I cheated on my husband (allegedly)

Occasionally… VERY occasionally these days, I’ll get a hateful comment on my blog. Even less often someone will say something rude on Instagram, Twitter, or some other form of social media. After watching Jimmy Kimmel’s “Celebrities Read Mean Tweets” segment, I thought I could do my own “Blogger Reads Mean Comments” video, but I really don’t get that many anymore, and we could be waiting a while so I’m just going to tell you about this one.

Showing a white dad with a biracial son is totally normal too.

A couple of weeks ago I shared this precious photo of my husband and son on Instagram. Shortly after I got a comment from someone I don’t know that said: “Lol I don’t think he’s the dad, guess mom cheated.”


My first reaction was confusion… HOW DOES HE KNOW? (Don’t ask me why I’ve assumed this person is a he, I’m not sure.)

I was so confused at how is it possible to tell that I cheated based on this photo. How in the world does it give away that information? I mean, just because a kid doesn’t look like his dad doesn’t mean he can’t look like his mom right?

Then it dawned on me… He thinks I’m white. Even if I was, that comment is no less offensive. There are such things as recessive genes and you know… And adoption. Goodness, adoptive parents I have a new respect for you!

Next, I was baffled that this person didn’t take the time to glance up at my profile picture to notice… Oh hey, his mom is black, and quite attractive, that totally explains the freakishly adorable kid.

I wasn’t ever angry, well… Maybe just upset that I didn’t think of a great comeback.

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When Lil’ J was younger I used to get asked quite often if she was mine. Now it seems my husband gets stopped with the questions… “Does her mom have curly hair?” or “Is his mom Hispanic?” It doesn’t bother him like it used to sometimes bother me. “People are just curious,” he tells me, so I don’t let it get to me. But I wish it wasn’t so hard for people to imagine a family like ours.

On a normal day do you know how many times I think about being in an interracial marriage? About zero. Seriously, it’s not something we think or dwell about any more than someone else ponders about their hair color differences on any given day. Sure, occasionally discussions, an encounter, or news will come up that reminds us, but it’s not nearly a constant thought in our lives.

Hopefully someday we will seem just as normal to everyone else too.

A first reaction shouldn’t be “OH DAYUM… You know he aint the baby daddy!” But “What a cute kid!” or “Genetics are awesome!” or “Oh man, his mom must be smokin hot!” … I’d be ok with any of those.

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  1. I saw that comment not long after the person posted it. I couldn’t figure it out and didn’t stop to think they thought you were white. Makes so much sense now. LOL!!! And even if you where, did they think your hubby wouldn’t know that your babies aren’t white?

  2. Oh how I love this blog post!! I am intimately familiar with your sentiments here. The looks we get when we’re out over her never cease to amaze me. And they aren’t all bad, sometimes I can see the admiration in their faces as they watch us pass… But other times, I can see them trying to work it out in their brains. And then there are the times when someone actually gets the courage to open their mouth and say something, and those experiences never fail to be quite interesting.

  3. This is sort of funny to me because I totally relate! I’m Hispanic and my husband is Italian/Caucasian. Our first daughter if I hadn’t pulled her out of me, I would have wondered if she was mine. She is fair skinned and looks EXACTLY like my husband’s mother. She is starting to look a little more like me now that she is 4 but at first there was no resemblance. My niece would joke that I looked like the help when I was out and about with her.

    My 2nd daughter looks exactly like my family…same father and mother yet she looks exactly like my dad and my family. She is darker skinned and has dark brown hair to my first daughters very light hair. My husband jokingly asked if he was the father when she was really little because this time there was no resemblance to him. She starting to look more and more like him and her sister as she gets older but at first it was all my dad. 🙂

    Thanks for sharing this post. It’s interesting where our kids get their looks from.

  4. Good heavens, people are so dumb! If I just saw that picture of your husband and son I would just assume his mom was black, not that your husband wasn’t his father! Why do people even care?

  5. “oh no you didn’t”…. lol. Don’t let the ignorance of others invade your happy place. You and your family are beautiful. People used to ask me if I was babysitting when my kids were younger… this is the longest babysitting job EVER! 🙂

  6. My dad is Cherokee and my mom is white – pale/blue eyes/light brown hair, and I take after my dad – olive skin/dark brown eyes and hair. My mom used to get asked if I was adopted quite a few times…. You have a beautiful family!! Ignore rude people!

  7. People are so narrow minded…I am hispanic and my husband is chinese…when you look at my son you can tell he is chinese so I get looked at like I am the nanny…

  8. I have a girlfriend who is white with a biracial daughter and she gets asked where she got her daughter pretty regularly. Her daughter is 7 now and it doesn’t bother her as much as it used to. I wonder where people get their manners sometimes.
    Have you seen this National Geographic piece? People in the US are on their way to being smokin’ hot, and your kids are on the cutting edge of cuteness!


  9. I have a 15 month old with a head full of red hair. And neither my husband or I have red hair. You don’t know how many times people have asked where that hair came from since he was born! But the worst has been the few people who have asked my husband (when I wasn’t around) if our baby was really his because of the unexplained red hair! My mind would never go there if I saw the same dynamic in another family but the fact that some people have the nerve to even ask that to a complete stranger is baffling to me!

  10. i was 14 and in Provo with my sister in law and her two red headed kids. We were asked if the kids were mine…I was stunned. I love them to pieces but to be their mom at the age of 14???

  11. I know exactly how you feel. My husband is Spanish and both of our girls have olive skin and Brown eyes, while I’m paper white and have green eyes. So many people make the nastiest comments about how they look nothing like me, and are they mine (because I’m young they think I’m babysitting), or they must look like their dad because they look nothing like you.. it really used top get to me now I just smile and say yup. People don’t realize what they’re saying before they say it, truthfully, and if they did they would think about how they would feel if the same comment was directed at them.. I admire your courage for not ripping them a new one, hang in there you and your children are beautiful!

  12. I think your son looks like you and daughter like daddy. When my son was born, it use to make his dad angry because everyone kept harassing him for a paternity test on our child. My son’s dad is African American/Peurto Rican/Indian and I am German/Panamanian. When my son was born, he was white as can be with red hair and blue eyes (from my mom, the German side). He stayed that way till almost a year old then still having red hair and hazel eyes, his skin started to get darker. Anyway, when he was born, he looked just like my brother. Not me, not my mom nor anyone on his dad’s side, but my brother. Around 4 he started looking like me till about 13 and just before his 14 birthday, he woke up and is a spit image of his dad. My thing is, no one can predict which way genes are going to go. It shouldn’t matter with anyone in the first place. You have beautiful children, a beautiful family. That’s all that matters.

  13. Yeah I can relate. We never think about being interracial. My hubby is Filipino and my boys are lighter skinned than he is, but otherwise look just like him. A couple of people asked me if my son was adopted when it was just he and I out. When we went to Disney World as a family they would always stop the line at my husband (after we had gone through to get on the ride) and he had to tell them he was with us. I guess he didn’t look like he belonged with us 🙂

  14. Some people are just stupid. We are a very multi-cultural family. Husband is Filipino, I am white. 2 adopted sons- one white with bright red hair and one black/polynesian. And 3 birth kids who are, obviously, white/Filipino. The looks we get are just amazing sometimes. And the comments are even better. I had a lady in Target verbally assault me about “buying a baby from China” when my daughter was a newborn. That conversation deteriorated quickly. I don’t understand people who look at someone and the first thing they see is skin color. It makes me sad for them. Your family is beautiful.

  15. This really hurts my heart, and it probably shouldn’t. The reason it does is because my Husband is white and I’m black and we’re pregnant with our first child!! I don’t think I would react very well to this situation at all. Luckily we live in Denver CO, and there are lots of mixed children black mother white father so I’m hoping for the best. I’ll guess we’ll have to just wait and see.

  16. Wow I can so relate to this. I’m black and my husband is white and we have a son who is around your son’s age. He is even lighter than his dad with blue grey eyes! I live in Asia so it’s a very unusual thing for Asian’s to see and I used to get asked all the time if he was my son. Now that his curls have come in I don’t get asked as often but do strangers love to touch his hair! I know they are just curious and do it as a sort of compliment so I try not to let it bother me. Speaking of curls, what products do you use in your kids’ hair? 🙂

  17. I am black and my husband is white. We have 2 children together. I got asked if I cheated on my husband after I had my daughter. My son is a splitting image of my husband. My daughter is my mini me. Same mom same dad but they took after both of us. I have learned to let other peoples ignorance roll off of me. Your family is beautiful.

  18. I think you are beautiful and have a beautiful family! May God bless all of you always! give a deaf ear to negative people.

  19. I’m black, my husband is white, and we have a 4 month old daughter. I take her to a nursing home to visit my dad and one of the residents asked if she was mine. I said, “Yes, ma’am”. and she just kept looking at us and shaking her head saying, no she can’t be yours. I was about to say, “Really? Then why did I let my doctor cut me to get her out?”

  20. I saw your blog post because another foster Momma shared it. I have to say my first thought was I.LOVE.HIS.HAIR. Beautiful family!!

  21. I am white. My ex-husband is mixed race. My current husband is white. My biological daughter from my first marriage is mixed race but has a fairly light complexion. My soon-to-be-adopted daughter is mixed race with a quite dark complexion. When I am out by myself with my STBA daughter, I sometimes get ugly looks and people will regularly ask what her race is and ask about my husband’s race. When I’m with my (white) husband, it’s a totally different thing. People are very friendly and assume she is adopted. It’s bothered me when she first joined our family, but after this length of time, I don’t really notice anymore. I enjoy seeing families with a variety of skin-tones! And when we throw in extra foster kids of different races, we just really confuse people! LOL

  22. I know how u feel, What’s crazy is how people say my older daughter looks more like my husband and my younger looks like me. The difference between the two is that my oldest is very light with more of a European nose. People just see color and associate from there, and honestly when people ask are those your children? I DO get snappy ….sometimes: “yes I guess i can understand your dilemma with abstract colors when your used to only dealing with primaries” *cough* jerk
    It sucks to be asked that when you: created the kid, carried and nurtured the kid for 9mos, then had the kid and then a “are they yours?” Curious or not it is a button of mine. Like luke i have to learn to control the dark side. Side note: it is also interesting the types of people my kids attract, they attract different types of fans.

  23. People can be so incredibly insensitive and RUDE! I can’t believe somebody would dare to post a comment like that, but, I can totally believe it. When the Littles are out with their father, and one or the other yells out, “Daddy, I need to tell you…” “Can I have this, Daddy,” he is looked at like he has grown a second and third head. Somebody actually asked him if they were really his children. Really? REALLY?!

    Your family is beautiful, and if that isnt the first thought that a person has when looking at photos of you all, that’s their narrow minded loss, and no reflection of you.

  24. WHAT on earth?! For someone to even bother leaving that comment means he is insecure about something in his own life… Maybe he cheated or was cheated on!

    Your family is BEAUTIFUL! I never gave it a second thought. In addition, I think mixed children can turn out so beautiful (as is the case with yours). I have seen light eyes with dark skin, light skin with dark hair, freckles on dark skin, and so many other variations that are both beautifully remarkable and outstanding.

    Mostly, I admire your courage to take issues like this head-on. Interracial marriage is not an issue to me, and I wish it were so with many others. Heck, if I see someone white holding a blue kid… I’ll just assume the spouse is blue 😉

    I love your blog. So glad I stumbled by this post.

  25. Your kids do look like their father and you as well. It’s not about complexion it’s the features that make someone look like their parents. That was just such a ignorant, rude comment that person posted.

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