There are few things in this world that frighten me as much as spiders. Of course now that I’m a parent I fear harm coming to my children or husband, but on a day-to-day basis, spiders are my nemesis.

So when I was loading my kids in my car to head to the gym, and noticed the mother of all spiders crawling across my door, I freaked. The good thing is, after this experience, I learned the best way to kill a spider without getting near it, dirty, or killed by the spider itself.

It’s hard trying to be a good example for my kids. I don’t want them to fear bugs or spiders like I do. A recent freak out over a cute little caterpillar on my daughter’s arm reminded me of this fact. But despite my best efforts to conceal my terror, my daughter panicked along side me.

“AAAHHH… SPIDER!” She shouted.

“It’s ok!” I tried to keep calm. “Let’s just get in on the other side of the car. We both climbed in through the passenger seat and I bucked her in from the front. I backed out of the garage as quickly as I could as to not let the spider jump off and crawl into my house.

As I pulled out of my driveway, my daughter squealed from the back seat, “he’s still there!” The spider sat on her window, on the outside, but it still wasn’t fun to look at. I didn’t blame her for her disgust.

Not for long. I thought.

“Don’t worry baby, I’m going to get him off,” I comforted her.

As we drove down the road I turned a little sharper than usual, accelerated a little faster after stop signs, and tried to stop as safely abrupt as possible.

Nothing got that spider to budge more than an inch.

My daughter leaned away from her window as far as she could while in her car seat, getting as far away as she could from the beast. At a red light I decided to give something else a try. I banged her water bottle against the window. The spider jumped and I cheered.

“It’s gone!”

“No! It’s back!” My daughter informed me. And there he was, back on her window, as chipper as ever.

“What are we going to do?” Lil’ J asked me. Wanting to know if I had a brilliant plan I’d like to share.

“When we get to the gym, if it’s still on the car, I’ll knock it off with a stick,” I told her.

“And then it’ll get run over by a car! And that will be fun.” She chimed in. “But not for the spider!”

I had to laugh at her thought process. Happy by the death of a spider? Yep, she’s my child.

No matter how much I swayed the car—probably looking like a drunk driver at noon—Or knocked on the windows when we were at a red light, it wouldn’t budge. I kept peeking in my side-view mirror, where I could see the stubborn guy staring back at me.

I handed Lil’ J my phone to take a photo of the assailant, and she did a pretty good job. I promise you, it looked bigger in person. And it was hairy! *SHUDDER*

We pulled unto the gym and he was still sitting on her window. I wasn’t sure how I’d manage to get out of the car, then get both kids out without it jumping on my face and eating me to death. Climbing out the passenger doors seemed embarrassing in front of the crowed that was around, but you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do.

Just as I was about to choose humiliation over death-by-spider, I saw my saving grace across the street.

Firefighters.

They were washing their trucks, and with no shame, I turned the car around and pulled into the station, right up to one of the men.

“Excuse me,” I said as I rolled down my window. “There’s a big spider on my window back there, could you guys spray it off for me?”

For a moment I felt like a silly damsel in distress. This princess normally likes to fight her own battles, but this was one dragon I was too afraid to slay.

The man I spoke to spotted the hairy thing right away and signaled for his buddy with the hose to spray it down. The other firefighter looked a little confused, so the first guy just swatted it off with his hand and squished it under his foot.

So simple.

“Thank you!” I professed.

They gave us a wave goodbye and my daughter and I cheered as we drove away.

“What happened to the spider?” Lil’ J asked. “Oh, he got squished.” I guess I could have sugarcoated his ending a little better, but when it comes to spiders, the only good one is a dead one.

Tags: funny, humor, spiders, the best way to kill a spider