Dear Spawnie: You’re Always on My Mind

Dear Daughter,

You’re on my mind constantly. If I’m not wondering how you’re doing I’m wondering what you’ll be like if you’re born. If you’ll look more like me or your daddy. If you’ll sleep well at night. If people exaggerate about how hard it all is, or if I’ll think it’s much more difficult.
Sometimes I’m so scared that you’re going to be here in less than 14 weeks, there’s still so much to do in what feels like so little time! But sometimes I’m just so eager and excited to meet you that I wish you were here now.
Not long ago I debated if I was ready to have you. It felt like it was the right time, I felt confidant about my decision to move forward with trying to get pregnant with you, but I still was so afraid of going down a road that I couldn’t turn back from.
I’m on the road now that I was terrified to travel on. Sometimes it is scary knowing that this is a lifetime commitment, but deep down I think you’re a part of me that’s been missing all along. I thought I knew myself, knew who I was, knew who I wanted to be. But every day that passes by now, every day you grow bigger and stronger in my belly I dream about my future with you, our future as a family, all of us, and it just feels right.
I was reading some stories today online about women who lost their children when they were just babies. It made me so sad. It’s so hard for me to imagine not thanking God for you every day knowing how blessed we are to have you. How blessed we are to be healthy, and to have so many things to give to you.
I pray every day that I can remember to give gratitude and enjoy every moment, good and bad, because they’re moments not everyone gets to experience.
There are things I do when I’m excited about something. One thing I like to do is complete a task every day that’s preparing me for what I’m excited for. Every day I’ve been making, or buying or writing something for you. I have a journal I’m trying to fill out and I hope to give it to you one day. I think I’m done buying you clothes. You have lots of socks, and dresses, and I think I’ll keep making things like tutus and dresses, but I’m done buying them. I’ve got to worry about the bigger things like your car seat, and a dresser FOR all of your clothing!

Speaking of clothing, I’m starting to bust out of mine now. I’m getting quite big… At least my belly is. My pants are getting harder to button and although I love my Bellaband I’m beginning to wonder if I should invest in at least one pair of maternity pants. I’ve gained about 11 pounds total so far, so I’m about back up to the weight I’m suppose to be at I think, which is good.

You started to kick me in strange places this week. At one point I was beginning to think you were getting ready to come out but luckily I heard kicks in that region are normal.
(photo from BabyCenter)

Your nerves in your ears are better developed and more sensitive than before. Now, you can probably me and daddy talking. You’re also inhaling and exhaling small amounts of amniotic fluid, which is essential for the development of your lungs. These breathing movements are also good practice for when you’re born and take that first gulp of air. You’re also continuing to put on baby fat. You now weigh about a pound and two-thirds and measures 14 inches. I’m still debating seeing you in 3D. Your daddy says we should just wait until you get here to see you but I’m kinda curious what you’d look like in 3D before you’re born! We didn’t get to have an ultrasound last week like I thought, but we’ll get one at the next appointment for sure! Finally we’ll get to double check and make sure you’re still a girl! If not… Sorry about all of the pink.

Keep growing my little princess! Meet you in a few months!

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  1. I didn’t get kicks like that until I was pregnant with my second child, Claire. It was really weird, and a lot of the time if felt like scratching. I wondered if she was going to be able to kick right through! After awhile I was able to ignore it though. I’ve read lots of those memorial blogs as well. They break my heart. I followed the story of little Layla Grace recently ( and it’s amazing how much I learned from a 2 year old. One whom I’ve never met and one whose parents I’ve never met. Her big blue eyes and flowered hats got me from the very beginning. She passed on March 9th, but her story is still developing. Her parents amaze me. She’s also on twitter @LaylaGrace.

  2. YOu look great girl! 11 pounds at 26 weeks. wow. I always gain like 30 due to eating too much errr i mean water retention lol. I have delt with a loss of a baby. you never know, even up to the day it happens, but it is Gods way, and you just live and love every moment that you have with them, even if only for a short while. Your on the right track!

  3. What a wonderful tribute to your daughter! You are going to be a great mom and I’m sure she will be just as beautiful as you. I think you should invest in a pair of maternity pants. You’ll thank me later. Have a great Monday!

  4. LOL, I Love “If not… sorry about all the pink”. Because I totally get it!

    And how are you not wearing maternity pants!?? They are the most glorious, comfortable pants in all the world! You’re missing out!

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