A new mom of two
When I was just beginning my second trimester, one of my friends who recently had her second child had told me that having two kids was easier than she thought it would be.
This came as a big surprise to me since everyone with more than one child seems to make it known how it’s so different having more than one. Moms of two plus shrugged off my travel success because *laughs* I only had one child. I mean, I might as well have had none, because it’s just as easy.
I took a non-scientific poll on my Facebook asking readers what the hardest transition for them was… Going from 0-1, 1-2, 2-3 or more. Surprisingly, most people seemed to say going from 1-2 was harder. It made me nervous but also kinda prepared me for the worst.
I never really got annoyed with being pregnant. I knew the baby would eventually come out, and I was a little anxious about having TWO children than being pregnant forever.
It has been an adjustment, just like having one was, but I must say it’s not nearly as hard as I thought it would be. Largely in part to having been through this before. I know when my baby needs burping. I know babies make noises when they sleep. I know the nights I get less sleep won’t last forever. I’m savoring these fleeting moments with my newborn, and all of the “hard” stuff seems minute.
My identity as a mother has also already been established. While it took some time to “find myself” again after the first, I already know who I am, and it didn’t require me to evolve entirely again as I became a mother of two.
The grandmas have left, and the husband is back at work. The training wheels are off of this mom of two gig and it’s just me and my babies. To be honest I worried I’d go a little crazy with both kids crying and demanding my attention at the same time, but it’s been nothing like that. I can’t credit myself though, I just have amazing kids.
My daughter is the best helper. She helps me how she can with her brother and tries to help much much more than that. She knows to wait when I’m feeding her him, and but other than that, I’ll stick him in my wrap and we’ll play hide and seek, walk to the park, play in her room, make meals, whatever. I even ventured out to the store with both of them by myself (I figured I’d be safe from critical eyes at Walmart), and the next day, to an unexpected pediatrician appointment.
Maybe I’m having a lucky streak, maybe I have yet to experience the most difficult challenges of having two. I should probably knock on wood just in case. But for now I’m just happy to have what I have and be where I am.
As I drove home with both my beautiful children (awake and content) I said a silent prayer of gratitude. I was so worried about the transition, but it’s been even easier than having my first. My son fits in like he’s been here all along–Or like he’s been missing, and now that he’s here, we’re functioning like we should.
Tags: big t, evolving, family, having another baby, love, mom of two, motherhood, transitions
I had a VERY hard time adjusting to two. I think it was a mental thing. I had to let go more. Kids were going to be crying. I can’t attend to everyone right when they want me to. It took a good 6 months for things to get easier, 9 months was a big improvement though. I’m really not that worried about #3 though. He’ll be here in July and I just feel more relaxed this time. Hopefully things continue to go smoothly for you!
Yes, there’s definitely more crying than I’m used to lately, but luckily this baby cries less than my daughter did. For instance she could NEVER sit calm in the car (and still barely can) he can chill wide awake.
But yes, it’s definitely a balancing act when they’re both upset at the same time.
My kids are 5 years apart and I think some of my difficulty came with the fact that my eldest wasn’t going to get the kind of attention he was use to anymore. He is a very relaxed and forgiving child and I am grateful for that. But it was hard on me, not so much at the newborn stage but as my youngest has gotten more mobile and interactive.
I am a bit nervous for how it’ll be once they’re both mobile and running around. I’m hoping my daughter will grow more independent but she’s also very attached. Luckily for now the newborn is calm and sleeps a lot so I can still give my little diva lots of attention. haha.
I really liked this post I’m 19 weeks along with #2 and last night I had a mini panic. Am I going to be able to handle 2? Will I be able to give the attention that they need and desire? Am I going to be able to function on as little sleep as I got with my 1st when he first came along now that I rly can’t sleep when the baby sleeps? Will I be able to fit in the running that makes me feel like who I am? Amongst other worries ok I’m still pretty anxious about it. I’m glad I have time.
Reading this made me feel a little better. My first is pretty easy going he’s just busy and into everything. It’s going to be ok regardless cuz it has to be but I’m still nervous. Thanks for this post maybe it won’t be as bad as other ppl say. Shoot when I was pregnant with my first ppl had all sorts of negative comments about how I’d never sleep again, how I wouldn’t be able to do anything that I used to do. Well they were kinda right as in I just need to work harder to fit the things I rly want to do in. As far as sleep I get enough to function and that’s what matters
Sorry this got long little pep talk to myself lol and thank you for the post 🙂
Pep talk all you want! Don’t panic, you’re going to do great. I now firmly believe that two kids are better than one! haha.
I loved the transition between the first and the second. My older two are 5 years and 5 days apart. They are May babies, and what made it even easier is my son got to name our daughter. Some thought we were crazy for doing it, but when he was asked what his mommy was having his answer was always the same… “I’m having a little sister with 2 pigtails and her name is Myosia!” and it took 9 months but the name finally grew on us and we couldn’t think of a better suited name for her. Not to mention he was the “BIG kid” in the house and he was going off to school to make new friends, but first we had to deal with the summer months which were a blast. I had family to keep us entertained, so I guess I was lucky! Now the transition from 2 to 3… that was hard and a long story…
I haven’t found the transition from one to two to be that bad, but to be fair, I did leave my son in daycare while I was home on maternity leave. He’s almost five and I figured he was better off there. He had us to himself for 4-1/2 years and I figured that the new baby deserved seven weeks of my undivided attention. I’ll admit it’s hard when I’m home alone with both and the baby’s hungry or miserable and it’s the older one’s bedtime, but you get used to a little extra crying and do what you can. I think the hardest part for me has been that the baby usually goes down within an hour after my older one does, but that’s an hour I used to have to get things done. So, by the time the baby’s fed and asleep, it’s close to 10pm and I have any number of things to get done…which usually means that I’m up later than I should be, which means I’m more sleep deprived. That part has been hard, but in general I found motherhood the second time around to be much easier and much more blissful. I really appreciate it more this time around.
We went back and forth with the idea of keeping preschool going for Lil’ J but decided we’d try to save some money and give myself a chance to take a stab at being a full time SAHM for a few months. I think she’ll do summer camp for a couple weeks still so she and I can have a break and I’ll get more one-on-one time with baby.
I’m with you on the sleep deprivation thing though. I just told myself I won’t be sleeping for at least a year but I don’t think I ever really got back into sleeping much after #1 anyway.
As a mom of one I appreciate this post. “Handling two children” is one of many concerns that I have in deciding if and when we should have more.
I so have to agree with you, getting adjusted to being a mom the first time around was SO much harder. Not the having the baby or taking care of her, but just trying to figure out who I was, I have been stuck in that rut for a long time, It was a huge struggle for me(5yrs). But when I found out I was preggo with my second, things just changed for me, I all the sudden realized that I knew who I was, and what I wanted. That I could be a mom and still be 26, I realized that I didn’t have to to be one or the other. My kids are my world, I have been a stay at home mom since my first was born 6yrs ago, and now that my youngest is 1, I’m back in college and aspiring to be a blog designer. Everything is just so much easier with 2 little girls, My oldest is super helpful and loves loves her baby sister, She is constantly taking pictures and videos of her and singing her songs or reading her bedtime stories. Not to mention my relationship with my husband got AWESOME, I didn’t even realize it wasn’t awesome before, but with the birth of my second we just seem more on the same page as far as our life and what we want go. Maybe before he was just a little immature and now we are at the same level, who knows. But life with 2 is amazing!
This is so beautiful! I am just a few weeks of becoming a mama to two.
I found the transition from 1 to 2 children much easier than I had thought. Sure, there were times when I was a little overwhelmed but over all it was much smoother. I find it more difficult now that they are older. My kids are 22 months apart and are now 3 and 5. It’s harder now because they can interact and argue over sand, literally!! I know it’s the process of sibling rivalry. I have a boy and girl and they often just go at it! Enjoy this time! As I said, it won’t be too long before they can interact and that’s when the fun begins! They’ll be arguing but also lots of hugs and kisses! It’s precious!
I found 1-2 was pretty hard at first because my second had colic really bad and my first got a stomach bug right after the second was born and was throwing up at night. But after the first 6 or 7 weeks it got considerably easier. 2-3 on the other hand was way easier in the beginning but now that number 3 is 3 months old and doesn’t sleep all day long it is getting much harder. Add to that the fact that my kids are 3, 18 months, and 3 months and I will definitely say 2-3 is harder! I’m way out-numbered now and my oldest isn’t quite old enough to be a huge help. I am glad you are feeling confident and having and easy time so far, your kids are both so adorable!!
I am honestly terrified to have two kids all of a sudden, so it eases my mind a bit to hear things are transitioning well with your new little one. 🙂 He does seem to fit in just perfectly. I love your little family, Jenn!
Glad to read that the transition from 1-2 is going well. Also glad to read that you all are doing so well.
I found the transition from 1-2 to be the most difficult for me. This is due to the fact that my mother had some very serious health issues when our second was 3 weeks old, I was unsuccessfully nursing, and had some ppd. Hello stress:). We had our 3rd baby 8 weeks ago and it has been so incredibly easy. I was the most nervous this time around wondering how I could handle 3 children. Our new little guy is so relaxed and content. He just goes with the flow. It has been a very smooth transition for our family.
That is wonderful! Im so happy to hear that things are going so smoothly.
I have 3, the first 2 are 15months apart and my last one came 2 yrs after that. I wouldn’t say that going from 1-2-3 was so hard, it was just different. I think it all has to do with perspective. Are they’re hard days, sure, but that’s not the norm. Kudos to you, and continue to savor every moment! 🙂
So happy for you! I have a 23 mo old and a 6 mo old and definitely the first was harder. Confidence and abilities aside, the first wrecked me. Our relationship, identities, lifestyle, and relations with others (inlaws parents etc) all changed rapidly. Some better some worse. The loss of self indulgence and selfishness was easy but shocking. My second girl was no big deal. We worked a ton on patience and routine with my first baby drama bedore the new baby. I think if my second baby who is easy going was our first how different it might have been. I think demeanor of the baby, moms birth experience, and expectations (everyone has their thing — nursing weight meals husbands etc) all play a huge roll in adjustment. I remember it took 2 days for me to do a single load of laundry a few weeks after my first, by my second I did 4 loads of laundry and put them away the day after my second was born. Life just figures itself out and it does get easier. I think now at 6 months it’s easier to nurse in public and the baby is predictable so living life got a tad easier. Good luck and I’m so glad you said this — more women need to hear its ok !!
It definitely wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be going from 1 to 2 at first. I think that now that JJ is more independent and Moo has become his partner in crime things seem harder. I have to chase down two kids at the park now instead of one. However, it’s still manageable. I haven’t lost my mind yet. LOL