Written 10/21 but saved for today
Every day I wake up I wonder if I dreamt it all. “Am I really pregnant?”
It feels like a dream I’m going to snap out of at any moment. It still doesn’t feel real… It hasn’t sunk in, I can’t believe it. I’m afraid to get my hopes up because of all of the sad stories I’ve read.
I’m praying for the comfort of my friends who I know have suffered a loss as I’m only so slightly closer to understanding how much that must hurt. I’m praying for myself… Praying I never truly learn their pain.
I haven’t let myself get too excited yet. Not until I hear the heartbeat.. Not until I know there’s REALLY a baby in there. As excited as I am to have gotten a big fat positive test, I’m still scared the ball is going to drop… Holding my breath every time I go to the bathroom, scared of what I’ll see. A person can only experience so much good news before it all comes crashing down.
… That’s my fear at least.