Are you ‘Trying?’

The questions don’t end do they? This one is almost as annoying as “When are you having kids?”
When I started writing here I wasn’t planning on putting all of my bidness out there. I wrote about strange articles I’d find related to child birth, kids, and pregnant men.

After awhile it evolved into my pre-conception diary, writing about my personal thoughts on motherhood, my own internal debates and conflicting messages with the world… My challenges with deciding when to become a mother.

Along the way I wanted advice, I wanted to know how other women got their answers to the same questions I had. Now, my journey has evolved once again. I finally decided I wanted to be a mother soon, set a goal, and am finally trying to make that a reality…

Now comes the above question. It is that question that has put the fate of this blog at risk.

If you are family, or anyone else I know in real life and you ask me this question (especially in a public setting), I am going to tell you “NO.” Because either you read my blog and are just playing dumb, and therefor don’t deserve a real answer; Or you are just being plain nosey… That’s weird and I’m not telling you.

If you are my best friend or like 99.8% of you… A stranger from bloggyland who just likes to read my blog, you probably already know the answer too, and wouldn’t ask me such crazy things… But I’d tell you “Yes” or “Go read last week’s post” because maybe you had a busy week/month and just haven’t had time to catch up.

So… Because of the first group of people (Yes, all .2 of them) I’m faced with a difficult decision about my blog.

While I don’t care if the whole world of strangers knows about it, I’d really like family to be somewhat surprised. So… There are a few options.

1. Get all of the people who know me or my husband in real life (unless you are a friend from college or something and promise not to post about it on my personal facebook wall) to SWEAR to never read it again– Yes, remove it from your bookmarks, make a new homepage, and take me off of your list of daily reading. It’s ok, just go read other cute blogs by parents who have pictures of cute snotty-nosed babies and proud pictures of their child’s x-rays. That way, you will be surprised when (sometime between now, and ten years from now… Who knows) I announce I’m pregnant.

Here’s why… It seems as though you’re reading, not commenting, just kind of lurking… It’s a little creepy. Then, when you do ask about us and our baby-makin’ business it’s all at the wrong time and place. Don’t you see?… I’m trying to keep that stuff HERE. I mean obviously we doit, I just don’t want to think about you thinking about that.

If that option isn’t plausible then there’s option 2.
Set this blog to private. Unfortunately though, I could only allow 100 people to read it. Although I have more subscribers than that, I doubt all of them read me on a regular basis. So.. This could be a possibility. Just in case I’m making an “emergency list” so if you want to read it if I go private, give me your email addy.

Then there’s option three…
Relocate my blog. Start over. There’s a chance I could export this one, and if you email me I can tell you the new URL. I’d probably be more “anonymous” or something, I dunno… But I wouldn’t share the link with people in our family.

Either way, the last two options make me sad. I didn’t start this blog to have the image of a typical “mommy blog” or to get free stuff, and review the latest baby Tupperware item. I hadn’t ever heard of Dooce, and the millions she making from her writings. And I sure didn’t start it so people we know, know what we’re up to the second week of the month. I don’t talk about the daily life of my husband and I.. Heck, I hardly mention him. This isn’t a cute “family blog” doomed to be flooded with pictures of my drooling baby (though one day I’m sure I’ll have quite a few). This blog is about ME. I have a family blog for that… For family.

I just like to write. I don’t mind spilling the beans ,and putting my bidnass out there, I really don’t… Because I know somewhere out there there’s someone who gets me, who can relate to me, and give me advice. And who knows… Maybe there’s someone who can be helped by my words too.

This has become a passion of mine, and I hate to let it go.

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