ll be an only and I can give him all of me.

Anonymous says:

I know the feeling. My son is 7 months, and yesterday I spent an HOUR online looking up baby names without even thinking about it until I caught myself.

For financial reasons, we’re going to have to wait until our son is at least two and a few months before we can even think about conceiving. I’m surprised I’m already yearning for another…especially because my son has not even slept the night yet.

I have two & a home business that I run solo. Is it harder with two? Yes, sometimes it really is. But sometimes, it’s easier! They are 2 1/2 years apart & my first son can entertain my 2nd son while I do the things i need to. That’s amazing!

That love divided thing… it scared the crap out of me. The idea of splitting time with my first son & another human sounded beyond unreasonable. Everyone said it would be different when you have another, the love will multiply, but I never believed it until I looked into my 2nd son’s eyes. That second, I felt it. It’s like your heart & your soul just explode & grow exponentially.

The timing, the worries, the fear – none of it will matter. When you feel ready, even if that ready feeling isn’t 100% & still has doubts or concerns, you’ll see. It’s an entirely different journey. Having another child is an experience that is so special in so many ways that are different than having your first child. It’s amazing, I promise that.

Anonymous says:

As everyone’s said, you won’t love J any less when a second child arrives. In fact, you’ll love her MORE because you get to see a whole new side to her personality – the big sister side.

And while #2 won’t get as much one-on-one Mommy time, but s/he will get something that J didn’t have for the first part of her life: sibling time. Which is just as cool.

It’s a trade off.

FWIW, mine are 27 months apart, then 20 months. We love the spacing. Especially since when we’re done, we’re done. My in-laws went straight from parenting (still doing it) to grandparenting (2 yrs difference between youngest kid and oldest grandchild), and I don’t want to do that. I’ll be well done with parenting kids when I become a grandma, so I’ll be able to dive back in and be the FUN grandma. 🙂

Jennifer says:

My 2 are 2.5 years apart. I love it, but I think no matter what the age apart is I’d still love it. When I was due any day with #2 my DH got really sad that my daughter wouldn’t be an only child. He was an only child and he felt bad that we wouldn’t have the time with her like we used to. He said she didn’t choose for us to have another. In my mind I was thinking #2 never got to spend lots of alone time with us. He always has to share his time with his sister. I have lots of siblings so it’s easier for me to understand.

I couldn’t imagine loving another child as much as I loved my 1st, but once he was here I couldn’t imagine our family without him. It’s like he was meant to be with us.

Yes. It’s harder and yes your older child doesn’t get as much one on one time, but they get a sibling. My daughter has always LOVED her brother. People asked if they could take him home when he was a baby and she said “NO!” every time. She LOVES him so much and he loves her…adores her. I love watching their sibling relationship grow…it’s awesome. Of course now that he’s walking and gets in her way…or gets her stuff I’m starting to see the sibling rivalry start, but that’s normal. lol

I’m also contemplating my next, but it will probably be our last and I’m not ready to experience every thing for the last time. I don’t want “having babies” to be over yet, so I don’t want to have one now. I’d like to wait at least another year…we’ll see. 😛

I can’t wait to see your next baby. Lil J is such a cutie.

May daughter turns 6 next month, my son turned 2 last week, and I’m pregnant with #3 due in March. I will say with my first pregnancy I slept a lot, and had HG (like morning sickness, only more like having the stomach flu for 6 months), but with my second, barely any morning sickness, and I slept less, maybe it was because I had a kid to take care of, or maybe I was just used to not sleeping so it wasn’t a big deal anymore. With this one I went through a few days of really bad morning sickness and a few weeks of being really tired, but it turns out I had a kidney infection, so it wasn’t really much to do with being pregnant at all. I liked the gap between my first two, and I would have had at least a 3 yr gap between 2 & 3, but with my husband’s school schedule, and everything we know is coming, it just made sense to have it a little earlier. I don’t think my son is going to take being a big sibling as well as his sister, he loves it when I watch other babies and he even has one that he calls his “baby sister” and he’s so sweet to them, but he’s a big momma’s boy and he gets jealous of Daddy giving me any attention. But, I figure when it happens I’ll just take it day by day and get through it (sounds bad, getting through it, I mean, I’ll get through his jealously, not being a mom). Don’t now if that helps at all.

B&U+2 says:

My oldest daughter will turn 3 on Sept. 4th. #2 was born August 1st, so they’re about 35 months apart.

I totally understand everything you mentioned in this post because I’ve dealt with most of is fairly recently. Truth be told, our oldest daughter loves her little sister but she does not love sharing mommy and daddy. She was the center of our attention for almost 3 full years and even though we feel we did our best to prepare her for the change, nothing seems to truly have worked. It’s been hard on her and I being short on sleep haven’t been the most patient and understanding mom. I try to tell myself that she won’t remember any of it as she grows, and I constantly reassure her that I still love her just as much as I did before Baby Q was born but I beat myself up about it every night. Not the decision to have a second, that I don’t regret, but rather the lack of attention I have been able to give our oldest daughter.

I’ve blogged about most of it just to vent my frustrations because it’s definitely been a challenge, it’s even made me question if I really want to have another in the future. But when I wonder than I always think of what one of my visiting teachers told me: “You just know when you’re done.” She’s completely correct in that, and I just happen to know that I’m not done yet! One thing is for certain though, the love is definitely multiplied!!

Miss Meg says:

My oldest two are four years apart and the babies are barely 2 years…like you said, we seem happy with the way it worked out. It was nice with Big A being four because she understood much better than my almost 2yo did when HER baby sister came along…but on the flip, the babies are much closer than my oldest and middle. I’m rambling, but the time will be right when its right…and you WILL be able to love another as much as your first. I think all second-time moms worry about that…and then it just happens and you are smitten all over again!

AEK says:

4 1/2 years and it works for us. But you have to do what will work for YOU! It will all be fine. Trust in the Lord.

mom2ari says:

Like many, I say take your time. We have a 17mo old and were pregnant. Yes, we were….we just loss the baby last month. I was only 12 weeks, but it’s the pits some days – especially when my other Stroller Stride mamas announce they’re pregnant again:) But it’s all a part of the process. At the same time, we’re ready to start again ASAP…lol!

But I’m a firm believer that what ever child you have, when you have the baby, is the most perfect timing….much better than our own plans. Have fun trying to conceive and/or practicing!!!!

KGChrissy says:

I’m only 23 y/o so I have no kids right now but, I have a sister who’s 22 y/o, a sister who’s 19y/o, a brother who’s 11 y/o, and a brother who’s 3 y/o.

Faith says:

my parents had us all 3 years apart … we are all very close. i think 2 1/2 years to 3 years is a good spacing number, but then again, i have no children so take that for what it is worth, if even worth anything.

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Hi! I’m Jennifer Borget

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I'm a former journalist, and lifelong creator striving to make the world a better place. This is the space where I share my journey in making the most of every day by cherishing our individuality and celebrating our differences.



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