This weekend I was up in a manic state after having a huge light bulb go off in my head. Or as my girl Oprah would say, my “AH HA moment”.Lately I’ve been so bogged down with all the transitions I dealt with at the middle to end of last year—Having a baby, maternity leave, returning to work, quitting my full-time job, building a house and moving, then starting a freelance career. Amidst all this my blog (understandably) got pushed to the back burner.

I was busy enjoying my family, learning new skills (if shopping and decorating via Pinterest count as skills) and adjusting to my new life.

I kept blogging but it didn’t quite feel the same. Somewhere along the line I was losing sight of my mission, the reason behind this blog, and even forgetting what in the world I used to blog about. How in the world did I keep up with this thing for five years?

Not only that but my thoughts that Big T is my last baby really make me feel as some kind of failure. I mean what kind of Baby Making Machine has two kids? Do I change the name of my blog, or become a surrogate?

I’ve had to check myself before I wrecked myself a few times here over the years. This is me doing that yet again.

In some ways I’m a professional blogger, but I felt like I was beginning to observe more than I was doing, and in that process, trying to conform and neglecting who I was as a blogger.

This weekend I had a refreshing visit from a fellow blogging friend, Sista Laurel from Sistas in Zion. We talked about their book coming out this spring, how much their blog has grown, and how they have such a fantastic specific focus. During our discussion my mind went through different ideas of directions I could take my blog, giving it a new feel and breath of fresh air, but none of these fleeting ideas seemed like something I’d be able to maintain. In order to do that I need to be passionate about the topic.

It wasn’t until she had mentioned being at a genealogy conference that it struck me. So obvious, it’s really unbelievable that I could have even forgotten…

My blog is a journal. As are most to some degree, right? Sure. But my initial mission with developing this space was to leave behind a history lesson (if you will) for my kids, and their kids, and their kids… You get the idea.

When my daughter grows up, gets married and starts thinking about wanting to have kids I can bet you she will be asking herself many of the same questions I asked myself when I was debating the decision. It’s one thing for me to give old, wise advice, but it’s another thing for her to read my panicked, wishy washy thoughts firsthand.

When my son grows up and looks for a woman he wants to marry, I hope he’ll consider the wisdom I’ve written in his love letters.

When my great-grandchildren learn about Loving Day, racism, and early(ish) interracial marriages, they’ll read my first-hand concerns and probably gawk at how crazy it sounds because things will have changed so much.

Same with breastfeeding in public. “People use to find that offensive? Say what?”

That’s what they’ll be saying.

I’ve read stories of dying parents creating videos and letters for their children to have as they grow up. I don’t want to wait for some tragedy to put me into gear.

Could I just type all this up in a personal diary and leave it off the Internet? Sure. But where’s the fun in that? Besides, another purpose with this blog is to inspire others to do the same.

Start a blog, pick up your camera, record some video, write a love letter! You will be so glad you preserved your memories, your thoughts, your LIFE for your posterity to have.

“Know from whence you came. If you know whence you came, there are absolutely no limitations to where you can go.”― James Baldwin

I want my kids to know where they came from. Not just distant heritage wise, but literally… From ME. I want them to know who I am. My opinions, passions, even my favorite books and TV shows.

“I could die tomorrow!” My dad would always say to me when he was trying to give me a guilt trip for not keeping in touch. “You should call you dad!” He’d lecture.

I’d always roll my eyes at his remark but now I realize how true this statement is. I could die tomorrow. My son wouldn’t remember me. My daughter… Just barely. I’ll be damned if they don’t know they have a pretty cool mom who loves them immensely.

So here I am. Back on the wagon for real this time. With a reinvigorated vision, passion, and purpose for this space.

What you’ll continue to see from me:
Photos (duh)
He says/ She says
Love letters
General diary entries/ personal stories from my perspective

What you’ll be seeing more of + what’s new from me:
Video diaries
Visual storytelling tutorials (requests welcome!)
Specific dates, and record-keeping tactics
Daily Instagrams
She says/ She says (introducing my daughter)
Writing and video prompts
Memory-preserving tips

Of course other random domestic diva tutorials, challenges, and rambles will make it in here because it’s all about the hodge podge. I’ll never be an expert fashion, cooking or DIY blogger though. What you’ll get is an experienced documentarian blogger. I want to put my journalism, storytelling, photography and video production skills to use to make a remarkable gift for my children.

I want my kids and their kids to have more than a locket to remember me by. I want them to know who they came from, know me, and in turn, have confidence in learning and knowing themselves.

And I want to inspire you to do the same.

You feel me?

Photos by the amazing Rebecca Loren Photography

Tags: blogging, documentarian, family, love